The Sheila Variations

The Ring 2

Well, folks, it blows. Sure there are some scary 'BOO' moments, but those are par for the course. It just didn't have the overwhelming sense of menace that the first one had, and it was pretty DUMB, actually. It just doesn't work. The first scene is pretty bad - it's the same setup as the first scene in "The Ring" but it just doesn't ... work, man, it doesn't work. In "The Ring" that first scene is terrifying, but ... you don't know WHY. It just has this feeling of dread hanging over it. In "The Ring 2" I had a couple thoughts: First of all, you know what's coming. You know there's gonna be some freaky-ass video tape, and someone's gonna die, blah blah. But second of all: the actor in that scene (in my opinion) was awful. He could barely say his lines in any way that sounds convincing. Of course, he was given TERRIBLE lines that even John Gielgud might have struggled to make sound real: "Have you ever seen a movie that's so scary that all you want to do is show it to someone else?"

Oh gimme a break. But still. A better actor might have at least made it sound SOMEwhat real. This kid was not up to the task.

There was one scene which was supposed to be reaalllllllllllly scary ... like you were supposed to be glued to your seat, frozen in horror because of the implications ... and ... well, let's just say that it has to do with a herd of elk? Antelope? Moose-like creatures? Who the hell knows. If you see it, wait for the elk scene. And then have yourself a good laugh.

It was supposed to be terrifying. Curly laughed - out loud - throughout the entire scene. Probably not the reaction the filmmakers were going for. There was one particular moment during the elk scene which was obviously supposed to be devastatingly frightening ... and ... it just WASN'T. We LAUGHED. We all laughed.

heh heh

Now on the flipside, Curly and I pretty much watched the entire movie in what my friend Ann Marie calls "diamond vision". We sat hunched down in our seats, hands over our eyes, peering through the little spaces between our fingers. The SECOND the movie began, Curly got into diamond-vision mode. Nothing scary had even happened yet. hahaha

So sure, you had some scary effects. The chick-in-the-well is, indeed, horrifying, and I truly hope that I never meet her in person. I swear to God if I walked into my apartment and saw her in the corner scratching on my wall, I would have a nervous breakdown. There were some moments in bathtubs where she appeared which, you know, whatever, were scary. But all in all, it was du-huh-huh-umb.

A couple thoughts:

-- You are terrified that your son is possessed by some crazy chick from the bottom of the well. Nobody believes you. Your son is taken away from you. You are filled with terror about "her". You go out to where she used to live, to find clues. "She" is on the loose. So what do you do? Naturally you go down into a cobwebby terrifying-looking basement, BY YOURSELF, even though Gary Cole is just upstairs, looking for clues. BY YOURSELF. Sure. Makes perfect sense.

-- Additionally, your son has hypothermia. Nobody knows why. He has had encounters with terrifying-well-chick. He knows quite well the horror she can wreak. He is a little boy and he now has dark bags under his eyes. He has nightmares. It's all about water. So what do you do to help his body-temperature rise when he is really ill? Sure, you PUT HIM IN A BATHTUB, and then ... WHILE HE IS IN THE TUB ... you leave him in the custody of a friend, so that you can run home "to get some things". Of course, well-chick comes out of the damn drain, and possesses her son instantly. People in horror movies just don't got no sense.

-- I must return to the ridiculous humor of the "elk scene". Laughter rippled through the movie theatre. And afterwards, when we discussed it briefly, we still didn't know what it all meant. "So ... with the elks ... were they ... like later when she saw the antlers in the basement ... did that mean that ... were they looking for revenge? Oh fuck it, it made no sense."

-- Sissy Spacek has a great cameo. She rocks.

But all in all, the movie is pretty much terrifically bad.

Posted by sheila