The Sheila Variations

Random quotes from Ireland

Allison calls these "snapshots". There are entire stories around each quote, but I'll only give the quote. Some involve Allison and I, others are just things we overheard, or snippets of conversations we had with people we met along the way.

-- "Frosty the Snowman is goin' down."

-- Allison shrieked out into a crowded pub: "Oh my God! He has no teeth!" And then later, trying to explain further just HOW this person had no teeth: "One entire side of his front row of teeth was gone ... It looked like an orthodontal side part." An orthodontal side part? Genius.

-- "I love getting drunk and swimming in hotel pools. Because ... well ... you can't really drown."

" 'The snow is general all over Ireland!' "
"Oh Jaysus, now she's quotin' Joyce!"

Guy: "I put my cell phone on the windowsill in the bathroom while I took a shower, and now ... for some reason ... it won't work anymore!"
Me: "For some reason? Uh ... "
Guy: "It must be witchcraft or somethin'."

"My ass is up for grabs in Turkey."

-- "Oh, I'd love to throw my leg over him."

She: "I love my Rabbit." (She was NOT referring to a pet. She was referring to another kind of rabbit, and for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, all I can say is ... er ... shame on you?) Anyway - she proclaims to a crowded pub: "I love my Rabbit."
Bursts of laughter all around from the women.
She then says, "I think I need to get a bigger size though."
The men put their heads in their hands in embarrassment. One of them says, "Ah, yes. An insight into the female mind."

Me to Carrie: "In reality, I am quite serious and shy."
Carrie literally did a spit-take. Laughed RIGHT IN MY FACE.

Read the one below in a feisty flirt-y context, rather than a hostile context, and you'll get the tone of it.

He: "Get a map."
Me: "What did you just say to me?"
He: "I said: GET. A. MAP."
Me: "You literally do not want to get into a geography battle with me, because I assure you, even though I do not know you - that I. Will. Win."
Long pause. Then:
He: "I can tell by the look on your face that I will definitely lose this war."