I know. It's been a while.
It comes in waves - my desire to do the diary thing. I can't do it if I'm not in the mood - it's too exposing. I need to be in the mood for that kind of thing.
Okay, so here's one from my sophomore year in high school. It's mortifying (and fun) for me to share this.)
J. came home with me today. I cannot explain the fun. [And then I proceed to "explain the fun"]
17 says that a hearty laugh is equal to a 3-mile run. [And we all know that we must do whatever Seventeen magazine tells us!!] If that is so, then why am I not anorexic?
We watched GH [those initials should need no explanation] and almost cried when Noah hurt Tiffany. [hahahaha Noah!!!!]
We went up to my room and oddly enough we talked seriously for a long time. About prejudice and the Ku Klux Klan. [Like I said in the first paragraph - "I cannot explain the fun". The FUN of discussing the KKK!] I am terrified of those men. I have horrible nightmares and I hate them so much. How -- HOW can someone not like someone because - OF THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN!!! Or their religion? It is totally unfathomable to me. And it makes me so mad. I could never put the feelings into words. It really really scares me. [Still does, hon. Let's add "sexual orientation" onto that list - and we'll be completely up to date with my current-day feelings.]
We were called downstairs at 5:30 and I had 3 pieces of pizza!!! [Hence, the lack of anorexia] I am so ashamed.
We left right after for Tootsie.
Guess who was there? Mere, Beth, Michelle and Jayne! [Okay, now that is completely BIZARRE. That is exactly the grouping that got together last Saturday for Mere's black-belt graduation. Ah, continuity. How I love thee.] We all sat together. I think it was better the second time, because I knew what to expect - and none of the lines flew by me. When Bill Murray said, "You slut" - I swear, Mere and I were leaning over, holding our stomachs, and just LAUGHING. It was great.
When we got home, J. and I went into the den and - I revealed some deep secrets - and I could NOT believe that she did the same thing. I really must sound desperate but, at times, I do pretend that I have a boyfriend. When I'm alone, I act out imaginary scenes with him, and fights, and I turn on Barry Manilow music when we make up. [That is literally the funniest most embarrassing thing I have ever heard in my life.] I lie in bed and pretend that we've just made love. I swear, I am in need of a dildo. [I cannot BELIEVE I knew that word. ??????? I am shocked at myself.] We were laughing so hard though because we both do the SAME things and we never knew about it! I kept going, "I feel as if a great weight has been taken off my shoulders!" We compared stories and laughed endlessly because J. said, "Well, my purple pillow is my boyfriend," and I said, "Well, my backrest is really good cause it sort of has arms." We laughed about that for about 15 minutes. I tell you, I'm laughing now!!! J. kept saying it. "It sort of has arms!" I can't believe that I actually told someone my deep dark secret and found that she did it too. We were lying on the floor in the den, ROARING. But of course we both laugh silently. If anyone had listened at the door, they wouldn't have thought we were in there.
At 1:00, we were still up - so we watched a Barbra Streisand movie that was on: "Owl and the Pussycat."
And now, the sun is "spitting morning" into my face. BYE!
Posted by sheilaOkay, I laughed out loud at the Barry Manilow/dildo thing.
(Have there ever been two words that did NOT need to be in the same sentence?)
Posted by: Lisa at October 27, 2006 2:06 PMbackrest with arms? if we're talking about this kind of pillow [http://www.collegegear.com/sf/stores/product_images/115476.jpg], in my circles that's called a husband. no lie.
or are we talking about this kind of pillow with arms -- http://asia.cnet.com/i/r/2004/gb/nov/hug_b1.jpg ? because that would be hilarious.
also, reason #352 that i love you -- the anorexia commentary. bwahaahahaahaaa!
Posted by: amelie / rae at October 27, 2006 3:29 PM//in my circles that's called a husband. no lie.//
amelie - seriously. I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING. I am howling!!
Yes - my backrest was like the one in your first link (the fact that you tracked down links, too - I am totally DYING over here). I've seen promo shots of that second creepy one-arm guy, and it seriously freaks me out.
Posted by: red at October 27, 2006 3:37 PMi have a husband on the futon here at college. he's useful, and i lend him to my roommate sometimes.
also, really funny when i visited friends in madison, and didn't take a pillow, and used instead my friend john's fuzzy black husband.
i can't seem to find anyone else that has heard it called 'husband' before they heard it from me, aside from the people who introduced me to the term. maybe it's a hoax, but it is humourous.
also, the creepy one-arm guy freaks me out too. SO glad yours wasn't like that!
Posted by: amelie / rae at October 27, 2006 3:42 PMWell, it's been a busy week, long time, no read...and when I finally do, this is what I get? Barry Manilow? Dildos? Sylvia Plath? You crack me the fuck up!
(esp. since I do think talking about the KKK is fun: I mean, they may think they look scary, but really, they're just a bunch of boyz in the hood. Granted, a hood with creepy Lil' Orphan Annie eye-type holes in it, but small stupid holes just the same.)
And, actually, I think the "creepiest" part of your still wonderfully well-written and, um, as you say, "exposing" diary entry is you and your friend both having silent laughs, i.e. undetectable from behind a closed door. I'm thinking (and laughing bizzarely about) just that imaginary person you'd have pressing an ear against the door while you two were in there-- but then busting in and seeing two chicks sprawled out on the floor, faces like tomatoes, tears peeing down their cheeks. What calamitous, unheard event would provoke such a freak-out? As though some sort of crazy, hysteria-making, tongue-paralyzing gas had drained all the oxygen out of the room and put you in a kind of neo-natal state.
Then again, who wouldn't have that response after having just found out that her best friend also mistook the progenitor of "Mandy" for an aphrodesiac, his strains playing in her head as she went purple on her purple pillow?
(and then, of course, to end the account abruptly with a big ole' Shel Silverstein "BYE!" hahahah!)
Posted by: Jon at October 27, 2006 3:45 PM"My purple pillow is my boyfriend." I mean ... you know ... the honesty!!!
I know - we always thought it was so funny that neither of us made noise when we really got laughing.
And what's with the big "BYE!"?? I have no idea!!! Who ya talkin' to, Sheila??
Posted by: red at October 27, 2006 3:49 PMI'm with you, Amelie! I heard the term "husband" used in this context. I first learned it when my younger sister got one for college. When she called it that, I said, and I quote, "Ew."
Something about that didn't sit right with me. Then again, I was also a closeted lesbo at the time. Analyze at will.
Posted by: curly mcdimple at October 27, 2006 3:50 PMI have often thought I need to get a new husband. I haven't had a husband for years and I love those things.
Posted by: red at October 27, 2006 4:15 PMI've heard it called a husband, too.
Posted by: Lisa at October 27, 2006 6:20 PMI've never heard it called a husband, but I have heard it called a boyfriend pillow, which is the same idea. As my bed doubles as a couch, it's a handy sort of pillow to have.
Posted by: Harriet at October 27, 2006 6:43 PMI've heard these are called husbands, too--
http://www.jbpet.com/Shopping/product.asp?catalog_name=JBWholesale&product_id=227-0120&category_name=ToysNylabones
--but have been renamed "Galileo" by the friendly folks at Nylabone. Apparently, the eponymous architect of these toys was the actual man himself...
(...and you wonder why the church went out and branded him a heretic...)
Whatever the case, I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that you weren't a dog owner at 15 (especially given the way a dog like Saul, my pooch, has been grinding up their ends so that they're studdded with tiny razor-sharp nylon protruberances -- something he has no idea about having created, of course, when he playfully butts my bare shins with one of those things in his mouth, all in the way of saying (I think) "I love you, Barry Manilow.")
Posted by: Jon at October 27, 2006 6:45 PMUmmm, can we get out of the gutter a bit and discuss the more important points of this Diary Friday?? For example:
1) Bill Murray deserved an Oscar nomination for Tootsie... Now, I not saying that Hoffman, Garr, Lange and Pollack DIDN'T deserve nominations (although Teri was better than Jessica IMHO and should have won the Oscar), but how do you over look that performance? Is it because he was "playing Bill Murray"? I mean, Jessica Lange was "playing Jessica Lange" in the movie too... Then again, I bow to the experts on this blog, who may explain to me why I'm wrong on this point.
2)MOST IMPORTANTLY, Tiffany Hill was a conniving bitch/slut... Once you work for the Cassidines, you stay with the Cassidines(sp?). Look we all knew that Rick Springfield, er, Noah Drake was destined to get back with Bobbie, and this girl was just in the way...
Posted by: JFH at October 27, 2006 11:35 PMJFH - ohmigod, you know the last names. Tiffany Hill!!!!! hahahahahahaha I love it!
And good ol' Bobbie with the googly eyes. I believe she is still on that show.
Posted by: red at October 27, 2006 11:41 PMOh, and I TOTALLY agree with you on Bill Murray. He was just so so good in that part - and I think that Dustin Hoffman wouldn't have seemed AS funny as he did without that dry cynical wit to bounce off of.
And I certainly don't think that Jessica Lange gave an Oscar-worthy performance there. I just don't. Any other actress could have played that part. I think they gave it to her because she DIDN'T win for Frances - and THAT was a part she deserved it for!!
Posted by: red at October 27, 2006 11:44 PMI agree on all counts. Get this damn thing out of the gutter!
(But between you and me: I'm sure that if Bill Murray had a husband in Tootsie, he would've gotten an Oscar nod.)
Barry Manilow is your make up music.
that is the funniest thing i think i've ever read about you that I didn't know already.
so what ....like Mandy? help me understand...
Posted by: mere at October 28, 2006 10:05 AMMere - I had completely blocked the Barry Manilow thing out. It's so embarrassing.
What are some other of his slow songs? I don't think 'Mandy' was the one that did it for me.
What's the one about walking on the beach in New England? Does that ring a bell? I seem to recall that I really liked that song.
"Weekend in New England"
When will our eyes meet?
When can I touch you?
When will this strong yearning end?
And when will I hold youuuuuuuuuuuu
AGAIN?
(I did that straight from memory, no Google. I'm so sad.)
Posted by: Lisa at October 28, 2006 11:46 AMEXCELLENT work from you, Lisa.
Now just imagine that it's a BACKREST singing "When will I hold you again" and you can really tap into the pathos of my adolescence.
As long as the backrest wasn't singing into a hairbrush.
Posted by: Lisa at October 28, 2006 11:51 AMSuddenly it's like a scene from Beauty and the Beast where all the objects come to life.
Posted by: red at October 28, 2006 11:52 AMOh.dear.God.
Now all i can do is imagine my freshman year roommate who HAD to fall asleep to Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits. (or just "Barry" as she called him- no last name- they were that close). If she hadn't fallen asleep in the first four songs, she would literally GET UP and REWIND the tape and play it over again until she did. The scary thing about all of this is that I can not remember one song on that tape- i have blocked it all from my memory, it was that disturbing. And I am usually pretty good about remembering minutae.
Beth - hahahaha I totally remember her "Barry" obsession. She was out of her mind about him. hahahahahahaha I didn't know about the rewinding of the tape, though. Man ... had she not heard of headphones?
Posted by: red at October 28, 2006 5:58 PMI actually had to step away from the computer for a few minutes to compose myself. Barry Manilow...key-rist.
Posted by: Mark at October 28, 2006 11:30 PMMark -hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Posted by: red at October 29, 2006 7:58 AMThis has been probably one of the shortest and most hysterically funny diary friday entries ever... Did you just pick out this one by accident? The one-armed pillow and the bones were perfect contributions to it by the way... hahahahaha
Posted by: LOOK_CLOSER at October 31, 2006 2:38 AMThis has been probably one of the shortest and most hysterically funny diary friday entries ever... Did you just pick out this one by accident? The one-armed pillow and the bones were perfect contributions to it by the way... hahahahaha
Posted by: LOOK_CLOSER at October 31, 2006 2:42 AMLC - I don't know what you mean "by accident". Do you mean "at random"? Either way, neither one is true. I flip thru journals, reading, and pick out entries that I think are fun, interesting, or well-written, or ones that will spark a good conversation.
Posted by: red at October 31, 2006 9:14 AMSheila- was this at Edwards Auditorium - where they would show 2nd run movies..admission was $1.50...where we would sit in the balcony and act like we owned the place....?
Posted by: Mich-L at October 31, 2006 12:19 PMMich-L
I believe it was, if I remember correctly. I have blanked out the Manilow Years, but the Edwards Era remains quite clear to me.
I think it was at Edwards! God, what fun that was. How insane. I remember seeing SOPHIE'S CHOICE at Edwards. IN that crazy partying atmosphere. So surreal.
And yeah - I loved sitting up in the balcony - all of us, as though we were in charge of the whole joint.
Do they still show movies at Edwards??
Posted by: red at October 31, 2006 5:38 PMDon't know if they still show movies there - but it would be an appropriate pilgrimage if the do!
Oh God, you guys - if Edwards still plays movies, we have GOT to go one of these days. That would be hysterical.
I went on my first date with Trav to Edwards! I remember we sat in the balcony and hung our feet over the railing and we both had on hi-tops.
Posted by: red at November 1, 2006 4:47 PM