“I love you, but I don’t like falling to my death.

This post made me laugh out loud:

Some Hypothetical Instances In Which Women I Date Should Know That They’re On Their Own

The first paragraph ends with this:

One girl I dated refused to talk to clowns, but if there were ever a situation in which talking to a clown had been absolutely necessary and unavoidable, I would�ve had no problem. I�ve looked into it, and most non-movie clowns are not supernaturally evil.

Seriously though. Funny funny stuff.

If, perhaps, you somehow find yourself dangling precariously by one hand from a window ledge of a skyscraper (or above any deep chasm, really), I�m not going to try to pull you back up. I�ll sit ten to twenty feet away and give you moral support, but mostly I�ll just wait until help arrives.

Here’s the rest.

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18 Responses to “I love you, but I don’t like falling to my death.

  1. JFH says:

    Oh sure, it’s funny to you, but those for those of us with coulrophobia, it’s no laughing matter. I mean, we all know that MOST non-movie clowns are not supernaturally evil, but that still leaves a large population of clowns that are just “naturally” evil. Why do they wear all that disguising makeup if they have nothing to hide?!!

  2. red says:

    Oh please. You have no argument from me. I am the chick who thinks that mimes are inherently evil.

  3. Cullen says:

    Mimes aren’t inherently evil?

  4. JFH says:

    Ya know, Cullen, the only thing MORE scary than evil mimes are evil mimes with baseball bats… worse yet, in Yankee pinstripes!!:

    Baseball Furies

  5. JFH says:

    Dang, screwed up the link:

    Baseball Furies

  6. just1beth says:

    You DO realize, that I am kinda a mime these days. Which really pisses me off. Cause I hate mimes. Ewww.

  7. JFH says:

    Yes, but, are you afraid of yourself?

  8. just1beth says:

    Quite possibly. I haven’t really thought of that. I had to have surgery on my vocal cords and literally can’t talk for a few weeks. All that comes out is a teeny, tiny whisper. I have found myself pantomiming things at my friends and family when I don’t feel like writing something down. The other night at dinner my father was like, “She wants you to move over one seat” and my daughter was all like, “No, she wants the gravy!!” I just wanted a napkin!! Clearly, my calling as a mime will not pay the bills!!

  9. red says:

    Oh Beth!!!! (Miming sympathy in your general direction)

    I literally cannot imagine you not talking.

  10. alli says:

    JFH: That was the scariest picture I’ve ever seen. Thanks for the nightmares man.

  11. Cullen says:

    I don’t know, JFH, a mime ministry is awfully scary.

  12. just1beth says:

    umm..mime ministry? What kind of sick, fucked up person thinks that shit up?? Weirdos.hahahahahahaha!

  13. JFH says:

    One of my greatest heroes is Opus, aka, The Olive Loaf Vigilante

  14. red says:

    And then of course – there is the real-live story of Jess’ unwitting participation in something called the clown ministry.

    Kinda not to be missed.

  15. Cullen says:

    Thanks for linking to that, Sheila. What a great read!

  16. chuck in maine says:

    JFH-

    Oh my GAWWWDD…Opus on trial for bitch slappin’ a mime to death with an olive loaf. One of the best stories ever in Bloom County!! Well, that and the many deaths of Bill the Cat. Thhppfft!

  17. Ken says:

    Late to the party as usual, trying to hijack back to topic as usual, and being contrary as usual…

    (hey! hat trick)

    …I dunno, I’m going with “try to pull you back up.” I go with Cyrano de Bergerac on this one:

    “It is but a little thing to die, but never to see her again…that is terrible.”

    I suppose one could incorporate a first-date or at least a first-date-not-going-so-hot qualifier, though.

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