The Sheila Variations

I would have liked it if the man in the suit had confessed that he was a little short at the moment, and asked the drum player to help him out. One musician to another, you know.

Sheila, re: helping disabled panhandlers: Have you never watched the opening scenes of "Trading Places"?

laura - hahahaha I like that idea - the suit asking the drum guy for money!

i can't remember the beginning of Trading Places ... is someone only pretending to be disabled? as a con?

Eddie Murphy is pretending to be an amputee by curling his legs down into a hidden compartment on his plywood wheely-thing.

When the police pick him up (literally) there's a great shot of his legs slooooowly coming down and then he screams, "I'm HEALED! It's a MIRACLE!"

Hilarious.

Re: panhandlers. Little Rock has their share, too. They mostly hang out at busy intersections holding signs that say "Will work for food." Five or six years ago, a local TV station did a sting wherein a reporter (with hidden camera) would stop and ask the panhandler if he would come work in their yard (or other odd job) and then offer the guy groceries as pay. 100% of them said no, they just wanted cash.

Bill Ray's also pretending to be blind as well as a paraplegic, and the cops are asking him about "someone pretending to be an amputee," to which he says, "I'll be sure to tell you officers if I run into anyone like that."

"I...I have legs! I can see! It's a miracle! Sweet Jesus, hallelujah! Merry Christmas!"

I love that movie. Not a single thing out of place, I think.

Lisa - yeah, I've offered to buy a piece of fruit or a loaf of bread for a street person and they've gotten all uppity and offended. They want the money. To use as they see fit.

Nope. No can do!!

Being homeless is a terrible state of affairs...and most of us are only one crisis away..BUT...sometimes the aggressiveness is overwhelming...im not rich either but i think my compassion is too apparent because i don't just get asked..i get harassed..its weird...the worst is Berkeley CA...im convinced those kids are really the scions of the wealthy people on the hill who have nothing else to do!! I give when I can(usually Streetwise vendors)...but im like a magnet for the pushiest and scariest people on the streets! Phew...that felt good.

Mitchell -

Oh man. Yeah, down in the Village there are lots of "homeless" kids who you know have trust funds. But ohhhhh, they're "homeless". They've got pierced ears and noses, and cool shoes, and they sit on expensive Tibetan woven blankets, but they're "homeless"

Like Jewel was "homeless". She lived in a van in her fucking backyard.

I usually see if I have any pocket change if the panhandlers are POLITE. We left Walgreens once to find a very aggressive panhandler in the parking lot. Scary. As soon as we got in the truck I pulled out my receipt with the phone number on it and my cell phone and called the store to tell them about it. Not in my Midtown. I won't have it.

There's a guy who comes by the house periodically, and we know he's the real deal. Probably alcoholic, probably mentally not-there. Once he came by and said he was HONGRY. We had gotten KFC for dinner and were just about finished, so my husband told him that we didn't have any cash (true) but that he could have some chicken. He staggered up the sidewalk with that KFC box under his arm, gnawing on a drumstick, and hollering, "Praise the LAWD! Thank you, JESUS! OH!" Some of these people are no more able to care for themselves than a little child. I wish our laws were not such that they have to be abandoned to their life on the streets. Even if it's their choice, it doesn't seem humane to allow them to live that way.

On a visit to NYC a few years ago I was riding the subway when a woman and two kids entered the car from the one behind us. She immediately boomed out a three or four sentence tale of woe as the kids started up the aisle with cups to gather the change. At first I was taken with how devoid of emotion she was, she was like a machine and this was just another day on the line. But then she repeated her routine in spanish. Bi-lingual begging, now that's cosmopolitan.

Once in NYC I passed by a guy who held out a cup and with a smile yelled "Save the winos!"

Now with that kind of honesty, how could you not spare a buck? :-)

chris -

hahahahaha At least he was collecting for a good cause!

There was a guy in Arcata when I lived there who held up a sign that read "Why lie? I want a beer." I think he's the only homeless guy I ever gave money to - and there were a TON of them in Arcata.

I stopped carrying a purse when I was in college because the panhandlers would look at my purse and then give me a dirty look if I said I had no money on me (I was a college student and that was usually FIGURATIVELY true - in that what money I had was already earmarked for necessities of life).

I also had a friend once offer a homeless guy who claimed to be hungry a sandwich she had just bought (it was still wrapped and everything) and she got it thrown back in her face with a curse.

I don't know. Dallas Morning News did a story a couple years ago on some of the panhandlers, and long story short, some of them made more in a day than I do - and it's all tax free. That made me feel a little ill. Some of them had the attitude that "working is for chumps" which I will admit makes me sort of angry.

I do have compassion for the disabled (esp. the developmentally disabled who seem to get the worst of it) but I've been "played" so many times that it's kind of hard for me to just hand over money. I'd rather give through places like the Salvation Army and suchlike.

(and, a little off topic but: Trading Places is one of my all-time favorite movies. It's just so perfectly plotted, every element just works.)

This actually amuses me since one of my favorite bands ever, Church of Betty, is led by a suit from pfizer, but he plays in restaurants and on the subways to get people interested in his music to come to his shows, not to busk. I can totally see him in that position.