Diary Friday

The momentous first day of my junior year.

It’s almost like I’m out of central casting in this entry – But not out of central casting for a teenager circa the 1980s – but a teenager circa the 1940s or 1950s. I sound like I’m from Pleasantville, for God’s sake.

The famous Keith M. makes an appearance – I actually tell the story in this long-ago entry that I told here in this long post of tribute to him – Once again, I am struck by how I spoke about Keith M. in my diary back then. I come across it again and again. We were childhood friends. We didn’t really keep up the friendship in high school – different crowds – but I always had this underlying fondness for him and awareness of him – and he told me at our high school reunion this summer that the same was true for him. It’s kind of extraordinary. I truly loved him. In a way that I honestly can’t say I loved anyone else in high school – certainly not a boy! It wasn’t a crush – love like that was like an emissary from the grown-up world – the way you really are able to love other people for who they are when you’re a grownup – you can see outside of yourself, and just truly appreciate the other person. That’s hard to do when you’re 15, especially with a member of the opposite sex. But Keith and I had that. We never talked about it. Until last summer. hahaha Connections. For whatever reason – that connection with him is forever.

So here it is:

Sheila From Central Casting, circa 1949.

SEPTEMBER

I’m such a jerk! [Nice to see that I started the school year on a positive note of self-validation] I should have written! School started on Tuesday. Mixed feelings.

I mean, it was so great to get back to the world of lockers, assemblies, lots of people, boys – [It actually sounds like a nightmare to me, but anyway – go on.] I am glad to be back!

On the first day I wore my yellow pants [EW!!!!!!!! YELLOW PANTS? Disgusting.], lace sweater and penny loafers. [HAHAHAHA] I am sharing a locker with J. right next to Mere and Betsy on the third floor. It doesn’t matter if you’re a freshman, sophomore, junior or senior – the excitement you feel on the first day is there! I always feel light-headed and breathless on the first day of school.

You know what I hate even more than show-off freshmen is show-off sophomores. [Love the lack of segue there. “I love school! I hate show-offs!”] Now I know everyone says, “Oh, I wasn’t that small, I wasn’t that jerky!” – but I really wasn’t!! I didn’t make fun of freshmen, at least not in the halls. [HAHAHAHA But you made fun of them in the classrooms?] In the first-day assembly, it is atradition to boo the freshmen through the gym floor.

But on the first day, Kate V.D. (such a jerk – she is such a show-off) was sprawled on the windowsill with black fingernail polish, she’s so obvious – you can see that she thinks all the new freshmen are gaping at her like, “Wow! A sophomore! With black fingernails!” [To my high school friends: I do not know who this person is. I have no memory of her. But apparently I despised her.] Anyway, when a new freshman walked by, she goes, “God, freshmen are so stupid.” Stupid! I really think she’s a dork. One comfort – she had enormous sweat circles under her arms. [I took comfort in her sweat stains. High school sucks.]

On the first day assembly, which is so fun and “school-y” – we got to sit in the JUNIOR bleechers. I’M A JUNIOR! [Are you getting the whole Central Casting vibe here?] You know, turning from a freshman to sophomore didn’t feel any different except that I felt more confident. But turning from a sophomore to a junior really feels different. I mean, the junior bleechers feel a million miles away from the sophomore bleechers. And next year – I’m gonna be a senior? My God!!!

Assembly was good. It felt good to be back at wonderful SK. [Good Lord. Calm down with the school spirit!] SK really is terrific. And the kids are even better. [Well, except for haughty Kate V.D. with the sweat stains] I sat with Mere, and Betsy, and Kate, and Beth at the tippity top of the bleechers.

Brendan and Brian are in HS! AH! It wa sso funny. Unknowingly, they strolled over towards our bleechers to be immediately assaulted with ‘HEY! FRESHMEN! GET OUTTA HERE!”

I kept looking for JW. [Give it up, Sheila. He was a tool that spoke to you for 5 minutes 2 years before and you are still scanning the crowd for him??] Diary, I mean it this time. I am over him. He treated me really bad. [He sure did, seeing as he didn’t even know who you were!!] I see that now. I really do. I’d laugh in his face if he asked me to dance.

I saw him come into the gym. He’s gained some weight and he got a funny-looking crewcut and that made me happy to see. I realized, at that moment, that he is not a god at all. In looks or personality. He and his friends sat on the first seat in the senior bleechers and I murmured to Mere, “Look. There’s John.” “Where? Where?” I pointed and she laughed out loud when she saw him. [I love you, Mere!!] From the very beginning, she would say to me, “Don’t let it bother you. He isn’t worth it.” And I’d get mad at her! [Oops. Sorry, Mere.] Well, she was right. Why couldn’t I see that she was only looking out for me? I was crying and mourning an egotistical jerk who wore girl’s headbands and who treated me like some little piece of lint! [That is one of the funniest sentences I think I have ever written.] She saw! I am free of that boring air-head! I mean, yes, I still wish he had said yes [to what?? I have no idea … did I ask him to dance?] For a time there I was thinking – I would do anything for him! Now I will do anything to stay away from him.

Why does the Sadies have to be the first dance? Already everyone is talking about it. I know I’m not going. Never. I will not let myself tear myself apart like I did last year. No way.

Anyway, I remember the day after I asked him [Oh. I guess I asked Headband-Boy to the Sadies and he turned me down – I can’t believe I don’t remember it … Man, if you had told the 15 year old writing this entry that eventually she WON’T EVEN REMEMBER that she had asked him out … the 15 year old would never have beleived you.] – all his friends kept huddling around him at his locker, whispering. After I gave him the note, they all pounced on him. [Ouch. I asked him via note. I have no memory of this. It was too painful.] Then – for like a week – I felt on display. I’d be walking along and hear a “Is that her?” and I’d just sigh and keep going. It was like that at assembly. I sat up there, trying to look nonchalant and cool as he scanned the crowds for me [Uhm. Was he looking for you? Or was he just looking around the gym?] – and he pointed at me, and whispered something to his friend. I know I looked breezy and normal, not as though I were pining away for him. I still believe though that if we could just communicate – sit down and talk – we would really like each other. [hahahahaha]

The first day was slow, as it always is.

I have Keith M. in some of my classes, and I am so happy about that. He is so good-looking but more than that – he is probably the nicest guy in our class. I really like him. I won’t forget that day in gym when this retarded kid showed up – and he was wearing a Superman T-shirt and everyone kept yelling, “Come on, Superman – let’s see your superpowers.” Cruel inhuman shit. But wonderful Keith wouldn’t let that go on – and he sat there going, when the kid was up to bat, “All right! Great swing! Keep your eye on the ball!” I felt like hugging him. He’s just really nice. Being incredibly popular doesn’t stop him from being incredibly nice. He was nice when he was 6 years old, and he’s nice now.

My classes are pretty good. English is gonna be the BEST!!!

Oh, and Alex in my gym class. [Oh boy.] Faint. Wheeze. [Dude was a hottie. No doubt about it.] Oh, Diary – that guy. Listen to this: HE SHAVES! [hahahaha This is KILLING ME] The fact that he shaves isn’t really a big thing – but he is just so cool. My brother says, “What do you mean – cool?” I don’t really know myself. I don’t mean Fonzie. But Alex – he is just cool. He has an earring, and a short cropped haircut – his hair sticks up – just like Sting. He plays the bass, he wears jeans jackets [Uhm – ya had me until the jean jacket part] – he wears T shirts, faded jeans and high-tops. Does all of that make him cool? No. He just seems very confident about himself and he won’t let anyone tell him what to do. He is my ideal. I’m not into the Princeton type. [WHAT? Were guys from Princeton asking you out?] At SK, Alex is considered an enigmatic rebel. Only a few kids have earrings. Alex is into the whole punk New Wave scene – I guess to me, my definition of cool would be him. [Friends, siblings … this is kind of amazing, isn’t it? Seeing as … well, we all know where he’s at now.] He is a loner, but of course he’s popular – because he’s so good-looking. He turns heads. I remember the first time I saw him – in 8th grade – he came on my bus to get to his soccer practice – and I could not control my jaw dropping. He is just cool. Individualist. It’s great to have him against all the peer pressure and conformity of SK. Last year at an assembly, Mr. Wertheimer called up each player from the soccer team. All the players generally had on shorts, sweats, T-shirts. Alex, hands shoved in his pockets, sauntered up there in a grey Darryl Hall blazer, tight faded jeans, and a blaring majenta and black Hawaiian shirt. Everyone seems to just casually accept him. Because he is cool.

Poor Mere is having boy trouble. Of course I told her long ago that B.B. knows. [I think “knows” means that Mere liked him] So now she doesn’t know how to act around him. She keeps saying she has no guts – but I don’t believe her. But we have been having long amazing phone conversations every night, trying to conjure up a plan. [hahahahahahaha “conjure up a plan”. Also – of course my family only had one phone line – so I apologize to the rest of the O’Malleys for taking up the phone line for hours on end.] See – B.B. is shy and awkward, so he has been acting strange around Mere. She tries to be friendly – like they used to be – they were good friends – but he just gives her weird looks, and acts all goofy. Oh, I WANT this to work out for her!! She deserves it! She really does!!! I know B.B. doesn’t hate her or anything – I know B.B. – he is hating himself. He’s very down on himself – which surprises me because he is probably the nicest guy I have ever met. Truly. Mere and I just decided yesterday that I’ll sit on the bus with him tomorrow and casually say, “So who’s in your classes?” (Mere’s like in every one of his classes). We were laughing SO hard and SO loud last night cause Mere said, “Now, make sure you don’t say the wrong thing like, ‘So how many classes do you have with Mere?'” Just imagine it! IT’S HYSTERICAL! “So how many classes do you have with Mere? No, no, wait … that’s wrong … what I meant to say was … WHO’S in your classes? Sorry about that.”

Drama III is really great. Advanced. [Will that mean more cimments?] This week we’ve been doing 2-person improvs. I did one with Betsy that hit this really personal chord. The situation was: Betsy had told me a secret and I had told a lot of people. And we did the confrontation moment. See – that used to be a problem with me. I couldn’t keep a secret. I had to learn the hard way. So acting this moment out was scary. It was like it really was happening – and Betsy was SO REAL. She just let me HAVE it – and my heart was just pounding – and I was thinking, “Oh my God, I’m gonna lose my best firend …” Betsy said, and her face looked so upset – she was SO upset: “How could you DO this to me? Whenever I go in the halls, I feel like everybody knows!! How could you DO THIS TO ME?” It was all really upsetting – but then afterwards, Betsy and I laughed about it like maniacs. She was so good, so real.

It’s weird not having DTS around. I saw him at Waldens. He is postponing college. I was looking through a book called Sex in Rock [hahahahaha] and I was poring over the Sting pictures – one big one of him, no shirt, singing – he doesn’t have a hairy chest. I’m so glad about that. Then a terrific one of him on stage – bathed in sweat – [hahahaha] – then one of him posed in a suit glaring at the camera – and this fishnet stocking woman is all over him. DTS came over, looked and said, “Ah! The Police! I approve! What book is that?” I showed him the title and he was like, “Oh, Sheila. Great title.”

One kid in my math class went to see the Police and all week I’ve been pumping him for info. “What did they wear?” “What did they play? “What was it like?” When they come back, Mere, J and I are GOING. I think I’d faint. [Central casting] Never before have I been so nuts over a star. I write “Sting” in the layer of dust on the window sill at school [what is this – a haunted house high school?] – I have pictures of him all around my bed, I listen to his records every minute of the day. Also, I love saying about stars, “Oh, I love them. They make me cry!” That’s just an expression though. But with Sting it isn’t. [I am shaking with laughter.] I do cry over him. If I could see him – OH LORD – a dream come true.

Mere and I always talk about how we would like to die. Mere would like to die eating a poisoned cherry cordial. Me – I’d die maybe taking a poisoned aspirin – or drinking a poisoned Coke at a Police concert. [I am literally losing it reading this] Not that I want to die – but if I died then I would die in a state of absolutely perfect happiness.

So anyway, this kid told me all about the concert. [hahahahahaha]

Tomorrow I am wearing my new grey and black dress. I LOVE IT! It makes me look like a country school ma’am. [Uhm. What? You say “I LOVE IT” and then the next sentence is “It makes me look like a country school ma’am”. And … you love it BECAUSE of that?] It’s got puffed sleeves and a skirt and flails out like in the 50s.

Guess what – here’s the plan. For my 16th birthday, Mama and I are gonna go to New York – on Thanksgiving Thursday – the Rosses are also spending Thanksgiving in NYC and Mama and I would get a room together – then on Friday go to see Brighton Beach with Susan. Diary – this is not a dream this time! I honestly think I’m gonna see Matthew Broderick LIVE!!!

Oh Lord, it is just TOO MUCH.

French quiz tomorrow.

10:00 pm – Just watched “Flame Trees of Thika”. I love that show! I wish I could have been in it! I want the book! (No sentence variety there.)

Tomorrow, I’m gonna bring in loads of Sting pictures [what a surprise] to plaster all over our locker. Maybe some of John McEnroe too. And Harrison Ford and Jimmy Dean. J. can put up her pictures of Baryshnikov and Jeremy Irons. She likes the cultured sophisticated type – while I’m into a bratty tennis player who throws himself screaming onto the court. Oh well.

Diary, I honestly don’t like JW anymore. It is SUCH a great feeling!!!

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24 Responses to Diary Friday

  1. JFH says:

    “…”Sting” in the layer of dust on the window sill at school”
    “..he doesn’t have a hairy chest. I’m so glad about that.”
    “…or drinking a poisoned Coke at a Police concert.”

    Funniest. Diary. Entry. Yet.

  2. red says:

    JFH – I’m just LOSING it over here … I know … I do not remember being so SILLY but I obviously was!!

    The hairy chest line killed me too. Like – what did I know? I was 15!!!

  3. John says:

    This is fascinating: a glimpse into a life I never lived. I had my nose far too deep in a book to notice this stuff in HS. I hated assemblies, and would read right through them, despite the noise. The only HS experience I really had was marching band. If it weren’t for that I never would have gone to a sporting event the whole four years. Ah, the memories of singing “Where Oh Where Are You Tonight?” as the football team lost another one. We were actually kind of mad they won one the year they went 1 and 9, ruining a perfectly good loosing streak.

  4. red says:

    John – hahahahaha “a perfectly good losing streak”

  5. red says:

    But please remember: on the flipside of the silliness was a girl who carried around the letters of Abigail and John Adams in her bookbag. I just didn’t happen to WRITE about that stuff, so … I don’t seem cool or smart at all.

    DEFINITELY not as cool as that Alex chap with his Darryl Hall blazer and his New Wave sensibilities.

  6. JFH says:

    I turned down a girl for a Sadie’s dance, once in HS. I STILL feel sick about it… In my defense, I was in love with her twin sister.

  7. red says:

    JFH – I wonder what she wrote in her diary about you!

  8. JFH says:

    She was a jock; her sister was a cheerleader… I doubt that either of ’em were the diary types.

  9. Lisa says:

    Some guy turned me down for a Sadie Hawkins dance when I was a junior in high school. It woudn’t have been so bad — I really didn’t expect him to say yes; he was a year younger but LIGHT YEARS out of my league — except it took him three days to tell me no.

    He just kept saying, “I gotta think about it” and then avoiding me. I wish he would’ve just said, “GOD, NO!” it would have been less embarrassing.

    Sadie Hawkins is a bitch.

  10. red says:

    Lisa – it’s a total bitch, man. Yeah, the “I gotta think about it” debacle… I had that when I asked a guy to my junior prom. “I’ll need some time to think about it.” He thought about it for a feckin’ week before I finally had to CALL HIM and say, “So what’s your answer – if we’re gonna go we have to buy tickets today.” He said No. Asswipe.

  11. Lisa says:

    I had to stop mine in the hall and say, “Are you going or not?” It was good because he had to tell me no TO MY FACE. Jerk.

  12. tracey says:

    OH, LORD, SHEILA!! Hysterical!

    I confess I’m STILL stuck on the “egotistical jerk who wore girl’s headbands.” WHAAA?! I’m dyin’ ovah here!!

    “Drinking a poisoned Coke at a Police concert”!

    Okay. Can’t write anymore. Must breathe.

  13. red says:

    tracey – yeah, he was kind of a big workout-type guy – He was very into his body, and lifting weights – so … I guess he wore a headband … but even I, in my school-ma’am dress, or my yellow pants, drew the line at boys wearing girls headbands.

  14. Whisky Pants says:

    But what happened to Alex? (More importantly, what is so wrong with me that I care? Must be the vestiges of my schoolgirl crush on Sting as well…)

  15. red says:

    whisky – hahahahahaha “more importantly, why do I care?”

    Let’s just say – he went off the deep end. In a big way. He’s still gorgeous – but his life is a wreck. In a big. bad. way.

  16. Betsy says:

    I loved our jr and sr lockers – the blue and white ones on the second floor –

  17. red says:

    Yup. The locker placement was key.

    Bets – I miss you!!

  18. just1beth says:

    I sometimes fanatsize about being locked in your apartment with all your high school diaries, and a pint (or 12) of Ben and Jerry’s. And you are out of town and will never know. Is that wrong??

  19. red says:

    Uhm … yes?

    hahahahaha

    I try to pick out entries that are big GROUP entries with a lot of characters – instead of the introspective entries – even though most of my entries are introspective: “Who am I? Will anyone ever kiss me? WHO AM I?” I prefer to post the ones that have a bunch of NAMES in them – where you guys are all in it.

    hahaha Even if you all just have cameos – it’s funnier to me if you all are somehow IN the entry – it just brings back that whole time.

    Oh, and check your email – I’m emailing you the name of the bitchy sophomore to see if you know her

  20. mere says:

    “Tomorrow I am wearing my new grey and black dress. I LOVE IT! It makes me look like a country school ma’am.”
    That literally made me guffaw and snort.

    That is one of the funniest (if not THE funniest) diary friday’s I’ve read.

    and who is Kate VD??

    And Alex….where IS he now?? do I know?? I can’t remember!

  21. red says:

    Mere – hahaha I know – i also THINK that I mean “country school MARM” but I’m not sure about that.

    And yes. It is 4 in the morning. I am drunk. A drunk country school ma’am.

  22. mere says:

    hahahahaha! well don’t try to put on the Nana/gumby thing when you’re drunk. Thats asking for trouble!!

  23. red says:

    mere – hahahahaha I was drunk when I came home last night (at – er – 4 am) and still somehow, felt the need to sign on, and check my email. I seriously need psychological help.

  24. mere says:

    I understand completely :)

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