This is my new favorite thing - The OEDILF - the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form - a dictionary (in the works) where all definitions are reader-submitted limericks.
For example, here is the definition to "Cadbury Egg" (first of all: HA!):
Though Jewish, I envy your Easter;
On Cadbury Eggs I'm a feaster.
They're chocolate and smooth,
And my mood they will soothe.
(But they'll add too much weight to my keister!)
Here is the definition to the word "agog":
As instructed, a yoga tutee
Inverted herself in a "vee,"
Then considered, agog,
What a down-facing dog
Might do to a down-facing tree.
Okay, I can't stop.
The definition for "aviatrix" is brilliant, I think:
A stunt aviatrix (girl flier)
Came down in a swamp deep and dire.
She was lunch for a croc,
But the studio's doc
Called it "death from consumption" (the liar).
It's hard to believe you could have a limerick for the word "avascularity" but here it is:
You suffer from avascularity?
No offense, but I doubt your sincerity.
With no vessels for blood
Your whole body's a dud,
And you won't pass your genes to posterity.
Go browse here.
(got it from Norm!)
Posted by sheilaThere once was a young nun from Mars
Who masturbated using cigars
She said I come faster when using Dutch Master
But White Owls can show me the stars!
:)
Posted by: jackie at August 29, 2006 10:12 AMhahahahahahahahahahahaha
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 10:12 AMAnd then of course there's this - although it isn't really a limerick:
Lesbians are cool
Lesbians are trendy
Didn't like Peter Pan
But I really fell for Wendy
I'm bookmarking the OEDILF under the tag "Awesome."
Posted by: Steve Ely at August 29, 2006 10:35 AMLimerick for "cadmium":
To control chain reactions, your odds
Will improve if you've cadmium rods
In your fission reactor.
Their lack is a factor
In screams of "A meltdown! Ye Gods!"
Shelia, I know this is WAY off topic, but I saw this article posted on another forum and thought it might be something you'd appreciate. The first limerick you posted reminded me of it, "keister" being the word that flipped the switch for me.
No I dont want to think about why that was so....
The return of nudnik and klafte
Posted by: Sharon Ferguson at August 29, 2006 11:29 AMThose are great! Here's what I sent him for the 'blog' definition:
From PETA to Butchers of Llamas,
From Kossacks to ex-Dalai Lamas,
What a wide-varied log,
Are these pundits who blog,
And weave a wide web with pajamas.
hahahahahahahahahaha that is awesome!!!!
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 11:59 AMFor something meta, I had to look up limerick definitions of "limerick":
This limerick's bad, but, good grief,
I'm expecting a sense of relief
That as verse after verse
Goes from rotten to worse,
It is blessedly gonna be brief.
In a limerick dictionary
The quality of terms widely vary
From sublime to absurd
You'll learn very few words
But much more off-color hilarity
What fun - it makes me happy just to know this thing exists...
Posted by: miker at August 29, 2006 2:10 PMMy all-time favorite:
There once was a man named Paul
who had a hexagonal ball
The square of its weight,
and his prick length plus eight,
is his phone number. Give him a call!
What a brilliant site! You know what could be fun? If we gave each other words and had to come up with our own limerick definition.
Posted by: David at August 29, 2006 3:50 PMOr not.
Posted by: David at August 29, 2006 3:52 PMThis new-fangled genre called "blogging"
(an update on old-style word flogging)
Via electronic shout
You fling your thoughts out
And achieve Insta-pedagoging
David - please write a limerick for the phrase "wi-ku fit".
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 3:53 PMOr centaur!! (By the way, David - I responded to your email - did you get it?? For some reason, my Outbox has not been behaving properly)
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 3:58 PMA dictionary of just limerick meter
Provides us with interactive theater
Instead of boring haiku shit
Sheila says "write on wi-ku fit"
Knowing that none could defeat her.
Centaur
A monster is often my label
Though I consider myself really quite able.
With the cock of horse,
I show no remorse
When you feel that I ain’t no fable.
Ah Bingley, you speaketh the truth.
Your wisdom is long in the tooth.
But a wi-ku fit
is not merely a snit.
It leaves one completely uncouth.
David - hahahaha You totally honored my request!! I love it!
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 4:43 PMOur wordsmithing waxes sublime
Turning phrases in limerick time
But it's useless for teaching
For the words alter meaning
Whenever we're stuck for a rhyme
I am in love with all of you right now.
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 5:04 PMOh Nightfly, your point is well made.
Our limits leave me dismayed.
But we all rise above,
With the words that we love,
To find meanings that transcend the staid.
Oh man - now you have to do one for "rumspringa"!!
Please?
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 5:51 PMThese boundaries likewise I spurn
And your kudos I gladly return
With this poetic crew
It's the least I can do
For the bawdy punchlines that I've learned
David is such a tough act ta' foller,
How deftly he wears the "wi-ku fit" collar!
But to ladies his act is quite poor
For he rails and calls her a centaur
(Heck, I'd have paid 'least a dollar)
Uhm, I never want this thread to end. Please continue.
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 5:55 PMLike some Norseman searching for his Saga Norlinga
Or some Latin who deep drank from the rumspringa
When Sheila "Jump!" doth outcrya
I answer "oh, but how higha"
For love is a many splendered thinga
The Amish are strict in their ways.
The men do not pay for their lays.
But comes a time for a youth,
called rumspringa, in truth
And all bets are off for some days
Tolerance of deviation from norms
Is no virtue of Amish culture and forms
but for one slice of time
kids can do any crime
And are exempt from authority's storms.
David - seriously - that second one is killing me!!!
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 7:16 PMMr, Bingley - "thinga" hahahahahaha
Makes me think of that great cartoon with the singing happy owl?? "I love to singa and the moon-a and the June-a and a swing-a ..."
member that?
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 7:18 PMabout a song for two
and a me and you
oh a i a love a to
i a love a to sing!
it was the 'owl' jolson one, wasn't it?
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at August 29, 2006 7:37 PMA bit more on the dirty side:
To the scriptures the Amish do hold,
In the strictest of manners I'm told
But for a time it is said,
The young girls can give head,
While fondling their labium folds.
Ah. One of my great loves . . . the Limerick form. Unfortunately I have a better ability to memorize than I have to compose them.
I'm not sure what it is, but Limericks to me achieve their highest, purest state when dealing with Anglican themes. To wit (and I'll save the really raunchy ones . . . unless anyone want to hear them, that is):
There was a young lady of Kew
Who remarked, as the Curate withdrew:
'The Vicar is quicker
And slicker and thicker
And longer and stronger than you'
Or:
There once was a lady of Chichester
Who made all the saints in their niches stir.
One morning at matins
Her breasts in white satins
Made the Bishop of Chichester's britches stir.
Departing from the Church of England, there's this somewhat suggestive offering by Limerick master Robert Conquest:
A young engine-driver called Hunt
Once took out his engine to shunt,
Saw a runaway truck,
And by shouting out, ‘Duck!’
Saved the life of the fellow in front.
Then there's this three-stanza epic from the late Benny Hill:
Poor old Prunella was built like a fella
So she went 'round to see Doctor Kerr
He said 'Now then, make haste',
but when stripped to the waist
He couldn't help calling her 'sir'.
'Don't worry your head, I'm a surgeon', he said
'I'll graft you two on, just like that.'
Then he went and got plastered
The silly old . . . fool
And he grafted them onto her back.
Now poor old Prunella, she can't get a fella
To walk or to talk or romance with.
'Cause who wants to chat
With a girl, looks like that
But, by God, she's great fun to dance with!
hahahahahahahaha these are awesome! I love your point about the whole Anglican theme - the whole randy vicar thing - that's so true!
I have been racking my brains to remember one of my favorite dirty limericks and all I remember is the punch line:
"and her arse was in Buckingham Palace"
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 8:33 PMHm... That could be anything, Sheila.
Palace...malice...chalice...Cialis...
Posted by: Nightfly at August 29, 2006 9:15 PMI think it started with 'there once was a young girl named Alice" - and naturally hijinx ensue.
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 9:17 PMcialis - hahahahahaha bite your tongue, damn spammer!!!
Posted by: red at August 29, 2006 9:17 PM"Ever forth!" the limericist said,
"Standing meter and meaning on head
It's a sturdy old meme
And a persistent team
Could make this the undending thread!"
And believe me, after some of these, the name of one particular pharmaceutical is the least of your worries... =B
Posted by: Nightfly at August 29, 2006 9:20 PMI think I know this one:
There was a young woman from Dallas
Who used Dynamite for a phallus
They found her Vagina
In North Carolina
And her arse was in Buckingham Palace
The great thing about Limericks is that they can be refined and added-on and re-worked; otherwise I suspect they'd all be about Vicars and Bishops and young ladies from Kent.
Like this one:
A vice both obscene and unsavory
Holds the Bishop of Barking in slavery
With lascivious howls
He deflowers young Owls
That he lures to an underground aviary
Or this one:
There was a young lady from Kent
Who knew perfectly well what it meant
When men asked her to dine,
Gave her oysters and wine
Yes, she knew what it meant but she went
I know way too many of these
Posted by: Tom Sutpen at August 30, 2006 3:20 AMTom - yes!! that's the one! She blows herself up with dynamite, poor dear.
I love the last one about oysters and wine - you do know a lot of good ones!!
Posted by: red at August 30, 2006 7:37 AMUmmmm, oysters and wine....
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at August 30, 2006 8:27 AMAh, how many times in my own life have I known what it meant but I went ....
Posted by: red at August 30, 2006 8:36 AMGreat stuff! I'm not very good at these, hence:
A talent for limericks I do not possess
Nothing clever comes forth, even under duress
Those gifted with the rhyming gene
I hold in the highest esteem
For my poor efforts are invariably a mess
How many time I hoped I knew what it meant...
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at August 30, 2006 3:17 PM