Diary Saturday: “Over the course of the night, I became quite intimate with the clerk at Crystal Lodge.”

This is for my dear friends from high school. You know who you are. I was a senior in college here. In love for really the first time (not counting Ralph Macchio, of course). My first real boyfriend. He shows up in this entry because he was all I could think about. We had been dating since June – and this entry is from January of the next year. Oh, and this entire New Year’s party was documented with photos. Best party photos ever. If my friends give me permission, I’ll post the pictures of us dancing. They’re briliant!!

JANUARY 2ND

Mere had the coolest New Year’s party I’ve ever been to. It was so wild for ALL of us (except for J.) to be together. It’s been so long since last Christmas, I guess. It was a wild time. I didn’t get too drunk – but managed to stay consistently buzzed for about 4 straight hours. [Spoken like a true Irish lass.]

Some pretty rare magical moments.

I pretty much hung out in Mere’s room – with Mere and Betsy and Kate and Beth (poor Beth was sick and lay sprawled on the futon weakly for the whole party), and at one point – the 5 of us began to relive high school.

And Betsy made the comment that for once – it was wonderful. It made us extremely happy to be talking about those years. We were OUT OF CONTROL. We all BECAME 15.

All we did was – one after the other – play THE songs from our high school dances – songs we have not herd in years. Ecstatic songs – to actually transport us in time.

And it was infectious. All 5 of us had the same experience hearing those songs. And even poor sick Beth got up to dance wildly.

The Go Gos – Our Lips are Sealed
We Got the Beat
B-52s – Rock Lobster
Devo – Jerkin’ back and forth
Rocky Horror – Time Warp

The only one missing was Freeze Frame.

And all we could do was scream – yell the old lyrics – dance crazily – like we used to – at all the old high school dances.

Especially Devo. There were all these robotic little motions and gestures we used to do [“You got me…. jerking UP HIGH … you got me … jerkin’ DOWN LOW …”] – and we all remembered all of them. And as we all started to do them – the laughter!

The 5 of us were out of control. Trying to sing but we were laughing SO hard, and dancing – It was a great great time. And some kid took a bunch of pictures with my camera and I HOPE they came out. [Oh, did they ever] It was totally exhausting. We were drenched. Then we all joined the rest of the party for the countdown. It was so exciting – the mood was infectious. Champagne bottles, screams.

Member me and Brooke? [who ya talkin’ to, Sheila? Your diary? Or yourself? Or your eternal audience?] Hugging, crouched on the floor in front of the TV in a shower of champagne spray … It’s one of my favorite New Year’s memories. That and Dave W.’s party. [David – I called you “Dave”??? When did I ever call you Dave?]

So it became the new year.

The year of indecision and change.
— GRADUATION
— LIFE

[And, little did I know, but the beginning of a couple of years of unremitting misery which would end, finally, with me screaming at two gently helpful and baffled cops in the middle of a crowded road in Woodland Hills, California, while wearing a Holly Hobbie jumper, tennis sneakers, and a ponytail. Having to be taken into the back of their car because I was so out of control. Leaning over into the front seat like a lunatic, showing them the emptiness of my wallet. Sneering at the two of them, ‘Hey! Look at that! YA EVER SEE ANYTHING SO EMPTY IN YOUR LIFE?’ That was the nadir. I escaped to Chicago directly following that event. To begin my REAL life. So, uhm, yeah. “Indecision and change” is definitely coming up. ]

We all were hugging and screaming – I hugged people I didn’t know. Mere was crying! She came over to me and we hugged and hugged – I almost started to cry – It was a great hug. I am SO glad I went to this party. [I have no memory of this. Thanks for the great hug, Mere!]

15 seconds into our New Year, Mere and I were in the middle of our fantastic tight embrace when there was a crash. We ignored it. Beth was pulling at Mere’s sweater, murmuring, “Mere … Mere …” We pulled apart just in time to see Mere’s housemate and her boyfriend (who wears all black and smokes a pipe – as though he created the image. Dork.) furiously storming out of the apartment – he was dragging her, she was soaked – and then – bang. They were gone. Murmurings, curiosity, anxiety – and then instantly the party picked up again, as though nothing had happened. “Happy New Year!”

The entire night I was periodically calling Antonio. [This was way pre-cell phone, obviously.] Charging it to home, of course, but I was suffering from withdrawal. I hadn’t talked to him the entire day before. I love him so much! Sometimes my feelings surprise me. They are so warm and gentle. Usually I feel crazed and electric. Not very restful and not very nurturing. You know, the old “please pass the mustard” syndrome. [This was a joke between me and Antonio – who was always much more openly demonstrative than I was. And there was the infamous moment, at some romantic dinner in a candlelit restaurant – when he said something mushy to me – can’t remember what – and my response was – in all seriousness – “Please pass the mustard.” hahahaha We instantly turned it into a joke, and we actually still joke about it today. It’s become an entire personality type. “So he’s a ‘please pass the mustard’ type …” “Ah. Yes. Totally understand.” Love Antonio – great sense of humor.] While he definitely is the more nurturing of us, I am definitely beside him on this journey – 100%. [Humorously – I wrote a “2” over the “1” … to make it “200%”. Very interesting. I could write a whole post about that, and what it says about our relationship, but more importantly, what it says about me. But that is for another time! 100%, 200%, what’s the dif, right?] Antonio is becoming a fixture – an integral part of me. If I dwell on this, it scares me. So I do not dwell. [Excellent policy.] But occasionally I do say it out loud, just to try it on for size. Eventually, it will become part of my vocab – in the same way that I will become used to saying the words “I love you” and “boyfriend”. It’s all still so new.

I was having such a happy time – it made me miss him all the more. And Mere had talked to her boyfriend in Canada – huddled by the phone – and he had gone off on this poetical flight, telling her about the “sparkling snow” – so I just had to call Antonio!

My happiness wouldn’t be totally complete and the night wouldn’t be totally perfect without hearing his voice, making contact with him.

It was a really long party – started at about 7:00 – I got the wild inspiration to call him – even though he was in Vancouver with his buddy going skiing – But it was urgent. My love! I MUST TALK TO HIM. I MUST. I MISS HIM. So I attempted many times, mostly operator trouble – [Man. We have it so good now with cell phones] Mere has Sprint, not AT&T, but my call finally got through. Over the course of the night, I became quite intimate with the clerk at Crystal Lodge. “Hi there! It’s me again!” I would say. He must have thought Antonio was this poor henpecked dude with a bratty pestering girlfriend, or that he was off on a tryst in Vancouver with some stripper/snow bunny and I was an enraged rejected lover. But I didn’t care. I was desperate to hear his voice and laugh with him and say, “Happy New Year”.

I was kind of drunk, so I was operating on impulse.

I love operating on impulses. I do it so rarely.

3 hour time change. I called him the first time at like 8:30, which he had said was the best time. But there was no one there. Saddened, I hung up. It had become a subliminal mission.

Called back 2 hours later. Still no answer. I was stumped. Saw dancing visions of neon bars and naked boobs. Bummer. Partied on for 2 more hours – danced – chowed down – laughed hysterically – took fun pictures – MANY pictures – and kept a nice consistent drunk going. A nice pleasant party drunk.

It became the new year. Blah blah.

Things chilled out and we congregated back in Mere’s room again with dim lights, incense, music, good rocking times. MUCH fun. At about 12:30 or so, I remembered that I had a boyfriend and that I had once upon a time desperately wanted to call him.

Oh yeah, one of the earlier times I had called and talked to the clerk again, he said, “Do you want to leave a message?” And I said, drunkenly, “Yeah, okay. Could you tell him that Sheila called? He can’t get in touch with me, but sure. Tell him I called.” Very helpful message, Sheila.

So I tried to call Vancouver once it became THIS year about 4 or 5 times. Nasal operator voice: “Due to intense holiday calling …” Etc. Quite frustrating. FINALLY, I got an operator, and she put me through. AND HE WAS THERE!

My honey! As I was waiting for Room 338 to answer, I felt like my heart was on hold. I sat in my little shadowy corner on Mere’s futon and surrounded by silk pillow, with the sounds of the party fading away around me – I heard nothing but the rings of the phone in Vancouver and the waiting silence in my own brain. The anticipation. Jesus.

I cannot fucking wait to see him. And kiss him.

Greg answered. I asked for Tonio. I couldn’t really tell how loud or shrill I was speaking because I had been at the party for so long, and the decibel level was pretty intense. I had been screaming “jerkin’ back and forth” for a good 3 hours by that point. So I’m sure I shrieked in Greg’s ear. Then there was Tonio! And he was so HAPPY to hear my voice. I almost cried – He had gotten my message, and had been trying to find me. “But there was no answer at your house! Where do you think they all were? And I thought it might be too late to call your parents’ house …” “Yeah! I’m in Boston! With all of my friends from high school!”

Introductory chatter.

Then we exploded. “I MISS YOU.” “I MISS YOU SO MUCH.” “I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU.” He makes my spine crinkle. And I just CRINKLED when I heard his voice.

I described the party to him in enthusiastic detail. He kind of moaned, “Oh, that sounds fun … I wish I was there …” I moaned back, “I wish you were here, too!”

Cool thing was: It was still the old year where he was. I was speaking to him from the future, basically.

I kept saying (shrieking), “I am talking to you across time!”

Like Richard and Leslie! [Oh, for God’s sake. Those two again?] They have a new book out, by the way.

We blabbed endlessly. We blab endlessly.

He and Greg went heli-skiing, dropped off by helicopter on some untouched mountaintop already tested for avalanches. Jesus, Tonio. He said he has taken mounds of pictures. It sounded magnificent, monumental, and totally scary. Jean was very impressed when I told her that. “He must be a great skier.” He swears he’s not, but I have my doubts.

He’s so cute. He’s the planner. He is determined to get me to go skiing [he never did.] – he wrote me one long letter where, step by step, he told me what we would do. He ended his long paragraph with a decisive, “There. I have it all planned.”

I said, “I’m not too wasted.” “No, you sound pretty coherent.”

That reminds me: in the middle of the Halloween party – there were so fucking many people in my house. And I really was bombed. I was Edie – with silver hair, hoop earrings, white face, white lips, fake lashes, tight halter, black tights, and bandaids on my arms. Mitchell was Andy. We were perfect. It was a magnificent party even though it was altogether too crazy. [This is the party where my friend Beth, dressed as a clown, bitched out two random partygoers. Story here. It’s hilarious.] Anyways, Janeen comes over – she was dressed as a genie – and grabs me off the dance floor where I had been madly gyrating and screams at me, “ANTONIO’S ON THE PHONE!” I TORE up the stairs, secluded myself in Tom’s room [uhm, now Beth’s husband. The tangled web here is gorgeous.] – the house was vibrating with noise – and I picked up the phone.

And that’s all I remember.

The next day I racked my brains – “what the hell did I say to him?” I was a little nervous – but he loves the memory of it now. I was incoherently babbling to him, raving about my costume, and Mitchell’s costume, and everybody’s costume … I told him the costume of every person at that party, and there had to be 150 people in my house. This was a long-distance call.

So when I called him at Mere’s from the New Year’s party -we were laughing about that call from the Halloween party – he said, “What was it you kept saying to me? It was so cute!” Of course I remembered and shrieked in a shrill mushy drunk voice, “I LOVED YOUR LETTER!” He started howling with laughter – that fantastic boisterous laughter that I have always adored so much [Antonio has the best laugh in the world. Everyone who knows him agrees. It’s a consensus. You hear him laugh, and you MUST laugh too.] Much laughter.

I hung up with him and I felt absolutely totally whole.

Let’s hope I can sustain it.

Everyone has been saying how shitty this year has been for them – and yeah, part of it sucked – but for the majority, it’s been the most amazing year of my life. Tonio says it’s the same way for him. “Yeah, a lot of this year was bad … but after June … [when we hooked up] … everything looked up.”

God, that makes me feel so good.

Best New Year’s party ever. [And that assessment still stands!!]