This post will be continuously updated to reflect the requests of all of my readers. "Ewan McGregor" and "trumps moral authority" have now been added.
I watched Maltese Falcon starring HUMPHREY BOGART (but not KATHERINE HEPBURN, more's the pity) for the 30th time, thinking to myself: "Jeez, I'm sure glad that asshole GEORGE LUCAS wasn't at the helm of this one!!" After the movie ended, I thought to myself, confused, "Hm. BREWSTER BUFFALO. I wonder what that means. I should ask Bill." Then I peered randomly at MY EYEBALL for a good 5 minutes, wondering what the BACK OF MY EYEBALL would look like. Bored with that, I then proceeded to contemplate my BOOBS, wishing I had some PORN featuring REBECCA WEST AS A DOMINATRIX or at least some HOT GAY ELF SEX. In lieu of PORN, I fantasized about EWAN MCGREGOR, who, as we all know, TRUMPS MORAL AUTHORITY. In that amoral mode, I threw out my JANE AUSTEN books, I threw out my JAMES JOYCE books, I threw out THE COMPLETE WORKS OF VIRGINIA WOOLF and I started reading my KLEMPERER journals, copying down many quotes into MY COMMONPLACE BOOK. Then I got tired of that and tore through THE SILMARILLION BY JRR TOLKIEN. I felt satisfied at last. But I still wish I had some PORN. Also, I wish I had 342 PAIRS OF SHOES. To comfort myself, I looked at my BOOBS some more. My BOOBS are nice, but definitely not as big as the 444-POUND KING OF TONGA'S. I became so filled with despair about this that I shouted up at the sky, "DON'T EVEN TRY, CHIPS!"
(Boy. I am going to get some weird Google searches from that one.)
Posted by sheilaLOL, I'm satisfied.
You'll be #1 for "George Lucas' boobs"
Posted by: Bill McCabe at June 17, 2004 4:29 PMI'm not. No hot gay elf sex. Boo!
Posted by: Emily at June 17, 2004 4:30 PMEmily - I slightly revised my post now. It can be an ever-expanding post based on people's wishes and needs.
Posted by: red at June 17, 2004 4:36 PMEver-expanding? Could you throw in a "the work of Virginia Woolf is over-rated crap" for me sometime then?
And you really should write a post chiding Bill for suggesting there's such a thing as too many shoes.
Posted by: Emily at June 17, 2004 4:39 PMAdd "Brewster Buffalo" and you'll be all set. McCabe can explain. Maybe.
Posted by: Ken Hall at June 17, 2004 4:40 PMThat was hot. I need a smoke now.
Posted by: Dan at June 17, 2004 4:43 PMNo mention of the Commonplace Book. Disappointing...
Posted by: Mr. Z at June 17, 2004 4:45 PMYou should probably mention your eyeball, too. I mean, otherwise it seems incomplete somehow.
Posted by: Dave J at June 17, 2004 4:47 PMDon't even try CHIPS!
Posted by: Dan at June 17, 2004 4:51 PMOMG, Dan, I so should have remembered that!
But it does remind me that you need to mention the 444-pound King of Tonga.
Posted by: Dave J at June 17, 2004 4:54 PMOh people, you're killing me.
Re-read it now. I added some stuff.
But now I have to add the King of Tonga.
Posted by: red at June 17, 2004 4:57 PMSheila,
The Smithsonian had a CHiP Kawasaki motorcycle on display.
Posted by: Bill McCabe at June 17, 2004 4:59 PMDan:
"That was hot. I need a smoke now."
Okay. Now THAT is funny. Laughing over here.
Posted by: red at June 17, 2004 4:59 PMAnd you need to add being tied up by Rebecca West. You said it, not me! ;-)
Posted by: Dave J at June 17, 2004 5:02 PMDave J: done.
Posted by: red at June 17, 2004 5:04 PMOh my. Somehow I knew the last two days would turn out to be too much for your psyche. Blowout! Ooof. It must have been the Oliver lyrics at the end.
Posted by: michael at June 17, 2004 5:08 PMYou left out Hepburn. I'm sad.
Posted by: Alex at June 17, 2004 5:23 PMalex. Done. No more sadness.
Posted by: red at June 17, 2004 5:55 PMThere ya go! Thanks Sheila, this is great!
PORN!
HOT GAY ELF SEX!
BOOBS as big as the 444-POUND KI[twitch]
Posted by: Ken Summers at June 17, 2004 6:19 PMOh yeah, and throw in the phrase "trumps moral authority."
Posted by: Dave J at June 17, 2004 6:41 PMTrump has no moral authority.
Posted by: Ken Summers at June 17, 2004 6:59 PMAn apostrophe or its absence is a powerfful thing, Ken.
Posted by: Dave J at June 17, 2004 10:09 PM'Heh'
Posted by: Ken Summers, Perversion Catalyst at June 18, 2004 12:07 AMSheila,
You're my Hero.
Posted by: Alex at June 18, 2004 2:29 AMIt's all very impressive, and I'm especially thrilled by the Brewster Buffalo reference. But I am pretty surprised you haven't worked the eyeball in yet.
Posted by: CW at June 18, 2004 10:10 AMCW: Read it again! The eyeball is there!!! :)
Posted by: red at June 18, 2004 10:16 AMI don't think the eyeball reference was there the first time I read it, or else I subconsciously skipped over that sentence because I feel I already know all there is to know about your eyeball.
Posted by: CW at June 18, 2004 10:42 AMhahahaha
The eyeball reference has been there since last night ... so I think your subconscious was definitely at work ...
Posted by: red at June 18, 2004 10:47 AM