The Sheila Variations

Creepy definitely.

He didn't pop the question until after she publicly confirmed her conversion to the Cult.

And the Eiffel Tower?? Puh-leaze..

Magnificent poop! Indeed. Hahaha.

Two words overused by Tom Cruise:

1. Magnifcent
2. Absolutely

There are varying reports about the press conference thing.. I got the impression it was a War of the Worlds press event.. but the AP report suggests TomKat called it.. yet Reuters reported that the Kat part sat in the audience.. and everybody agrees that she didn't speak..

I'm thinking about this too much..

pete:

hahahaha suddenly you're all Sherlock Holmes over there. I love it!!

Mr. Cruise's evil plan is working and we are ALL TALKING ABOUT HIM.

did he seriously say the poop thing?

Are you following Defamer's coverage? I have a feeling you would like it. Images of Cruise ala King Kong proposing at the top of the Tower. I cannot wait for the juicy split. Do you think they will spin it as much as the romance. I am thinking Cruise is speaking in the Armstrong school of steps when he says one step at a time. You know, one small step for man, one giant leap....IM ALL ABOUT THE GIANT LEAPS MAN WOO HOO!

beth - no. hahahaha can you imagine???

No, the first part (magnificent day and magnificent woman) is real. But he does over-use the word "magnificent".

Carrie -

I love Defamer!! So funny - they have become essential daily reading for me.

Here is my prediction:

-- They will break up in August or September. There will be no wedding. I just don't think this sucker will last past the blockbuster season.

Oh and Carrie - offtopic but 2 things:

1. where is your blog??
2. has the big event happened yet?

Carry on ...

We should start a pool. Everybody can pledge five bucks and whoever gets the break-up date the closest wins the pot.

Yeah, Carrie, WHERE IS YOUR BLOG?

Ok I am pretty sad to say that I know Page Six is reporting an eventual petri-dish baby today. But I thought I would pass it on regardless. I'm thinking maybe a Thanksgiving/Holiday crash would be pretty spectacular. Poor sad Tom all weepy during the holidays. The best part would be if they started bad-mouthing each other. Mwhahaha. I think Katie would win that one easy. If she had a brain. Somewhere. I think it's in hiding at the moment.

Blog ran into tech difficulties which should be resolved like, soon, one day. My people are working on it but there's not a thing I can do until he gets the finger out.

And speaking of not a thing I can do but wait until something gets out, that's all I am doing. Waiting. Expectantly. But like TomKat, there is an inevitable conclusion to the wait, it is only a matter of when. Hopefully soon. Like really soon. Who knows. :-)

Suddenly?!?! Harrumph.

Hmm.. Talking about him.. not about the movie.. and, interestingly, there's less about the Cult in the coverage.. which, in most cases I've seen, seems to be just a re-run of the fawning AP report.. Has he fired his sister?

Okay, guys, here is my secret hope. I am pathetic, but here goes:

-- Katie Holmes breaks it off around August - after the firestorm has died down and she realizes what she has signed up for. She does her own cult intervention, basically. And then: SHE DOES A TELL-ALL INTERVIEW with, say, Diane Sawyer or something ... where she totally comes clean about Mr. Cruise and we get all the dirt.

This will never happen though because I am sure to even just date the man you are forced to sign a confidentiality agreement.

That's why you never hear a peep from Kidman or Cruz ... Kidman makes very veiled comments, stuff you can interpret as being about him - but she never even says his name.

But still: it's my hope that Katie breaks free, running away from his mansion in the middle of the night, and then does some tell-all interview during the prime-time hours.

That would be AWESOME. Absolutely magnificent.

Here, did you see Kidman on Fug Yourself, put a candlelabra in her hand, point her down a dark hallway and she'd scare the kiddies?

yes!! hahaha Cool it with the botox, Kidman. You're gorgeous. But your face is looking scary now.

Apparently, too - she stalked over a reporter and bitched him out about something. There were pictures of it. I loved her for it.

I saw Nicole Kidman in an interview the other day where they asked her about TomKat. She just said something along the lines of being happy for him. She has such class and grace. I really like her.

Oh, and I think if this whole thing ends in a Burt Reynolds/Loni Anderson media fight, it would be *spectacular*.

I think you're being too hard on Tom. I always feel absolutely terrific after a magnificent poop. I feel so magnificent I'm likely to jump on a sofa.

If Kidman wasn't blonde, would she be Marcia Cross? Two women who botoxed way too much needlessly...sad.

The Vanity Fair that just came out has Kidman on the cover and it's a really interesting article. I like her too. She said something like: "When you give away too much of your private life - it doesn't leave you left with much ..." or something like that. An interesting comment, I thought.

She's a huge star, of course - massive - but since she broke up with Cruise, you don't really hear much about her private life. She seems to have a bit of a handle on that dichotomy.

first of all, the media needs to stop combining these stupid couples'names to make something CUTSIE to call them.

ITS STUPID! I mean.. Bennifer was kind of funny. but THATS IT! NO MORE! STOP IT!

I know. It's so stupid.

Brangelina is a particularly stupid example.

They actually do remain 2 separate people, even though it is difficult to realize.

Ew.

sorry for the outburst. I just need to take my vitamins..thats all I need.

Do you need to take your vitamins or do you need a Scientology babysitter?

The correct answer would be ...

I THINK I need a Scientology babysitter.

Yay!! Right answer!!!

I wonder if Katie is so "in love" that she will forego the prenuptial agreement. Perhaps true love does not need a prenuptial agreement.

I wonder if they're going to invite ET and Extra to the honeymoon so that the whole bloody world will know that they're really doing the wild thing too!

If ever there was a reason NOT to become a Scientologist, this whole overblown "courtship" ....and John Travolta's Battlefield Earth...shows how UTTERLY wrong it is.

Just let it be over...and quickly.

Katie Holmes has definitely been body snatched...she's just a mess in those interviews....

And if Nicole and her gleaming botox enhanced forehead isn't evidence of what can go wrong with a woman after being married to toothy Tom, then i don't know what is....

Interestingly only Mimi Rogers seems to have gotten away...unscathed.

I think there wil be a breakdown of some sort (Katie's) and a tearful confession to Diane Sawyer ala Robin Givens and Barbara Walters. They'll fake it until they make it through Oscar season.

I'd love to read the confidentiality agreements, and the pre-nups, though.

Sheila...I discovered your blog about a week ago and it's totally my new favorite blog. Your "diary fridays" are amazing and fantastically and wonderfully embarrassing. I laughed out loud--no, guffawed--many, many times as I read through them. Anyway, all of that's off point:

We're talking TomKat. (Speaking of the cutsie celeb names... "Brangelina" is a horrid moniker, but I think "TomKat" is actually a pretty brilliant name for them, since it's also the name of a fairly notorious movie theater on Santa Monica Blvd.)

My bold prediction for the pair: They will get married and then be together, or contractually bound, for an exact number of years. I'm gonna say five.

There...I've made my bet. I'm very happy to have found your blog. Thank you for the good read.

Somehow, I would feel very, very, very, very cheated if they got married, had babies, and lived happily ever after.

I don't think it's likely to happen. But if it did... That's just too weird to contemplate.

I wonder if any marriage in Hollywood is actually undertaken with a certain amount of clarity and understanding of the purpose of marriage. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston said they didn't "box each other in with notions of forever" and "I don't know if he's my soulmate." Okay, so why get married? And these two were supposedly the paragon of wedded bliss.

I say Tom and Katie make it to the altar, and they're married for 41 days. After that, Tom will swear off women, he'll slowly start to fade, and the curtain will close.