The Sheila Variations

Hee hee hee!

Isn't that so "funny"?

The fact that someone actually spent TIME placing quotation marks around the word "Out" is utter insanity. Brillant post. But now, I'm pissed.

WHY?

WHY did that happen???

Stuff like that makes me crazy.

Ah, the random quotation marks. How they bedevil us.

Why do they "exist"?

I am not poop-averse

I seem to remember a previous thread here on poop-aversion at work..

Too baffling, too odd, too mysterious. Indeed.

I don't really care about the poop. But I am obsessed with the meaningless quotation marks.

I was kind of agreeing with the weirdness of the quotation marks.. while the reference to poop-aversion triggered a remembrance of the previous thread.. too many disassociated thoughts. heh.

Too many disassocaited "thoughts", peteb?

I know what "you" mean.

I love The Breakfast Club.

Sheila, what's Bazoomba's real name? You know, the freaky religious chick that uses random quotation marks at will?

Hey. I had a thought. Maybe "Out" is in quotes because whoever did it actually meant "temporary". As in "Out" of order NOW, but "In" order LATER.

Alex - I am shaking with laughter. Bazoomba!!!

Check your email. I'll tell you her real name there. Or - to write in her style:

"I'll" tell "you" her "real" name in the "e"mail.

bazoomba ...

or what else did we call her - Bizubu.

Somewhat "off" topic, but for as long as I've lived in my apartment building, there's been stickered letters at the entrance that are supposed to read "KEEP DOOR CLOSED" but a few of them have fallen off and it now reads "KEEP DOO CLOSE."

You think "they'd" have "fixed" it by "now."

It's almost like a strange emotional command, Emily. Like: Keep an eye on your kids at all times. Never let the sun go down on your anger. "Keep Doo Close."

Keep Doo Close?

Scooby or Scrappy?

Lisa! You beat me to it!

But on that subject, wouldn't Molly "Molly" Ringwald have made a good "Velma" once upon a "time".

hahahaha

Listen, peeps, just Keep Doo Close. That's all you need to do to live a happy life.

I personally flush my doo and keep it as far away as possible.

But Sheila, I can't stand Mountain Doo.

Emily - but what would you do with your doo if the bathroom was "out" of order??

How "do" you do your doo if the bathroom is "out" of order?

peteb - are we psychic twins???

Psychic twins: "activate"!

Ha"ha"ha

Put a "cork" in it.

"Form of.......A Fire Hydrant!"

Hey Lisa,

Why did one of the Twins always take the form of some kind of water? Weird, huh? What the hell kind of power is THAT?!

Never got it.

Now, one of you has to take a water form, and the other has to take an animal form.

I always found the "Form of ... an Ice Bridge" choice highly compelling and very confusing. Why ice when you could have iron and steel???

I don't know, Alex. I always thought that was strange, mainly because how contained could Zan be? Wouldn't "form of a. . .TIDAL WAVE" drown all the other Super Friends? And what would happen if someone accidently drank part of him?

And why didn't Gleek get to turn into anything?

Disassociated "thought".. sea anemone armies

Anemones have armies?

What??? Now I must know everything.

PeteB is my new hero.

Lisa

Since I am an avid TV Freak, and am lucky enough to have Cartoon Network, I recently watched Superfriends.

Zan turned into a huge ice sculpture, and was then melted by a big old Dragon. Then he was able to turn back into humself. I was so pissed. I thought, now wait a minute here. This makes no sense. I mean, how can he melt and then come back whole? Wouldn't he be missing a "toe" or something?

Take note of the quotation marks, please.

When the tide is out, the polyps are contracted and quiet. As the tide covers the colonies, "scouts" move out into the border to look for empty space to occupy. Larger, well-armed "warriors" inflate their stinging arms and swing them around. Towards the center of the colony, poorly armed "reproductive" anemones stay out of the fray and conduct the clone's business of breeding.

When anemones from opposing colonies come in contact, they usually fight. But after about 20 or 30 minutes of battle the clones settle down to a truce until the next high tide.

I so want to see a nature special on this, and see a 'clash' occur in speeded-up photography.

I love it. Asking detailed technical questions about the super powers of the Wonder Twins.

Only here, folks.

You know what the weird part is? If they'd just put the quotes around the word, "order", it would have sense in a weird metaphysical way.

"Speed up photography"

You're KILLING me!!!!!!

hahahaha

"while on a darkling plain
ignorant ANEMONE armies clash by night ...
on speeded-up photography ..."

Armies that employ different tactics..

Different colonies react differently to similar signals, explaining why different clones are organized into so many different kinds of armies.

..are there different General Anemones "too"???

Lisa:

"And what would happen if someone accidently drank part of him?"

Best. Question. Ever.

I always wondered, in general, about turning yourself into anything that could melt or metamorphose. Isn't that just asking for trouble?

Peteb - I so so SO want to see what a General Anemone looks like.

Why am I picturing mirrored sunglasses and a beret, like Qaddafi?

This discussion of the Zan's water powers really makes it obvious how much it sucks to be Aquaman. He loses to the friggin' Wonder Twins!

Sheila

"Qaddafi"????

Stop it. Right now.

hahahahahahahahahahaha

George

That's another thing I never got. Aquaman? I don't get him at all. What's the deal with him and riding the dolphins and stuff? I mean, HIM compared to like...SUPERMAN?

Please.

Probably for the same "reason" I'm picturing one looking like George C Scott?

"Colonel Qaddafi, the tide is coming in. We await your orders."

"Listen, you asswipe anemones, you've got your arms that can sting, and you should know by now what to do with them! Go!"

hahahaha

Also - hahahaha with the "reason".

You just wrote anenome dialogue.

I officially hate you.

I was thinking of Gen. Buck Turgidson from Dr. Strangelove, mimicking turning propeller blades with his many arms instead of the airplane wings. "Can they do it? Hell yes they can!"

Alex - do you ever get the feeling that Aquaman was the Superfriend all the others picked on, but was just too dumb to realize it?

"Aquaman - hurry! Trouble at the Aquarium!"

"Really?!!"

"No, not really." (laughter)

"Oh." (sighs)

George

BWA-ha-ha-ha-hahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Yeah, like, c'mon Aquaman. Get some powers! Wonder Woman could totally kick your a**!!! And seriously, the only thing she's got going for her is that rope, and her bazoingas.

Or her Bazoombas.

Yeah, the invisible plane is worthless.

Yeah, what in the hell is the point of having an invisible plane if you are completely visible while riding in it?

Emily,

I just laughed so hard I cackled.

I mean...YEAH! So, the plane, and then, she's riding in it, and then.....HUH??

Also- how the heck does she always FIND it?

Dumb-ass invisible plane.

Harry Potter has a CLOAK and it MAKES HIM INVISIBLE.

Therefore: it has USE.

But ... er ... just a plane? That is invisible? And yet you ... in your leotard and small Wonder Woman tiara and go-go boots ... are fully seen floating through the sky toward some crime scene?

Hey.......wait a minute you guys. Maybe it's like:

An "Invisible" Plane.

Think about it.

hahahahahaha

I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT!

Perhaps Aquaman assists Colonel Qaddafi (you know ... the anemone leader ... what?) in his various underwater battles.

What happens if you forgot where you parked the invisible plane? Is there an alarm that she can signal from her keychain?

On the other hand, never underestimate the power of great bazongas. She could have probably talked Lex Luthor into death row with those things.

i go away for an hour and miss the livliest intellectual discourse since the Algonquin Round Table folded its leaves...bless you Sheila and friends! Alex...you gonna call me or no???????-Mitchell

I wonder how often the word "bazoingas" came up at the Algonquin Round Table.

Also- how the heck does she always FIND it?

Damn, you beat me to it! Screw work - I'm obviously not refreshing this thread quickly enough.

almost "constantly"

Yeah, the Invisible Plane never made sense, since you COULD SEE HER FLYING THE PLANE. But the Lasso of Truth? That was awesome. I wish I had one.

And I read a book by some horror author (John Saul, maybe? or Clive Barker?) where people could "dissolve" and time travel and/or go to other planets, except sometimes when they put themselves back together, stuff got mixed in. I remember once part where the guy had a cockroach coming out of his skull. That would suck.

How does an anemone general identify an enemy?

Abbott: "Are you an enemy?"
Costello: "No, I'm an anemone."
Abbott: "That's what I asked!"
Costello: "I'm not an enemy. I'm an anemone."
Abbott: "I don't know."
Costello: "Third base."

stevie - you must marry me.

I'd rather have an enemy in front of me than a frontal anenome.

Never, never, EVER doubt the power of the Bazoingas. I mean, if Superman's poopng out, Wonder Woman can point those things in his direction, and believe me, he'll get the shite done.

Why didn't Superman and Wonder Woman ever get together? I mean, how cool would that have been. They could have super kids who cou;d crash through walls, fly, and swing ropes.

And there would be NO "invisible" planes.

Kid: Mom. I'm goin' out."

WW: "Take the plane, sweetie!

Kid: I'm NOT taking that plane, Mom."

WW: I said, take the plane please. It's invisible.

Kid: Mom. It's like, SOOO not invisible.

Dear George,

I love you

Alexandra

Didn't Capelle once do a bit where WW had a criminal tied up with the lasso of truth, and all he can talk about is what great bazoingas she's got?

Hey, Red, am I allowed to tell a dirty joke involving Wonder Woman and Superman?

Er, that's "Chapelle", not "Capelle".

hahahaahahaha Poor Wonder Woman. She gets no respect.

Well, listen babe, if maybe you wore more than just a bathing suit and go-go boots ... you'd get more respect as a legitimate superheroine.

And lose the plane.

Yes. Tell the joke, please.

I think they just made the plane invisible so that Superman could look up WW's skirt.

But what Alex described is pretty much the plot of Sky High, starring Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston (whose voice I CANNOT stand, btw), along with Lynda Carter as Principal Powers.

And yes, I've seen it.

Kermit and Miss Piggy are in bed...phone rings..Miss Piggy picks up..."Can't talk right now, i got a frog in my throat."...go ahead George...

"Sky High"???

What? Huh?? What?

Please explain Lisa. Please?

Lisa -

It actually looks pretty cute.

Kelly Preston is a lunatic Scientologist. And I mean that sincerely - have you ever seen her in interviews start talking about it?? Cuckoo!!

Did you ever notice on the old TV series where Lynda Carter's boots had high heels, except when she was running? I wonder if they were magic special boots where the heels automatically imploded whenever she had to run?

Alex - Sky HIgh is out in movie theatres right now, I believe. It's about a superhero school for kids ... right, Lisa?

How sweet is it that Kurt Russell is *still* starring in Disney movies?

emily - i definitely need boots like that.

OOOhhhh. Yeah. Okay, I've seen previews for that.

I'd go, but every time I see Kelly Preston, I want to punch her in the throat.

Ok, so Superman and Jimmy Olson are walking through the park when they spot Wonder Woman lying on her back, naked in the grass. They both sneak into the bushes to stare, and finally Superman says, "I can't take it any more. I need some of that."

Jimmy says, "Superman, you can't do that. She's Wonder Woman!"

Superman says, "I'll use my super speed. She won't be able to see me, and I'll be gone before she knows it."

Jimmy tries to interject, but Superman disappears in a flash before he can get say a syllable. Just as quick, Superman returns, his face flushed.

"Hurry up, let's get out of here", Superman says, picks up Jimmy, and hurries off back to the Fortress of Solitude.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman asks aloud?

"I don't know, but my ass really hurts," says the Invisible Man.

By the way, I just wanted you all to know that if I get fired for posting this at work, it was worth it.

alex - in the throat????? I am howling with laughter ...

We really need IM.

Sky High is the newest live-action Disney movie. The premise is that Kurt and Kelly are the world's greatest superheroes and their son, played by the boy who used to play Jack's son on Will & Grace, is starting his freshman year at Sky High, the high-school for kids of superheroes, and he's afraid he doesn't have any powers.

The kids are divided into one of two groups, Heroes or Sidekicks (Dave Foley plays the sidekick teacher who used to be Kurt Russell's sidekick), and the son gets stuck in Sidekicks, much to his parents's chagrin.

There's a plot to blow up the school, the son falls in love with a senior and ignores his girl friend who secretly loves him, there's a "bad boy" who hates the son because Kurt Russell killed HIS dad -- you know, normal high school stuff.

It's a pretty good movie.

George - hahahahaha

I actually have heard that one, come to think of it.

"Parents's"? God. That's as bad as "out".

Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend.

I love Kurt Russell. I love that, too, Emily - the Disney connection!

No, Lisa. Preview is your "friend".

When Kelly Preston was being screwed by Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire and she says, "Never stop f*cking me!" I wanted to say, "He won't if you'd just shut the hell up."

I hate her voice -- she sounds like she has a mouth full of marbles -- almost as much as I hate Mira Sorvino's. And that's a LOT.

Ok, let's recap:

From strange toilet sign to odd quote occurances to Red's strange friend Bazoomba to Scooby Doo to Wonder Twins to weird super powers to anenome enemies to Aquaman to Qadafi to Wonder Woman's invisible plane to Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston hateage to a dirty joke.

How cool is that?

Dragging this thread even further off topic, if I were about fifteen years old, I'd be in *love* with that kid who played Jack's son on "Will & Grace."

I have lost touch with that show - even though I watched it religiously a couple years ago.

What does he look like? Lance Kerwin, or ...

He is very cute, Emily. He's a little chunkier and his hair is longer now, but still v v hot.

He's the James Kerwin of his day.

ACK!

JAMES KERWIN?

God, what a brain fart. ::hangs head in shame::

OMAGOD Emily! I LOOOOVE him!

Ok, I'm leaving work now, so this thread should be 150+ posts by the time I get back tomorrow morning, right? :)

Y'all have fun and I'll see you bright and early in the AM!

It is an understandable mistake, Lisa.

Lance Kerwin = James at 15.

So it all makes sense.

Sheila, did you just mention Lance Kerwin? WTF?

I just saw Quinn Cummings on a " Where Are They Now" thingy. She sells knitting products or something.

I need a ham sandwich on white bread with mayonaise right now. And I don't know why.

In re: Kelly Preston

Cuckoo!! Indeed.

Thinking "about" it.. No, I really am!!

The anemone armies do bring a new dimension to the idea of Clone Wars.

Did George know? [NB Not Independent George]

Lance Kerwin now lives at a ranch which is called:

U-Turn for Christ!

I'm not kidding. Lance Kerwin (aka James at 15, aka the actor I LOVED when I was 11) is now perpetually doing U-Turns for Christ out in the desert.

Alex - change the mayo to mustard, and grill it with swiss cheese, and I'm right with you.

Alex -

Please don't kill me.

Anemones couldn't possibly have worse aim than the storm troopers - and they don't even have eyes.

peteb -

I swear, I need to see some speeded-up photography of an anemone war and I need it now!!

Sheila

I particularly want to "see" the scouts they send out ahead of the main battle.

Sheila

Sweet.......................Christ.

Are you doing a U-turn, though, as you write that?

Wait, I'm confused. Does a U-turn for Christ mean he's converted to Judaism?

Okay. Let's decifer this, shall we?

What the hell does U Turn For Christ MEAN????

.....or is it:

U Turn for "Christ"?

Didn't the old Jack Kirby series "The New Gods" throw quotation marks around "words" seemingly at "random?"

I may be not be poop-adverse, but I am not fecally inclined....

I used to work in a sewage treatment plant. Our slogan: "Your shit is our bread and butter."

Didn't Aquaman get the lead in that TV show about actors called "Entourage?" Starring the one known as "The Piven?"

The Piven and Sandy Bullock -- they could do this generations His Girl Friday...With Brendan Fraser as "Ralph Bellamy."

"You" Turn for Christ?

I'm heading right over "the" cliff.

Hey, does anybody else watch "Harvey Birdman, Attorney-at-Law"? In one episode, Zan admits under oath that he changed into hot water when Wonder Woman was taking a bath. Clearly, the Adult Swim people are targeting the readers of this blog.

I still think that a U-turn for Christ means you're turning away from Christ and going back to where you were originally coming from. So, logically, that means you've converted to Judaism.

Would a U-turn from Christianity technically be Satanism?

Oooo, now the discussion turns theological. We rule.

Red: "Anemones have armies?

"What??? Now I must know everything."

Of course anemones have armies, it's the leggies they don't have.

But doesn't it depend on where you've started? I mean, what if, in fact, you STARTED at Christ? Then you went away, and had to make a U Turn to come BACK to him?

But see, here's the problem, if he's only targeting people who've lost their faith, then he's not able to save most of the world, is he? What about the people who've never even been to Christ? Or his house, or wherever he lives in order for you to take that u turn......from.

What about them? I ask you.

Pshaw... You Turn for Christ.

I'm teetering along on my own path.

PeteB

WA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!!!

Best. Hijack. Ever.

Doug - good one!!

Okay everyone, sing with me:

"I've been to Paradise
But I've never been to Christ..."

Okay. I am clearly insane.

It's where people go to get off drugs (that's the U-turn part) and get to Christ.

So ... they're moving along the path to being a meth whore ... and then they do a U-turn and they're a Christian.

So it looks like Lane Kerwin had a drug problem.

James at 15 had a drug problem????? Nooooo!

Okay, people. I love how Ron just shows up, out of the blue, and leaps right in. Not only that, but he says the immortal phrase:

"I am not fecally inclined".

Genius!

Hey! What's this about drugs?.. I'm clear. Dammit!!.. foetally inclined, perhaps.. but clear.

Or even.. "I'm clear. Dammit!!"

dammit.

Dave Chappelle also did a bit on Aquaman and what the hell would you talk to fish about:
"Hello, Aquaman!"
"Hello, fish. Any crime to report?"
"Hello, Aquaman!"

When I was a kid, whenever Zan would "Form of a bucket of water!" I would shout "Shape of a thirsty gorilla!" My parents hated it when I watched Superfriends.

Mark - hahahahahaha "Hello, Aquaman!"

Sheila, not only did Ron make an amazing comment but he mentioned an amazing pop-culture icon Jack Kirby! Way to go Ron!

Red: "Anemones have armies?

"What??? Now I must know everything."

Of course anemones have armies, it's the leggies they don't have."

But Doug they must to be having the leggies, as to the otherwise how would Red be playing the footsies with them?

And if you've ever played footsie with an anemone, you know how painful that can be!

Gosh, Red, thanks for the compliments! You just make me scratch me intercostal clavicle in wonderment, (or is that "wondermint"?) in these comment threads...

My Lord. Remind me again as to the "limitations" of your comment policy.

Read Part 2 again. About when comment hijacking is okay. This is a classic example.

If some asshole had said, in the middle of those hundred comments, "That sign on the bathroom door is exactly what is wrong with the left's education policy and our entire culture is depraved and we're all going to hell because of the Clintons" - I would have bitch-slapped that person to kingdom come.

You wanna join the conversation or just stand back and be above it?

You all need to visit Seanbaby's Superfriends Page, where most of the jokes you'll ever see or read about the Superfriends are stolen from.

For example, the Chapelle joke.

Stolen, huh? What - are you the Joke Police?

Jokes are meant to be passed on, re-told. Also - everyone here appears to be using proper attribution, footnoting every joke they re-tell.

But thanks for the link, anyway.

I love you all more than I can possibly say, and deeply regret not having been part of this thread until now.

As a bit of a comic books geek, I have to say I always thought Superfriends sucked. But it sucked nowhere near as much as Aquaman. ;-)

Hey, you seem to be taking me way to damn seriously. I thought this comment stream was hilarious and entertaining--especially enjoyed Stevie's Abbott & Costello riff, and the whole Wonder Woman and her invisible plane thing. Apparently, I have lost the ability to be facetious. I was just recognizing that you have a wonderful "lack" of limitations in your comments. As for my earlier comments about your "policy" precluding my participation, I was just making fun of my own urge to make everything political in nature--an urge that you have noticed, and disliked, in the past. Sorry if my dry attempts at humor came across as criticism. BTW, Aquaman was probably that kid in the neighborhood we all knew as kids. You know the one I mean--his house always smelled funny, his mother made really bland, horrible sandwiches for lunch, their lawn always needed mowing, he had some great-aunt or some other strange old person living with them in the house, and his family didn't "believe" in Halloween.

I only used that tone with you because you sulked (just a leeeeeetle bit) in the comments of that original post - and you were the only one to do so.

From now on, I promise. I will never take you seriously.:)

Aquaman. What a loser.

Some of the "scouts" go behind anemone lines.

My favorite Chapelle Wonder Woman joke was about the invisible plane and the outfit she wore. "Look! What's that in the sky? It looks like... a flying whore!"

I am commenting not because I have anything to say, but because the comments are now at 141, and I hate odd numbers.

I hate them "all".

I can't believe nobody's given any love to Wendy, Marvin and Wonderdog - the forgotten superheroes sidekicks...

I mean, how pathetic were they? Apparently orphaned, being raised by four men and one woman - Marvin forced to wear a cheesy green cape that's too small for him just when he's starting to hit puberty. I wonder what happened to them after they all got tossed out of the Hall of Justice to make room for the new "purple alien kids".

That's pretty cruel isn't it? "Sorry guys, we've got some sidekicks with real superpowers now..." Robin must've been feeling a little nervous, too.

Maybe their parents came back and it was finally discovered they were runaways from a juvenile mental institution somewhere in Milwaukee...

I am the joke police, and you're all under arrest.

None of the best jokes I ever told were all ripped off. My "Seven Things You Can't Say on Television" bit was completely different from George Carlin's "Seven Things You Can't Say on Television" bit!

Bonus points for where I stole that joke from.

My vote for the stupidest Superfriend was actually The Flash, because he was so inane that they couldn't remember what color he was (red, orange, yellow?) or what his powers were (speed? vibrating? flying?).

Wendy, Marvin and Superdog aren't mentioned because they aren't funny. They're... they're just sad. When you suck so bad that you're written out of the Superfriends, it's best just to stay out of the limelight.

"...because he was so inane that they couldn't remember what color he was (red, orange, yellow?)..."

Clearly, you don't understand the Doppler effect. His costume was obviously orange, shifting to red when he was moving away and yellow when he was moving toward the viewer. If it appeared that he was standing still with a different-colored costume, that is just a persistence-of-vision effect.

ps. If I understand the comments policy aright, obsessive comments about comic-book characters aren't ruled out. (If I misread it, who would blame me?)

pps. This is about where I would jump in with, "I would", but now if you do, you'll just look sad.

ppps. I must say that it pains me to take the comment counter off of 12 squared. 29*5 just isn't as interesting. Still, some things are just too important to leave unaddressed.

pppps. No, actually I'm not a comics geek; but I can rationalize nearly anything.

ppppps. Well, not Tom Cruise. I did say "nearly".

"ps. If I understand the comments policy aright, obsessive comments about comic-book characters aren't ruled out."

Then I'll add that the Flash is actually one of the iconic characters of the Golden Age of Comics--alongside Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern--and his coming off so badly is just additional proof that Superfriends sucked.

But not as bad as Aquaman. ;-)