The Sheila Variations

It was a good post, although it made me wonder why you asked about chick flicks today; you clearly already know what is meant by the phrase.

At the end of the post, you object to weddings being treated as "her day". I don't agree. It's only one event in your whole life; it's fine for the groom to allow it to be "her" day (within reason).

Basically, most of the decisions that need to be made, the guy usually doesn't care about. My advice to grooms is to let the bride and mother-in-law make almost all of the plans, and only object to a few things you actually care about. Seating arrangements? Who cares. Color scheme? Big deal. It's her party.

During the planning of the wedding, the groom should mostly just be agreeable. "Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear."

I insisted on a live band. I think that was the extent of my involvement, besides picking the groomsmen.

Then, me and the groomsmen arranged for an Elvis impersonator to attend the wedding. He was instructed to act as if he was actually Elvis, still alive, attending a friend's wedding without trying to attaract attention to himself. He was to be OBVIOUSLY Elvis without attracting undue attention otherwise. I snagged him an invitation, and the groomsmen were instructed where he should be seated (in clear view of most guests.)

Since I wasn't willing to pay for an additional meal, he was instructed to go through the receiving line after the wedding, congradulate is in a clearly Elvis-like fashion, and then apologize that he couldn't stay.

He did brilliantly. Before the ceremony, people were whisopering. I was afraid there would be a scene, but my mother-in-law loved it. (It turned out she loves Elvis anyway.) She was dissapointed that he didn't stay. Actually, I should have arranged for him to stay and sing a little, but he wouldn't have a place to sit during dinner.

"Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear."

Those bitchy Hoboken girls... yes yes yes! I won't miss them in the slightest when I'm gone.

Er - I have opinions on chick flicks, which I listed in that original post. I wanted to hear what other people thought.

Oh, and about weddings:

Ash: the most important words, in my opinion, that you wrote about weddings is "within reason". Yes. "within reason" is key!! Half the weddings I have gone to have been run by control-freak brides who make life miserable for everyone, including the groom, and all the bridesmaids. The groom is an appendage, he can't wait for it to be over with.

Spare me that!

The best weddings I've been to (as I'm sure is the case for everybody) are ones where the two people are obviously a team. It's not about showing the bride as a princess-for-a-day.

Oh, and a wedding with an Elvis impersonator in attendance?? Coolness!!

"Half the weddings I have gone to have been run by control-freak brides who make life miserable for everyone, including the groom, and all the bridesmaids. The groom is an appendage, he can't wait for it to be over with."

Red, We call these sort of women, "Bridezilla."

One last thing:

Maybe my resistance to the queen-for-a-day vibe at many weddings is that I could see myself eloping, or doing a City Hall thing. And then throwing a huge party later.

I actually picked the flower arrangements (both table and bride/bridesmaids'). My only other contributions were to insist that my groomsmen wore their tuxedoes accessorized however they wished and that WENOTHAVEABAND. Cole Porter cocktail piano was just fine. The rest was "Yes, Eloise." "Yes,dear."

My mother did a large part of the planning, mainly because we lived 900 some miles away from where the wedding would take place. Aside from that, I had no desire to be a bridezilla. I wanted the wedding/reception to be more about fun and folks having an awesome time, than for it to be about "my day". Yes much of it involved me, like my dress and to be honest Ron didn't seem to care one way or the other what the color sheme was, but all that aside we had a wedding that we both contributed to and in the end, we were very happy with how it turned out. I'm just not a frilly spoiled type of gal, I'm more interested in having a great party than being a princess. Now just barely over 2 years later, I look back and I wouldn't change a thing (for the most part).

I have a friend who, when she talks about her wedding day, all she can do is RAGE about the incompetent florist. There are no good memories.

Just floral anger.

Laura - and that's all you could really want, I think! To look back and think: That was a good day. I wouldn't change a thing.

Our flowers were really quite lovely, act-tually. Oh, God. I'm gay. And married to a woman. My life is a lie.
;o)

At my aunt's second wedding (about two years before my aunt's second divorve), the groom, all the groomsmen, and the usher (me) walked down the aisle wearing purple converse high-tops instead of dress shoes.

In re: the Video Store piece - I sent it to a pal of mine from Newark, a guy who is *very* sick of Jersey girls and wants desperately to move to the Midwest, if only for dating purposes.

"They're ALL like that", he groaned.

Chalk up another fan, I guess!

I'm am a female and married my best friend of 26 years, Chrisanne....another female. We were married almost 9 years ago (when it WASN'T chic) and we were married in a theatre, because that's where we felt we were both born. We had two Reverands, a male and a female. I had 6 Bridemaids, and one Maid of Honor, Chrisanne had 6 Groomsmen and one Best man. We had a Buddhist ceremony, an American Indian ritual (Sioux), a little bit of Catholosism, some stopping of the glass, some blessing of the land, some sharing of the bread, and I wore an off white low cut Jean Harlow dress, while the other Bride wore a pale green velvet and taffeta ballgown. We were married in December in Chicago so our colors were green, purple, and a dash of red. There was fallen snow covering the ground outside the theatre which you could see all through the ceremony.

We had 8 singers singing songs from Broadway showtunes, to Prince.

Then we took a white stretch limo to Sidetracks (local fab gay bar here) and sang showtunes all night long, while we ate, danced, and threw our persepective boquets. One was caught by a man, the other, a woman. Both of them have ended up in monogomous relationships for almost 6 years now.

The only way to throw a party on the most important day of anyone's life, is to take into account what both of you want. That way it's an occasion for everyone, not just the woman. Chrisanne and I feel like we both had "our" day, and the best thing of all, was that we planned it out together. The absolute best day of my life.

Alex:

Beautiful. :)

And I have to tell you: The word "Sidetracks" brought so many fond memories that I literally feel a pang in my heart right now. Mitchell and I!!! On show-tune night! God, so much fun. Can we go there when I come to visit?

In re: the Video Store piece - I sent it to a pal of mine from Newark, a guy who is *very* sick of Jersey girls and wants desperately to move to the Midwest, if only for dating purposes

You have to understand- "Jersey girls" and "Hoboken girls" are two separate distinct species. Not that they aren't equally classless...

At the risk of damaging my feminine street-cred (especially after revealing in Sheila's earlier post that I loathe chick flicks), if I ever do get married (that's a big IF, I like my independence and also no suitors are looming on the horizon), I'm going to elope.

We'll find a nice minister willing to marry us without fanfare, or go to the justice of the peace, or, heck, if he wanted to do the wedding-chapel-in-Vegas thing, maybe a nice Elvis impersonator.

and then, when we come back, we'd have a big outdoor barbecue party with badminton and croquet (it's really, really fun to watch my friends play croquet after they've had a few) and frisbee golf, and not expect anyone to dress up or feel obligated to bring gifts or anything like that.

I dunno. The whole center-of-attention, queen-for-a-day thing kind of creeps me out. I don't do well with that many people staring at me.

oh, and Ash, about the Elvis impersonator at the wedding: that was the Coolest Prank Ever. That must have just been hysterical.

I suppose you didn't ask the bandleader, after "Elvis" had left, to announce "Elvis has left the building."?