Condescending Emails

31 Responses to Condescending Emails

1. Curtis says:

   January 12, 2005 at 9:52 am

   People suck. These are probably the same people who complain about the crap that is on TV. But still sit there and watch it for hours on end. You know what? If you don’t like it change the channel, or read a book.

   Same thing with people complaining about this blog. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
2. red says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:08 am

   Curtis -

   I have a whole theory about this and why it seems to happen. I’m sure it happens to other bloggers, and not just me.
3. Curtis says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:12 am

   I am curious… what is your theory?? I just say ‘they suck’ because its easier to label them and assume they have no purpose in life whatsoever.
4. red says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:25 am

   Well, my theory needs data to back it up. These are just: “Hm, I wonder if it’s because of THIS” kind of theories.

   Please feel free, those of you who love me, and who read me often, to let me know if I’m onto something here, or if I’m way off:

   1. I am not a lockstep-think party-line girl. I am blog-rolled on many many conservative blogs. (For good reason, by the way. I have a lot of conservative viewpoints.) So conservatives get to me and think I am going to be one way, and then … when I don’t get into lockstep, they … harangue me with condescending emails. Then – a lot of people seem to get to me because of my “obsessions” – the old movies, the Cary Grant stuff – a lot of these people happen to be liberals, and so when I don’t get into lockstep with THEM, it is like I have come out as a Satanist or something. For the most part, the ANGRY emails I get are from liberals. And the CONDESCENDING emails I get are from conservatives.

   So there’s that one theory. I do not know if other bloggers (who also are not lockstep party-line people) have this problem. I’ve noticed some comments DRIPPING with condescension on Asymmetrical Information, because Jane Galt doesn’t quite “fit in” to anyone’s mold.

   And this next theory I feel insecure about, because I don’t want to be made fun of, and I also don’t want it to seem like I’m whining: “Ooh, it’s harder for women” – because that is not what I’m saying AT ALL. I also have no data to back this one up, because … well, I’m only me, I only know my own experience.

   1. ALL of the condescending/angry emails I get (yes – all – 100%) are from guys. And sometimes I wonder (and I swear, I don’t have the answer, because I only know my own experience) … Does the fact that I’m a chick have anything to do with it? Now – I would say that the majority of my readers are men, and pretty much ALL of you guys are terrific. You like to visit me, you make comments, you don’t treat me like I’m a little fucking idiot who needs a lesson.

   I have no proof on this second one, and it’s really just a passing thought, an “I wonder if” kind of thing. I would imagine that Glenn Reynolds, even though he’s a guy, probably gets some pretty pissed-off condescending emails too. He doesn’t take party-line positions, and this PISSES PEOPLE OFF which I find, ultimately, very amusing.

   Why the fuck does someone give a shit what a redheaded actress from NYC (whom they don’t know) thinks about PETA? Or Kinsey? Or whatever? Why do they care?

   Where, in the end, does the condescension come from, is what I’m really interested in.

   Again, I have no idea if other bloggers experience this.

   This is a question I’m asking.

   Is there something in my writing style, and what I choose to write about, that warrants such condescension?

   I may be many things, but I am not stupid. And I’m NEVER treated like I’m stupid in my “real” life, and yet the emails I get … you wouldn’t believe it.

   I want to make it clear that I do not care what MORONS think of me. I just find it interesting, that’s all.

   Is it because I’m open? Emotional? Not always logical or consistent? So that these people feel completely free to write me condescending lectures in emails? Is it because the people who write to me value LOGIC above all else … and so think I’m an easy target? (This again begs the question: why on earth would you read me then??)

   I really have no idea. I have gone on way too long. Any thoughts on my random theories would be greatly appreciated.
5. Dan says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:37 am

   Well I think you rock. Even when you post horrid David Hasselhof pictures.
6. red says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:38 am

   Dan -

   heh heh heh After my THESIS, your “you rock” is fabulous. And yeah, I think people are still reeling from that Hasselhof stuff. I understand.

   I am, too.
7. red says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:41 am

   Actually, now that I just wrote all that garbage down … it occurs to me that the condescension comes from a mixture of first theory (no party-line thinkin’ here) and third theory (emotional actress-type – an easy target for condescension).

   I’ve seen how people comment over on Dean Esmay’s site, and how much people condescend to him, when he doesn’t fit into their nice little boxes. And he’s a guy.
8. jess says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:43 am

   I hope none of the angry emails were concerning the Hasselhoff. Because that would warrant some serious ass-kicking.
9. Curtis says:

   January 12, 2005 at 10:44 am

   Interesting…
   I certainly think that it could be partially a sex thing. I have rarely felt condescension coming from women. But I tend to get it all the time from guys. This could also be due to the fact that I am an engineer so 90% of the people I deal with are dudes.

   I don’t know what it means that the condescension comes from conservatives and the anger comes from liberals… That is an interesting FACT but I don’t see a reason why that is the case. I certainly can see why people would be argumentative about someone who doesn’t toe the party line. It just seems to be the atmosphere now that either you are with us or you are against us. No ifs ands or buts.
10. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 10:48 am

    This is an enormous generalization, based only on my own personal observation – as a girl who kind of fits in nowhere:

    – The liberals get angry because they feel BETRAYED. They THINK they know me, and then I come out with some shit that they find so offensive, that they feel personally BETRAYED. Especially cause I’m a woman. They don’t get that whole “girl who isn’t 100% liberal” thing at ALL.

    – The conservatives are condescending because they think I just haven’t sufficiently made up my mind yet, because I’m a silly flighty actress-type, who can’t possibly understand all the levels, and so clearly I just need a little education in the finer points.

    This is merely based on what I have observed, and my guesswork at the motives behind it.

    Please believe me that I don’t lie awake at night worrying about this. It’s just something I find kind of interesting.
11. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 10:49 am

    jess:

    No. No one wrote me angry emails about Hasselhof. All of the anger are IN THE COMMENTS, which I find so funny.

    You know one of the things I love about all the comments?

    Many people had to break up sentences with periods, in order to register their horror.

    Please. Make. It. Stop.

    Etc.
12. peteb says:

    January 12, 2005 at 10:55 am

    Firstly.. what Dan said.

    Secondly.. I’d go with the first theory, expanded in your last post Sheila. The linking to whatever blog or subject brings an assumption that here’s someone who agrees with me – for both categories you’ve mentioned.. an assumption that is quickly revealed as false. Option 1.. maybe I’m wrong? option 2.. Sheila’s wrong.

    Guess which option the ‘signed-up-for-life’ emailers choose?
13. Wutzizname says:

    January 12, 2005 at 11:14 am

    I personally wish to thank Red for being so generous to make the attempt to please everyone, where so many others will demonstrate so much effort to just…whine all the time.

    …also, the references to boobies was nice, too.

    heh…”Boobies”…heh heh…
14. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 11:23 am

    More “boobies”. Yes, that was YOUR request, as I recall! heh heh
15. Anne says:

    January 12, 2005 at 11:33 am

    I had similar problems with my little blog, too. In my case, it was when a big blogger linked to me and I got a bunch of new readers who didn’t know what to make of me that I got weird emails and comments. Especially from conservatives/warbloggers after I said I was voting for Kerry.

    But in general I thought it was a gender thing, that I tend to mix politics and personal stuff more than guys do, and it makes you seem less “serious.”
16. JFH says:

    January 12, 2005 at 11:50 am

    Who is this “Hasselhoff” you mention?

    Geeky Blog Stalker Sidenote:
    I’m not absolutely sure but, I think it was Rachel Lucas (when she was a top 20 blogger) that started the “period-breaking” sentence.

    Finally, I find it humorous that some one would try to “education” you as well-read as you are. I find that most people who use condescention in their arguments/discussions are typically less educated than they think they are (could it be a sub-conscience defense mechanism??). I’ve always said the most dangerous people to have on a team (in at least a business situation) are the ones that think they are smarter or more knowledgable than they really are.
17. Alex says:

    January 12, 2005 at 12:20 pm

    Remember when we were talking about this a couple of nights ago, Sheila? Well, I just got another one too. This guy wrote me an e mail and told me ( here’s exactly what he said):

    “Stop whining about having AIDS. People die all the time with painful and emotionally crippling deseises, and at least they didn’t have sex in order to get thiers! Pull up your boot straps, lady. Jeez.”

    I woke up to that.

    After I got done being absolutely mortified, I giggled a little. Someone has THAT much time to sit down and write me that kind of fantasy letter, and I’m going to let it disturb me? Kiss my ass, fella. Besides, anyone who uses the phrase “boot straps” is in need of a Goddamm Thesaraus.

    People can be confusing, and sad, and lonely, and looking for major attention over the net (much like me). Don’t let what they say affect you sweetie, it means nothing. You are a Great Piece Of Work, and that’s what makes them so angry. If you weren’t so prolific, they wouldn’t care.

    Also: Ditto what PepetB said.

    Tell them to get over it, and pull themselves up by their boot straps. And then run.

    :-)
18. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 12:23 pm

    Alex -

    Now I want to pull my fucking boots off and clock that asshole who wrote that to you in the head.
19. Lisa says:

    January 12, 2005 at 12:35 pm

    He used the phrase “boot straps” but can’t spell “disease”? He needs a thesaurus to the back of the head.

    And a damn dictionary.
20. Julia says:

    January 12, 2005 at 12:51 pm

    Lileks and Dave Barry went through the same thing recently, only since they are regularly published, their readers told them they were going to stop reading! What a threat.
    http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/05/0105/010405.html
    Keep on blogging.
21. Emily says:

    January 12, 2005 at 1:09 pm

    I love the “I’m never reading your blog again!” comments and e-mails. What do these people expect? For me to beg them to stay? “Please, don’t stop reading! I’ll change, whatever it takes!” I am not bloody Sandy from Grease and I’m not going to make myself over to conform to the standards of people that I don’t even know.

    The condescending ones are the best. I don’t mind when people point out flaws in my arguments or simple factual errors, but when they take the “you just don’t understand or clearly haven’t thought things through because of your obvious lack of knowledge blah blah blah I Am Smarter Than You” it makes me angry. When I wrote about the Clark County, OH/Guardian fiasco during the election, some bitch wrote me ordering that I spend my time doing something more useful. I’ll thank everyone to not dictate what I chose to write about. If you don’t like it, vote with the fucking “BACK” button on your browser. There are enough blogs for everyone.
22. Scott Janssens says:

    January 12, 2005 at 1:09 pm

    Lileks was the first person break up a sentence with periods. If I interpret him correctly it’s usually, if not always, a reference to Comic Book Guy from Simpsons.
23. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 1:18 pm

    Scott J and Julia: This is completely off-topic but seeing both your names together made me realize I am SO LAME and you both sent me expert essays and I have blown them off.

    I won’t forget you guys when I launch the next round.

    Carry on.
24. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 1:19 pm

    By the way Julia – that letter written to Dave Barry is absolutely classic. The TIME it took!!
25. beth says:

    January 12, 2005 at 2:02 pm

    trolls are a sign you’ve arrived.

    similar condescension has been occurring over at surviving grady…i’ll let you discover it for yourself if you’re so inclined. and this was guy on guy condescension.
26. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 2:35 pm

    Greg -

    Sounds very similar to my own experience.
27. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 2:43 pm

    Oh, and Greg, thanks for clearing up the progressive confusion.

    I am, admittedly, sensitive about this stuff since so often I am shrieked at, via email, by liberals, conservatives about … whatever. You know how it goes.
28. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 2:43 pm

    beth -

    Oh goody – I must go check!!
29. Linus says:

    January 12, 2005 at 5:15 pm

    I liked that “all things to all people” post, but I was deeply disappointed that there was no science fiction in it. Hmph.

    When I finish writing this comment, I am going to stop reading your blog until the next time I click on the link and get here. So there. That’ll learn ya something.
30. red says:

    January 12, 2005 at 5:17 pm

    Linus:

    You didn’t read me back then. That was PRE-Linus. (A horrifying thought.) That was an all-request live post, and if you had been there, and made your sci-fi request (even though … er … I never write about sci-fi???) … I would have completely included it.

    Sci-fi and CHiPs and Central Asia … I am sure I could work it all in …
31. Linus says:

    January 12, 2005 at 5:40 pm

    Pre-Linus? Pshaw. I don’t believe a word of it.

    “even though … er … I never write about sci-fi?”

    Well, yeah, but that’s why I keep coming back. I keep thinking that someday you will.