Cliches are cliches because they are very often true.
I was in the video store last night, browsing. (Avoiding the clearly insane man who was wandering around the "adult" section in the back, muttering obscene things to himself.) There were two guys, two nice-looking preppyish guys (such Hoboken types), standing by the "New Releases", trying to pick something out. I wasn't paying much attention to them.
Suddenly two girls entered the store. "Hey..." "Did you pick something out yet?" Clearly, they were girlfriends of the two guys. And they were ALSO such Hoboken girls. Hard to explain, but once you live here, you know the type.
The two girls looked at whatever videos the guys had in their hands that they were considering, and immediately mocked them.
"What??"
"What movie are you looking at?" She glances at it and states: "No. No. I am NOT watching that."
Laughing, as though he couldn't possibly be serious, and was only holding the video as a joke.
Basically what I saw was that the two girls came in, and immediately cut these guys off, made them into little kids, mocked their choices, emasculated them. The whole vibe changed. The girls had been sent to park the car, and the guys had been sent to pick out the movie ... but clearly the girls did not trust the guys to do the right thing and had to come back and check.
I know I'm being vaguely hostile, but I don't care. I can't stand women like that. I really can't.
So then the two girls took over the job they had given the guys, cause clearly the guys were such dolts that they couldn't handle the task ... (If they're such dolts, then WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM??). And the girls made three suggestions for movie rentals, and by the third one, I almost laughed out loud.
You hear conversations in video stores all the time between couples: "No ... I don't want to watch Safe Passage with Susan Sarandon. I want to watch Blade II." Couples trying to come to an agreement. It's a cliche (chick flicks vs. action films), but there is much truth to it. But here's the deal: I feel like I would never expect any boyfriend that I have to absolutely adore The Bridges of Madison County. I don't need to convert men over to be chick flick fans. No.
I'm barely a chick flick fan myself.
The first movie suggested by one of the girls was The Majestic. I never saw it so I cannot comment. But the reviews I read all had the word "sentimental" in it. Also "inspirational". A clear chick-flick if ever I saw one. The suggestion was greeted by an uneasy silence between the guys. I (the innocent bystander) could feel the almost-violent "NO I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE" vibration coming from off the guys, but neither of them said a word. No response. The two girls didn't even care that they didn't get a response, and bulldozed on.
It was then that I heard one of the guys murmur to the other: "I heard that The Majestic sucked."
I wanted to cheer. Yes! Keep your own opinions! Don't let them bully you! I heard The Majestic sucked too!
The next suggestion was also such a chick-flick, only I can't remember which one it was. Perhaps it would come back to me under hypnosis.
The guys might as well have not been there.
And then the third movie suggested was: "How about The Shipping News?" That was when I almost snorted with laughter. This was too much! Too much of a cliche. These bumbling guys in wide-wale corduroys and big NorthFace jackets, trying to be nice and polite to their nice-smelling black-clad bitchy girlfriends with nasal voices, who keep suggesting chick flicks for their Saturday evening together, an evening where clearly EVERYBODY is supposed to enjoy themselves. Not just the girls.
Here's one other thing I noticed.
The girls entered the store, peered at the video tapes in their boyfriends' hands, and immediately and openly mocked the choices being considered.
The boys never once said, "No frigging' way am I watching The Shipping News on a Saturday night. Are you INSANE?"
They had better manners than that. They definitely had opinions about every soppy chick flick suggested, but they held back the bile. Unlike the girls.
I SO wanted to know what they all agreed on. I think it was The Rookie, which I think was a very very good choice, if that is what they picked. It's definitely sentimental, and their marriage is a huge part of the story, but it is also a gripping fascinating baseball movie. Actually, come to think of it, they DIDN'T come to an agreement as a group.
The women sort of huffed out of the store, after emasculating their boyfriends, negating all of their choices, and making stupid chick-flick suggestions...and the two guys were left by themselves. One of them said, "Let's watch this." (And it was a title which was "The R----", but I didn't hear the rest of it. The Rookie was also in its own display...) And then they were off. To join their bitchy girlfriends.
I know I'm so judgmental. But I don't care. That's actually what I SAW in those moments. And maybe it's not that big a deal to them. Maybe the girls like treating their boyfriends like they're irresponsible little children who can't handle the simplest tasks, and maybe the guys like to be treated like that.
But it certainly doesn't appeal to me, I'll tell you that.
Well, the proof is certainly in the pudding. Girls like that always are in relationships, and I never am. Go figure.
But I don't want to have a boyfriend if I have to look at him like he's a little doofus kid, and treat him like he's semi-retarded.
An epilogue to this story:
I received an email from my friend Beth, responding to this post. I opened the email at 7 am, it was my first email, and it made me laugh out loud. I will post it here, and you will see why:
Those people are not in a relationship with each other. "Relationship" implies two way street. Those bitchy demanding girls are in a supply/demand sort of thing, as are the guys. And they will probably go on together, each and every Saturday night. And the guys will plan football weekends that involve massive amounts of beer to dull the pain that is their lives. And the girls will guilt them into getting married, and plan a ridiculous Cinderella event that completely and utterly revolves around the bride ONLY because she feels it "is MY day". And she will force him to dance to the "Theme from Ice Castles". And he and his friends will get obliterated on the night of his bachelor party and totally participate in lap dances with Barbie-doll boobed pole dancers. That is not a relationship that you want any part of.
Editorial comment: The "Theme from Ice Castles"!!! Too funny.
well very interesting enlightening story,, perhaps, however, you should stop eavesdropping on other people's conversations.
Posted by: bogalie boo at December 29, 2003 5:10 PMbogalie boo, is it? Well, I am guessing that because you got to me through Googling the words "guys like bitchy girls" that this post struck a nerve.
You're looking for confirmation that guys actually like bitchy girls, and who knows, maybe they do? But I for one don't want some pussy-whipped guy, beaten into submission.
I like men, thank you very much.
I love it when people randomly pick out old posts and then put down some psycho insult.
Fuck off.
Posted by: red at December 29, 2003 5:12 PMHa! I have SOOOOOOO been there... Luckily there has always been some common ground (classic movies - Cary Grant, Clark Gable, Katherine Hepburn, ANYTHING with Audrey Hepburn - are always OK with me) but often I have had to bite my tongue.
True story: I was once corralled into watching "Capt Corelli's Mandolin" - major chick flick - or so I thought. It actually has some outstanding history about the Italian occupation of Albania and Northern Greece, so I was actually glad I watched it.
But I don't play that game any more... I tell the girls "you can pick the flick or I will - but I won't argue with you about it at Blockbuster".
Posted by: CW at January 2, 2004 9:41 PMHave you seen About a Boy? I love that movie - and there is a great scene where - he is dating this woman who doesn't have cable, so every Saturday night he is roped into seeing a weepy movie-of-the-week. You can hear this woman sobbing on the television, saying something like, "The doctors say there's no hope!" And Hugh Grant's face!! Hysterical.
I mean, in defense of chick flicks - some of them have some of my favorite acting ever. Like Bridges of Madison Country. Meryl Streep is a wonder.
But I can like those movies and not have to convert everybody around me ...
Posted by: red at January 2, 2004 9:53 PMOh, and CW, I liked how you said, "I tell the girls..."
I got this image of you with a bevy of women in a Blockbuster. On a date with 7 girls at once, trying to decide on a film.
Posted by: red at January 2, 2004 9:54 PMshhhhh!What is wrong with you; are you trying to wake the sheep? Because, if you are, I can assure you that they will not love you for it-- our society habitually crucifies the bearers of truth.Mike Baron once aptly wrote that truth is like an onion-- we peel back layer upon layer of half-truths to arrive at the center.But each layer is more painful than the one before it, so most do not even get close to the final, absolute reality.Our society is fabricated on lies-- we even tell ourselves that they are not so much lies as "perceptions" of the truth.
It's all smoke and mirrors; from the politicians who lie for personal gain, to the drug companies who peddle poison for profit, to the food processors who load us up with disease-causing sugars and toxins, to,to,to...ad nauseam.What recourse is left the sheep? They cannot take on the wolves, not even as a herd. So they close their eyes and pretend it's alright; they pretend they are loved, they pretend they are successful, they pretend that they matter in this world.Or was that The Matrix? No-- no, I'm sure I'm right; life is, for most, nearly all illusion.But if you take away the illusion, what is left for the sheep?
Fast forward your story. The couples marry as Beth predicts and slowly sink into a misery that even the illusions cannot sooth. They have children because that is what is expected of them, or perhaps simply to have someone else around to take their minds off the wretch they wed.But kids are perceptive; they can feel the loathing of their parents, and it twists the children inside, mutating into another class of neuroses.
I have had the misfortune to meet the future versions of your two video girls. They are fortyish and partners in a beauty salon where I, as a general contractor, have been finishing out a new store for them.They treat their husbands with the most profound disdain, referring to them (in absentia) as idiots and fools. Their frustration at being married to weaklings who put up with their selfish behavior manifests itself in childish displays of temper, unreasonable requests, bald-faced lies and constant crude gossip. But the worst part is that there are six young girls who work under them, and who are constantly subjected to their diatribes about men.The result? None of the girls has a healthy relationship with a man, and they all save up money to get boob jobs so they can attract a "better" man. I believe that those of them with the opportunity, cheat.
I have watched them all as they work, laughing coarsely at jokes about men, among other things--anything to take their minds off the shallowness of their existence. And when the laughter stops the silence is leaden, and I can see the pain in their eyes. Not one of them will ever know real happiness, and I grieve for them.The Zen master will tell you that misery is part of the human condition and it must be accepted as such.After all of my years of trying to wake the sheep, I have accepted mankind's prediliction for pain. It is the only way they learn.
I enjoyed your writing; I empathized with you every step of the way. Beth is wise beyond her years, or is she merely psychic? There are no answers for any of this, of course; but it is part of the illusion for it to seem so. Each of us walks a different path to learn different lessons, and the odds are against you meeting a person interested in YOUR lessons. It really is better not to try so hard to find "that someone." It's better to first develop personally with our ideas and ideals, to become comfortable with ourselves, and finally, to learn to forgive and love ourselves-- if we are ever to be ready for that other person. It's not as hard as it sounds; the old values are best--honor, dignity, courage, compassion and respect among a host of many.And decide for yourself what real love means to you individually.
Pop quiz: real love is a) you just want that other person to be happy b) you want to be the one to make that person happy c)you want that person to make YOU happy or d) you want both of you to make EACH OTHER happy.
The answer is (a).Real love is unselfish and it's impossibe to make another person happy. You can please them, you can tease them, you can give them orgasm after orgasm or you can just listen to them. It's all good, but REAL happiness is a responsibility (to quote my Dad)and all of us must find our own, on our own terms.Know that the odds are always against you because of what Jack Vance calls "the innate perversity of circumstance" but remember that the whole world is watching your little play, and comport yourself with dignity and circumspection and kindness. It's possible you may never find someone who can live with you, but at least you will be able to live with yourself.
And hold out for the intercession of fate; afterall I was just looking on the web for a pair of corduroy pants and your page popped up!How odd is that?
I wish you and Beth all the best; know that you are not alone in the night.
reminds me of a trip to blockbuster.
i wanted to see "to have and have not".
not cause i hadn't seen it, hell, i own it.
but i had never seen it to rent.
a good movie, and maybe this one had something mine didn't.
she said she didn't watch movies without color.
color? this movie has all the good ones. hell, it's got both. black AND white.she wanted to see some subtitled french movie" fraught with the political language".they called it "daring".
that's french for "polemic".
i told her when we are married for years, and still very much in love, and we settle in front of the t.v., and both my legs and the remote are broken, i still won't watch this movie with you.
(because, you know, compromise is important in a relationship.)
Don't apologise for being judgemental:
the cultivation of good judgement is a fine art.
WOW! I enjoy IT!
Posted by: Captain Stabbin at July 12, 2004 4:33 PM