The Sheila Variations

But, in the end, don't "tough-chicks" become a casualty of their own personality?

Eventually?

What Mike fails to mention, directly, is that "tough-chicks" are short-term, inspriational (hence his blog)relationships... only

It just seems that, ultimately, their man is not one, but rather, an amalgam of men. Just as they are the muse of many a man.

But as the face fades, body creaks, and men dwindle... they will grow old alone or start making settlements.

And when it comes to the very core of tough-chicks...settlements have got to suck!

I don't know, it's just an observation.

Well, as a tough chick myself, I found the piece truthful, amusing, and right on the money.

Tough chicks have no choice but to be exactly what they are. And yes, they may pay a price in the end - but you can't fake being a tough chick. You either are one, or you are not.

My piece a while back on my Triumvirate http://www.sheilaomalley.com/archives/001208.html is basically the inner monologue of a tough chick.

And a lot of guys (perhaps you are one) would never be satisfied in a relationship with a tough chick. That's fine. But for a lot of guys, it's the only way to go.

I too can appreicate Mike's homage to the tough-chick. And trust me, I have known a few (and will never forget). You are also perhaps correct in that my fears will not allow me to know one by my side permanently.

But may I suggest that the tough-chick isn't so tough? That her thoughts and feelings run a lot deeper and with more truth than the drama-queens?

I imagine that can get heavy at times?

So isn't it that the word is not "tough", but rather, real-under the guise of tough.

Although she'll never let you see it.

Here's my question:

What does a tough-chick want in her forever man? Or better asked... does she even know?

Hey Mercutio. I don't have the Tough Chicks thing open in front of me - but I do think that Mike makes it a point to talk about the softness beneath the exterior. That there is a huge difference between Tough Chicks and "hard women". A lot of men (and a lot of women, actually) mistake the two. But tough chicks occasionally cry at movies, we love kittens, and we also love men. Oh, how we love love love men. "Hard women" hate men.

Oh, and yes, things can get heavy. Ouch!! (The Triumvirate piece was one of my heavy moments.) I will speak for myself here: Tough chicks, if they meet a guy who they sense "gets" them, if they meet someone who has no desire to change them, fence them in, make them calm down, whatever - That guy will be the luckiest guy on earth. Because tough chicks can love you like nobody's business.

And about your last question: I think it might be the wrong question, actually. Many tough chicks don't want a "forever man" at all. Or if they do, then he will have to be very very specific.

I could tell you exactly what I am looking for. And my triumvirate guys all had it, in one form or another. But dammit, it is so specific - it's like that last scene in Star Wars, when they need to shoot at the Death Star from juuuuuust the right angle ...

Maybe I should write a little essay on this. It's kind of a cool topic, I think. Interesting.

First, I have no doubt that every tough-chick would unanimously vote you into office. I also would not dispute anything you have said.

My whole point was your last comment. That the "real" men eventually move on from these wonderful women because, to these women, there is no "Forever Man"(just gotta go with the Clapton reference).

Even you, Sheila, admit that although those THREE forever friends had "it", that it still wasn't enough. Can it get any more JUSSSST right? And if it was JUSSST right... would it be too much?

I think we have said enough here. Perhaps there is no one easy answer...

But sure, give it a go ;)

Haha. Of course I will give it a go!!

The way I see it is, (and I may be fooling myself, but please do not disabuse me of my own fantasies) - it's not that the Triumvirate were not enough. (This is hilarious. To be speaking about three men as though they were one) The timing was off, with two of them. We met each other at the wrong moment. The last one would never be appropriate for me as a life-mate, and I knew that the whole time I was with him. Didn't stop me from cherishing him, though.

I don't need perfect. But as I get older, I definitely get more specific about what I think I need. I am no longer willing to dick around for a year or so with someone who isn't right for me. I don't have a list a mile long, but I definitely have a couple of non-negotiables - and let's face it: finding someone who you fit with is rare. For anyone.

I'm a weird girl. And I get weirder as the years go by. But I'm also rather lovable, if I feel safe and I feel that someone gets me. But I am definitely weird. The guys who gravitate to my weirdness, who want to be around that weirdness, who have to be around my weirdness, are the ones I dig. Too often, someone falls in love with the weirdness, and then - somehow - wants to change it, wants to alter the very thing that attracted them in the first place. Some guy will totally fall for my independent spirit. And then when he realizes what that will actually MEAN - he doesn't like it.

It is true the person I may be looking for may not even exist. And I completely concede that I lean towards the way-too-specific side. "He must be this. He must have this." But I've had a ton of relationships - I've learned my lessons. I know I can't have THIS kind of energy, and I know that THIS kind of energy is essential. My specificity is, I think, is the blessing and the curse of being single when you are in your 30s, as opposed to in your 20s.

But here's another thing: I really dont' NEED to have a relationship, although I definitely want one. I have friends who have never been single, and who get anxiety attacks when they are faced with spending time with themselves. I am the opposite. I get anxiety attacks when I imagine togetherness. And yet, on the positive side of that, I won't "settle". I trust myself that I won't settle, because I don't NEED to be in a relationship.

"But may I suggest that the tough-chick isn't so tough? That her thoughts and feelings run a lot deeper and with more truth than the drama-queens?"

One thing a TC is NOT is a drama queen, so you've got that one right. For "tough," one could always substitute "strong," "independent-minded," "enduring," or any number of other descriptives. Tough is just the word I chose to use, but there are others. One of the women I mention specifically in the piece - Erin - has been married a good while now to a fella named Terry Serpico (an actor - he was in "Donnie Brasco," which I think I also mentioned) and she shows no signs of going anywhere but home to him every night. My friend Karen (also discoursed on at some length in the piece) is another one like that - not married, but might as well be and probably will be soon, to my eternal despair. TCs are eminently capable of loyalty and steadfastness - in fact, it's one of the principal requirements, as far as I'm concerned. It might even be what separates the real ones from the frauds, of which there are plenty.

Then again, I could also be completely full of shit. ;)

Good shot Mike. At least it shines a little nub hope. Or, perhaps, the ones you mentioned were just the few exceptions.

Maybe I'm just looking to be the all-knowing smart dude ;)

I'll take that and call it good.

I do have a question for you Sheila...

Yesterday you ended your last post with quoting me (And if it was JUSSST right... would it be too much?), and then stating you knew exactly what I meant.

You have since pulled that back. Why?

Mike, I love that that guy's last name is Serpico. It is just too perfect.

And Mercutio: grrrr. In correcting a couple spelling mistakes in that comment, I made yet another mistake and refreshed the page (which you should never do when you are in the Movable Type interface.) A couple things were lost in that shuffle - I re-typed that last paragraph from memory. I missed a couple of other things I had originally written as well. Something about specificity, being too specific. (More of the same old theme.)

The "too much" comment of yours was right on, and I will have to think more about it. I actually was thinking about it last night, as I watched 5 Easy Pieces. I rarely meet someone who I like, but I do know exactly the feeling that you describe. I know it well. And I've been burned one too many times to approach "falling in love" with anything other than trepidation, humor, and a bit of anger. If anything feels like it's "too much", I'm bound to just make a joke to clear the air. Or blatantly walk away, before I get burnt again.

Damn. It's only 10:17 am. A bit deep for so early in the morning, don't you think??

Alright...

Too deep.

It's seventy and sunny today. So while I hum a Jet tune in my ear, here is the lite side...

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry???

How did we get in this jam?