The Sheila Variations

Psychic? Can you give me six numbers between 0 and 60?

Ed,

No can do.

I am only psychic when it is proved, later, that my premonition has been correct.

Word to the wise.

Psychic, psychotic...whatever. ;-)

I myself am rarely able to tell the difference.

To get her boyfriend's attention? Chickie-mamma, next time spare your family the grief and just do what I do - throw something at his head.

Speaking of psychotic, the girl is in a mental institution (or "facility") as we speak.

If I need a man's attention, I usually do something subtle. Like shave my head.

Do you change your internom from "red" to "peach" when you do that, Sheila?

Peachheaded ramblings.

Just doesn't have the same feel.

Whatever happened to the classics: Sleeping with his best friend? Faking pregnancy? Suicide attempt? They just don't have the reality TV appeal of a kidnapping?

In this climate, too, how could she not have realized there would be a media firestorm?

There was a girl in my department in college who did all kinds of things to get the attention of a guy (who happened to be my boyfriend).

She crashed her car into a tree. (She said "the brakes failed suddenly"). She fell down a flight of steps and broke her leg.

She reported a break-in and a rape to the police and gave an exact description of the man to the cops. (All of it a lie - she later confessed and took it all back). In the meantime, a friend of mine (the gentlest most Bilbo Baggins-est type of man) was picked up for raping her because he fit the description.

She was continuously showing up at rehearsals with black eyes, or a cast on her arm, so that everyone would huddle around her and say, "Are you okay?" She ate it up.

This woman wasn't faking this either - she was TRULY injuring herself to get the sympathy of my boyfriend. It was scary.

He finally dumped me so he could go out with her. Hard to believe, yes, but true. She got what she wanted.

People are weird and scary, that's all there is to it.

Wow! Aren't you glad you lost him?

I have to admit I feel really sorry for these women. The loathing they must have for themselves to think that is the only way they can get someone to love them.

Of course if it were my boyfriend, I'd have wanted to give her the real thing.

I scratched her brand-new car (after she crashed the old one) with a key in the dead of night.

There. I said it. That was my feeble little revenge.

Theresa commented:
"Whatever happened to the classics: Sleeping with his best friend? Faking pregnancy?"
I must also add this to the list of classics:
"Giving him a photograph of your eyeball?"

Ann Marie

I do not understand why you must hurt me so.

Sheila,
I am so disappointed in you. A true bitch's revenge would have involved at least popping all four of her tires.

I did characterize it as a "feeble" revenge. I was a chicken-shit. And also kind of afraid of this girl. Fatal Attraction had just come out at the time.

I have to agree with Sheila's limited revenge theory here, this one absolutely had "Stay away from me or I'll kill you" potential.

Personally, I won't even think about seeing a woman until she has broken at least one major limb(or two minor ones--her discretion)on my behalf. Life is too short. I really need that sense of commitment--or sense that they need to be committed...to the loony bin.

The ones one always has to look out for are the ones who havent been to the nuthouse YET...

For the first ten years, it was the rejection and the negativity that kept me away from them.

After that it was the sudden expectation they had, without really knowing them well at all - say, after 2 dates.

Now they're just plain nuts. Unpleasable, demanding cooks who still blame their parents for one thing or another at any given time.

Soon, I'm sure I'll have to address them differently, since they'll be in their "goddess gaia" years.

If one could only find a way to make them hear that the earth doesn't turn around their hair...

I don't know, my hair's pretty cool...