The Sheila Variations

Haha...so can the Rod Taylor version of Ken be far behind?

Yeah, really - we gotta get Ken in on the action!!

I so want that too! I saw it on Joe.My.God. earlier and I've been coveting it ever since!

The birthday party scene in The Birds? When the kids are attacked and they're all running around and falling down and getting pecked? In in opinion, it's perhaps one of the funniest scenes ever caught on film.

Because I'm sick and twisted like that.

Because I'm sick and twisted like that.

Thank God!!

"Birds Sold Separately"?

Hahahahah. That is a pretty awesome Barbie.

I was not a Barbie fan either, because she seemed to me like everyone's older sister: didn't want to play in the mud 'cos she'd get her clothes dirty. Didn't want to explore the garage 'cos there would be gross bugs there. Didn't want to swing on the swings 'cos it would mess up her hair. In other words: boring.

I was given a Barbie as a child but I seriously did not know how to play with her. She did not mesh with my fantasy world at all.

Birds sold separately ... hahahahahahahaha

I think I might have gotten more into Barbie if THIS had been the offering! A Barbie covered in birds? Sign me up! Or how about a raggedy Dickensian orphan Barbie? Heaven!

Fabulous!! I'd like a doll of the curmudgeonly tweedy spinster crone who bah-humbugs in the restaurant at the likelihood of birds attacking. Not to mention Suzanne Pleshette splayed out on the stoop. Or Jessica Tandy doing her silent horror scream as she runs from the house of Farmer My-Eyes-Got-Plucked-Out. Did you ever see the Todd Haynes "Superstar" movie with Karen Carpenter's life acted out with Barbies? The Birds has to be given such an homage.

Higgledy piggledy haynonny nocklety round round round.

Farmer My-Eyes-Got-Plucked-Out

hahahaha Yes, I think they should do a whole line. Or a whole Hitchcockian line in general. Kim Novak in Vertigo basically IS a Barbie - but a trapped and miserable Barbie. A Barbie who wants to be seen for who she REALLY is!

If I ever had a Barbie like that, there's no way I could resist the urge to cover it in blood (well, I'd use the corn syrup/food dye/hershey's syrup stuff like fake movie blood, not actual real blood). That's always how I was with the few Barbies I had - I'd always cut off their hair, dye it blue, rip off their heads...

I love the idea of a line of dolls in complex emotional tailspins - - - -

Stevie - hahahaha Me too

Barbies are useless when you have an older brother. I had Malibu Barbie -- with hair I cut into a Carol Brady shag. One day my brother climbed up the old triangle-shaped antenna outside our house, got on the roof, and threw her off. Attached to a "parachute."

Her leg broke off and it couldn't be reattached so then she became Bad Hair Amputee Barbie. V v sad.

Lisa -- now all I can think of is Joan Cusack's Malibu Barbie speech from the end of Addams Family Values, where she talks about how she HAD to kill her parents when they got her one of those instead of the Ballerina Barbie that she wanted.

My Malibu Barbie had this weird soft plastic on her arms and leg(s) that was supposed to feel like skin. Except it was a different color than the normal hard plastic that the rest of her body was and I swear to god it triggered my OCD. I could not STAND the fact that she was two different colors. That was just wrong.

If I remember correctly, she was the only Barbie I had, other than Malibu Ken, he of the no penis.

Not that he could do anything with it if he had one, since Barbie didn't have the right anatomy down yonder, either.

This raises an interesting question.... would a Norman Bates doll be a Barbie or a Ken?

And would it matter?

As the mommy of a Barbie aged daughter, (yes she is that old now - time flies!), a wee girl who has never seen The Birds, I, in my wickedly non-motherly way, LOVE the idea of giving her this doll with no explanation at all. Just, here's your Birdy Barbie, have fun. And the idea of this little girl growing up with a Barbie, smartly dressed, with black birds stuck randomly to her, as her main toy, just tickles my fancy to no end.

I wasn't allowed to have Barbies, but I WAS allowed to have a Truly Scrumptious doll, which is weird because she was basically Virginal Victorian Barbie. She had the same sexy Barbie body -- hidden under layers of Victorian undergarments and whatnots. I remember how exhausted and frustrated I would get just trying to dress her. In the end, I think I gave her away to my best friend who seemed better able to cope with TS's whole sexy virgin vibe.

Carrie -- /here's your Birdy Barbie, have fun./

Hahahahahaha! That kills me.

Nightfly - I assume he would be a Ken doll since he is a man, despite his weirdness.

I just saw a creepy special about the Heaven's Gate wackos ... Now THEY are true Ken dolls. (shiver.)

Carrie - hahahahaha I love that!! Then eventually she'll see the movie and be like, "Mom, you are so weird."

tracey - sexy virgin vibe ... hahahahahaha I love how she's all covered up in Victorian clothing and yet you are mainly concerned with taking the clothes off - because, of COURSE, half the fun of having a doll is dressing her up!!

Lisa - I had Malibu Barbie -- with hair I cut into a Carol Brady shag.

That is hysterical.

Like, of course, all Barbies walk around with black birds stuck to them, she says to her incredulous friends. You mean, yours don't? (and if she is awesome, she adds, How sad.)

I remember how exhausted and frustrated I would get just trying to dress her.

I never left my Barbie undressed (that was part of the fun, pre-amputation) but my friend's daughter's Barbies are ALWAYS naked. She has one of those My Size Barbies -- the ones that are the size of a 3- to 4-year old child -- and damned if that thing isn't always in the corner, hair all ratted and standing on end, ink pen tattoos on her arms and body, buck naked. She was Worn Out Hooker Barbie.

I used to laugh about it until Hayden got into GI Joes and then HE never kept them dressed. We had a box full of naked 12-inch "action figures" with camouflaged faces -- sort of Parris Island meets Fire Island.

Lisa - you totally crack me up. I am in tears.

What do you want for Christmas, Sally?
Worn Out Hooker Barbie, please.

You all are forgetting to most important accessory to this line: the Dog Walking Cameo Hitch doll.

would a Norman Bates doll be a Barbie or a Ken?

It would be Barbie on one side and Ken on the other, like that freaky Flip Wilson/Geraldine doll.

This is an awesome doll.

I never had Barbies. I had a Jamie Sommers doll, though. With bionic parts...

Somehow there is a large box of Barbie dolls in my house though... not quite sure how that happened! (OK. I know they were given to my daughter)

This is an awesome doll.

I never had Barbies. I had a Jamie Sommers doll, though. With bionic parts...

Somehow there is a large box of Barbie dolls in my house though... not quite sure how that happened! (OK. I know they were given to my daughter)

hahahaha Yes, I think they should do a whole line. Or a whole Hitchcockian line in general. Kim Novak in Vertigo basically IS a Barbie - but a trapped and miserable Barbie.

Grace Kelley is pretty Barbie-like as well, not even considering the symmetry between the relationship in Vertigo and Hitch's relationship with Kelly.

"Hey kids, check out the Rear Window apartment action playset. With Wheelchair Ken, who got hurt shooting photos of racecars. Or try Suspicion Ken, with special light-up glass of milk! He can carry Poisoned Barbie down the steps of the Notorious Dreamhouse! (Wine bottle set sold separately.)"

Sheila, you put into words the exact way I felt about Barbie. She had too much stuff including the boobs I didn't want to happen to me, ever. I was a kid and wanted desparately to be Peter Pan and never grow up. Even as a pre-teen I didn't want her and all her darn outfits. I still hate passing the Barbie section in the toy store. That aisle's color always reminds me of Pepto Bismol.