When I moved into the apartment where I live now the super was a man I rarely saw named Mohammed who was generally surly and rude whenever I would ask him for something – and then – when the fire department arrived in the middle of the night – causing one of my dearest held fantasies to come true in one beautiful moment (“Who here’s wearin’ Sierra?”) – Mohammed HID in his apartment. Literally. HID. During a fire emergency. Dude. You’re a super. You just … that is SO not how a super is supposed to act during an emergency. Please stop hiding. I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE BECAUSE CIGARETTE SMOKE CONTINUES TO WAFT OUT FROM UNDER THE DOOR. Mohammed was kind of a loser. I actually felt kind of bad for him. It can’t be a nice life- HIDING behind your apartment door, when those pesky tenants start knocking, telling you that the entire fire department has arrived. Also, during the tenure of Mohammed – I have to say that there were some bug issues. I shiver to even say it outloud, because I fear a repeat of the debacle. I lived directly over Mohammed’s pad – and I think he was just hidin’ out down there, with dirty dishes in the sink, CALLING to the bugs to COME VISIT HIM.
Mohammed disappeared without a trace and suddenly – with no announcement – a new super moved in. And I slowly began to notice changes about the place … it was subtle, but … eventually all-pervasive.
Here are some of her attributes:
— She is a hot Latin woman. She wears fuzzy pink cloche hats in the winter, matching gloves, polka-dot sundresses in the summer, and bright red lipstick.
— In the summer months – she takes a big beach umbrella out into our backyard (right outside my window) and lies out there, sunning herself, wearing a string bikini. I found this alarming the first time I saw it – because I wasn’t ready for it – and nobody is ever in our backyard – but now I find her summer rituals comforting.
— She scrubs the floors of the stairwell like clockwork – and also scrubs the floors in the basement – very important, due to the garbage bins down there. She is on the frontlines of the battle of the bugs. She takes it seroiusly.
— She wears fancy cowboy boots and hot outfits.
— At Christmastime, she procured a small Christmas tree, and fake Christmas presents and put it up in our lobby.
— She also has procured cheap (but nice-looking) Oriental rugs to put in the lobby as well as the foyer by the mailboxes. Before her – it was just cold kind of dingy tile. Well done, super.
— She does her laundry every Sunday morning – and hangs it out on clotheslines in our backyard. It is pleasingly old-fashioned of her – and I completely understand because the drier in our building SUCKS. I love to look out and see laundry on the line. However, most of her laundry appears to be sexy underwear, which she breezily strings up on the line for all the surrounding neighbors to see. Again, the first time I saw a billowing line of silken bras RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW, I was alarmed – but now I find it comforting. Meanwhile, she suns herself beneath her own drying lingerie in the backyard – lying on a blanket, wearing a string bikini. I know I’ve mentioned that but I believe it bears mentioning again.
— There is no longer a musty dingy smell in our public stairwells. It now always smells clean and … kind of astringent-ish – but that’s COMFORTING in an urban environment. You feel SAFE from the BUGS.
But here’s my favorite part. (Can you tell I love this woman?)
Her Sunday ritual is obviously similar to mine. We CLEAN. We are DOMESTIC. Her apartment is right below mine – and so I know that she does her laundry – takes it out back – strings it up – and then goes to town on the basement. I can hear vacuum cleaner, etc.
And what music does she blast? Can you guess? Because she BLASTS music. I can actually FEEL the music through the floor.
She’s hot, she’s probably in her 40s, she’s got dark skin, a hot body, a Spanish accent – and every Sunday morning what music does she blast?
John Denver’s Greatest Hits.
I just love people. I truly do. You never ever know what they’re gonna do. Just by looking at her I would never have guessed that John Denver’s Greatest Hits would be her “motivation to clean EVERYTHING IN SIGHT” music – but apparently it is.
To quote Philadelphia Story: “The time to make up your mind about people … is never.”
I bet, too, if the entire fire department showed up at 2 am one night because of a random alarm going off (please, God willing, let it happen again) … she’d be the first to greet them at the door. Probably wearing some hot nightie, and lipstick perfectly applied. There would be no cowering out of sight! She would face her duties as super with a clear head and perfectly-mascaraed open eyes.
Actually, I am envisioning a scantily clad hot middle aged Latino babe singing ‘Calypso’ putting out the fire herself: now that’s the stuff of fantasy!
hahaha That’s true! She probably could handle the whole thing herself.
//She wears fancy cowboy boots and hot outfits//
Dang. Wish I had a super like that.
Oh and another thing to add to her general awesome-ness:
She is really really NICE.
I lucked out!!
I’ve had three supers in my life. All A$$HOLES. Had I had one like this, I might have done something else with our downpayment.
She sounds like quite a character. In a good way.
Mohammed was kind of a loser.
Careful…
Why careful? I’m sure he won’t read my blog. He WAS a loser. HE HID when the smoke alarm went off and pretended he wasn’t home even though we all KNEW he was in there.
Also he brought bugs to the apartment.
LOSER.
Sheila, I was trying to make a joke and apparently it FLOPPED.
she sounds AWESOME!
PatrickP – Let’s all be thankful that Sheila didn’t draw a cartoon of Mohammed. Heehee!
Wow…I, just…wow. I can’t imagine a hot woman who suns herself in string bikinis AND has the guts and stamina and concern to be on the frontline of the bug-wars. And scrubs the stairwells herself (Is that a common thing for supers? It’s been years since I lived in an apartment complex with stairwells and enclosed public spaces, but my sense was the site-managers didn’t do much outside of collect the rent and delegate tasks to poorly-paid, possibly-undocumented folks who never seemed to work there for more than a few weeks).
the last place I lived in, the one public area was the laundry room and …ugh…it needed a dose of Hot Cleaning String Bikini Wearing Woman to take on its bug problem. (Seriously – I wanted to run bleach through all the washers before doing my clothes. it was that skanky).
This super sounds, well Super. And she sounds like she’d make a great book character someday.
What a fantastic post!
And the whole John Denver thing just KILLS me. I have now listened (vicariously) to John Denver every Sunday morning since she moved in. It reminds me of my childhood. But also – you would so think she would be a salsa-music lady. I just love the unexpectedness of it.
ricki – yeah, the whole building-cleaning thing is a mystery to me. I know that my landlords are (uhm) cheap – and their son (such a sweetheart) used to come over and shovel snow, or mop the stairwell, etc – but now Hot Latin Super does it all herself. Also more frequently than he did it – she mops the entire joint once a week!!
YOU FILL UP MY SENSES….
Ha ha ha.
I love this woman! And that you said, “I know I’ve mentioned that but I believe it bears mentioning again.”
Why is that SO funny to me? It just IS!!
I wish I had a super like that. Of course, I live in my own house. Still…..
That’s it; I’m spending the summer at your apartment. When does the tanning begin?
Mark – it already started! She was out there, sunning herself like a lizard last Sunday. Come on over! Country roooooad take me hoooome … etc.
You should invoice the management company and/or building owner for the finestkind advertising you’re doing for your building.
I’m thinking a certain segment of your audience will be requiring pictures,many well lit pictures, to properly evaluate her so-called “hotness”. Are we talking Salma? Charo? Rosie Perez? The Y Tu Mama woman?
I saw the christmas decorations this past year. I was quite impressed. Your super ROCKS…well, you can’t really rock to John Denver, but still…
Can….can you tell me more about the string Bikini?
;D j/k!
Hot Latin woman in her 40s sunning herself in a string bikini under her sexy underwear that is drying on clotheslines in the breeze. What a visual.
Today’s going to be a great day.
Think Sonia Braga about 10 years ago. My super has that kind of bone structure – like Sonia’s – not a soft or gentle face – but hard-edged, intelligent, and smokin’ hot.
Basically, Sonia Braga is my super.
Think Sonia Braga about 10 years ago.
Great. Now that’s all I can think about.
im sorry to disappoint u, boys..but its actaully ME in a string bikini…sorry Sheil..i just needed a place to work on my tan!
mitchell – it has always been my dream to have a little Latin house boy.
I just had a thought and Googled “hot latin super”; pretty much what I expected. Get ready for some interesting visitors.
“I have lived many lives”
Sonia Braga hot. Nice.
I was wondering if it was Maria Conchita Alonso hot, or more like a Barbara Carrera?
OMG…Imagine that…Barbara Carrera as the Super? I dunno about you all but I find that quite interesting.