Diary Friday

Despite how embarrassing this is, I am going to post the following entry from my journal from the summer in between sophomore and junior year of high school. It makes me laugh – because it’s proof that I have always been an obsessive type – and at that point in my life, I was MADLY in love with Matthew Broderick. War Games had just come out, and I literally thought I had died and gone to heaven.

So here is a ridiculous diary entry. I will WINCE with mortification as I type it out. A day in the life of a 15 year old girl.

Favorite line of the piece? “I was deaf at Job Lot.”

JULY

This is turning out to be a nice summer after all. At first I thought I would be bored stiff, and occasionally I am, but it’s just nice to have little unimportant activities to do with my friends then thinking about huge trips away from home. Yesterday, Mere, J. and I spent the day up at the malls. Very teen-agery. J.and I met to take the bus. It was a gorgeous warm day. It really has been perfect summerish weather. For a while, we hung around at Mere’s house, looking at my camp pictures. I told them some Julie stories. [Oh boy. What a sad sad tale it was, too. It took me a second to remember who Julie was … sad.] Then we started off together blabbing about stuff. We stopped off to visit Mrs. W. at the bank. She is always so kind to me. She goes out of her way to make me feel welcome. Whenever I come over, she always is well stocked with ham and Grey Poupon [HAHAHAHA]. Before Mere and I go ANYWHERE, Mrs. W., without fail, says, “Mind how you go!”

So the three of us headed off in the sun and walked up to the malls. First, we ate at Burger King. Really fun. It’s just SO nice to be so independent. [That is one of the funniest things I have ever read in my life. To me, at that moment, eating at Burger King = independence.] I am, I just realized, a very independent person. About that trip to NYC, I’d go by myself! [I wanted to take the train down to NYC and see Matthew Broderick appear in “Brighton Beach Memoirs” on Broadway. I eventually did do just that … but it took some planning. And he was JUST as good as everyone said he was. An unforgettable performance. Amazing: he had a hit movie in the theatres at the same time as he was performing in a hit show on Broadway. And so young!] I’m good at thinking things out on my own and getting myself out of jams. While I’m running around trying to pull myself out, however, I’m going crazy and having heart attacks left and right. Oh well. Burger King isn’t as good as McDonalds but it was neat anyway. [I sound like Forrest Gump. Finding the meaning of life in Burger King.]

Then, in a fit of nonconformity and fearlessness, J. and I ran out to the Burger King playground and promptly began to make fools of ourselves. Sophisticated Mere stood off to the side and laughed at us, and pointed at us. [Mere: hahahahaha!!! Not only were you sophisticated, but you were also quite breezy.] We climbed the ladder to slide down the spiral slide and just as I was sitting there, waiting to go down, I felt this flash of fear. “I am so scared. I can’t do this.” “Go, Sheila!” So I closed my eyes, and slid. I went really slow, because it was so sticky and my bare legs stuck to the slide. J. was laughing hysterically at how slow I slid down. I looked crazy. As J. came whirling down, we all just laughed – everything seemed hysterically. Actually, it was. Juniors in high school, trembling at the sight of a kiddie slide.

Then we headed up to the malls and went to Waldens. I bought an Anne book (another out of the “Anne anthology” as my mom says), and I stopped very low and bought the magazine Superteen. How could I do this to myself? Look. It had a picture of Matthew Broderick, okay? I haven’t bought one of those teen magazines since 8th grade because I think they are silly and stupid and positively flaky and almost every star in it has no talent, just a nice face. They do Walt Disney specials and suddenly have fan clubs. Come on! The magazines suddenly leap on any newcomer. [Yeah, Sheila, that’s called “commerce”.] I also don’t like it when someone I really like get sucked into the teen-magazine trap. Like John Stamos. He is a great actor. [Uhm, I’ll give you “good”, Sheila … but “great”?] I think he’s the best one on that show – but he is also breathtakingly gorgeous so he has fallen into their trap. [Trying to understand the logic here. I believe what I am saying is: If someone is truly GOOD or talented, it hurt me to see them in those teen magazines. Because the teen mags obviously didn’t GET IT – they only put people in there who are cute. So even though Stamos is cute – hell, he’s still feckin’ HOT, in my opinion – he is ALSO talented, and those teen mags didn’t care about talent. I think that’s what I’m babbling about here.] So now they’ve leapt on Matthew Broderick, because of War Games. He’s new in town, he’s really attractive, and so they nab him. The magazine is mindless, though, trying to make young girls think they have a chance with Bruce Penhall. Who the hell is Bruce Penhall? Oh well. I felt midly ridiculous as I placed that thing on the counter. J. went over to Mere and murmured, “She’s buying a magazine right now called Super Teen.” And all three of us just burst into laughter. So I was impulsive for a second. [To me, THAT was impulsive. Not going skinny-dipping, or “borrowing” my parents car. No. Buying the magazine SUPER TEEN was impulsive. I was such a geek.] It was all because of Matthew. [Yup. Matthew. We’re on a first name basis now.]

Then we went to Weathervane for a million hours and discovered this three-way mirror that lets you able to see yourself from a side view and look at people in the eye when you’re back to back with them. I swear, we went crazy laughing over that thing.

Somewhere between Fayva (I want penny loafers with every fiber of my being) and Cherry and Webb, J. and I decided to talk with English accents for the rest of the day. Mere just laughed at us. J. and I became chatty English girls (Sylvie and Jacqueline to be precise) – and the looks we got! It was so funny. We were walking along towards the records and J. made eye contact with this kid, and since her entire personality had transformed, she chirped, “Well, hello there!” The kid was really confused – he replied, “….Hi …” J.’s usually shy with anyone she doesn’t know. Especially boys. We got carried away, I admit. Just blabbering on about our boarding schools and our nannies.

We fiddled with the Atari and typed our names on it – Sylvie and Jacqueline. Then we sat on a bench and dealt out M&Ms. Then we decided to go get a drink at McDonalds and for a change of scene. [A change of scene. That’s hilarious. From Burger King to McDonalds.] Somewhere in between the mall and McDonalds, I started to pretend to be deaf. [Oh for God’s sake.] It was weird – it started out like a game, but I did learn something – what it would feel like to be deaf. I never realized the reactions it got – not even sympathy – but very negative feelings – almost like fear. We went to order and the lady asked, “Can I help you?” I sort of stared at her and then frantically motioned to J. to help me. J. came over and spelled out C-O-K-E? [Oh God, this is so stupid!! So much fun, though.]

J. then did fake sign language at me – but somehow I knew the signing meant: “Do you have the money?” Which is so funny. It was fake, but we were communicating. The clerk, though, during this time, got all flustered – it was like she was scared.

Then, we sat in a booth, and J. was talking and signing at the same time. I could barely keep it together to not laugh in her face. She was sipping her Coke, and flitting her hands around, looking at me seriously. It was so ridiculous. At one point, I let out this huge peal of laughter, and Mere and J. pounced on me: “You’re deaf!” they hissed. [As though you could be arrested for pretending to be deaf.]

We jokingly went to Job Lot after that (a place where they sell pants for a dollar. But not nice pants. Bad pants. Like bell bottoms.)[Wow, Sheila – wait 10 years and you will not be able to turn around without seeing 10 people in bell bottoms. Also: I was way off in my low estimation of the place. Job Lot ROCKS.]

I was deaf at Job Lot.

Then we went home, and lay around, then waited for the bus in front of Critter Hut (the hot spot of the town), and then we rode home. [Uhm … Critter Hut was the hot spot of our town? When?]

We couldn’t be English on the bus, though, because someone we knew was on it.

Today I did my soap operas [It’s a grueling job, but someone’s gotta do it!] and at 6:00 pm was invited over to Kate’s for a while with J. because they were gonna rent a movie. They rented “Garp”. It was fabulous. It was probably the strangest movie I have ever seen, but Glenn Close was superb as the mother, and Robin Williams was just great. Not Mork-ish at all. [How funny. That was the only context I had for him at that point. Mork.] I didn’t really understand the movie. It was really violent. A lot of deaths. It was fun, though, curled up in a wicker chair out on the porch which always seems – I don’t know if it’s tropical – or African – like Flame Trees or Isak Dinesen – it has straw mats and comfy pillows to sprawl on and lots of plants. I love it.

I’m home now. The night is nice and cool. I can hear the soft whisper of leaves through my window. A feathery breeze. The weather is exquisite. Something’s gotta happen soon. Probably a hail storm or a tornado or a tidal wave.

Did you know that one of my greatest fears is a tidal wave? I mean – enormous walls of water 90 and 100 feet high – I just get shivers thinking of it. I even have horrendous nightmares.

I had a nice dream last night – with Matt M. – I guess because of the show we did together. When I’m acting with him, I’m conscious of every time he touches me. [Matt M. was gorgeous. A babe. A hottie. In looking back on it, it seems like he was a grown man. Even though he was just in high school.] My dream was filled with the sense of touch. It was just like that scene in Gatsby when Robert Redford and Mia Farrow are waltzing around the candle – but in my dream, there was no candle. I jsut remember feeling arms around me – but everything was dark. That’s really all I remember. But I woke up feeling happy about it. It was realistic enough to send shivers down my spine!! [At least the dream was about a guy I actually knew, and not Matthew Broderick – because that might have been even MORE pathetic!]

You know what I was just thinking of? What, Sheila? The Fantasticks! [I had been in that show a month or so before. Because we didn’t have enough guys – the two fathers were turned into two mothers. And I played what I think is the best part in the show: the old Shakespearean actor who climbs out of the chest, to stage the “rape”. Jerry Orbach originated the role – it’s supposed to be a guy. But whatever. They changed it to a female part.] I was just thinking of how cool it was to make people laugh the way I did. I remember the sound, the sound of the audience roaring with laughter. After the show, I got so many compliments. I wasn’t used to it. I wasn’t even the star of the play. I have a small part, but everybody complimented me. I was good. And no matter how conceited that sounds, I don’t mean it in a conceited way. I was good, and I knew I was good.

Ever since Fantasticks I feel a minute itsy bitsy glimmer of hope. Like – maybe my dreams will come true. Won’t it be strange for me when I’m 25 looking back and reading this? Maybe by that point I will be happily living my life as a brick layer. Who knows? Isn’t it weird? What will I be like then? Will I have a boyfriend? Will I still be a virgin? Will I be married? No. Never. Forget that one. That one is a very flimsy “maybe[I had no idea I was so cynical then about my marriage prospects. ]

But it is strange to think about. I wonder who I will be then.

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15 Responses to Diary Friday

  1. Dave J says:

    Of course, Burger Kind = independence. That’s a natural logical progression, isn’t it, Sheila? Um, huh?

    “So what do they call a Whopper?”

    “I dunno, man: I didn’t go into Burger King.”

  2. Jayne says:

    Oh my god, Sheila – what a trip back in time to read that! And all the stores that were in that mall that aren’t there any more – except Waldenbooks.

    “Mrs. W…is always so kind to me…” (you didn’t have to listen to her cursing like a sailor every time a Gray Poupon commercial came on the tv…hahahaha)

    “I want penny loafers with every fiber of my being.”

    “We jokingly went to Job Lot…”

    I love this Diary Friday post.

  3. Dan says:

    //I was deaf at Job Lot.//

    Perhaps the single funniest sentence I have ever read. My marriage proposal is in the mail.

  4. Dan says:

    I especially like the way that sentence has it’s own paragraph. “I was deaf at Job Lot” – seriously what else can you say after that?

  5. red says:

    hahaha

    I know – it’s so ridiculous!!!

  6. red says:

    Jayne:

    hahaha

    I know – I love the qualifier: “We jokingly went to Job Lot” … as though: we had to make fun of it AS we were doing it.

    I honestly love Job Lot. Has it improved since we were in high school or was I just an idiot?

    No wait, don’t answer that.

  7. Carl V. says:

    Thanks for sharing that, it was quite the laugh! You obviously had writing talent at the age of 15 as well! So as you were reading that did you remember doing all that stuff? Did you have vivid memories of those various activities or just a vague memory of that occuring?

  8. red says:

    Carl – I do remember sliding down the slide with my friend, laughing like maniacs, but that’s pretty much it. Oh, and the Matthew Broderick obsession is still emblazoned in my mind. War Games is still one of my favorite movies ever.

  9. Stevie says:

    These Diary Fridays are such a blast. Thanks, Red!

  10. Carl V. says:

    Speaking of War Games, did you hear that they are making a direct-to-dvd sequel? Looks awful!

    I saw Matthew Broderick in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway back when he was doing it and had excellent, close seats. He was terrific! Unfortunately Sarah Jessica Parker had gotten sick so we got the understudy. I’ve always enjoyed his stuff.

  11. mere says:

    I don’t even know where to begin..I never knew I was sophisticated why didn’t anyone tell me that?..hahahahahaha.. and who IS Bruce Penhall..?
    And you KNOW Mrs W still says Mind how you go- but in emails its abbreviated…MHYG.
    The Weathervane.. Fayva?? If I remember correctly, there was also a ChessKing…
    and Peerless.
    this post is hysterical-
    my favorite quote?
    “I’m good at thinking things out on my own and getting myself out of jams.”
    you’re like Macgyver!

  12. just1beth says:

    Carl V.- The sad thing is, I remember the whole McDonald’s/deafness episode in excruciating detail, and I wasn’t even there! I kid you not- each time I go into a McDonald’s I am tempted to pretend to be deaf. (Or at least order McNuggets and a McJagger, right Sheil?? hee hee) MHYG.

  13. just1beth says:

    Or maybe a McGyver?

  14. just1beth says:

    And, by the way, did anyone else notice how Sheila was dreaming about tidal waves, even then? It is weird to see how much you have stayed the same, and yet are very different after all these years…

  15. Serenity says:

    I, too, had the biggest crush on Matthew Broderick when I was a teen and would buy the magazines that had his picture on them. I would tell myself that all the other girls were not big fans of his, merely only going for his cuteness factor while I!, the ever so wise and knowing girl, KNEW Matthew’s work and craft and therefore I! was the one who, if he ever just got to meet me, he would instantly fall in love with. Of course I never met him nor made any attempt to meet him with the exception that he was the absolute only person I have EVER written a fan letter to. I’m positive he never actually received it because what I got in return was a whole crap load of buttons, records and posters from the John Hughes ensemble of movies and 8×10’s of Matthew Broderick. But still I fantasized that if he ever met me, he would absolutely adore me.

    G-d we were such retards when we were teens.

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