The Sheila Variations

Is it a year ago already? Sheesh.. doesn't time fly as you get older and even more jaded..

oh, and I LOVE the "NO NO NO NO NO NO" drawing

"dirty chest bumps"

hahahaha

And doesn't some little kid say, "I hate my mom now."??

hahaha

Yup.. right after he says, "I'm afraid Mommy will take off her shirt and scare everyone"

And of course "dirty chest bumps" reminds me of Piper Laurie's immortal words as the psycho mother of Stephen King's Carrie:

"Cover your dirty pillows."

I likied the last line in the article.

I was talking to my therapist about this just last week. I knew this day would be hard, as the memories come rushing back and I am forced to re-live the agony of the initial shock all over again. Sometimes I wonder how I've managed to find the courage to survive. We must shoulder one another through the burden.

Unfortunately, Emily, your very words "shoulder" and "burden" just remind me of ... well ... "dirty chest bumps", and now I am sobbing again.

That may be the funniest Onion article I've seen.. I could pick just about any line or quote but this will do - "For approximately 1.5 seconds, he saw a breast. The image was seared into his innocent, tiny retinas."

Oh dear. It didn't occur to me. My deepest apologies. Please call me "Eddie" if it will help you relax.

"Parents are being forced to feed their children intraveinously."

Oh, that's just humorous stuff.

And like they said on Adult Swim,

"(x)(/)"!

Sorry. Font Malfunction.

I'm still traumatized...by the Parents' Televsion Council and the other orchestrators of letter writing campaigns so that everything broadcast in America is suitable for five year old ears.

It'd be a much, MUCH better world if the Onion were really a parody.

But ... er ... it IS a parody. It's parodying something that's already "out there" in the culture ... Isn't that what parody is? You can't parody nothing, if I'm not mistaken. There has to be something THERE to make fun of.

As Emily hints, it's not JUST the children... I remember seeing that scene over and over in my mind, oh wait, that wasn't from my memory, that was just me "TiVo"ing the scene over and over agian.

//But ... er ... it IS a parody. It's parodying something that's already "out there" in the culture ... Isn't that what parody is? You can't parody nothing, if I'm not mistaken. There has to be something THERE to make fun of.//

I meant it sarcastically, that at times, the Onion's satire isn't so far away from reality, and I find it depressing. That's why I linked the CNN story about a Budweiser ad that made reference to the "wardrobe malfunction" (made reference--didn't actually SHOW it) being pulled because "people don't want to be reminded of the incident."

Sorry that didn't get across.

oh, maybe that's why! the link doesn't work. it's just in strangely blue font. weird. ok. anyway. right.

http://money.cnn.com/2005/01/26/news/fortune500/budweiser_super_bowl_ad/index.htm

quote:

"Why take the risk? All you need is one person to be offended," Bob Lachky, an Anheuser-Busch vice president, told the newspaper. "Some people don't want to be reminded of the incident."

beth ... ohhh, I see ... there was a link supposed to be there. I get it!!

"Nearly Naked Breast Disorder"

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to finally put a name to my...er...problem. Let the healing begin.

NNBD! And to think, in the old days, they just called it "shell shock."

Or "plain old-fashioned lust". You know. POFL.

Yes, POFL. Nicer sister to POFS&M and POFTBDSBHT ("plain old fashioned tit bearing during Super Bowl half time).

Sometimes the Onion is JUST. FUCKING. BRILLIANT. And this is one of those times.

It's very difficult to pick out just one thing, but if I had to I'd say the highlight for me may actually be the drawing of the family with the kid labeled "me" holding hands with "my friend," who is clearly the TV.