The Sheila Variations

I'd question the 'well-meaning people' line.. they are charging for their services... personally I'd say it falls into the "'Yeah, whatever, man, it's cool, it's cool.' Well, you know what? IT'S NOT COOL!"

Example from the site - "Many of our FTC's (First Time Cuddlers) [Acronyms.. Jaysus!] don't want to cuddle with strangers at all"

No shit sherlock!

Look! Groping Social Gimps!

EWWWWH.

not only strangers; there's lots of folks i know well that i have no desire to cuddle with...they make strangers look quite...cuddly, actually

Cuddle this.

(Okay, so this is the internet and all so you guys couldn't see me flipping the bird when I wrote that, but trust me, it was my first reaction.)

I don't even cuddle with myself, for God's sake.

peteb:

Well, as a person who has taken many amazing classes taught by incredible folks in the self-help realm, I was giving them the benefit of the doubt (a huge flaw of mine, I realize) ... Obviously SOMEBODY takes these Cuddle Classes!

ewwwwww

I'm sort of fascinated by the idea of cuddle parties. Not that I'd ever go in a million years. But if you have some, um, intimacy issues, they hold a certain weird interest.

Whenever I hear about these parties, I always think back to a couple of gay friends I had in college. There was this one boy who was super-affectionate, he used to come into my room at random times and hug me. Sometimes we'd sit together, holding one another, for an hour at a time. I certainly don't touch my relatives or my female friends like that, and I don't really like to be held or cuddled that much by people I'm dating - if the relationship is explicitly sexual, I'm too aware of that element for it to be comforting, I guess. Whereas I've always had extremely affectionate relationships with gay men.

I had another gay male friend in college that I used to sleep with all the time - just sleep with. It was this nice middle ground of extreme affection, without any overt sexual tone, that felt just right.

Maybe all these people like that middle ground too. Although maybe they just can't get laid and want whatever they can get...

omg

I can't even look at it anymore. its giving me the creeps.

Anne -

Like I said - obviously people go to these things and get a lot out of it. I do not begrudge them that. But I just know I would feel like a raging angry beast if I found myself surrounded by sensitive cuddlers.

I have a gay male friend like the one you describe. It is, indeed, a great relationship, for the reasons you describe.

peteb:

And yeah, I gagged on the acronyms, too. ewwww

If it is teaching self-help, Sheila, then there is a case to be made for it.. this, however, doesn't strike me as helping anyone's self.

You know, I'm sure we Irish have a "refreshing open and blunt" sign for these cuddle party people...

Well, obviously there's a difference between hugging your friends and hugging total random strangers, and adopting gooey therapy language for the purpose. I just think I understand the impulse.

I wonder if the Cuddlers have been featured on Real Sex HBO.

Oh. My. God.

The goggles, they do nothing!

Anne - I understand the impulse too, and if people want to cuddle with strangers and pay for the privilege, I say: go for it, whatever, they're not hurting anyone ... but "Gooey therapeutic language" is just so not my scene. I have a visceral dislike of it!!

Anne - I also don't really get into cuddling with boyfriends. It's just not my thing, and I never knew why ... but you worded that dynamic exactly.

Sheila, understanding the impulse involved is one thing.. but I'd suggest paying for the 'privilege' to cuddle strangers, AND be cuddled by them, isn't going to help anyone understand their impulse to do that.. it's just indulging that impulse.

People are into all kinds of freaky-deaky things I don't understand. There's those people who feel sexual around stuffed animals - I can't remember what they call themselves. Grown men who want to act like babies, you know, all that crazy subversive shit. They indulge the freaky-deaky side of themselves, because it satisfies them, makes them feel good, [insert gooey therapeutic language here]. I don't know. I guess it doesn't bug me so much, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

I may think they are huge GOOFBALLS but I've got some freaky-deaky impulses that I indulge, on occasion (my lips are sealed) - and I guess I don't see the HARM in it.

However, I certainly see no problem making fun of these freaks.

Plushies.. erm.. I think.. erm.. I've heard.. erm.. I'll get me coat. ;)

PLUSHIES!! I laughed OUT LOUD at your comment ... yes, indeed ... ehm ... Plushies ... Think I saw a documentary on them ... ahem.

CSI, had an episode with a plushie story line, was friggin hilarious.

Well, except for dead giant chipmunk part.

Erotic plushie love! FAQs include "Am I welcome here if I like plushies but don't have sex with them?" and "How can I clean a plushie?"

Please don't kill me for linking that, Sheila.

Heh heh

"Why is there so little traffic on this newsgroup?

A lot of people stopped posting.. when the SPAM advertisements flooded the group."

That's from Emily's link, BTW.

//Just do not invite me.//

Dang. Now what do I get you for Christmas?

I like the new look BTW.

"I've got some freaky-deaky impulses that I indulge, on occasion (my lips are sealed)..."

Involving the whip that you've mentioned before? That's not all THAT freaky. [insert obligatory reference to "rump Parliament"] ;-)

Dave J:

You don't know the half of it.

And THANK YOU for reminding me of Emily's brilliant "rump parliament" remark. That was genius.

Chrisanne and I cuddle. For about 4 or 5 minutes, and then it's obvious we need to be on our own side of the bed. That's just the way it is with us. A lot of couples are cuddley-wuddley, and I think that's great. For them.

I do think there's a big difference in cuddling with boyfriends, lovers, spouses, soulmates, and even animals (and not in a weird way), than there is cuddling with 900 people you've never met in your life on the steps of the White House.

That's just plain creepy and desperate.

Oh yeah....this was developed by two "RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS"???????? What the FRICK does THAT mean?!

That kind of baloney that preys on either the innocent or twisted mind makes me sick. Realtionship experts.....like who: Ann Freaking Landers??!

Puh-leeze.

And Alex - did you see the NAME of one of those relationships experts? It reminds me of CHiPs. That's your clue right there that these people are wack-jobs.

Emily -

Years from now I am still going to be getting traffic from "erotic plushie" Google searches, thanks to that link.

A couple of comments about the FAQs:

-- The desperate seriousness of "What is the Plush Code" made me snort soda through my nose.

-- # 6 on the FAQ is, I believe, unintentionally humorous. Like - Plushies: REALLY ASK YOURSELF # 6 ... REALLY ASK IT!!!

Okay, now I'm obsessed with plushies.

Quote:

"People can be 'too busy', 'too tired' or
'have a headache', but a plushie will never say 'No!' when you crave closeness."

Sheila, and why is that question asked BEFORE question 7?

Dan:

Yes, please cancel the subscription you bought me to "Cuddler's Weekly".

HAHAHAHA Exactly!!!

# 6 CLEARLY should be # 1, anyway.

It's the ONLY question to ask!

I have a funny feeling that I am going to have to close comments on this post very soon, because I'm gonna have some pissed-off plushies raging at me at any moment.

And you don't want to see them when they're angry!

Chucky is coming for you, Sheila. And he is ticked off!

Raging bitchy polar bears, stuff like that.

*shiver*

I'll add my own 'ewww' to that one.

well, i for one most certainly am not following that link...nope, no way...

"red...michael jackson's holding on line 3...."

The first rule of the Plush Code is that you do not talk about the Plush Code.

I'll see your "Plushies" and raise it with "Furries." Ew.

Mr. Bingley - you've got to follow the link! It's hysterical!

Emily -

Your comment about Chucky coming for me, in this plushy context, brings that new movie Seed of Chucky into a whole new light for me.

Ehm ... ew.

Dare I ask ... what is a furrie?

I'm just wondering what the difference between plushies and furries is.

I'm not sure, Sheila, but I can't tell you how relieved I am that nobody's asked me how in the hell I found that link in the first place.

Emily - HAHAHAHA

Emily's a closet Plushie, perhaps?

I am afraid to Google "furrie" and see what comes up. But I need to know the distinction.

It seems quite quite important, somehow.

Or Emily has a Plushie in the closet?

A plushie costume in the closet, or an actual plushie chained up in there? Kinda like the gimp in Pulp Fiction.

According to this page, sheila, it sounds like furries are plushie stalkers.

"bring out the gimp"

Pete, I literally do not know what to say to that link. I have no words.

Which is rare.

Why would you stalk a plushie? Fer gawd's sake, I can't imagine they put up much of a fight.

emily, jesus Christ, that was funny.

"So I wrestled the strangely-passive stuffed aardvark to the ground ..."

I imagine the more famous ones have bodyguards.. and a posse.

I imagine the paparazi don't have a real difficult task before them either. "Snoopy, Snoopy! Over here!"

Yeah, Emily, but they'll pay a fortune for the photos of Snoopy and Woodstock in flangrante delicto.

It's times like these when I wish I didn't have a real job...

:-)

peteb:

That image you just put in my head of Snoopy and Woodstock is Just. Plain. Wrong.

Pete - when my granparents passed away, my dad gave me these three zippos he found in their house. One of them is Charlie Brown and Lucy standing in water up to their shoulders and Lucy's exclaiming "Damn you, Charlie Brown, I will NOT sink if you take it out!" One of the other ones has Linus with an erection. I'll say no more.

I'm not sure if that's a touching family heirloom story, Emily, or, to quote sheila, just plain wrong.

and it could have been worse, Sheila, I could have said the photos of Snoopy and Charlie Brown.

This is all of a theme. To quote Curly McDimple:

Peppermint Patty is a big ol' c***.

Rule #7: NO DRY HUMPING.

I'm sorry, but I cannot be bothered to attend any party that doesn't include dry humping.

jess,

Now that is an excellent point.

Oh boy...wading into uncharted waters here.

I remember the CSI episode, I think, but it was furries, not plushies.

(blushing that I actually know this stuff, but trivia sticks in my brain sometimes..)

Plushies are people that derive sexual satisfaction (or non-sexual, too, I suppose) from stuffed animals. Furries are people who dress up as animals or in animal costumes and...well, practice animale husbandry. Or attempt to, anyway, but the damn zippers keep getting stuck.

Who was at the very bottom of that flow-chart again, Bill? Wasn't it something like "furries who write sci-fi fanfic starring themselves?"

Fifty plus comments on Furries and Plushies and 2 on Pearl Harbor. Tsk, Tsk where is our sense of history.

Clearly it is in our pants, j swift.

Dave,

Furries who write erotic Star Trek fan fiction starring themselves, I believe.

*shaking head in disbelief*

I don't live in a cloister, but I might as well, I guess.

There are people who pay strangers to cuddle with them?

There are people who are aroused by toy animals?

There are Zippo lighters with "doctored" Schulz cartoons on them?

It's a sick, sad world. I'll be spending the rest of the day hiding under my desk, thankyouverymuch.

ricki:

I would ask you if there was room under your desk for ME to hide as well, but I fear you would feel I wasn't "respecting your boundaries".

:)

Well, as I have not one, but TWO desks in my office, you're welcome to use the other one.

just please to disregard the old pen caps, paperclips, and granola bar crumbs on the floor. (I'm a slob and the custodian refuses to "do" my office).

Maybe I'm just confused, but this business reminds me a lot of playing "spin the bottle" when we were 12. I thought the whole business was a great idea at the time, to break down inhibitions and teach boys and girls to get along with each other.

For grownups, however, it all seems vaguely pathetic.

CW:

I mean, even "spin the bottle" amongst grown-ups could be hilarious if played with a sense of irony.

These "cuddle parties" seem to have NO IRONY whatsoever. Anything so lacking in irony, anything so earnest, is ... well, frankly, very unsexy to me.

I prefer quite a bit of irony and humor in my dealings with men, not all this "Ooh, did I disrespect your boundary..." "Ooh, I want to make sure that you know that I cherish you as a person BEFORE I hump you senseless..."

whatEVER. Gimme a good old raucous inappropriate spin-the-bottle game any time.

I am speaking like I play spin-the-bottle all the time, when the reality is I haven't played it since I was 10 years old. I'm just sayin'...

this website is weird and kinda unusual iv never come across anything like it ever

but thats why i read these. you people do it for me