Guilty Pleasures Questions

GUILTY PLEASURES (oh, and as ever – please add your own in the comments.)

CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to
This question assumes that I have a car. So there’s THAT. But if I HAD a car? I think I would feel weird about BLASTING “Hit me baby one more time”, by the newly married Ms. Spears, as I cruised through a crowded section of town. But dammit, it’s a good song, and a huge guilty pleasure. I play it often.

Book I read flat so no one could see the title
He’s Just Not That Into You. The book that is sweeping the nation. Or whatever it’s doing. I mean, it’s not like I read it repeatedly. I read it once. And it was a very funny book, by the way, and reiterates many of the conversations I have had with my friends over the years, in terms of relationships. “Uhm … maybe he’s just not interested in you?? Can we consider that option?” But the book is bright pink, and … the title … I mean. No. I’m not reading that on the subway.

Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke
I remember singing Alanis Morrissette’s shriek-fest “You Oughta Know” to GREAT success at a dingy karaoke bar on the north side of Chicago.

Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong –
This fishnet-type thing. I will not elaborate further.

What I order at the bar when no one is listening
I literally have no idea what this one means. I drink what I want to drink, and I order it freely. Is this not the case with other people?

Update: This just occurred to me that this question is geared towards men, who might feel more silly than women when ordering a “peach-fizz margarita” or whatever. I would feel no shame ordering a “sour apple martini” – but I can see why a guy might. I’m not really a girlie-drink girl anyway, despite my … uhm … gender. I like boy drinks. Scotch. Beer. Whiskey. You know. Tough-guy stuff.

Fast food item I adore
First off: I do not eat fast food. At least not anymore.

But in my fast-food days (high school and college) I was all about McD’s Chicken McNuggets. I so rarely have McDonalds anymore, because it makes me SICK to think of what I would be putting in my body … not to mention the fact that I do, actually, always feel sick after eating McDonalds … but damn. I loved those McNuggets.

A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway
Well, I don’t have TV now. But let’s see. I pretty much love them all, and think the “downfall of civilization” types are big bummers. I love love E! True Hollywood Story, and could watch it all day. I loved Survivor. I even got into The Apprentice. Maybe some people think soap operas are the downfall of civilization? Well, I have loved MANY a soap opera in my day. I was a General Hospital gal in my early teens, and CRIED when my swimming lessons conflicted with the time-slot. Yes, I CRIED. (It was the advent of Blackie Parrish – ahem – JOHN STAMOS – who hooked me in, irrevocably, as a teenager.) Any more?

This entry was posted in Personal. Bookmark the permalink.

167 Responses to Guilty Pleasures Questions

  1. Lisa says:

    CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to:

    The soundtrack to A Star Is Born starring Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson.

    I can sing every word to every song. No matter what you think of her politics (and no one can think less of them than I do) she rocks the hell out of “Queen Bee.”

    Book I read flat so no one could see the title:

    Can’t think of anything specific, but it was probably a bodice-ripper with Fabio on the cover.

    Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke:

    I’ve never done karaoke. Shut up. It’s true. Sad, but true.

    Bad movie I watch repeatedly:

    Satisfaction starring Mallory Keaton, and Julia Roberts as the slutty bassist!

    Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong:

    A big, fluffy, multi-colored turtleneck sweater that makes me look an Easter egg with a head, but it’s warm!

    What I order at the bar when no one is listening:

    I don’t believe I’ve ever been to a bar where it would be POSSIBLE to give a drink order without someone listening. But to [sorta] answer the question, I’d say a Rob Roy. Because I’ve always wondered what they taste like and because I think your local Joe Schmo bartender couldn’t make one without looking it up.

    Fast food item I adore:

    Dude, Arby’s Market Fresh Chicken Salad sandwich! A true culinary delight.

    I have to make sure and only go once a week lest the workers at Arby’s think I’m stalking them.

    A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway:

    Paradise Hotel. It was the best “reality” show EV.ER. Discussion Closed. Amen.

  2. red says:

    Lisa –

    If you ever come through Manhattan, I am taking you to a karaoke joint.

    End of discussion.

  3. JFH says:

    Blackie Parrish?? Why or why do girls always go for the rebel bad-boy?… What about a nice guy like Frisco Jones?

  4. Emily says:

    *Sigh* Blackie Parrish.

    It’s the funniest thing – I googled his name after reading this post, just to see if there wasn’t some over-aged fangirl with an unhealthy obsession who’d erected a shrine to Blackie on the internet. No such luck, but your blog is # 4 in the results.

  5. red says:

    Blackie Parrish was hot, dude. Feathered hair and all. Bad boys are hot. Sorry to break it to ya, they just are. They may be hell to live with, but they are hot. And when you’re 14, they represent liberation from everything you are trying to escape (ahem … everything I was trying to escape). Bad boys serve a very very important purpose.

    Also … ehm … Blackie Parrish isn’t real, mmkay? I know the truth hurts, but it has to be told.

    I have fantasies about bad-boy he-man action figures, and rogues who drag me off into the darkness of the hull of the ship, mmkay? But in real life? I date big geeky smart goofballs. Who make me laugh.

    Life would suck without fantasies. And I would WAY rather fantasize about Blackie than Frisco. Ick.

  6. Lisa says:

    Wasn’t Frisco bad at first? I think he was. . .until the love of a certain Aztec princess showed him the error of his ways.

  7. red says:

    Emily:

    OH NO!! that’s awful (and so embarrassing)!

    Also: you mean to tell me that there is a shrine to LANCE KERWIN out in cyberspace and not one to Blackie Parrish? This is a grave injustice.

    I think I know my next web project.

  8. Emily says:

    I will totally help, dude.

  9. red says:

    Also, JFH, if I may … I must congratulate you on first of all: recognizing the name Blackie Parrish, and throwing another name into the mix. Good work.

    I always forget this one:

    What was the name of Rick Springfield’s character’s name? Noah something …?

  10. Lisa says:

    Noah Drake.

    (You knew I’d know that!)

  11. Emily says:

    Lisa answered that question in under 60 seconds. I’m very impressed.

    I think we should make a website dedicated not only to Blackie, but to Hot Guys On General Hospital In The Early Eighties. Has anyone parked http://www.thenuttycassadines.com yet?

    Trivia: What was the name of Frisco and Blackie’s band?

  12. red says:

    And what was his girlfriend’s name? She was a blonde, and … she had very very slim nostrils. And a pointy nose.

    And I remember vividly the scene where they ate strawberries out of each other’s mouths. I was only 13 when I saw that, and I think I was scarred for life.

  13. Curtis says:

    CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to:
    – Alabama, the Greatest Hits… Yup… I am one yuppie-ass-redneck.

    Book I read flat so no one could see the title:
    – I have nothing on this one. I was going to say playboy, just because the image of someone reading it flat so you can’t see the title amuses me.

    Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke:
    – Any song sung by me is bound to be crappy. Although I did do a superbly bad rendition of American Pie in college.

    Bad movie I watch repeatedly:
    -“Dude, where’s my car”. I quote it with friends. My wife quotes it. IT IS AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.

    Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong:
    -Ridiculously holy sweater that I refuse to get rid of.

    What I order at the bar when no one is listening:
    -Beer is the only thing I order at the bar. regardless of who listens.

    Fast food item I adore:
    -Chipotle Chicken Burrito. Discovered it two weeks ago and haven’t stopped eating them since.

    A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway:
    -I have to go with Jon Stewart on this one and say “Crossfire”.

  14. red says:

    Love Alabama, dude. Blast those tunes!!

  15. red says:

    Emily –

    Woah. Uhm … hm. I do not know. It is almost there, though … I can almost see the name of it …

  16. JFH says:

    Alright this may be embarrassing, buet:

    When I was an exchange student to the Air Force Academy, a group of us arranged our class schedules so that we could watch GH every afternoon. We also taped it for the cadets who had class during the show.

    Don’t be frightened just because people like this are now commanding fighter or bomber wings (or in the case of Navy guys commanding Ohio class ballistic missle subs).

  17. red says:

    JFH:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    That is BEAUTIFUL. I love that image.

  18. Guilty Pleasures

    Silly blog posts like this being one of them, I decided to jump off the bridge like everyone else: CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to: None. I have no shame. I…

  19. JFH says:

    Frisco’s girlfriend or Blackie’s? Frisco’s girlfriend was Felicia (sp?)…

    BTW, he’s married to her in real life (must be going on 10 years) now. He’s also a scratch golfer who won the celebrity golf championship a couple of times (the only one to do this who wasn’t a former pro-athelete).
    And he did this while starring in Melrose Place. He’s not a bad singer, either… Uh, it’s not like I have a “thing” for Jack Wagner or anything
    …[Move along, now, nothing to see here]

  20. Emily says:

    I think JFH’s last comment warrants someone breaking out into a tearful rendition of “All I Need”.

    And JFH — my dad went to the Air Force Academy. He told me that when he was in Vietnam, some of his buddies would drink Agent Orange on dares. I’ve long gotten over my fear of silly, stupid men with missiles at their command.

  21. Anne says:

    Not really a General Hospital fan – I was always more of an As The World Turns girl – was Blackie played by John Stamos?

  22. Emily says:

    Anne – he sure was. And he was yummy. Still is, come to think of it.

  23. Lisa says:

    My best friend went to the Air Force Academy. She was a basketball cheerleader and got hurt by her partner dropping her on her head.

    I’m pretty sure she’s the only person discharged from a service academy due to liberty stand-related injuries.

  24. Anne says:

    Thanks for confirmation. General Hospital may have had “Blackie,” but As The World Turns, of course, had “Dusty.”

  25. red says:

    Anne:

    Yes. Sadly, I know the entire tale. Because I am obsessed.

    John Stamos was hired as a day-player – which means they just needed him for one measly little scene. He was probably paid scale wages. I believe the scene was that he broke into the coffee shop (oh, that coffee shop in Port Charles!) There was a scene where he was dragged off by the cops, and he was resisting arrest. I remember the scene, and the general hot-ness of the scene.

    So – As far as John Stamos was concerned, he was a day-player. Job over.

    The episode launched, and the network was flooded with letters (yes. Flooded): “Who was that burglar?? Who was that hot burglar??????????”

    Needless to say, they brought him back, and it made him a star, and John Stamos has pretty much not stopped working since.

  26. Wutzizname says:

    CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to – The Cure Greatest Hits. But I don’t silence the world out of shame. I can’t truly experience the sound of the Cure unless I feel shut in. The Bass in ‘Lovecats’ is lost to the whistling breeze of Rt.70 otherwise.

    Book I read flat so no one could see the title – Screenplay by Syd Field.

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0440576474/002-2537118-8964826?v=glance

    People interrupt me with judgemental inquiries if they see the cover of this book. “Still haven’t finished that one script?” or “Back to basics, huh?” I tend to leave the room when they get started.

    Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke –

    I hate being forced to sing. Ever since grade school theater. A year or two ago, somehow I was tricked into going to Karaoke, and I intentionally MURDERED “Ooh baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson. Almost like Biz Markie, but with more of a Falsetto mockery of Prince. Then I sat in quiet contemplation for the rest of the evening.

    Bad movie I watch repeatedly – The Five Deadly Venoms. “…and now your Iron Skin is finished!”

    Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong – A blue and white hooded t-shirt that I borrowed from my friend David back in 1992 and will never goive back. It has all kinds of holes in its collar and seams and it’s barely a shirt anymore, but it’s simply the best thing to sleep in when I have a cold. I can’t explain it. It has something to do with the fabric touching my head, and it’s ability to shield me from direct light.

    What I order at the bar when no one is listening-

    Stoli and Cranberry. Apparently, guys are only supposed to drink drinks that are brown or clear. anything else is not a ‘Real’ drink. Of course, if I do enough of those, I’m worse than if I just drank Cognac all night.

    Fast food item I adore – Back when I ate fast food, The last think I was able to appreciate was the McDonald’s Steak, Egg and Cheese bagel sandwich. Of course, I’ll never eat such filth as that ever again, but it used to be so sinfully good.

    A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway – The Sopranos. I love to see terrible things happen on the show. I love to wonder who’s getting killed, how the culprit gets away, or how surprises are thrown on the audience. I love to see who Tony’s going to screw. I love to see the sarcasm of the characters, and the dialect that reminds me of my Dad’s side of the family (My dad was from the Bronx, I was born in Willingboro) I love the show regardless of the racial epithets that I let pass just to see what happens next, the horrible acts of murder, the lewd behavior, and the everyday implication of how crime is realistically performed every day. The show in general is a terrible thing if you look at its practical application to life in general, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss one single episode.

  27. Anne says:

    Oh – the whole story. Excellent. And women clamoring for a pretty boy, what better story is there?

  28. red says:

    One of my favorite kinds of story:

    When the PUBLIC decides who’s gonna be a star, as opposed to a publicity department.

    (Not that I didn’t think that Full House was a completely noxious show … it made me sick to my stomach … but still. John Stamos has not been out of a job since the network was flooded with letters from his one scene that he did as a dayplayer. Pretty impressive.)

  29. Sheila and Emily, should you proceed with the Blackie Shrine, I will lend my Photoshop skills and the web space.

    This is a total guess but was Blackie’s girlfriend Amy, the nurse? She totally had slender nostrils and blonde hair. If I saw Amy eating strawberries out of someone’s mouth, I would have killed myself on the spot. I did not like Amy or her nose.

  30. red says:

    Actually, curly, I was referring to Noah Drake’s girlfriend. Not Blackie’s. I don’t think I ever fully accepted that Blackie Parrish even HAD a girlfriend. Something in his soul was always free, unfettered. (Oh my God. Did I just say that?)

    He couldn’t be tied down. Because … he was waiting for … er … a rosy-cheeked freckled pudgy pubescent girl in Rhode Island? What??

    I think the name “Felicia” is indeed correct – in terms of Noah’s girlfriend. They ate strawberries out of each other’s mouths and I thought my head would explode in horror.

    I was young. Had a lot to learn.

    Please now remind me though … Who was Amy?? And why do actresses on soap operas have such slim nostrils?

  31. Emily says:

    Amy was the nurse that was always on duty at the hospital. She was really gossipy. I seem to recall that she rarely had any story lines. Her job was to sit behind the desk and talk crap about every body else.

  32. red says:

    Oh of course. Yes, nurses have nothing better to do than sit around bitching and gossiping. Of course. And yes, Amy had really slanted weird nostrils.

    The show kept trying to make Amy into a romantic lead … but it never worked. She was too bitchy, and her nostrils were too lizard-ish.

  33. Lisa says:

    No, no, no, NO. Noah’s girlfriend was BOBBIE, the prostitute/nurse, sister of Luke, and nemesis of Laura. God, people, put down the Wodehouse! Immerse yourself in meaningless pop culture!

    I will admit, however, that I do not know the name of Blackie and Frisco’s band. Don’t let the shock overwhelm you. In my defense, I believe I had stopped watching GH by the time that storyline had come around, and had given myself over to the wonder that was Santa Barbara.

  34. Emily says:

    That’s right! Bobbie! Who later married Jake and they rented rooms to other people in their brown stone…

  35. red says:

    Yes, I remember Bobbie – I think that chick is STILL on the show. With the googly eyes and bee-stung lips, right?

    HOWEVER.

    Noah did have some sordid sex thing with Felicia (see the strawberry reference above) … maybe he was cheating on Bobbie??

    I’m telling you – the image is EMBLAZONED in my mind, and it was with the slim-nostriled blonde, not the googly-eyed redhead.

  36. red says:

    Emily:

    yes. oh my god. the brownstone. Jake.

    This conversation is GENIUS and I never want it to end.

  37. red says:

    I love it when I go to the doctor and the prostitute/nurse takes my blood pressure.

  38. Nathan says:

    The TV show Who’s Your Daddy? is surely one of the signs of the apocalypse…a show about 10 guys trying to convince an adopted girl that he is her real father in order to win a million dollars??? I think I see the four horsemen riding over the horizon as I type this.

  39. What bugged me about the Brownstone was that Jake and Bobbie’s apartment was totally open. All of the other tenants had to walk through it. That and the characters’ dramatic asides on the docks always irked me. And Ruby. I wanted to beat her up. I could not wrap my brain around the fact that she AND Bobbie were once prostitutes. As for Bobbie, methinks she had some sort of thyroid conditions. Her bug eyes were very unsettling to me.

  40. red says:

    I may be mistaken, Nathan … but I believe you are not alone in thinking that … and I think the show has been canceled. But I’m not sure about that. it did sound like a horrible idea.

    The other horrible idea? My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. I watched that show ONCE and was convinced I was seeing a level of cruelty and callousness only topped by the old Roman Coliseum days.

    To TRICK your family? To MAKE your mother cry about your supposed fiance? On TV? To make JOKES out of your family??? All for a million bucks?

    I am tellin’ ya. There is not enough money in the fucking world that would make me want to turn my family into jokes on some stupid reality TV show.

  41. JFH says:

    Are you sure, Emily? I thought Bobbie was married to Tony (Frisco’s brother) when they were in the brownstone. (At the time, I kept asking the screen, “WTF is a brownstone?”… Obviously, I’m not a city kid)

  42. Bobbie and Jake got divorced and then she married Tony after Tony’s wife, Tanya, was hit by Saab and died.

  43. Emily says:

    Do you remember Duke? Didn’t Bobbie schtoink him for a while? Or wait! It was Anna! Who was married to Robert. What was he? The chief of police or commissioner or something?

    I stopped watching some time in high school when they introduced a story line where one of the new characters in town turned out to be an alien.

  44. Anne says:

    Was there any character on GH that you identified with (as opposed to just lusting after/being horrified by their lizard nostrils)? I had a strong sense of identification with ATWT’s Lily. Who was caught between Dusty &, the farm boy, Holden. As one is.

  45. red says:

    Robert Scorpio.

    And please let’s not forget Demi Moore’s brilliant turn as Jackie Templeton.

    Er … is that name right??

  46. Anna was originally married to Robert Scorpio, the police commissioner and they had Robin. They got divorced and Anna met Duke Lavery and they got married. The show had a short fascination with kilts and bagpipes when his character was introduced. Wasn’t he mob at first?

  47. red says:

    I actually really related (in a weird way that I cannot explain) to Luke. From GH. Of Luke & Laura fame. Now I think, first of all, that that guy is a good actor. So he could make all of the RIDICULOUS soap opera situations seem real (Ice Princess, et al) … but also, there was something sensitive about him, but also cynical. He wasn’t quite trustworthy … but I also guess I related to his sense of humor.

    I will have to think more on this very important topic.

    I usually related more to the men. The women were too intimidating (I was a pudgy teenage girl, please recall.)

  48. red says:

    curly:

    The show also was quite international for a while. We had the Brits, the Aussies, and the Scots … all represented.

    Wasn’t Anna Emma Samms? Am I nuts?

  49. No, Emma Samms played Robert’s second wife. For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of her character though. D’oh. I will find out!

  50. red says:

    I can’t remember Anna then.

  51. JFH says:

    Ah… Tanya, she was hot (much hotter than Blackie Parrish)! What ever happened to her (I mean the actress who played her)

  52. Anne says:

    There was some actress on GH who went out with Prince Andrew. Not Emma Samms, some other British actress.

  53. Emily says:

    Oh yeah! And I remember Tony was married to that bitch Lucy for a while. Remember her?

  54. What’s funny is that Lucy Coe started out as mousy librarian and then she turned into a saucy vixen. It was quite the metamorphosis.

    Remember when her hillbilly aunt and cousins (Colton and Decker) moved to town?!?! Colton, as I recall, was brainwashed and programmed to kill someone. I can’t remember who though.

  55. JFH says:

    Holly Scorpio… But she was first married to Luke remember?

  56. red says:

    Colton, as I recall, was brainwashed and programmed to kill someone.

    God, I hate it when that happens.

  57. Emily says:

    I remember Decker was hot. Didn’t Colton originally come on the show as some religious guy or something?

  58. Emily says:

    Speaking of which, why do soap characters always have names like “Decker”, “Duke” and “Colton”? Why isn’t anyone just named “Bob” or whatever?

  59. JFH says:

    Robert’s first wife was the bitch in “Staying Alive” Can’t remember her name but she has had a far bigger career than most in the soaps (Think she’s got a show on the HG channel or Lifetime)

  60. Anne says:

    I mean dated Prince Andrew in real life. The one I’m thinking of went on to play the mom on Charmed. (Which I’ll admit as a later guilty pleasure, along with half of the WB line-up.)

  61. YES! He was like a religious Marine or something. I think he and Felicia were quite chaste during their courtship… until Frisco came back from the dead and interrupted their wedding or something.

  62. JFH says:

    Yeah, Anne, same woman

  63. Anna was played by Finola Hughes, who, coincidentally, is hosting that awful Who’s Your Daddy? program.

  64. red says:

    Chaste Felicia? The same Felicia with the strawberries? Well, she later became quite a hose-beast, if I recall.

  65. red says:

    Let’s not forget the sticks-up-their-asses wealthy Quartermaines.

    What was the name of the matriarch???

    She was also one of the nuns in Sound of Music as a young woman and sang: “Maria makes me laugh! Tee hee tee hee tee hee!”

  66. JFH says:

    Wow, that takes us almost full circle, Curley!

  67. red says:

    Okay, hang on: You guys have much better memories than I do.

    Allan Quartermaine … right? And didn’t he have some bitchy marriage, out of War of the Roses?

    Wasn’t it GH’s attempt to bring back the old snarky 1930s wisecracking romance?

    What was the wife’s name?

    If I recall correctly, they despised each other, yet they could not stay away from each other.

    And the matriarch of the family was always pouring bourbon out of cut-glass decanters.

  68. Lisa says:

    Anna Devane was played by Finola Hughes, who ALSO played Anna’s twin sister, Alexandra Devane Marrick, on All My Children.

    “I Don’t Know from” Finola also played opposite John Travolta in the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, Stayin’ Alive.

    And you’re right about Demi. She did play Jackie Templeton. She had a sister who was supposed to be Luke’s love interest when Laura “died”, i.e. left to seek a movie career (North and South, anyone?) but had Stavros Cassadine’s baby instead.

  69. Red, that was Lila Quartermaine, wife of Edward; mother of Alan and Tracy; grandmother of Ned, AJ and Jason. Am I forgetting any?

    I am scary.

  70. red says:

    Of course. Lila Quartermaine. I always thought it was so hilarious that she also was a little Austrian nun who took the carburetor out of the Van Trapp’s car, and had a little tee-hee laugh.

    You are scary.

    Embrace it.

  71. Oh and Alan was married to Monica and yes, it was very War of the Roses for a time and then they got back together. And then Monica did Ned without realizing it was her nephew. She thought she was just schtupping her tennis instructor. If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally slept with a family member…

  72. Greg Wythe says:

    CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to – Tori Amos … first two CDs (the rest just confuses me as it appears to be sung in a Martian dialect) … I do have an image of a virile male to uphold.

    Book I read flat so no one could see the title – “My Life” by Bill Clinton. Doesn’t matter if others love him or hate him … there’s no such thing as a sane conversation with either side and EVERYONE has to interrupt me while reading it!

    Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke – The Bodyguard tune – Whitney version, not the Dolly version. Knowing that the chick singing it is taking drags from a Winston light ought to send you headed to the door as you know there’s no way she’ll make it through those prolonged chorus lines without causing lasting damage – all of it being the emotional variety.

    Bad movie I watch repeatedly – sheesh, this is kinda limiting. I watch bad movies to the degree of having to call it a “lifestyle choice.” But “The Apple” probably merits particular mention here.

    Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong – Either my 1989-era Mr. Big concert t-shirt or donning my Joe Lieberman for President t-shirt to Democratic Party events. Used to be a Van Halen t-shirt that had “Who the F*** is Eddie Van Halen” on the back. At some point, that stopped being a joke and then I found myself wanting to hurt people who asked me while adding “No, seriously. Who the f*** IS Eddie Van Halen.”

    What I order at the bar when no one is listening – Wine coolers … usually right before heading out to the car to listen to early Tori Amos, though.

    Fast food item I adore – Taco Bell quesadillos.

    A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway – The Real Gilligan’s Island … although I was a tad disappointed that the competition of Gingers did not involve a catfight. Does that make me a bad person?

  73. Lisa says:

    Stupid people interrupting my posts with their stupid questions about the stupid law! Sheesh.

    Alan was married to Monica, and yes, they did have a kind of “War of the Roses” thing going on. I think they’re still married.

    Lila was the matriarch and she was played by veteran actress Anna Lee. She died recently.

  74. Lisa says:

    Dude, I gotta start typing faster. People are going to come back later and read this thread and go, “Why do they keep answering the same questions!?”

  75. Emily says:

    I remember Lila was a sweetheart.

    And remember when they brought Duke back from the dead? He was played by a different actor, so they made up this hoopty story about him undergoing plastic surgery or something? Curly – you seem to be the one with the best memory here…

    I love the way soap operas manage to bring characters back that died in ways that no human could survive. “Well you see, I located this doctor in Switzerland who’s figured out how to sew heads back on.”

    That, and when characters send their 8 year-old kids away to summer camp and they come back three months later as a teenager.

  76. red says:

    Greg – you are so right on about the later Tori Amos stuff. I’m so bummed out about it. I loved those first two so much that I KEEP buying the crap she puts out … waiting … hoping …

    Oh and man. I’m sorry. But I would definitely judge you on the wine cooler thing. :)

  77. Obscurorant says:

    Obligatory Standardized Guilty Pleasures Post

    I came across this meme at the Llama Butchers; others have picked it up as well.

  78. red says:

    Lila was nobody’s fool. She may have walked with a cane, and worn long sweeping Bea Arthur-type dresses, but she kept those randy Quartermaine men in line.

  79. Anne says:

    Comments are not so repetitive as they seem. I appreciated the longer Finola Hughes biography, Lisa. I now realize my own first question was answered in the original post. But by asking it, I got the description of how John Stamos came to be on the show. Everything happens for a reason. :)

  80. Yes, Emily, you’re right! I have a freakish memory and yup, a bogus plastic surgery story was used as an explanation for Duke’s return. It was awful. I don’t remember the specifics because by that time I had started recording the show because I wasn’t home from school in time to see it. I totally fast-forwarded through those parts. Ditto for the alien storyline which also involved Anna. No wonder she left the show.

  81. red says:

    Anne:

    One of the purposes in my life … Literally, one of the things that I LIVE for … is to share all of the useless information I have in my head. Like how John freakin’ Stamos got his start in Hollywood.

    I mean, honestly. I have so much of that stuff locked up in the brain … it’s a relief to just SHARE it. (And not randomly. You know, like accosting people in the PATH station: “Do you know how John Stamos got his start…???”)

  82. Anne says:

    You’re talking to the girl that knows that Finola Hughes went out with Prince Andrew.

  83. red says:

    That’s true. I am OBVIOUSLY in good company on this particular thread.

  84. Emily says:

    Come on, didn’t every British woman over 18 go out with Prince Andrew in the 80s? They didn’t call him Randy Andy for nothin’!

  85. Dan says:

    My favorite GH character was Edward’s ghost.

    Colton, I believe, had a religious TV show – ‘The Colton Connection.’

  86. red says:

    Edward’s ghost … oh my god. Totally.

  87. JFH says:

    Edward’s ghost? Dan, are you sure you’re not thinking of “The Ghost & Mrs. Muir”?

    [Shamelessly trying to take this thread in an unrelated direction]

  88. red says:

    I will never. EVER. forget the summer of the whole Ice Princess thing.

    Am I insane, or was that not HUGE?

  89. Anne says:

    That’s true, Emily. Never mind.

  90. The Colton Connection! I totally forgot about that. I wonder if thet actor that played him was a holy roller in real life and insisted that his character be one too? You know, like how Kirk Cameron made Mike Seaver be all on the God Squad in the later seasons of Growing Pains?

  91. red says:

    When Luke had the “A-ha” lightbulb moment over his head … when he realized what the password must be …

    Oh. My. God.

    However, the details escape me. Password for what? What was that bunker-like place? What the HECK was going on???

  92. Did anyone else wish their town had Catacombs where you could explore and hide if need be? Okay, maybe it was just me…

  93. red says:

    curly:

    hahahaha Did you see the E True Hollywood story about Growing Pains? Is that a stupid question?

    I loved how Kirk Cameron, after he got Jesus, didn’t want his character (uh … first of all, we have to deal with THAT … was that a character???) to have any moral ambiguity – he ALWAYS had to make the right choice, he ALWAYS had to come out on top.

    Also – his wife who was also on the God Squad and was on the show … the two of them had the makeup department make them little flesh-colored strips to put over their wedding rings for during shooting – because they refused to take the rings off.

    I think I need to be institutionalized. Why do I know this stuff…

  94. red says:

    Oh and I don’t mean to scorn him too much. Apparently he and his God Squad wife now run some kind of camp for underprivileged kids and seem really really happy.

    But still. It’s reallllllly fun to make fun of them.

  95. HA HA HA! My favorite part of the E! True Hollywood Story was that Kirk was very disturbed that Mike would have keys to his girlfriend’s apartment. He felt it would suggest to the audience that they were ::gasp!:: sleeping together. Oh and don’t you love how he got the blond booted off the show because she did a Playboy spread years before? Yet, he had no problem with his best friend having the name Boner…

  96. Lisa says:

    Kirk Cameron produced and starred in the Left Behind movies. Back in the day, I had his poster on my wall in my dorm room. He wasn’t a Jesus freak when it was shot, obviously; he was shirtless.

    I saw Kirk Cameron’s nips every morning. And I’m not ashamed. Although he probably is.

  97. red says:

    Lisa, thanks to you, I GUARANTEE that about 5 months from now, some weirdo is going to get to me through Googling “Kirk Cameron’s nips”.

    I GUARANTEE it.

  98. Lisa says:

    Hee. “Boner.” Do you really think NOBODY on that show thought the audience would notice a character named “Boner”?

  99. JFH says:

    Hey, I even LIKE Kirk Cameron and Chelsea Noble (as evidenced by knowing her name), but this ring thing (not to mention the character thing) is just frickin’ weird.

    A wedding ring is a SYMBOL! It’s strange that a Christian couple would treating taking a wedding ring off like it has some sort of negative superstitious meaning. Wearing a ring during many work and leisure activities isn’t just stupid, it’s dangerous!

  100. red says:

    Curly, you obviously are the person to ask. What was the name of the actress who played the mother on Growing Pains? Joanna Kearns? Her interview was so great – She seemed like quite a cool woman, actually. Being one of the first to notice Tracy Gold’s anorexia and being brave enough to say something about it … and also being brave enough to say to Kirk Jesus Cameron: “If you cut out your character’s human-ness, you kill the show, mmkay?”

    Or something like that. She probably didn’t say “mmkay”.

  101. Lisa says:

    Send them my way! Nobody reads my blog anyway. I need the freaks.

  102. red says:

    Dude, you have to send me the URL again. I’m a loser.

  103. Okay, brace yourself for a REALLY scary factoid… Mike’s other friend, Eddie, was played by the guy who was Kenny P. Landers (little Nicholas’ friend) on Eight is Enough.

    I swear I’m not a freak. Scary, yes, but not a freak. There’s a difference.

  104. red says:

    JFH:

    “as evidenced by knowing her name” BWAHAHAHA

    heh heh heh

    Now forgive me as I go even more off the deep end and discuss my interpretation of the relationship / spirituality of Kirk Cameron and Chelsea Noble.

    I think Kirk Cameron was quite young when he got married and found God. And Chelsea Noble was also young … and they clicked … and they loved Jesus together … in the middle of godless Hollywood … and they couldn’t believe their own luck. So they flaunted their religion (with the zeal of new converts) and flaunted their marriage bond … in the first flush of love. refusing to take off the wedding ring was a: “LOOK HOW COMMITTED WE ARE” scream at all the libertines surrounding them.

    Then it calmed down, and now they seem relatively normal and cool.

    I have “lost” a couple of friends to born-again Christianity. It’s as bad as heroin. But usually, that first frenzy of conversion dies down … and they become recognizable again. But that first phase of “OH MY GOD I LOVE JESUS” seems to be very common.

    I seriously need to be hospitalized after this last comment.

  105. And yes, Sheila, Joanna Kerns played the Mom. I think I had a girl crush on her at a young age.

  106. I’ll be committed right alongside you, my dear.

  107. Lisa says:

    Joanna Kerns hooked Tracy Gold up with the guy who’s now her husband. (Tracy’s husband, not Joanna’s husband. Ew.)

    Joanna was playing Maria Marshall, a woman killed by her husband, in a TV movie based on the book written about the crime. (Wambaugh? I think, but I’m not sure.) The real-life son of Ms. Marshall, Roby, was a consultant on the movie and Joanna thought he and Tracy would be good together. She was right, and Tracy and Roby married* and they have three kids.

    *I guess they’re still married. A couple of months ago she was driving drunk and ran their SUV off the road, injuring herself and one of the kids, I think. I haven’t heard what happened to her.

  108. red says:

    Lisa – Yes, she was convicted of DUI, but I lost track of the case.

    (Thank God?)

  109. Okay, I once saw Tracy Gold on an episode of Oprah dealing with anorexia. I guess she had returned to a normal weight but she was totally berating the anorexic panel. I realize people need tough love but I’m not sure it should come in the form of a public smackdown from Carol Seaver.

  110. Wutzizname says:

    My eyes hurt from scrolling too fast, but I just wanted to say that I will have to work the word ‘Schtoink’ in the script I’m writing. It’s too funny a word.

    …’Schtoink’…LOL…almost funnier than ‘Boobies’….

  111. JFH says:

    Sheila,
    Speaking of getting their starts, was this Leonardo Dicaprio’s big break or was he in something else before “Growing Pains” (Pretty sure he was just a guest star like Chelsea when he came on the show)

  112. Anne says:

    I think Growing Pains was in fact Leo’s first gig. Remember seeing it on E!

  113. Lisa says:

    I think Tracy is a good example of “Let Your Child Actor Be a Child or They Will Be F’ed UP.”

    She and sister Missy (who played the daughter on Benson) pretty much supported their family (if I remember the E! True Hollywood Story correctly) so she had the pressure of HAVING to work, added to the normal pressure of being a child celebrity. That would screw up anyone’s self-image.

  114. red says:

    Yes, it was indeed his first gig.

    A casting agent saw him playing on a playground and approached his mother saying, “That kid needs to be an actor.”

  115. red says:

    And – I may be wrong – but I believe he pretty much booked a gig on his first audition. Which happens so rarely that … everyone talks about it when it does.

    And people who book gigs on their first auditions USUALLY go on to become big stars.

    Again. With the useless information …

  116. Emily says:

    Wutz – I’ve already dropped it once or twice in the script I’m writing. Let’s start a movement!

    And since the subject has come up (god knows how), I guess I should confess that I too have seen the E! True Hollywood story about Growing Pains. I don’t begrudge anyone finding solace or happiness in religion, but I bet the writers and producers thought he was a real pain in the ass after he got all Jaysus-ee on everyone.

  117. red says:

    Emily –

    it sounds like it. Especially cause he was all of 16, and suddenly he was running rehearsals, and making script changes and acting all Jesus corporate executive type … but he was … uhm … 16??

  118. red says:

    Speaking of child stars gone bad:

    One of the funniest most enjoyable (and ultimately most painful) things I have ever seen was a Sally Jessy Raphael on this very topic.

    Her guests?

    The doomed Dana Plato. And Adam Rich. Who swore on her show. She had to reprimand him.

    They also conferenced in Willis … Dana Plato’s old co-star … they conferenced him in from prison

    And Dana was screaming up at his disembodied voice: “I LOVE YOU! NEVER FORGET THAT I LOVE YOU!”

    And poor Willis was saying, “Sally, man, you got me in trouble with the guards … calling me down here to the phone, yo …”

    And Dana kept shrieking like a banshee: “I AM HERE FOR YOU! ALWAYS!”

    And Willis kept saying, “Sally, yo, you gotta get me out of this … they said they’re gonna put me into solitary for this …”

    And Adam Rich swore. “People think it’s bad for little kids to become actors? Well I think that’s *bleep*ing stupid!”

    Gasp from the audience.

    Sally said quietly, disappointedly, “I cannot have you use that kind of language on my show.”

    It was a circus of child stars spinning out of control.

  119. You can blame me for the Growing Pains tangent. Hasselhoff yesterday, Alan Thicke & Co. today. I’m thinking Ruth Buzzy might be on the agenda tomorrow.

  120. red says:

    Alan Thicke, who, as I am sure we all know, wrote the theme song to the immortal TV show Facts of Life.

  121. That’s so not fair that Willis got flung in the Hole because Sally called him on the phone. Somehow I don’t think she had enough clout to get him sprung from solitary.

  122. and don’t forget his short-lived late night talker, Thicke of the Night.

  123. red says:

    You should have seen Sally try to be all hip with the prison lingo.

    What the hell is that actor’s name by the way? Willis’?

    She said, “I am dreadfully sorry, Willis, and I did not mean to get you into any kind of trouble. I will speak to the authorites about this … and make sure that you are not punished for my actions.”

    And Willis was totally not letting her off the hook. “You better, Sally, yo, cause the Hole is NOT good, you hear what I’m sayin’? The Hole is not good.”

    (All to the background noise of Dana Plato’s banshee shrieking … Willis could not have given one shit about Dana Plato’s undying love … he was making sure Sally knew that SHE got HIM into trouble.)

  124. red says:

    Wait a minute –

    Hasn’t Willis since gotten out of jail, and isn’t he now on a soap opera with some regularity?

  125. Lisa says:

    Todd Bridges.

    I can’t believe Sally didn’t have Gary Coleman on! Or was this before he beat up that woman for asking him for an autograph when he was a security guard?

  126. Lisa says:

    Willis WAS just on Y&R.

  127. red says:

    Of course. Todd Bridges.

    There were others on the show … but I don’t believe Gary could make it. It was ALMOST a Dif’rent Strokes reunion, but not quite. This was a long looong time ago, before Dana Plato died – It was also JUST before her Playboy thing came out.

    She was defending her choice to pose nude, and how it was all “tasteful” and stuff (then they showed one of the photos, with the private-bits blocked out … and she was SQUATTING ON A HAY BALE WEARING A COWBOY HAT AND A HOLSTER … yeah, really “tasteful”) But anyway, Sally was very judgmental about Dana’s choice. Actually “disappointed” is more the right word.

  128. red says:

    Lisa,

    Your ability to respond so quickly is truly impressive, and rather terrifying.

  129. I saw Gary Coleman on the Today show. He was supposed to be talking about selling his toy trains on eBay and crap but he totally went off on Matt Lauer and how evil the media is. Lauer seems like a mild-mannered fella but it looked like he was about to bitch slap Arnold.

  130. red says:

    “selling his toys on ebay”???

    Holy crap, it’s a nutso world.

  131. Lisa says:

    Not so terrifying once you know I have a government job. And a T1 line.

    (Not that I even KNOW what in the heck a T1 line IS, mind you. I just know my internet connection is lickety-split.)

  132. Dave J says:

    Whoa, 123 comments, and already a slew of them refrring to Different Strokes, which I mentioned in a post below without haveing any knowledge of the subject’s presence here. Freaky. ;-)

    If it hasn’t been mentioned already, one of my law school classmates threw out the following bit of pop-culture trivia which stumped me. WITHOUT GOOGLING, who was the school bully that was ocasionally mentioned as the bane of Arnold’s existence but who we never actually saw (a la Vera Peterson on Cheers)?

  133. red says:

    Or Pinky Tuscadero on Happy Days? or was that Leather? See I’m bad at this …

    Hmmm, let me think …

    No idea.

    Lisa?

  134. That would be the Gooch.

  135. Lisa says:

    http://www.cafepress.com/manoloshoes.15154729

    Curly needs, shoot, we ALL need, this shirt.

    (I don’t know the name of the bully. I know you’re shocked, and maybe a little disillusioned. I’m very sorry.)

  136. And Sheila, you KNOW I didn’t have to Google that. Remember his nasal-nosed friend, Robbie? What ever happened to him?!?

  137. God, everything I post here is typo-ridden. Forgive moi. And OMG, Lisa, I’m SOOO getting that shirt.

  138. Dan says:

    The description of the the Sally show may be the funniest thing I’ve read today.

    “NEVER FORGET I LOVE YOU”

    A-hahahahahahahaha.

  139. Dan says:

    Pinky and Leather were sisters.

  140. Melissa says:

    Starting with embarassing CDs to Dana Plato straddling hay…whew! Glad I stopped by to read your post today…I definitely needed that!

  141. JFH says:

    First time I saw Todd Bridges was as a guest star on “Little House on the Prairie”, I remember his performance made me cry. Anyone else remember it?

  142. JFH says:

    Pinky’s bane were the Melachy (sp?) brothers (but then they were not unseen)

  143. I remember him being on Little House but I don’t remember the storyline. I’m just going to assume that everyone but the righteous Ingalls family discriminated against him?

  144. red says:

    Dan

    I also recall that Dana Plato was wearing an inappropriately short skirt, as she shrieked up into the sky at her long-lost “brother” Willis.

  145. red says:

    Oh wait a second.

    Joanie had a friend, too, on Happy Days who was only referred to but never seen. They finally brought her on, as a character … but it didn’t work – at least for me – because the imaginary IDEA of the character was much more vivid.

    Uhm … Jenny Pennywhistle or something like that?

  146. Jenny Picaloe/Picalow.

  147. red says:

    Uhm … pennywhistle, sheila? What?

  148. Dan says:

    Remember the first season of Happy Days when Richie Cunningham had an older brother? Who later vanished and was never mentioned again?

  149. red says:

    Yup. He was a basketball player in college or something. Uhm … what was his name dernit …

  150. red says:

    My personal favorite is when Richie was embarrassed because he hasn’t pledged a fraternity … and when asked, he says that he belongs to the fraternity known as:

    “MammaPappaSister”.

  151. Melissa says:

    Older brother was Chuck

  152. red says:

    Chuck! Of course! I think Chuck ended up going into the Witness Protection Program or something.

  153. Emily says:

    I thought he went to Korea or something? I seem to remember him being a soldier?

  154. red says:

    I just remember his really messy room over the garage, to be honest with you.

  155. peteb says:

    Happy Days, eh? OK.. does Robin Williams still have that listed on his resumé?

  156. DBW says:

    And to think, there are some that consider this a Literary Blog. Imagine some academia type who sees The Sheila Variations winning Best Literary Blog, and decides to pay a visit expecting some arcane discussion of, say, F.Scott Fitzgerald’s use of his wife, Zelda, as the model for all of his main female characters. Imagine his horror when this is the first post he encounters. I am not overtly religious, but I pray something like that has occurred today. Then, just in case this was a fluke, he/she scrolls down to encounter…the David Hasselhoff photos.

  157. Guilty Pleasures

    Emily, Sheila and the Llama Butchers started this CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to: I almost always have the windows up anyway, but there are a couple of Billy Ray Cyrus…

  158. JFH says:

    Hey, DBW, I was just about to discuss the interesting parallels between the relationship of Joanie Cunningham and Jenny Picaloe in “Happy Days” and that of Jordan Baker and Daisy Buchanan in “The Great Gatsby”, but instead spent my time trying to remember the name of Potsie’s girlfriend in college (which I believe also married in real life ala Kirk and Chelsea)

  159. JFH says:

    I’ve got to come clean, unlike CMcD, my mind isn’t the steel trap it used to be. I had to google “The Great Gatsby” to remember Jordan’s last name… I’m so ashamed!

  160. DBW says:

    JGF–In the spirit of full disclosure, I am deeply ashamed to admit a certain familiarity with nearly every General Hospital character mentioned above. To say more might precipitate “performance” difficulties. As for Jordan Baker, well, Google is a beautiful tool.

  161. Dave J says:

    Congrats, Curly, for correctly guessing “the Gooch” (about 300 comments ago). Unfortunately, there is no prize other than continued esteem among your fellow purveyors of such totally useless knowledge. ;-)

  162. red says:

    Dave J:

    HAHAHAHA (“about 300 comments ago…”)

  163. Big Dan says:

    I DO remember the episode in which Jenny Piccalo memorized the phone book to get into the sorority with Joanie.

    That has to be worth something.

  164. Just1Beth says:

    Hey- anyone here watch “Crossing Jordan”? The police guy, Woody, is the little chubby boy from the movie “Stand by Me”. I saw him on Conan O’Brien and SHOUTED “YES!!!” at the tv when he mentioned that movie, cause he was sooooo familiar, that it was driving me crazy!! Oh, and Curly, Ruth Buzzi is from RI. Westerly, I believe. Amongst my childhood friends, I am usually the one who is a font of useless knowledge. But your powers amaze me. I aspire to your greatness. Lisa,too. Wow.

  165. D says:

    Just wanted to quickly clarify, the “strawberry” scene with Rick Springfield as Dr. Noah Drake was done with Tiffany. You can see clips of Dr. Drake’s days at General Hospital at http://www.rickspringfieldfans.com/roles/gh/ghtv1.html

Comments are closed.