Evidence to that here. And here.
But something occurred to me during my freezing commute today. (I'm a bit insane - musing about JLO and Ben when I have some free time...)
This may be an extremely controversial point to make, but I am going to make it, and it involves me telling a wee story for you all:
The time is the late 1980s. I am in college. I land the lead in the major musical that is done every year in the theatre department. It is a part beyond my wildest dreams. I am very excited.
My co-star - the person who my character falls in love with over the course of the show - was a new kid in school. Suffice it to say, he was absolutely gorgeous, compelling, talented ... blah blah. By this point, we all, in the department, knew each other so well ... and there were no more prospects for those of us who were still single - so someone NEW was very exciting. Especially this new guy.
Rehearsals begin. He and I rehearse together all the time, because we have so many duets, and so many scenes together.
A romance blossoms.
It is unbeLIEVably exciting for me. And for him.
Every day was a new adventure, every day was thrilling. Not only did I have this great new romance, but I also was starring in this huge show. So my life was completely full, with a great balance between work and love. Something I have never achieved since, by the way. Since then, work has always won out.
And then - boom - he backs off. He starts to do the "aloof and distant" thing.
(He was young. Then again, so was I.)
One night, after rehearsal, I chase him outside onto the sidewalk and confront him wildly. "What's going on? Why are you being so distant??"
It was the typical story - "I'm not ready for a relationship - You are so amazing but I'm just not ready..."
And I did not accept this. (I had such balls in those days.) I said, "Come on! We were having so much fun! Let's have some more fun! We don't have to be all serious!!"
This conversation went on for literally an hour. There was a huge wind in the air, it was night, everything was VERY dramatic. Funnier still was the entire cast, one by one, driving by to go out for beers somewhere, driving by us fighting, and I just KNEW that every car was FILLED with gossip-hounds (namely: my friends). I KNEW that as they drove to Tony's Pizza, everyone was saying, "Omigod, did you see that? What's going on there? What's happening??" They all would wave at us,the fighting co-stars, as they drove by.
So by the end of this conversation - I had worked my magic. He ended up laughing - laughing at himself - laughing at his fears - and he agreed to not give up on us.
Later, I referred to this as "360 #1."
Throughout the course of that winter and spring, there were about 4 more 360s.
Him suddenly saying, "I can't!!" And then 2 weeks later coming back and saying, "No wait, yes I can!!"
The musical we were in was a massive success and ended up being chosen to compete in the ACTF (American College Theatre Festival). So once our run in Rhode Island was over - we had to keep rehearsing, and re-blocking, etc., so that the show would fit on the new stage. We were takin' our show on the road.
The ACTF was in February.
This time was a time of HIGH drama.
There were moments when I, the star, would literally be SOBBING backstage. SOBBING about the latest 360. And then, I would have to run onstage, sing a song, dance a dance, say some lines, all pretending that I wasn't having a nervous breakdown. It was like a Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney movie.
We had huge blow-up fights at parties. There was one infamous evening when I threw a pretzel at his head. (We laughed about this later, once he did 360 #3 and all of our dramas became funny once again...)
We traveled, by bus, to the ACTF competition which was, to this day, one of the most exciting nights of my entire life.
I got a standing ovation. Well, we all did - as a cast - but they leapt to their feet when I came out to bow. I cried. It was such a rush. This girl somehow got backstage, an audience member, and she was sobbing, and she saw me, raced at me, and hugged me, weeping. I mean, this is ridiculous stuff, but it actually happened.
At the time of the ACTF, this boy and I were in the "aloof and distant" part of our cycle.
We were not speaking to one another. At all.
And yet, of course, we were only aware of each other. The irony was that we had this very hostile angry vibe between us - and then we would go onstage and sing these lovey-dovey lyrics.
It was absurd.
We came back from the ACTF and a bunch of us went out the next week for beers at a local pizza joint. My former co-star was there, too, and he spent the night, drinking quietly, and watching me from afar - watching me talk, watching me laugh. I knew he was watching me, but we still weren't talking to each other ... and I was THRILLED to know that he had regrets, etc.
At the end of the night he came over to me and whispered, in front of all my friends, "Can we get together for breakfast tomorrow? I really need to talk to you."
I groaned audibly.
"Is this 360 #72?"
And, of course, it was. We met at 7 am for breakfast, he told me he was in love with me, I said, "You're an idiot, I knew that all along" - we laughed -
And then we were in love.
For about 2 weeks.
When he then did another 360. Which ended up being the final 360. For me. I wrote him off after that one.
A girlfriend of mine said to me, "Does that boy ever get dizzy?"
So I broke up with him, finally, and very publicly - (I forgot to mention that, of COURSE, the entire time this dance of love and hate was going on - we were completely in the "public eye", in a small way - Every person was aware of what was going on. Gossip raged. I remember after one of the 360s, we were all starting up rehearsals for the ACTF - and I was very upset. Having a hard time getting through rehearsals and stuff, not really enjoying this great opportunity. One of the older women in the cast said to my friend Mitchell, the two of them gossiping in a good-natured way about my drama, the 360s, "Doesn't he realize she has a show to do???")
I love that.
She wasn't concerned about my heart getting broken - she was concerned that my concentration wasn't on the SHOW. I love the theatre. Who cares about the breakups, the drama ... As long as your work remains untouched!
Okay, so NOW FINALLY - here is my point:
My point about J. Lo and Ben Affleck - and their 360s, and how sick and tired everyone is of their drama, their back and forth -
Romances are not neat things, with nice little linear steps forward. Romances can be messy, ugly, irrational. People behave in ways that are incomprehensible. I threw a pretzel at someone's head.
Imagine if I had thrown the pretzel at his head during a Golden Globes party ... or at a film opening ...
If he and I had been world-famous at the time of our 360 Dance of Misery and Love - we would have been absolutely scorned by the press, and also by the public, who finally would get completely sick of our shenanigans.
"Oh, for God's SAKE, just BREAK UP ALREADY!" people would moan in line at the supermarket, looking at the tabloids.
I, thankfully, was not famous when I was having my chaotic (and, ultimately, TOTALLY FUN) romance. I could make all my mistakes in private. The "public" would not remember, would not hold it against me.
I thought about this this morning - randomly - because I had seen some other stupid headline about J. Lo crying somewhere - and my first response was, "Oh for God's sake, I am so sick of having to hear about your emotions and your stupid relationship ... "
And out of nowhere, I thought of that boy in my junior year in college - I thought of what we put each other through - I thought of how badly he behaved - I thought of how badly I behaved - but then I thought, too, of how much fun it was, how exciting it was ... how, by the end, even "the 360s" were hilarious ...
Time is very forgiving.
I look back on that entire experience with fondness.
Thank God I didn't have to do it in front of the eyes of the world - the world that is, to say the least, NOT forgiving.
Posted by sheilaYou have a good point about having to deal with these things in front of the eyes of the world and all. I can't help but wonder though (and you would know much more about this than I would, of course), how much of these sorts of melodramas are played out in public on purpose? There are some very famous performers that people know little or nothing about, leading me to believe that those whose privacy are a matter of public gossip deliberately make the choice to have it this way, because their egos demand that people talk about even the most personal aspects of their lives.
Think about it, we know the name of every person that J-Lo has swapped spit with. We know how old Madonna was when she lost her virginity. We know what some celebrities eat for breakfast and how they like their coffee. Ever heard of a rock star or actor with a case of herpes? I think these people have more control (or at least their "handlers" do) over what hits the gossip circuit than they would like us to believe.
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 12:49 PMSheil - by the end of that piece I didn't even care what you were writing about - I just wanted more. You are an amazing writer.
Posted by: Betsy at January 29, 2004 12:56 PMYes, there are definitely engineered dramas to keep the public interested.
Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton began their affair, under the eyes of the world and their spouses, merely as a publicity stunt - which then exploded into utter mania.
And then there are stars who you just don't know anything about. Meryl Streep. I know she was in love with John Cazale (Deer Hunter, etc.) - and took time off from her budding career to nurse him when he got sick. I know she has a bunch of kids and is married to a sculptor.
But other than that? Nothing. I know nothing.
Perhaps it is the difference between ACTOR (like Meryl Streep, or Gene Hackman) and CELEBRITY (j. Lo). Meryl Streep, Hackman, Dustin Hoffman - these actors depend on the quality of their films for professional survival. But J. Lo's hold on the public is WAY more tenuous. She's a celebrity - she depends on over-saturation. If we are not talking about her, at all times, then her career starts to fade.
Very few celebs, in my opinion, blend the celebrity/actor label. Julia Roberts is one ... Johnny Depp, maybe ... Brad Pitt - I'm not talking about whether or not we agree that these people are talented or not. It's just that - they are not JUST creatures of the tabloid magazines. They actually make movies, and reviewers actually talk about their acting.
It's too bad. jennifer Lopez was unbelievable in "Out of Sight", before she became a celeb. That's a great performance.
But also - sometimes romances just crash and burn - and if you're famous, you just have to deal with it. You have to suck it up and accept that you will be gossip-fodder.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 12:56 PMBetsy -
Thank you, girl!!
Ah, those were the days. The crazy college days. He was so much fun. Despite the 360s and the girl who stalked me.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 12:57 PMI just can't believe anyone even tries for love after Billy Bob and Angelina proved it just couldn't work.
Posted by: Rodya at January 29, 2004 1:14 PMYour therapist still hasn't helped you work through that one yet, rod?
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 1:20 PMBaby steps, my dear. Baby steps. These days I can type the names without crying like a hobbit....almost.
Posted by: Rodya at January 29, 2004 1:22 PMHey, you'd cry too if you had to watch Gandalf pretend die. I do, however, understand that obtaining what some people refer to as "a life" might help speed your recovery.
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 1:27 PM"crying like a hobbit..."
Now that is classic.
I know that I buried my heart in a crypt when Angelina and Billy Bob broke up. If THAT doesn't work out...
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:28 PMWho can live knowing love is dead or with a now useless "Billy Bob + Angelina 4-Ever" tattoo?
They were our last hope.
Posted by: Rodya at January 29, 2004 1:35 PMNow THOSE two are a perfect example of couples who chose, blatantly, to pump up the public's passion about their personal lives - They lived to shock us, they lived for it.
Can't picture the two of them fighting over the remote control, or lying around doing crossword puzzles, like normal couples.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:41 PMI knew it. I knew you were a closet pretzel thrower--and just when I was really starting to fall for your charming way with a phrase, and that infectious energy.
Posted by: David at January 29, 2004 1:44 PM"Infectious energy" indeed. Nothing more lovable, more infectious, than a woman "hucking" a pretzel at your head in PUBLIC, at a CAST PARTY.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:45 PMOh, and about that pretzel. He deserved it. So there.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:49 PMOh, and a small coda to all of this:
Years later - years after college - I ended up at a party, yet again, with 360 Boy.
We hung out the entire time in the kitchen, re-living all of this, and laughing so hard we cried.
He said to me at one point, in almost a FOND tone, which was even funnier, "Member that night you threw the pretzel at me?"
He said it in the same way somebody else would have said, bathed in nostalgia, "Remember our first date and how romantic it was?"
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:51 PMI think the really important question is was the pretzel one of those soft kind you get from street vendors, or one of the hard, crunchy ones from the market? The degree of cruelty and intent to harm differs widely between the two.
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 1:52 PMIt was one of those little tiny ones, that you buy in bags at vending machines.
So yes. It was hard. But it was very small.
Hmmm. There seems to be a double entendre in all of this all of a sudden...
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 1:54 PMEr, um, but if you do a 360 you wind up in exactly the same place. Am I missing something?
Posted by: Dave J at January 29, 2004 2:09 PMI suppose hard and small is a better alternative to big and soft, at least in terms of the entendre. Though adding spicy mustard makes it all more interesting.
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 2:11 PMWell, a 360 was what the entire cycle amounted to which was why it was referred to, as a whole, as the "360s". To be technically accurate, each part, when broken down, was a 180 - but added up - over and over - it was a 360.
My relationship with him was like the movie "Groundhog Day", if that helps.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 2:11 PMYes, Emily, you are right. I did not throw a big soft pretzel. I threw a small hard one. He did duck, for anyone who is concerned about his health and well-being.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 2:12 PMOh, and Dave, now that you have inconveniently (wink) inserted the concept of LOGIC into my silly story - I must say this: The "first 360" was referred to as such because - 3 weeks earlier I had been stridently single, then - BOOM - I was in a relationship - one glorious week had passed - and then - BOOM - I was single again.
Didn't even have a chance to get used to having a boyfriend before he was gone.
it was like it had never happened, and I was right back where I was.
Until ... BOOM - he came back again - and then - BOOM - he left ...
I hope he's not out there reading this ... Jesus.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 2:19 PMYou guys had to wait until Billy Bob and Angelina? I gave up after Bruce and Demi.
Posted by: Bill McCabe at January 29, 2004 2:27 PMWhat can I say, Bill ... I'm a die-hard optimist...
(pun intended...did ya get it??)
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 2:29 PMYippie ki-yay :-)
Posted by: Bill McCabe at January 29, 2004 2:35 PMOK, that clears that up. And I always loved "Groundhog Day," but hadn't seen it for years until about a week or so ago. I think it had actually improved, or at least there were things I don't remember noticing before.
Posted by: Dave J at January 29, 2004 2:53 PMI love that movie. Just love it.
I gave up with Burt and Loni. I couldn't believe it. It was so sad. Oh, and their little boy! And what has become of the dinner theater!
>sob
Posted by: Mark at January 29, 2004 3:03 PMWow.
Posted by: MikeR at January 29, 2004 3:23 PMMike R -
Is the "Wow" for the Burt & Loni reference in the comment before yours?
I still haven't quite recovered myself.
Oh, and Mark - bringing up the dinner theatre was the icing on the cake!!
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 3:24 PMNope, just for the whole darn post - including comments.
I love Groundhog Day too, btw.
That was a movie where you start out thinking that if it's good, it'll be something along the lines of Caddyshack - if it's bad, it'll be something more akin to Caddyshack II.
Then you get to the theater and you gradually realize that this is something else altogether. Movie-going surprises like that are to be cherished - we get so many of the other kind...
I can't believe nobody's shared their thoughts on Sonny and Cher. That one simply ruined my childhood.
Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2004 3:37 PMI think my favorite part of that movie is where he frantically tries to recreate the moment where he kisses her in the snow after the snowball fight.
He basically just races through the motions, barreling his way towards the moment where they kissed the day before ... and she is completely baffled - at why he is flinging himself about and then suddenly, randomly, attacking her.
I think the scene is MUCH funnier than how I just described.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 3:38 PMTo quote Cher herself:
"For the way of love ...
is a way of woe..."
Sonny and Cher would ruin my life too, if I had to wake to their same damn song at 6 AM every morning for what appeared to be eternity. ;-)
Oh, and to quote Sonny:
"Guns don't kill people,
Trees kill people."
Attributed, of course. And that was just wrong, wasn't it?
Posted by: Dave J at January 29, 2004 4:33 PMWell, yes, there are some problems with the Sonny and Cher thing. But my college crowd absolutely loved, when a party would reach a certain insane peak, to throw on "Dark Lady" and watch the madness ensue.
People who were normally very shy, or held-back, would stand there singing the lyrics at the tops of their lungs, jumping up and down like maniacs.
People who had not thought of those lyrics for 15 years, suddenly knew the entire song, word for word.
"Dark Lady laughed and danced
And lit the candles one by one..."
(clap clap)
Oh, it was magic, I tell ya...
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 4:36 PMI gave up with Brenda and Eddie.
And Sheila, should we start calling you Sheil-O?
Posted by: Stephen Silver at January 29, 2004 5:17 PMBrenda Renetti.
Posted by: red at January 29, 2004 5:19 PM