90210 Fug

I know it’s election day and everyone’s all serious and stuff, and yes, I voted – but I just had to link to this. Because I have my priorities straight and there is just too much about that is funny.


Those sleeves just scream “Doctor divorced from man she married because he knocked her up, back in town to try and seduce the self-righteous dude who refused to take the flower of her virginity when she offered it to him — because he was moving back to Minneapolis — in one of the most cringe-y scenes ever put to film, topping even the time Donna starred in David’s ‘Light the Match’ video and was forced to wear hot pants and gyrate on the hood of a car, lighting matches under the disapproving eye of her dreamy and likewise virginal star quarterback boyfriend, Heart Condition Joe.”

heh heh

And I think my favorite bit is in the text under the group shot … the #3 of the list.

Ha!! So bitchy! So true!!

I love Jennie Garth. I want her to be my friend. She seems nice. I don’t care what that sounds like, it’s the God’s honest truth.

And Mitchell, please let’s not forget:

(First: head thrown back, throat exposed and yet somehow foreshortened as well – as though the head was smashed down with a hammer … then shouted at the top of our lungs): “EHHHHHHHHBERRRYAN-AUSTIN-GREEN!”

Mitchell, what was our problem. Why were we such losers.

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30 Responses to 90210 Fug

  1. Lisa says:

    Man, I was OBSESSED with 90210 back in the day. When they broke up Brenda and Dylan, I vowed never to watch it again, and I didn’t — because NO ONE messes with Brenda Walsh. NO. ONE.

    I heard later that they mentioned Dylan and Brenda were back together (back when both actors were off the show) and I felt VINDICATED, like, “See? I TOLD YOU, Kelly!”

  2. red says:

    Donna Martin graduated! Donna Martin graduated!

  3. Emily says:

    I love how all they have for the character of Ian Zeiveringkerting or whatever his name is reads “3) Steve Sanders.”

    Once, I saw that Ian Zeigerfling dude at LAX. I rarely watched “90210,” so I sort of recgonized the guy from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place it. The first thing that came to my mind was that he might have been someone I went to high school with. I did a double take and he just looked at me, shook his head and rolled his eyes as if to say “oh brother, not ANOTHER adoring female fan.” That’s when it hit me where I recognized him from and I just burst out laughing at his attitude. Dude trust me, Steve Sanders, your privacy and anonymity are safe.

  4. red says:

    Poor Steve Sanders just never had any personality. So his storylines were always boring. Of course that could have just been due to the fact that Ian Zweebop is a terrible actor, not all that handsome, and already reeking of Hasselhoff cheeseball-ness.

    It was kind of like the “gay” guy on Melrose Place who was “gay” in name only. Really all he ever did was do laundry and listen to the straight people bitch about their problems.

  5. red says:

    Emily – I love how you and I slaughter people’s names for fun.

    aka M. Night Shamalamadingdong. Etc.

  6. Emily says:

    That’s exactly why Zeiferkrieg’s reaction was so hysterically funny. Um, Ian? You’re like the guy on the show who’s only purpose is to be a sorta-handsome-but-not-enough-to-distract-from-the-lead-poster-boys-sounding-board-buddy-so-the-audience-knows-what-the-main-characters-are-thinking. You’re as much of a prop as the livingroom lampshade. Get over yourself.

  7. Lisa says:

    Of course that could have just been due to the fact that Ian Zweebop is a terrible actor, not all that handsome, and already reeking of Hasselhoff cheeseball-ness

    Or, you know, a 40-year-old playing a 17-year-old.

  8. Lisa says:

    This is the perfect topic for Election Day, btw.

    Our local races have made Jerry Springer look like the McNeill/Lehrer, and I’ll be so happy when it’s over.

  9. red says:

    Right – and Ian Zwieback didn’t seem to have the awareness that that was his role. I think he felt like he should have more to do, more romantic stuff. So of course he’s the one who goes off and marries a porn star in his real life. You know? hahahaha Dude, please.

    And I LOVED David (although this love made me feel a bit ashamed). He had that whole “look at me I’m a rap star, and I have a drug problem” thing … but with those Timberlakean looks. heh heh So ridiculous.


    And then of course there was Tori Spelling (aka Donna Martin). My friend Pat said that she reminded him of one of those stick figures you make out of pipe cleaners. The huge round head, and pipe cleaner arms and legs.

  10. Nightfly says:

    You guys are great (again). Ian Zeiring, heh. Sounds like something Wagner ripped up halfway, crying “Trash! Utter trash! The muses have abandoned me!” (Which would sound truly awesome in German.)

    This show was memorialized on “MadTV” as “Pretty White Kids with Problems,” with Michael McDonald as the Sanders stand-in. As I recall, his only line was, “Hi! I’m the new 17-year old kid!” He then turned down the hallway, prominently displaying his bald spot. I may as well go YouTube it, ‘scuse me a second.

  11. red says:

    bwahahahahahaha that is hilarious!

  12. Nightfly says:

    Yeah, here it is. Can’t watch at work, of course, but you guys can tell me if I remember correctly.

  13. jean says:

    I have one thought and that is…Christmas present? You can all fight over it.

  14. Carrie says:

    So, do you think that Britney pretends she is Donna when she tries to understand how she ended up with K-Fed?

  15. red says:

    Jean – hahahahaha

    I have one thought. Don’t go out and buy it for yourself. Mkay??

  16. red says:

    carrie –

    I am dying of laughter from your comment. seriously, I can’t stop guffawing.

    It’s so specific, and so right ON.

  17. Emily says:

    That reminds me – slightly off topic – if you haven’t done so yet, go to Amazon.com and read through the user reviews for K-Fed’s album. They are viciously and mercilessly low and mean. And funny as hell. Stuff like “I think I am going to buy this album as a gift for my father. Mostly because I don’t like him very much.”

  18. red says:

    Emily – hahahaha Oh man I have to go check that out.

  19. red says:

    Also – you know what? I just noticed that Ian Zimmerfluge is wearing jeans with rips in the knees.

    Dude. Dress up. The other guys did.

  20. mitchell says:

    i never even watched an entire episode of that show…but i know everything about it..because im apop culture whore!!! why did we make B.A.G. into a bit?????…i have no idea of the derivation..but i did always think he was a hottie!!!!!!!

  21. red says:

    Mitchell – hahahaha

    I don’t know – I’m sure because you thought he was hot and so we had to somehow shout his name while foreshortening our throats weirdly.

    Uhm, yeah. That makes sense.


    Kinda like shouting “MY NAME … IS LILLYHAMU…”



  22. mitchell says:

    ..now that was comic genius..i refuse to have u revise history with ur jealousy and cynicism..i mean whats funnier than pretending ur name is the name of the Olympic host city..while feigning some sort of indignation about ur identity…really Sheila??? ..sometimes i seriously doubt ur sense of humor!!!…not to mention my Kenneth Mars-like un-placeable Eastern European-esque accent..Genius..i tell you!!!!!!

  23. red says:

    //while feigning some sort of
    indignation about ur identity//

    I am howling!!

    Yes – why was Lily Hamu MAD at us? Why did she shout, in that weepy voice, what her name was? While literally beating her breast like a gorilla?

    I am howling.

  24. mitchell says:

    hahahaha..oh nooo….we should never be aloud to be alone together!!!

  25. mitchell says:

    aloud???? allowed…oh btw..i HAVE to tell u about Babs..sweet lord..sssssooooooooo gooooooood!

  26. red says:

    “I HAF … U NAHMU …” (huge breath, fill the lungs, pound breast, make voice yodel as you shriek the following:) “IT’S-EH LILLY-HAMU!”

  27. red says:

    Mitchell – I got your message last night (or I listened to it this morning) – and it just made me SMILE. I can’t wait to hear everything

  28. red says:

    Back to LillyhamU:

    I seem to recall you lying on the futon couch in that apartment you and I never got attached to emotionally – shouting about your name being Lilly Hamu and beating your breast – and I think Jim Simon might have been there? Or Ann Marie? Jackie? Somebody else … and it was in that moment (and you so WENT there – it was TOTALLY real for you) where we all were like:

    Woooowwwww. That is REALLY stupid and REALLY funny.

  29. mitchell says:

    it was too much..i walked halfway home from the united center because i had to relive it in my mind..without people around me…ya know

  30. red says:

    Oh God. Of course.

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