The Sheila Variations

Movie cliches

This is a re-post.

Movie cliche #1:

A hot crowded New York sidewalk. There were jackhammers in the vicinity, as well as a shrieking ambulance, caught in traffic. I pushed my way through the crowd - and on the opposite sidewalk - suddenly saw him. Haven't seen him in years. I stopped still, in the middle of the sidewalk, as though struck by lightning. My immediate instinct was to quickly cross the street and avoid him. What?? I spent less than 24 hours, total, with that person. Why such a dramatic response? Can't explain it - but that's the way it's always been when I run into him. I stood stock-still - in the middle of the chaos - trying to decide what to do. And in that split second came

Movie Cliche #2

He saw me. He stopped stock-still as well. As though struck by lightning. He looked visibly excited and visibly uncomfortable. I could tell that he wanted to run away as well. But ... ack ... so awkward ... we've seen each other ... so now there is nothing to do but accept

Movie Cliche #3

my slow approach to him, across the chaotic street, surrounded by busy harassed commuters, raging homeless people, fashionistas on their cellphones who seem unperturbed by the heatwave ... Sirens blared. Jackhammers shattered the air. But if this were a movie - all the sound would have melted away. We met up on the corner. And then enacted

Movie Cliche #4

The awkward hug. The hug that other people cringe when they watch. There was no hostility, oh no, why would there be ... just ... thwarted feeling, embarrassment, and a sense that time was already slipping away so quickly that the encounter was almost over. He is so big. I had forgotten his bigness. Our hug was brief, and jittery with awkwardness. We barely know each other, truth be told. But on another level, we know all we need to know. Seriously. That's what's so weird about it. Then I opened my mouth and said

Movie Cliche #5

"I thought you were in Paris!"

We both had sunglasses on. He seemed incapable of putting together a sentence - which I suppose I could call

Movie Cliche #6

He's not just articulate - he's scarily articulate, and brilliant in a kind of daunting way. But in my presence - he has always become a bumbling idiot. He would blurt out inappropriate things, suddenly declare himself and then back off ... I haven't seen him since 2002. This dynamic is still going on. He said something like, "Yeah ... I'm back now ... just in New York for a couple of days ..." Then came

Movie Cliche #7

Awkward meaningless chit-chat, shimmering with sexual tension. It was ridiculous. I knew I was behaving like a cliche but I couldn't seem to stop it. We said stuff to each other like,

"So ... how are you?" I said "How are you?" probably 3 times. He was vague in his responses. I tried to get us to be specific. I asked about his book. He gave me a weird look, like: "How do you know about my book?" Then I said

Movie Cliche #8

"I remember everything."

Which suddenly catapulted us into a new landscape. We're always on the edge of that landscape. Honesty? Perhaps. We've never said what needed to be said - mainly because - the timing was flat out not right. So you have to watch what you say. But it's true. I remember everything. I didn't say it in a threatening stalker way. It's just the truth, and he knows it. I remember everything. He had told me all about his book a couple years ago and he let me read a couple chapters. How could he not remember? When I said "I remember everything" then came

Movie Cliche #9

The long potent pause. It was somehow delicious. I suddenly became calm and unruffled, and I watched him deteriorate into deeper awkwardness. This happened the last time I saw him, when it was even more inappropriate, when I frankly couldn't believe what I was seeing. Like: dude, are you just going to disintegrate, right now, in front of all these people, who are all here for you? Get yourself together! I waited it out. I didn't say anything. I guess I could have put him out of his misery - but it just didn't seem right. We're separate. He's got his journey I've got mine. Then I decided after what felt like 20 minutes of silence (I was unaware of the jackhammers or the sirens during this whole thing) to help him out, so I said

Movie Cliche #10

"I wish you nothing but success with it. Keep working. I loved what I read. You're wonderful." I then watched

Movie Cliches #11, 12 and 13

wash over his face. He wanted to kiss me. But he didn't. He said, slowly, "Sheila. Sheila." That was all he said. I said, "I know. I know. It's okay." He shook his head, wordlessly. I shook my head, wordlessly. We stood there. Wordless. He shook his head again. I nodded in response. This was all a conversation. Everything was completely clear to me. I knew what we were saying.

I felt like we could have just kept going in that manner, shaking head, nodding head, not saying anything ... so I initiated

Movie Cliche #14

I reached out and put my arms around him and hugged him. I tried to make it be normal and friendly. "It was so nice to see you," I said. And I meant it.

Meanwhile

Movie Cliche #15

was going on. He hugged me as though I were a liferaft. I was so sweaty and sticky that I was almost embarrassed that he would be like: Ew. You're a sweaty mess. But he was suddenly clutching on me. This has happened before with him. Any time I run into him, we jitter with awkward stilted conversation, and then, upon parting, he's suddenly clutching me and sniffing my hair like a gorilla. So then came

Movie Cliche #16

I extricated myself and said to him, kindly, and with warmth - I could feel myself emanating warmth: "You take care of yourself. SO good to see you." He nodded, inarticulate again. I backed away - wishing that I was a fashionista, wishing that I could float through a heatwave looking cool and glowing - instead of being a sweaty sticky-haired beast of the pasture. But he was looking at me as THOUGH I was a fashionista- which was distinctly strange.

Then came our final

Movie Cliche

He lifted his hand at me, with a grin. Sort of a sad weird grin. I lifted my hand back, and mouthed, "Bye" - then - had to do it, had to do it ...

I turned my back on him and I walked away.

And suddenly I could hear the sirens again. And the jackhammers. And the traffic. And the ragings of the homeless people. Back to life. Back to reality.

5 minutes later I wondered if I had dreamt the whole thing.

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