Happy Birthday To Max Shulman, the Creator of Loadstone O’Toole, Of All People

It’s Max Shulman’s birthday. Who the hell is Max Shulman, you may ask? Or some of you may ask? He was one of the most popular humorists of his day – who reached his peak of popularity in the 1950s. He’s the dude who created the Dobie Gillis character in a series of short stories and a couple novels – which was then turned into a popular TV series. Shulman was VERY successful in his day – and is now almost forgotten. Strange. He also was a screenwriter.

I somehow tripped over his book I Was a Teenage Dwarf when I was a teenager myself. This is the chronicle of Dobie Gillis’ crazy “woman”izing when he was in high school (the shortest boy in town. Hence – the title.) Dobie Gillis was quite the lady killer, despite his height problems.

It was in the library where I worked as a page (my first job). I have no idea why I would have picked it up – it’s kind of an old-fashioned looking book (the book I picked up had the cover I posted above – with Gillis on stilts). This was at the height of the whole Happy Days craze – so maybe something in the 1950s-ish cover appealed to me.

Also, I DO know that once I brought the book home I learned that my parents both LOVED Max Shulman. They recognized his name immediately, both started laughing, and told me: “You HAVE to read Rally Round the Flag, Boys!”

I remember vividly my mother TRYING to tell me what the name of one of the lead characters in Rally round the flag was – and completely not being able to get the name out because she started guffawing with laughter. The character’s name was: Loadstone O’Toole. Even now – just typing that – I started laughing.

“Hi there, my name is Sue. What’s your name?”
“Loadstone O’Toole.”
“Uhm … oh … ”

I was asked to leave my high school library because it was study period, and I was reading Teenage Dwarf, and I started laughing so loudly that I could not control myself. Basically, I GUFFAWED into the studious silence. Tears streamed down my face, despite the fact that I was being “Sh”ed left and right. I finally had to just gather up my book bag and stagger out into the hall, where I stood, and literally HOWLED with laughter, by myself, for a good 5 minutes.

I can count the writers on one hand who are that feckin’ funny.

Over the last couple years, it became my mission in life to find all of his old books again – so I could own them. Many of them are long out of print, and hard to find (at least were hard to find. Amazon has now made it really easy). And I find it strange – It’s not that long ago – the 1950s and 60s – but his reputation has not survived. It’s a shame.

Member the famous Christmas pageant scene in Owen Meany? Max Shulman’s books are that funny all the way through. The Strand sometimes had copies of his books – I always checked whenever I was there. I got some of his lesser known titles – but the holy grail (I Was a Teenage Dwarf) eluded me. I was dying to know if the book would be as funny to me as an adult as it was when I was a kid. I let my dad know, librarian that he is, what I was looking for – so he could keep his eyes open if he came across copies.

Eventually – a box arrived on my doorstep, with my dad’s handwriting on the label. I opened it. And took out two books: Rally Round the Flag, Boys starring the marvelously named Loadstone O’Toole (LOADSTONE O’TOOLE???? I still can’t get over it) – and oh. my. God: I Was a Teenage Dwarf.

I immediately took Teenage Dwarf up to my roof, with a thermos of coffee, and sat there in the autumn sun – tearing through my old childhood favorite. I finished it in a couple of hours.

And for the record? It was even funnier than I remembered. It’s MEANER than I remembered. It’s more biting, bitchy, merciless … But I sat up there on my roof, the memories just flooded back, and I was howling.

Dobie Gillis at one point has a girlfriend who is a tomboy – and she is constantly playing stickball and climbing trees – falling down – so she always has cuts on her knees – and so her nickname is Red Knees. Her parents call her “Red Knees”. Dobie Gillis, kissing her on the couch, whispers lovingly into her ear, “Ohhh, Red Knees …”

A mind who thinks something like that up is sick and perverse, and basically my kind of person.

RED KNEES???

Writers who make me cry are great. I love them. But writers who make me laugh have my heart forever.

Max Shulman: a witty madcap man with a ridiculous and yet somehow very HUMAN sense of humor … hugely successful in his day … now mostly forgotten. If you ever come across his books in a used bookstore, I highly recommend you give them a read. They are laugh-out-loud funny.

Happy birthday, Mr. Shulman!!