The Sheila Variations

"When asked about his relationship with Katie Holmes, Cruise said he 'is looking forward to traveling, scuba diving and spending the rest of his life with her.'"

Right. You've known her for two months. And you're busting disco moves on the couch of the tonight show. Oh, this is just getting better and better. Where's Alex?

Flying back to Chicago at the moment ... when she lands, I am sure she will immediately need to get the Tom updates. She told me it was her mission to "bring him down". hahahahaha

Damn, I missed that part! I was flipping channels and caught the last bit of him on Leno, but he was fairly calm. I swear, what is he on? That is NOT normal behavior, even for whack job scientologists!

I think Jay Leno's posture is extremely telling. Like ... he's not ROARING with laughter ... you know? He's not validating it. he's kind of just chillin', sitting back ... as Tom loses his mind.

How mortifying.

hahahahahahahaha

The more I look at that photograph, the funnier it is.

No kidding, Sheila. I can't stop staring at it. It is now front page on my blog. I could NOT resist.

I think he was making fun of his Oprah appearance - but ... er ... Tom, we are laughing AT you, not WITH you, mkay? It's too late. You are now a total nut-bar, and now Katie Holmes is saying stuff on the red carpet like, "I love Scientology. I've done some sessions, and it's very helpful" and I think that's insane because she's only known you a couple of months, and dude, honestly, stop standing on the furniture.

Emily - I just looked at your blog, and I can't stop laughing. Front and center!!

His sister-slash-publicist would be wise to begin practice on saying the following sentence: "If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times. Tom Cruise first, then Puppet Show."

hahahahaha Ouch!!!

I'm thinking that someone.. somewhere.. told Tom that his performance on Oprah didn't quite receive the enthusiastic response that had been expected... so they decided he should show just how normal it was for him to jump onto sofas during interviews... with the result that both performances now look even more constructed and ill-advised than before.. if that was possible..

pete:

hahahaha

"Hey, man, this is normal for me ... I jump on sofas all the time ..."

If I have to hear him rave about how happy he is and how much he loves "this woman" (he never says her name - you notice that?) I'm gonna scream.

"...dude, honestly, stop standing on the furniture."

Kinda' says it all, really.

HaHaHa!.. doesn't everyone jump on sofas???

Thankfully I've managed to avoid most of the actual interviews where he's being earnest.

But I was not happy to hear that Bafta have decided to give him the Stanley Kubrick Award (for excellence in films, I think) later this year..

For some reason I'm thinking of that scene in In & Out where Kevin Kline is listening to that "How to be a Man's Man" tape and he starts dancing around the room.

I caught this clip on the Today show this morning and frankly it's a mental visual I'd prefer not to have. Like, he did this whole fake "should I or shouldn't I?" routine before skulking and slithering his way to the top of the couch. He thought it was coy. I thought it was creepy.

In the future today's children will remember him as the creepy guy who stood on couches. Kind of like Rip Taylor was that weird guy with the confetti.

Scott: Rip Taylor and Tom Cruise in the same thought? Oh my. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Top Dung
Days of Shudder
Ass Wide Shut

Tom has moved and inspired me. He has moved and inspired me to make this.

Freak.

Mark,
That was brilliant. You are a friggin' genius.

Have you all seen this?
freekatie.net

I'm SO getting a shirt.

Katie's choice..

Tom.. or Dane?

None of the above??

peteb - that Dane link is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. GENIUS. I can't stop laughing.

I have no idea who the guy is, Sheila.. but he's got Cruise's switch to "Now, I'm being Earnest" perfectly.

you are going to have to start a new category for the "tom cruise insanity watch".