I feel gluttonous just LOOKING at this list of lists. Eventually I must do them all. Of course.
I'll do a quick pass-thru - but I definitely need to go into more detail. Some of these list ideas are SO fun.
Worst Books Ever, or Five Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back
Definitely The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I didn't even last 5 hours. What a piece of shit.
Books I Have Lied About Reading
I once told someone I had read Cannery Row when I hadn't.
Books I Have Lied About Liking
Women Who Run with the Wolves. It just seemed easier to agree, rather than not. Grease the wheels of life, baby. Be nice.
Book-to-Movie Adaptations Where, Frankly, the Movie Was Better
Ordinary People (although the book is great, too)
I'll think more about this ...
Books I Used to Love, of Which I Am Now Ashamed
Hm. I'll have to think about that. I'm not ashamed of much.
Best Book Titles of All Time
I think Wrinkle in Time is one of the greatest book titles ever.
I'll have to really go into this one.
Books That I Expected to Be Dirtier
All DH Lawrence.
My Real Guilty-Pleasure Reads, and Not the Decoys I Talk About Openly
The Story of O.
Also all of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty books.
See? I'm not ashamed of much.
Books You Must Read Before You Die, but Would Rather Die Than Read
Remembrance of Things Past
Books I Refused to Read for a Long Time Because too Many (or the Wrong) People Recommended Them
The Shipping News comes to mind. Once I read it, I realized: Oh. THAT'S why everyone told me I had to read it.
Books I Read Only After Seeing the Movie
will come back to this ...
Books I Most Often Try to Persuade Other People to Read
I don't really do that anymore. Probably Ryzsard Kapuscinski's stuff.
But a couple of other recommendations come to mind. I recommend specific books to specific people. Like recommending the Lindbergh biography to Allison. It's huge, it's exhaustive - I knew she would LOVE it. But I wouldn't recommend that to everyone. So it's not general
Authors I Wish Had Written More Books Already
Ryzsard Kapucinsky. sniff sniff
And, believe it or not, Madeleine L'Engle. She's written like 80 books but I still want more.
I'll come back to this one.
Overused Plot Points That Drive Me Nuts
needs more thought
Books in Which I Liked the Secondary Characters Better Than the Main Character, or Books in Which I Wanted to Beat the Main Character Senseless with a Tire Iron
hahahaha This is a great question. I'll come back to it
Books I Lied About Reading and Then Wrote an A+ Term Paper On
Genius. Well, the whole Country Wife nonsense in college comes to mind ... a story which I have yet to tell on this blog.
Books I Lied About Reading/Liking Solely to Look Smart/Pretentious
I don't really do that.
Books I Wish I Hadn't Finished, or Worst. Ending. Ever.
Hmm. Not sure I understand this one. I'll think more upon it.
Books I Read after Oprah Recommended Them
I don't really do that.
Books I Will Never Read Precisely Because Oprah Recommends Them
Ha. Nope, I don't do that either. She's chosen some great books.
Literary Characters I've Developed Crushes On
Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice
Claude Collier (from Lives of the Saints - pitter PAT!
Cal from East of Eden
John from The Pigman
Books I Only Read to Impress Other People
I don't really do that.
Best Books Not to Read from Start to Finish, or Best Bathroom Books
David Thomson's Encyclopedia of Film. Best bathroom book ever.
Books I Shouldn't Admit Made Me Cry Like a Baby
I rarely cry reading books. The ones that have made me cry I freely admit. No shame.
Books I Only Read for the Title
good question. I will come back to it.
Books I Re-Read When I Have Nothing Else to Read
Possession. I'm re-reading that right now.
I also re-read Margaret Atwood's short stories.
I read Robert Kaplan when I've got nothing else to read.
And all Nancy Lemann books
Books People Keep Recommending That, Frankly, Sucked Ass
I read Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook on a recommendation (from a good friend) and I am serious when I say: I NEVER took a book recommendation from him again. I also didn't tell him how I felt about it - because why do that?
Books My Teacher Made Me Read That I Really, Really Liked
Tale of 2 Cities - in high school
Also The Pigman in 8th grade - and all of Robert Cormier's stuff. I still love those books.
Books My Teacher Made Me read That Made Me Question the Value of My Education
awesome one. I'll come back to that.
Books That Made Me Want to Have Sex with at Least One Character
I definitely would like to have sex with Mr. Darcy
Also Bud White in LA Confidential
What was the name of the young man in Atonement? Robbie? I should put him on the list too, probably.
Books I Actually Read but Got a Poorer Grade on the Paper I Wrote on the Subject Than My Best Friend Who Did Not Read the Book
Oh God, I have so many of these. It used to drive me INSANE. I'll come up with some examples.
Books I Read Because the Author Looked Hot
Huh?
Books I've Read Aloud
I read aloud a lot. Possession is a great read-out-loud book due to all of the different voices and poets and excerpts - I find that really fun. But I read out loud all the time ... it relaxes me.
Books I Love Even Though the Last Twenty Pages Made No Damn Sense
Books I Have Written a Prequel/Sequel to in My Own Head
Beautiful question ... i'll come back to it
Books I Keep Meaning to Read, but Then I See Something Shiny
well, that was the point of the whole From the Stacks challenge - which I completed in December! Stop getting distyracted! Read those books you already have on the stacks!
Books I Will Go to the Mattresses for, Even Though I Hate the Writer
I'll go to the mattress for a lot of things. I'll go to the mattress against censorship, against whiny anti-intellectual commentary (usually incorporating the word "latte" as though that is some kind of shorthand that we all can understand. Here's a hint: You look lazy when you use it too much. You look like an asshole. What the hell is wrong with "latte"? Unless you want to live in an echo chamber where everybody nods, and snickers about "latte" - and who knows, maybe you do - then you need to realize that that big huge CHIP you have on your shoulder about a certain kind of coffee drink makes me tune you out.) And maybe you don't care about having people listen to you. So be it. Just tellin' ya what it looks like over here. So writers who are attacked for THESE types of reasons ... as opposed to their books? I don't care WHAT they wrote. I'm sticking up for them.
Books You Must Read Because You Must Mock
I don't do that. Waste of time
Worst How-To Books Ever
I can't answer that on the grounds that I will incriminate myself
Books That Were on the 'To Be Read' List the Longest
War and Peace has been on my "to be read" list since the late 1980s.
Books I Hated Having to Read in School, But Love Now
Oh, I adore this question. Moby Dick is the first one. Tess of the D'urbevilles is another.
Books Whose References Have Worked Their Way into My Household Lexicon
Lives of the Saints by Nancy Lemann has definitely influenced how I talk. I should write more about that.
Books I've Never Read But Have Read the Cliffnotes Version
Oh. The Country Wife. That's a play. It's also a story I have never told on this blog. But I will someday.
Books I've Read Because I Liked Their Cover Design/Font
Hopeful Monsters by Nicholas Mosley - which is so scary because it is now one of my favorite books ever ... and I picked it up cause I liked the COVER DESIGN. Horrible to imagine not encountering that book.
Books Which, When It Comes Right Down to It, I Would Have No Problem Burning
Ha! Well - I have principles, you know. I stand by them. I despise Fred Phelps, but I wouldn't burn his books. If he wrote one. Which I highly doubt. I boycott publications, that's how I deal with it. I boycott magazines and online publications who publish the people I hate. And for me this is some sacrifice because ... well, a lot of them are good magazines. I don't BURN the magazines who publish these people. I just refuse to support them, with clicks, page views, or my hard-earned money.
Books Which I Read Only for the Sex Scenes
I think we covered this above.
Actually, too, there's a Ken Follett novel - and I'm not even sure what book it is - or why I read it ... but there's a sex scene in it which, I think, is one of the best ones I've ever read. Not for being sexy or anything - but for being REAL, and poignant ... It certainly sticks in my mind, whatever book it is. I'll check the title when I get home, I think I have it somewhere.
Books I Pretend to Like So People Won't Think I'm a Snob, or Books I Pretend to Like So I Won't Hurt Your Feelings
Now I never pretended to like The Notebook to make my friend feel better. I didn't say to him, "You LIKED that?" I would never do that. I was polite. I thanked him for the recommendation and left it at that. Actually, David and I were just laughing about this the other night. People (on the blog, not in my life) sometimes get defensive or kind of confrontational with me. I know it's out of insecurity, but whatever, it's tiresome. So someone will give a dig, like: "So do you not think Tom Clancy is a valid writer then?" They project a snobby attitude onto me ... for whatever reason that has nothing to do with me. Look. Here's the dealio. You don't make me read Nicholas Sparks and I won't force you to read Ulysses. But don't project your bullshit onto me. We got a deal? I read what I read because my tastes lead me that way.
Oh, and I think it's so hysterical that people think I'm a snob when two posts below this one I'm raving about how I can't wait to see Rhinestone.
Books with Covers So Embarrassing You Can't Read Them in Public
My friend Liz and I were laughing about this. She and I were talking about this book and dammit, now I can't remember the title ... it had something to do with "the domestic and the erotic" - it was a self-help book - but it sounded very VERY interesting - and Liz thought it was great, but she showed me the cover which had a fishnetted leg on it ... and it was very sexy looking ... and said she just could not read it on the train. She had to hide what she was reading. I actually want to read that book (whatever it was) but I would feel a bit embarrassed about just reading it openly on the subway.
Books You Are Sorry You Didn't Read Decades Ago
I'll think more on that.
See what I mean ... gluttonous. I can't even answer the questions properly.
Posted by sheila | TrackBack"Books I Lied About Reading and Then Wrote an A+ Term Paper On"
Hahaha. I was freakishly good at this in high school.
Posted by: Emily at January 30, 2007 4:32 PMHa!!!!
Posted by: red at January 30, 2007 4:36 PMYou know, this list is what's wrong with blogging today. =P
Posted by: Nightfly at January 30, 2007 4:45 PMSorry, I edited that part out. It was too long. Poo-flinging monkeys, et al.
This is what happens when you get gluttonous. You write too fast.
Sheila -- I actually got a perfect score on a quiz I took in college for I, Claudius, which I was supposed to read but didn't and took the test based solely on what I remembered from the BBC series. I promised myself I'd eventually get around to reading it, but I still haven't. I'm a TERRIBLE person.
Authors I Wish Had Written More Books Already
Katherine.
Friggin'.
Dunn.
Come on, woman. PLEASE.
I love all of your answers here, btw. "I don't really do that." Hahaha.
Posted by: Emily at January 30, 2007 4:52 PMEmily - HAHAHAHA I Claudius! That is so so funny.
And seriously: what is UP, Dunn? No more books???
God. One of the best (and most unforgettable) books I have ever read.
Posted by: red at January 30, 2007 4:56 PM"Literary Characters I've Developed Crushes On"
what happened to Laurie?
Posted by: amelie / rae at January 30, 2007 5:29 PMamelie - I literally scribbled this entire post out in probably 2 minutes. I left a lot out - not on purpose!! Just because of haste. I'll come back to it. Laurie most definitely belongs on the list - yes! That scene where he gives Jo wine as they wait for Marmee to return - the night Beth is sick?? Member??? That's my favorite scene of Laurie's. The scene is where he first starts to seem like a man, rather than a boy.
Posted by: red at January 30, 2007 5:38 PMAlso all of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty books.
Mmhm. I love them too. Now I have to do the list.
Books with Covers So Embarrassing You Can't Read Them in Public:
I've got a copy of "The Man In The High Castle" by Philip K. Dick I just started reading. It has an incredible garish cover that prominently features a nude male torso for some reason. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea.
Posted by: dorkafork at January 30, 2007 8:19 PMoh my god, The Notebook, FUCK!!! i think i made it all the way to the end of that monstrosity. clearly this is simply the result of being a compulsive perfectionist and nothing else.
Posted by: beth at January 30, 2007 8:41 PMbook w/a cover too embarrassing to read in public...the rise and fall of the third reich. try sitting on the nyc subway flashing a little swastika package around and see how many friends you make. because most people, god bless 'em, hate the symbol but have no idea that the book is an exhaustive historical record of the atrocities. so you might as well have a shaved head and a few scalps hanging off of your belt.
i never finished the book because i couldn't bring it around with me.
Posted by: brendan at January 31, 2007 12:35 AMI couldn't do a list like this because I'd suffer over every answer and it would take two days, during which I would be constantly distracted and useless in life. But I will say, off the top of my head, that I do have a book I resent having read - "Moo," Jane Smiley. Much like the Notebook, it was a recommendation from someone who sniffed, "'Lord of the Rings' isn't literature. Here, read something else."
In 20 years Ms. Smiley's own family won't remember fifteen words from that ponderous yawn factory.
To be fair, the same someone recommended VS Naipaul's "A Bend in the River." I can't hold a grudge.
Posted by: Nightfly at January 31, 2007 12:36 AMbeth - HA! I don't feel so bad now. You know, I rarely put books down. If I start something I tend to finish it. But that one ... I mean, I knew within 2 pages what the entire plot was going to be - and to be honest ... I felt insulted by that book. I don't care if a book isn't a big intellectual pursuit - but I certainly don't want my intelligence to be insulted and that's how I felt reading that claptrap.
Posted by: red at January 31, 2007 10:31 AM"Books I Have Written a Prequel/Sequel to in My Own Head"
In high school some friends of mine and I wrote a "Chapter Zero" to the "Scarlet Letter", about how Hester got pregnant. "Oooh, Arthur, I don't think I have enough mud for your turtle", is the only bit I remember. I wonder if it still exists.
Posted by: John at January 31, 2007 11:36 AMChapter Zero! Ha!
You should totally see if you can find that somewhere - I bet it would be hysterical to read.
Posted by: red at January 31, 2007 11:37 AM"Oooh, Arthur, I don't think I have enough mud for your turtle."
Oh my god. That is just WRONG. And totally hilarious.
Posted by: Emily at January 31, 2007 12:01 PMBooks That I Expected to Be Dirtier
All DH Lawrence.
Yes! I remember finishing Lady Chatterley's Lover and thinking, "Why the hell was this book so controversial?" For the life of me, I couldn't understand why it'd been banned. Was it because of the extramarital affair? Was it because of the class mixing? Or was it because they had the gall to name their privates? Silly stuff!
Posted by: Kathy at January 31, 2007 12:11 PM"The Notebook"--right on, Sheila. And God bless you for reading it all the way through. A former co-worker of mine gave me a copy for Christmas a few years ago (before the movie was in the works) and I didn't make it past the first 8 pages once I figured out where it was going. When the movie came out someone bought it from me on Half.com! You may not get your time back but sometimes you can pick up a few bucks.
Posted by: Kate P at January 31, 2007 12:51 PMBingley - HA! I know!!! But ... but ... I love him anyway. I can't help it!!
Posted by: red at January 31, 2007 1:21 PMIf it wasn't for dear Jane, most delightful of all creatures, I might have to dive in a few ponds myself.
Us fellows with a mere 5 or 6 thousand a year just can't seem to get any admiration.
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at January 31, 2007 1:29 PMsheila, exactly. the point where i deided i hated the book was when it gets to this emotional climax where they're in a canoe or something and it's this big romantic scene, but then where he could have strong, vibrant descriptive paragraphs he had a bunch of sentence fragments ridden with cliche separated by ellipses. ellipses. i was like, this guy's a bestselling author?!?! movies are being made of his books?!?! how?!?
i am ANGRY about nicholas sparks. believe me, i could go on. :-)
Posted by: beth at January 31, 2007 1:34 PMred, i've actually red several of his (Sparks's) books, when i was going through my divorce and hated my life (and maybe the periods immediately before and after the divorce) and needed mindless, gooey, stupid, shallow romance. but yeah. i drew the line at The Notebook. i made it about 2/3 through and then i couldn't handle any more of the crap. i think when he started crawling into bed with the old woman at the nursing home is when i started barfing. it's hard to remember. i never finished it.
i read The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons for the sex scenes. well, there's the story too. i love that book so much, and i don't care who knows it. i love the sequel, too. i haven't read the third yet, because you have to order it from another country to get it. And yes, i do believe that when i was single, i pictured myself marrying and consummating with Alexander. the author is very nice, too. lives in New York. i've read it aloud, i re-read it, i've developed a crush on Alexander even though he's a bit possessive and somewhat chauvinistic.
perhaps i should blog this one. sorry to go on for so long. :)
p.s. i recommend that book. i'm not sure it's your kind of book, though. and i won't be offended if you ever read it and hate it. ;D
Posted by: sarahk at January 31, 2007 3:02 PMsarah - I was afraid people would get mad at me for hating The Notebook - I am so glad to hear that you, too, didn't like it.
However - he wrote Walk to Remember, right? I didn't read the book, because it's by him - but I kind of love that movie - even with its cheesy parts. So maybe his stuff is really just screenplays-in-waiting, you know?
And you have me intrigued about The Bronze Horseman. I will most certainly check it out.
Posted by: red at January 31, 2007 5:09 PMHeck, she intrigued me about it too...for its, er, um literary merits, natch.
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at January 31, 2007 7:37 PMA Walk to Remember! i love that movie soooo much. it's one of my all-time favorite chick flicks. i used to watch it over and over and pretend i was Mandy Moore because when he says to her "Baby, baby" at the bottom of the school steps? *sigh!* i have the soundtrack, too. but um. the book? sucks. the movie is way better than the book. i read that one right before i read The Notebook. that one was the last straw. after The Notebook, i was done with his stuff.
some of his other books are bearable, though, if you need mindless stuff. A Bend in the Road wasn't awful, and the one about the firefighter isn't too bad. but i really like Nicholas Follett and Tom Clancy better. :D
i will tell you up front about the Bronze Horseman -- everyone i know who has read it (men included, and i know a lot of men who have read it, their wives had it and the men took it for an airplane read and couldn't put it down) -- has wanted to read the sequel, because it kind of leaves you hanging and you can't bear to not know what happens after the end of the book. it's set in Leningrad and starts June 21, 1941, the day Hitler invades Russia and goes from there, and it's one of the best love stories I've ever read. i guess it's kind of historical/war/romance/fiction. starts slow, but don't give up on it, really. once you're past the first 50 pages, then you can't stop. but getting past the first 50 can be really hard. power through.
but the sequel never got an American publisher, so you have to order that, The Bridge to Holy Cross (in Australia), or Tatiana and Alexander (in UK) from overseas.
i'm so glad to have intrigued you. it's honestly my all-time favorite novel, and i shamelessly admit it. i don't choose a time-honored classic, i choose my grand, pushy hero, Alexander, and my brave and sometimes infuriatingly stupid heroine, Tatiana. i haven't read the third, but now that i'm thinking about it again, i'm dying to read the third one in the series. must work that into my budget. eeee!
ok, sorry for the long comments. i haven't read much lately, and apparently i miss it.
Posted by: sarahk at January 31, 2007 7:53 PM