The Sheila Variations

For me, it's complex women that I like.

So here's the thing... back in June you wrote, "It is so self-conscious. So pleased with itself. So obsessively analytical. Do these two people ever just sit on the damn couch and NOT talk to each other?? That is my ideal relationship. One that is filled with an inordinate amount of comfortable shared silence."

How does that fit with, "My ideal would be a man saying, "Ah, you HOT CHICK - let us spar together, let us argue, let us fight, let us discuss - and in between wranglings and arguments - where we want to tear each other's hair out, we will attack one another like angry cheetahs... - you HOT BABE..."" ???

Jack:

VERY GOOD detective work! I am so impressed! This is the first time I have actually been quoted back to myself. I am pleased.

I actually don't know what that other post you reference is ... Half the time, I spit stuff out, and forget it immediately.

So yes - I do not want an analytic let's-get-into-couples-counseling-before-we-even-have-problems relationship. Granted, I am in a very anti-self-help mode right now, for my own reasons. I no longer want anything to do with self-help books, with trying to analyze myself, etc.

When I see couples obsessing about their relationship, obsessing over every problem, trying to consciously "create something" with each other, I think: Damn, I'd like to just sit on the couch with someone, and CHILL. Go for a walk and not talk. Not have everything be so damn heavy and analytical.

But also: there is nothing like the feeling of having a conversation with someone who GETS you, whether or not they agree with you. There is nothing like meeting someone who you would like to stay up all night with, TALKING. That is exhilarating.

But I think the most appropriate response to your comment is from Walt Whitman:

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself.
I am large, I contain multitudes."

What do you think?

I think you're right on the money, Sheila. Talking is good, but talking is not always what needs to be done. Sometimes more is said with a wordless touch - far more. And the fact that you said one thing once and something else later (if indeed you did) is indicative of....nothing.

Been meaning to reply but got distracted...

Like I said, I LIKE complex women. So the "contradiction" is an attractive thing.

The best relationships I've ever had were with women from whom I learned things. Not always profound things. Just being exposed to new stuff.

For example, I'll always be grateful to Mary for teaching me to love Chinese Food. And Janet for bagels and cream cheese.

Hmmm. There's a food thing happening there... must think about that... "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" ... now I'm just babbling.

By the way. The old quote of yours was (as I recall) one of the last postings from your blog when it was at the previous blogging software/hosting service.