Diary Friday

All right, so I am going to go back into very embarrassing territory (read: high school).

Beth will be very happy!

So let’s begin. I thought I might pull out my various entries about high school dances because … well, because, frankly, they are the most embarrassing.

Here we go. (And I will try to refrain from interjecting my present-day self into the narrative, making snarky comments about my adolescent self – although it is nearly impossible to hold myself back.)

Fri. Jan. 21 1983

Tonight was a Hawaiian dance. I tell you, I was not looking forward to it, because the last dance was a disaster area. I didn’t go Hawaiian, but I did borrow a lei when I got there. It wasn’t even half-way full, but practically everyone was Hawaiian.

Travis had on a grass skirt made out of garbage bag strips. And Joel had a grass skirt and man-hole-cover sized glasses. Betsy had on a long wrap-around skirt with huge blue flowers, and the DJ had on all white, a white top-hat and a white ruffled suit and this blue light was on him, so he sort of glowed. And he took requests so I asked for Devo, The Clash, J. Geils, Adam Ant, Loverboy.

(Cannot resist: I love that I listed all of the band names. Such a whiff from another time. Also, weird thing: Years later, way after Loverboy’s star had descended, I ended up opening for them at the Milwaukee Summer Fest… Ha! If the 14 year old Sheila had known of the glory to come in her future!! Okay, sorry. Onward. )

God, I love music!

And when he put on Stray Cat Strut, I did my tap dance. (Oh my God, I sound like such a geek. You DID YOUR TAP DANCE?? And then you WONDERED why no cute guys asked you to dance??? Meredith: if you are reading this, you will know exactly the tap dance I am referring to.)

All those great songs – I go WILD. We all do. We SWEAT! (Right, Beth?) It is so fun. The minute I hear the beginning notes of “Jerkin’ Back and Forth” or “Rock Lobster” or “Workin’ for the Weekend”, we all race out onto the floor, going INSANE. I dance until my throat is dry and my legs ache.

I’m not fooling myself. I had an awful time. I loved the music, but John was there. (When I read over this this morning, I thought: who the hell is John? And then – I remembered. Some guy I had a crush on, who said about 3 words to me, and I convinced myself it was true love.) I saw him come in and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t take my eyes off him and then Betsy grabbed my arm and said sternly, “Forget him, Sheila!” (I am completely ignoring my injunction against interjections. Can’t help it. So here I am, 20 freakin’ years later, and I still find myself in situations where my friends have to speak to me sternly, and say stuff like, “Forget him, Sheila!” Such as we are made.)

Betsy went on sternly, “He has on a girl’s headband. Please forget him.”

Then we walked off, arms around each other, and for a while I did forget. (Little did I know that I eventually would forget so completely that I would read over this entry 20 years later and think, dimly: Who the hell is John? Ha! Revenge.) I talked to Mr. Hodge, and some good songs came on, and there were some songs that Mere and I had to make fun of. We would strut around, eyes closed.

Oh, and a TV cameraman was there for some reason, and he was filming us, and he took close-up shots of me charleston-ing to “Goody Two Shoes” (How unbelievably embarrassing.), he also filmed me and my friends going WILD to “Rock Lobster”. He filmed all of us going “down … down … down…” onto the floor. The entire gym full of kids falls down onto the floor at the end of “Rock Lobster”. Anyway, I asked him later what the film was about, and he said that it was for a special on teenage alcoholism.

What? I said to him, “I’m not drunk!” And he laughed and went, “I’m not going to say you are.”

John was dancing with another girl and when he knew I was nearby he kissed her. (Uh, Sheila, are you sure of your facts here? Are you sure that it was because of YOUR hovering presence that he kissed her?)

So I’m really proud of the way I handled myself. I didn’t look at him, or look jealous, or even acknowledge him, and I danced like I never danced before. (Flashdance?) I feel like I looked pretty bubbly, with my mini skirt, sweatshirt, tie, white tights, and skips, (HAHAHAHA. My TIE??) and with my – ahem – peripheral vision I knew he kept looking over at me. My heart cracked in two and all I wanted to do was sob, but I danced and laughed – Man, it was hard work. I wanted to cry. I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING SO MUCH.

So I acted “up”. I was crazy. I felt insane. I had no control. After cavorting madly to show John I didn’t give a f***in’ sh** about his buns, I went over to sit down cause it was a slow song, and Patty sat beside me and said, “I’m really sorry. I tried to warn you, but I feel bad for you.” I said to her, “What has it been? 3 girls in 2 months?” And she said, “Well, just be glad you weren’t one of those girls.” I nodded.

So I sat through the slow song, chin in my hands, staring out at the big silver ball twirling above. I felt kind of bad. Kate hugged me. I just sat staring off. Why do I STILL like him, even when he’s been a bastard? Probably cause I know that underneath he’s really a nice guy. (And here the womanly pattern begins. Falling in love with an asshole’s hidden potential.)

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2 Responses to Diary Friday

  1. Betsy says:

    I’m sad that I don’t remember John just for the memory of the girls headband!

  2. john says:

    i kissed her to make you notice me, i knew you were looking(that peripheral vision of yours)
    i could never get a reaction from you. didn’t think you knew i was alive. and of course, without you i wasn’t………..oh, wait, my shiela was blond and it was more than 25 yrs ago
    we were seniors…..never mind

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