Poetry by Jewel

Note from Sheila: I can barely post this without screaming obscenities at my monitor.

Note to Emily: It is your fault that I feel nauseous right now. Onward with the bad poetry by Jewel-bitch:

ME
I
I have blonde hair
I pluck my eyebrows
I have my father’s nose,
my mother’s hands
I have crooked teeth
and green eyes
I play guitar
I used to get sick alot
I like the color of wine
I’ve cheated on boyfriends
I’ve owned fake ID
But my hair is still blonde
and my teeth are still crooked
and I probably won’t always like
the color of wine

And that’s just the FIRST stanza. The rest is equally as nauseating. “My hair is still blonde”. Whaddya want, bitch, a medal? Also, is it so ODD THAT YOU WOULD HAVE A FAKE ID??? Why does that make you special? Also “I have veins that bleed”. Well, Jesus, honey, I hope so. WE ALL DO.

And ooh – do you notice how she flips the “color of wine” thing on its ear? First she likes it … but then she knows she won’t ALWAYS like it.

Uh … what?

On a more serious note: her “poetry” makes me angry.

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8 Responses to Poetry by Jewel

  1. Wutzizname says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!

    He screamed with no clear inflection.

  2. peteb says:

    *ahem*

    Mememememememememememememe.

    Isn’t that more succinct?

  3. Lisa says:

    Does it really say “alot”?

    Jewel, honey, if you’re going to write horrific poetry, at least learn to spell.

  4. Alex says:

    I love: “I’ve owned fake ID”

    Not: “I’ve owned A fake ID”, but “I’ve owned fake ID”

    And THEN: “But my hair is still blonde.”

    BUT my hair is still blonde???? How does the ID cause the hair to go blonde?!! Or is it that even THOUGH she has blonde hair she still has fake ID???!!! CRAP!

    I’LL NEVER SLEEP TONIGHT!

    *pulls own hair out by the roots.

  5. Emily says:

    I beg your pardon for shouting at the top of my lungs, but

    DUDE, WRITING ABOUT YOURSELF, YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR PERSONAL TASTE IN STANZAS SANS PUNCTUATION IS NOT FUCKING POETRY. IT IS ONLY YOU WRITING ABOUT YOURSELF, YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR PERSONAL TASTE IN STANZAS SANS PUNCTUATION.

    I’m going to take out a contract on whoever published this crap. RIGHT NOW.

  6. red says:

    I
    I have freckles
    I have grey eyes
    But they are blind.
    Nearly.
    I’m not pretty
    And my nose is goofy in profile
    But I love the Wonder Twins
    Form of …
    An ice-bitch.
    I have terrible eyesight
    I love to kiss
    My room is a cave
    The light hurts my terrible blind eyes
    But I still have freckles
    I still have grey eyes
    And I’m a pretentious twat with dirty hands

  7. Alex says:

    “I am a pretentious twat with dirty hands….”

    HA……HAHAHAHA…BW-W-W-AAAAA HAHA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. noone says:

    soo jewel is sexy

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