The Sheila Variations

I have been trying to figure out why I'm so fascinated by her. I find her oddly riveting, for all the reasons you mention--

Oh, and I'm totally rooting for Heather.

annie - yes! Riveting!

I can see her melodramatic nature, her supermodel personality - but then there's this totally sincere nice good girl at work, too - and it's fascinating to watch!

I'm not certain what it says about me that I'm reading this and thinking, "Sheila watches ANTM? Huh. Suddenly I am less ashamed of my compulsion to watch this show." If Sheila watches it, then it must be ok. ;)

I just get all wrapped up and fascinated by the wierd stuff she says. Like a coupla' weeks ago her telling one of the girls to "squint wide" and then congratulating herself on having improved that girl's photos significantly when the next shoot was much improved. My girlfriends and I get together and watch every week. We spent all that evening commanding each other to SQUINT WIDE!

Marisa - hahahahahahaha Squint wide!!!

Tyra Banks is one of the hardest working women in show business right now, too - it's out of control! I don't know when she sleeps.

It's great because she herself is so entertaining and bizarre - I find her totally watchable, her personality is so interesting and specific.

And then there's the brilliance of something like this

I just love her!!

I've never seen that model show, but I love her on her talk show, even the cheesy, emotional interview ones. You kind of nailed her appeal for me. Like, I would totally LOVE to be friends with a person like that. And she's got a normal body (instead of that stick-thin, 10-year-old boy figure so many models have) and still looks totally beautiful. She is awesome, my shameless guilty pleasure.

(BTW, I just scrolled down, and here you are, being the shallow elitist again. First, a post about the awesomeness of a fashion model and her reality TV shows, to a long-winded post about the Russian Revolution. Hahaha. I love your blog.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That is totally who I am. A shallow elitist. The Sheila Variations: shallow elitism on a daily basis.

It did occur to me to NOT post the Tyra Banks thought - to let the Russian Revolution post stand on its own - but then I was like: no. It's on my mind, it is completely incongrous - so here goes!!!

Just because you've come out of the closet, I'll admit that I'm glued to ANTM. I've never told anyone...until now.
For some reason, if Sheila likes it, it's ok for us all to like it.
You've become something of a cultural icon, you know!

De - nooooo! I can't take the pressure!

Anyone who openly loves the movie Blue Crush as much as I do is NO cultural icon!

Seriously - member when Tyra FLIPPED out on that one girl?? And started screaming and crying? It was one of the best TV moments since the Roots miniseries in 1977, I swear.

I too, Love Tyra Banks. We've covered this, however. She's on my Freebie list.

The Russian Revolution was shallow! (McDonalds and Prada on Red Square? Um?...) I see no discrepancy, then, in having back-to-back posts on the Tyrants and Tyra. It's all good to me, Sheila! (and, anyway, isn't elitism a form of shallowness? hmmm...) As for A.N.T.M., that show is crack-rockingly addictive. And if I had a T.V., I probably would be watching the show all day long. It's incredible! (at least what I remember of it, having watched the entire first season on DVD in one sitting, while rained out on a beach vacation a few years ago). Another thing: Tyra should be Obama's running mate. And then maybe she could get Oprah to take over for Condi. But, no, that might be too weird, with Tyra worshiping Oprah all over the place, upsetting the balance of the inner sanctum and--oh my god--who cares? And why the hell am I writing about this? See: ADDICTIVE! (like Communism)...

Yeah, when I think of Trotsky, I mainly think: "Damn, dude, why you so shallow??"

I just think Tyra is fabulous. I love it when she goes OFF into an emotional rant - when she moves herself to tears ... I don't know why it's so satisfying but it is!!!

Yeah, I know what you mean about Trotsky. Supposedly the axe was supposed to go deeper, but the bottom came up pretty quickly. Poor schmuck. Too bad Tyra wasn't there with him in Mexico. She would've shown those assassins a thing or two. She would've been FIERCE! (said in her hissing voice). She's the bomb! A crazy bomb, but a bomb nonetheless. Thanks for bringing her up! Idea for play: "Tyra and Trotsky in Mazatlan"

Oh! Oh! When Ebony was in the bottom two and after being told she was being given another chance - she says she wants to leave. Tyra doesn't bat an eyelash, she just tells her something like, "Nothing is more ugly to me than a quitter." or something - I cannot remember what and immediately segues into telling Ambreal - who she just finished dismissing - that this is her big chance and things happen for a reason, etc. etc. etc.

Totally still in control no matter what those maybe-models throw at her. Like she planned it that way.

//Supposedly the axe was supposed
to go deeper, but the bottom came up pretty quickly. //

hahahahahaha

Thought process of murderer: "Damn ... I had no idea he was so ... so ... shallow!"

Sheila - brilliant encapsulations in your RR post...brilliant I tell you! I love your passionate pedal-to-the-metal writing.

Quick flip to the Trotsky comments...Have you read the one-act play by David Ives called "Variations on the Death of Trotsky"? Absolutely hi-larious. It's in his collection "All in the Timing." And the cover photo!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/067975928X/ref=sib_dp_pt/102-8697298-9861743#reader-link

Michael - I haven't read that one! I think I even have that collection somewhere - I love Ives ... I'll have to check it out.

Have you ever seen one of Ives's plays performed? Not being in New York now, I've only been able to read them.

I haven't seen any of them - but I believe he wrote the book for the hugely successful Irving Berlin's White Christmas that's been going on around the US since 2004 - is that right?? - and my cousin Kerry has starred in it a couple years in a row and looooooooved her experience doing it. I'm planning on going this year - she's doing it in Boston.

Kerry - if you're reading this, please correct any mistakes I have made!!

I have already received an email from dad, correcting my spelling in another post. I love my family.

Yup, ANTM is a guilty pleasure for me, too--love the makeup and photography, and trying to figure out what Miss Tyra and the others are looking for in a model. Plus it's got just the right amount of "train wreck" to make it watchable.

I am all OVER America's Next Top Model and Tyra as the Diva Queen! (I do not, however, like that dude -- Miz Jay? Miz Jane? -- who always wears the ruff, the ruff that he adds another ruff to every week to symbolize the tragic lost models. I like the ruff better than I like him.)

I had no idea I'd end up liking Tyra Banks so so much. I even like the way she says "is" when she's announcing the next model who's safe this week. "And that person is ... " Listen to it. It's usually all soft yet dramatic. Like she's softening the blow while simultaneously building suspense. I LOVE it. I am on pins and needles every time she says it and if she said it a different way it wouldn't be as good.

I just stopped to actually LISTEN to myself. I am dissecting the way Tyra Banks says "is"!!

Oh my God!!!

But, tracey, you gotta admit Miz Jay has fabulous legs. . .

Ok, when I was reading your Tyra post, it was absolutely adorable, because it was as if 9 year old Sheila was writing it. You suddenly stopped being a grown woman and became a teeny girl! You have such a little girl hero worship thing going on- in a GOOD way!! I love it!

And another day dawns in the continuing stooooooory of Sheila's Shallowly Elitist Home Away From Home For Nekulturny Bourgeois Apparatchiks...try the insane RUHT, dug fresh just this morning.

to borrow from Steve Martin...her lips are ready to be buttered and bitten!

I love Tyra too, mostly for all the reasons you said. Her crazed enthusiasm cracks me up and endears her to me. Like her show when she announced was going to let everyone in on her secret beauty treatment ingrediant. Her all purpose, can't live without it wonder stuff! Then after building this stuff until you can hardly stand it, she whips out a jar of VASOLINE. OMG! She actually ran around the audience and rolled on the floor screaming and laughing. Totally crazed about petroleum jelly. That did it for me.
I also loved the way she handled the "fat Tyra in a bathing suit" tabloid situation. She totally won that round hands down.

Oh, she was MERCILESS to Ebony. "So, you are excused." Like, get OFF my fabulous show about modeling, quitter! You are NOT made of the right stuff. You will NOT be America's Next... topmodel...

I'm disappointed that she's toned down the breathless topmodel this go 'round. It was so fun - dramatic pause, then topmodel, like Caruso whipping off his sunglasses, only out loud. Still great stuff. I loved Heather just staring at the Tyra Mail for five, ten seconds. "Guys?...." And I'm truly sad that Sarah got cut instead of Chantal, especially after all the judges were so ugly to her about her weight. There was NOTHING wrong with her, dammit, you pinheads are undermining her confidence and then blaming her for not looking confident. I was ticked. Chantal is a bubble-gum-head with good cheekbones.

Nightfly - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA with the big pause and then the whisper. hahahaha!!!!! It is SO ridiculous but also I totally believe it, you know? It's like Liza Minelli ... it's over the top but it is NEVER dishonest.

Damn, makes me think I should have been liveblogging Top Model the whole season!!