Square Pegs: ‘It’s Academical’

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PART ONE

This episode was near the end of the one fateful season of Square Pegs, and when I re-watched it last year, I had to laugh at how much I remembered. Even specific lines came back to me.

The other episode I remembered that well is the one called ‘A Cafeteria Line’, where gawky geeky Patty nabs the lead in the school play (opposite Vinnie), and there are all kinds of boundary issues (are their characters in love, or are they??), not to mention friendship issues (Patty starts to choose Vinnie over Lauren, and it doesn’t go well) … and then, at the end of the episode, Patty sings her big song … and as a young teenager, I was strangely THRILLED about this – because my first Broadway show had been Annie, when I was 11 years old … and who played Annie but Sarah Jessica Parker, who has a beautiful clear and strong voice … so I was so psyched (as though I were her manager or something) that the powers-that-be at Square Pegs knew she could sing, and let her show her stuff on Square Pegs. Not to mention the fact that it was a song about wearing glasses – and I had worn glasses since I was 10, and hated them, so it all really spoke to me.

BUT. Back to ‘It’s Academical’. This heartbreaking episode witnesses the return of Larry Simpson, the hot senior from the pilot, played by Ben Marley. I like it when a show like this has a good memory and honors that memory, ie: having Ben Marley come back to play the same role. It doesn’t always happen that way, and believe me, as a panting 14-year-old girl, I was relieved to see the same cutie-pie show up again. I gasped, as though I was Lauren on the track, when I first saw him in the episode. “It’s him!!!”

You know. Boys like that were celebrities in school, and they wore their celebrity with ease. I am still vaguely in awe of people like that (call for Keith M.) Plenty of people let the power of their position go to their head, but those that didn’t were rare and your interactions with them stayed with you for days. Square Pegs gets that.

In ‘It’s Academical’, Weemawee High School has been chosen to compete in a local televised quiz show called ‘It’s Academical’ (whose host is a funny bitter chain-smoking failed actor), and three students will be chosen out of the entire student body to represent Weemawee.

Who will be chosen?

Will romance bloom or falter?

Can anyone bear the suspense??

Let’s get to it.


There’s a pep rally at Weemawee (they seem to have a lot of those), and many announcements are made. What a bore. Isn’t that what a loudspeaker going throughout the school is for? Muffy, naturally, is running the show, screaming, and honking a huge noise-maker to force everyone to quiet down. She seems to be having a prolonged manic episode. Principal Dingleman (you know, Dingleberry) is on vacation, so the assistant principal steps in to be “acting principal” for the week. He is an ex-hippy, and starts his speech to the class with some inappropriate anecdote about how the last time he was “in the principal’s office” was in 1969 when “we had tied up the professor of the college …” You can watch Muffy’s face go slowly from manic support to horror and then anger, as she takes the mike back.

Jami Gertz is so over-the-top here, and I haven’t exactly followed her career (Lisa? Want to fill us in?) but she’s quite a comedienne. Her observations on ambition, nervousness and also her willingness to look like a complete ass are all right on the money. Great character. No wonder an entire generation who saw that show remembers the name “Muffy Tepperman”.

She is all a-flutter as she takes back the mike and announces the big news that Weemawee has been chosen to compete on the local quiz show against a rival high school – Longfellow Tech. Muffy leads the gym in booing the rival. Based on grade point average, three students – “the smartest in the school” will be chosen to compete. And you can tell that Muffy assumes she will be one of them. As far as she is concerned, it is already a done deal.

Dan Vermilion (great name) is the host of the local TV show (as well as a bunch of other local shows) and is there to announce the big news. It’s hysterical. He stands off to the side, in the gym, as Muffy babbles on, smoking and making bitter comments about how much he hates kids and let’s get this thing over with. Finally, he runs up to the mike, soulless entity that he is, accepting the accolades of the demographic he despises. He is full of himself, once upon a time he had big dreams … you know he probably played the lead in Camelot in college, and truly felt he was a rival to Richard Burton … but now here he is, hosting local shows along the lines of “Community Auditions” (well known to anyone who lived in Rhode Island in the 70s. “Star of the DAY – who will it be? Your vote may hold the key! It’s up to YOU – to tell us WHO – will be STAR of the day!”) and hating his whole life. Very funny.

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Look at Jami Gertz. hahahaha

As ridiculous as the character is, she is always alive, and responding, and doing absurd things in the background of every scene.

Vermilion’s announcement sends the student body into a tizzy. Everyone wants to be on television. Lauren grabs Patty and tells her she HAS to be on the show. Not because it would be good for Patty to show her smarts, or to have something that will look good on a college application – but because fame, even local fame, is the quickest route to popularity. Patty is, of course, more reticent and shy. She knows she’s smart, she has good grades, but she’s not really a go-getter in that respect.

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The goombah Vinnie has no interest on being on the quiz show (thank God, because he refers to the show as ‘It’s Academicalogical’) but Dan Vermilion hosts another show – a dance show – and that’s the one Vinnie wants to be on. He shouts from the crowd, and then – to Tracey Nelson’s utter horror and LaDonna’s mortification – he jumps up on his chair and starts gyrating, showing his stuff off, unprompted.

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Standup comedian hopeful Marshall sees this as his big chance, too. The show is live, so why can’t he somehow get on the show, have a couple of minutes to do a routine, a couple of knock-knock jokes, whatever. This is his moment. He cannot let it slip by. He knows his grades aren’t good enough to get on the show, but that is irrelevant to Marshall. He will barge his way into the action somehow! Johnny Slash is very frightened by this prospect. As he is frightened of most everything.

The world is frightening to Johnny Slash. If only he could live in his music. It would be a totally different head. Totally.

Dan Vermilion will be back later in the week to announce the winners. See you all then, folks! Everyone files out of the gym, buzzing with anticipation.

Lauren, Patty, Marshall and Johnny go out for a burger at a local joint afterwards. Lauren is determined – “This has to happen, Patty!” – and Marshall is trying to figure out a way that he can get in on the action. He asks Johnny to “rehearse” with him, but it doesn’t go well. He asks Johnny, “Okay, so you be Dan Vermilion …” and Johnny replies, “Then who would HE be?” He is a very literal human being, and cannot make the leap of faith to pretend. Marshall says, “Ask me a question – any question!” Johnny says, “How are you?” Marshall says, “No, Johnny … ask me a question from history.” Johnny nods, like “Okay, I got it”, and then asks, “How were you yesterday?”

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Muffy barges over to the table and it immediately becomes apparent that she knows Patty is her main rival for this thing, so she starts to subtly (uhm, not really) throw her weight around, trying to intimidate and dominate. “It is obvious who will be chosen …” Patty just isn’t the competitive type. She doesn’t claw back. Muffy towers above their table, long hair swinging back and forth, collar neatly turned down in a frighteningly correct fashion, and she is a sight to behold.

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Meanwhile, at another table, Jennifer, Vinnie and LaDonna also talk about the quiz show. Vinnie is stuck on the dance show, and Jennifer says she would never want to be on the quiz show because “like, they ask you questions … like, I’ve seen them, like, do it.” LaDonna (whom I love more and more with each re-viewing) is determined that SHE will be on the show. She may not be a brainiac but “every week they ask SOME question about Otis Redding, and I am a graduate of the Soul-Train College of Musical Knowledge”, and for that alone she should be on the show. I think she’s got a point. Especially in light of what happens later.

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No sign of Larry Simpson yet. Not even a mention. The suspense is killing me!

The school gathers again a couple of days later to hear the three chosen contestants. Seems like it would be much easier and more efficient to announce these things over the loudspeaker during Homeroom – that’s the way we did things at OUR school – but at Weemawee, togetherness and artificial PEP trumps efficiency, apparently.

Dan Vermilion is there, once again, in white bucks, smoking a cigarette in the gym, being bitter and over-it, until it is time to run up onto the stage.

He makes a big deal out of announcing the winners.

“Our first contestant is …. MUFFY TEPPERMAN.”

The applause is tepid, and actually makes you feel a little bit bad for Muffy, but then her over-reaction is so insane that you stop feeling bad for her. She acts as though she is the underdog winning the Academy Award. She races to the mike, screaming incoherently about how “shocked” she is, which is very funny because you know she’s not shocked at all. Also, no need to give a thank-you speech, Muffy … you haven’t won the quiz show yet. But no matter. She screams and blusters and shrieks, as everyone stares on in disgust. Thank goodness her ego is so huge. She strolls through the contempt for her, head held high.

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Dan Vermilion somehow gets the mike back from her, and goes to announce the second student. I just had to grab this screenshot, because in the moment of anticipation – please look at Jami Gertz’s body language. Seriously, this is an actress who feels FREE. She holds nothing back. Look at her!

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Now comes the big moment. Dan Vermilion calls out the second name: “Larry Simpson! Come on down!”

Finally! A glimpse!

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Now, of course, Lauren and Patty freak out. He’s a celebrity to them. Even the way they say his name … they draw it out .. “Larry Simpson!” It’s like “George Clooney” to them! Lauren is now out of her mind: Patty MUST be the third student chosen. Not only will she become popular, but she can also win over Larry Simpson’s heart! They watch him walk down the aisle, agog – Lauren basically drooling over him, and Patty with something a bit more wistful. Patty says, “He probably doesn’t even remember who I am” and Lauren gushes, “The last time you spoke, he kissed you and told you he was seeing someone else! Boys don’t just forget moments like that!” I love how Lauren has an answer for everything, and that answer is always about empowering her friend, and building her up. That’s so what I remember from high school, and even though it led us all down some pretty insane paths – that’s what you do when you’re friends, and you’re 14 years old. You validate the other person’s insanity. Lauren does this in spades. As far as she is concerned, Larry Simpson has been carrying a torch for Patty the entire school year. And by the end of listening to Lauren rant and rave, I start to believe it too. Even though I know it’s insane!

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Larry goes up and joins the others on the stage, running his hand through his hair as he did to devastating effect in the pilot. Lauren and Patty are out of their minds.

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Then comes the big moment – when Dan Vermilion calls out the final name. It is, of course, Patty. Lauren flips – it is as though it is her victory as well – and Patty is shy and awkward, she doesn’t want to walk up there in front of everyone – she gasps, “I hate aisles!”

But, bravely, off she goes.

Please look at Lauren here. It makes me want to hug all of my female friends.

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Slowly, Patty walks up to the stage. Everyone is clapping, including Larry, who is obviously a nice person, not an “over it” kind of guy.

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Look at Muffy’s face, please.

And then, awful, Patty trips and falls onto the stage. Larry, naturally, is there immediately, helping her pick up her books and her ubiquitous lunchbox. He’s sweet, looking right at her (in a way that would have slayed me as a teen and would still slay me now), and he somehow makes it all right that she just had this awkward moment. It’s actually kind of funny, and he makes her smile about it.

Stop killing me, Ben Marley.

Thank you.

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It’s as though the whole world falls away. The sounds of the gym fade away, and they are the only two people on the planet. Again, Larry, be careful who you flirt with!! I myself am the same way. I’m a horrible flirt, because basically I mean business at all times. You flirt with me casually at your own risk. So, you gonna finish the job, or what? I’m not saying this is a good quality, and I often wish I COULD flirt and, more importantly, be flirted with, but I can’t. If I like you, and you like me, and you engage with me in casual banter, then I assume you mean business, just like I do. I’m not talking about being “serious” or “love”, I’m talking about something much more prosaic, like getting my phone number, or at least attacking me in the corner by the jukebox. Flirting qua flirting holds no interest for me at all. I’m HORRIBLE at it. I don’t do small talk, and I would need to be paid in order to be coy. I don’t play games. I said that to a guy once, actually – it was in Ireland, and the vibe had been floating between us all night, through talk and jokes, etc. I felt like if I gave him the opportunity to make his move, he would … but flirting with no end in sight just isn’t my bag. I liked him enough, even though I had just met him, and the energy was open enough (ah, the Irish male) that I said, “Don’t flirt with me anymore unless you are prepared to finish what you started, mkay, sweetie?” I said it with humor, but, you know … truth as well. And what happened? He pushed me up against the wall and attacked me. Life was beautiful. He had just been waiting for the right moment anyway to step into his rightful role as grabby aggressive he-man action figure, and I let him go for it. Ah, the crazy American girl. So I know of what I speak. I have gotten my heart broken because a guy flirted with me and had no intention of following through. Makes life tough in the singles scene, I’ll tell you that. I pretty much just stay away now, because I obviously never learned the rules of the game, and it’s way too late now.

Larry, in his quiet gentleness here with her, is opening a whole can of adolescent worms!

Next we see Patty and Lauren walking down the hall. Patty is nervous, and Lauren is ecstatic. Patty will now get to have one on one time with Larry, and isn’t this miraculous??

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Having a friend like Lauren is worth its weight in gold. Because she just goes with the flow. Whatever Patty is going through, she supports and builds her up. If Patty changes her mind about something, then somehow Lauren immediately finds a way to incorporate that, and change her sales pitch. She could sell snow to Eskimos.

Then comes a big moment. They see Larry at his locker in the empty hallway (with pictures of football players and tennis players taped up to the inside. Of course.) Lauren is ecstatic because there’s no one around. Oh, the memories of being 14 and knowing you only had FIVE MINUTES to take your chance to talk to the GREEK GOD SENIOR you were currently in love with, because soon the bell would ring and the halls would be crowded and you would have lost your big moment … to do … what … say “Hi?” and scurry on by? Well, frankly, yes.

Larry is oblivious to the teenage drama going on behind him, and finally Lauren gives Patty a shove in Larry’s direction, and Patty (again) stumbles, and her lunch box goes flying across the hall, landing at Larry’s feet.

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Mortification central. But again, Larry, with the ease of the “higher life-form” (phrasing stolen from A., my partner in Ben Marley crime), makes it all seem all right, and actually comedic. He picks up the lunch box and jokes, “I think I recognize this!”

Teasing her about her fall earlier.

But Patty is in a whirlwind of hormones, and as we all know, when hormones are in a whirlwind, sometimes the subtleties of humor are lost on us. She grasps at straws, she stutters … all as Lauren rolls her eyes in the background.

Larry, true to form, pretends that Patty is not in a tizzy about him. It is obvious she has a huge crush, and he’s kind about it, not mentioning it or belittling her. He tries to keep the conversation going. Which actually just makes things worse … because here he is, casually talking to her, as though they, you know, KNOW each other … and that makes Patty’s case of the nerves even more acute.

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He says, with the air of one settling into the conversation (which is so important – then and now – if girls get the feeling that you are on your way somewhere, and you have one foot out the door … well, you won’t get much tail, that’s all I’m saying. Or the tail you get will not be the tail you really want. Larry talks to her, leaning back up against the locker, his body language saying, “I got nowhere else to be!”) – “So where have you been? I haven’t seen you around lately?”

She stutters about being busy, and then, out of desperation, turns the conversation back on him – which leads to Ben Marley’s most charming moment in the episode.

She has no idea what she is saying, there is no forethought, so she blurts out, “And how are you? How is your college girlf—” She stops herself, horrified. Was she just about to ask him about his “college girlfriend”, the one who made their liaison not possible at the freshman dance? What is she, nuts?

But the funniest thing is that he says right back to her, “My college girlf?”

He doesn’t scorn her for her ridiculous error, but he teases her … which throws her into a tailspin.

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“Girlf?” she gasps. “I didn’t say ‘girlf’!”

He starts to laugh, and it’s to die for, because he tries to keep it together, and not laugh AT her, but he can’t help it. I mean, GIRLF, for God’s sake.

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He says to her, persistent, adorable, “You said ‘girlf’.”

Poor Lauren watching all of this is in agony at how badly it is going.

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Patty backtracks, “No, no, I didn’t mean ‘girlf’ …”

He, however, validates her interest, even through her denials, and says in a serious sexy way that would seriously be difficult to recover from if you were 14, “I think you were talking about my college girlfriend?” Patty is about to detach from the earth and fly up into the atmosphere, so he says, gently, “I’m not going out with her anymore. We broke up.”

Oh dear. Why are you sharing this with her, Larry? Don’t you know what it will do to her? Do you mean business or are you just flirting? INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.


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Uhm, Lauren? Control yourself, please.

Patty loses her head when she hears he is no longer “going out with the college girlf” and exclaims happily, “You’re not??” before correcting herself with, “I mean – God, that’s awful – I’m so sorry …”

Again, he is laughing and kind at her gaffes here, and basically you just want to kill yourself watching it. With lust.

Cause that’s his JOB. That was Ben Marley’s primary job here as an actor – to make the young female audience want to commit hari-kiri from the sheer power of their lust – but without making a big show of his sexiness or his appeal – and he does it. He doesn’t skulk or behave in an overtly sexy manner – but he’s, instead, nice, kind and easy with himself. Killer combo. Hari-kiri.

They’re having a nice conversation. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Muffy is approaching. She barges right into their duo, and takes over. She is obviously smitten with Ben Marley too (and who can blame her), but her approach is much more direct. She is sweepingly dramatic and overwhelmingly bossy. She begins to make demands, acting as though Patty, the third member of their team, is not standing right there. It is breathlessly contemptuous. But I gotta say, I feel for Muffy. I really do. I had a moment like that at one of my high school reunions, when I was having a conversation with, basically, the Muffy Tepperman of our high school class, and I suddenly saw, in a flash, how hard high school had been for HER, too. She was a cheerleader, a singer, she was always featured in pep rallies … but life wasn’t easy for HER either. Muffy is in love with Larry. And again, who can blame her. Yes, she is obnoxious, but we are not always at our best when we are in love.

Larry becomes visibly uncomfortable the second Muffy enters the conversation. She is “too much” for him, she stands too close, she is too insistent, and she has DEMANDS written all over her. You watch him try to disengage, you see him try to still be nice, but also put her off. He coughs, fidgets, looks down the hall … this is all very nicely played by Ben Marley, because he is doing multiple things here. You can tell that he was enjoying the conversation with Patty, too … and Muffy ruined something that was nice and pure. He tries to keep the lines of communication open with Patty, and include her, although Muffy explicitly lets it be known that she does NOT want Patty involved … but all the time, he’s still doing his best to be nice to be Muffy.

It’s terrible.

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Look at Muffy’s face in that last screengrab. I want to say to her, “Muffy, darling! Save SOMETHING for a rainy day, sweetheart – don’t give it all away!”

But we all have our journeys,

Ben Marley obviously senses that gleaming-eyed maniacal look of need, and he tries to wiggle out of it, but Muffy – as we all know – doesn’t take No for an answer. She wants to get together after school and start studying for the show.

Larry is too nice to be like, “No, beeyotch, I want nothing to do with you …” He says, all adorable hesitation and awkwardness, “Sure … fine …” Then dragging his eyes over to Patty, he says, “You want to come, too?”

Subtext being played: Please? Please come? Don’t leave me alone with this wackjob.

Patty says, breathless, “Okay!”

Muffy does not like this, her main goal is to shut Patty out, so she grabs poor Larry by the arm, and drags him off, lecturing him about where they need to start first in their studying, and how important it all is … (shades of Eunice Burns here …)

Larry, in a devastating moment, (again, if you think like a 14 year old) throws a desperate glance over his shoulder back at Patty, as he is dragged away.

He wants to be with her, not Muffy! Muffy is way too much pressure – Patty is sweet … but he cannot resist the bossy tug of Muffy’s arm – at least he cannot do so without being overtly mean to Muffy, and that is just not his style. So off he goes.

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Patty is left alone and dejected in the hallway, and Lauren races over to scold her for waiting too long to “say something” (say what? declare her undying love?). Patty knows she doesn’t have a leg to stand on, she had handled the interaction badly (“girlf??” You know she will wince when she thinks about that later) … but at least she now has the after-school meeting with Larry and Muffy to look forward to.

In the words of another tragic heroine, tomorrow’s another day.

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PART TWO TO COME ….

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20 Responses to Square Pegs: ‘It’s Academical’

  1. Cullen says:

    I had to IMDb to put two-and-two together, but Jami Gertz was on the recent (2002-2006) sitcom Still Standing (a decently funny “fat guy with a hot wife” comedy). Interestingly, in Still Standing she played a mom who was a popular, if, perhaps, easy girl in high school.

    Talk about the staying power of Square Pegs: I was only 8 when the show came out but I still remember episodes. Not well, but there are indelible images, the episode with Devo where the guy was dying his hair purple with RIT dye. Some shows (like my current, beloved, Life on Mars) leave quite the impact but just burn out too fast.

  2. red says:

    So true – it does have weird staying power. I am amazed at how much of it has come back to me, whole, and I have barely seen any of it since it first aired in 1982 – amazing!!

  3. Erik says:

    Sheila, I’ve never seen an episode of Square Pegs but I love SJP & I love high school shows, so it’s always been one of those “one of those days I’ll rent the series and have a marathon” type of shows for me…anyway, after reading this, I immediately went to amazon and ordered the series on dvd. A Square Pegs marathon will happen soon! So exciting.

    Have you ever watched Freaks and Geeks??? Certain things you’ve said about Square Pegs remind me of Freaks and Geeks, not just the high school setting, but the kind of emotional extreme reality that Jamie Gertz brought to her role. If you haven’t ever watched F&G, I feel like it could become a new obsession. You would so love it.

  4. A says:

    Jami Gertz’s facial expressions are killing me, particularly when she’s been chosen. The unbridled hysteria combined with a frosted lipstick shade I think I owned is too much.

    Now for my Tepperman Time: Look at the faces of the girls in the background of the first Ben Marley screencap. He’s sitting there in a saucy jumper, making ‘embarrassment’ look like the hottest state of being ever invented, and look at them! The blonde in particular looks like she’s one thought away from breaking out her compass and stabbing her way through the boys in front. Judging by the girls’ faces, the director probably had to flank him with boys so they could actually get the scene filmed.

    Note to Sheila: WHY IS THERE NO SCREENCAP OF HIM RUNNING HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR IF FOOTAGE EXISTS????? Just a thought. No pressure.

    Look at energy in his eyes when he’s picking up her things. Sweet Lord. He’s one of those brilliant people with absolute focus in the moment. Poor Patty’s face! The sun is shining only for her.

    I AM GOING INSANE with regards to the photo of him laughing at ‘girlf’. Ben Marley, you brazen minx! The open button! The chest hair! The hair brushing his neck! His face lighting up as he laughs! The kind of parka I have never found attractive, but is now acting as sartorial catnip! If I burst some kind of valve, Ben Marley, it’s on your tab.

    (phrasing stolen from A., my partner in Ben Marley crime) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! What an absolute honour!!! I’m crying!!!

    Larry Simpson, you would have filled my days with misery, but what could you have done, being what you are?

  5. tracey says:

    / I want to say to her, “Muffy, darling! Save SOMETHING for a rainy day, sweetheart – don’t give it all away!”

    But we all have our journeys./

    Hahahahahaha!

    Also, that is some vigorous chest hair, Ben Marley. Mazeltov.

  6. tracey says:

    Oh, wait just a cotton-pickin’ moment, Ben Marley. I see what’s going on here. Where is that red-orange sweater you were wearing earlier at the assembly? The one that made you oh-so-modest and podium-worthy. Where did that go?? Did you suddenly see Patty coming, dash into a bathroom, and rrrrip it off, so as to beguile her with your vigorous chest hair?

    I don’t know what to think.

    Don’t toy with us, Ben Marley.

  7. A says:

    rrrrip it off

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn’t notice that, Tracey! I was so bewitched by his chest hair, which was clearly his intent!

    You tease, Ben Marley. You know exactly what you’re doing to us.

  8. red says:

    Erik – I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

    I have NOT seen Freaks and Geeks yet – I know, I know – I have to!! It’s on my “must see someday” list like we all have – but I do think that square pegs, in all its goofiness, was a pioneer for shows like that – and all the Judd Apatow stuff we see now – and shows like My So-Called Life. It’s not as subtle as My So-Called Life – it has a lighter touch – but it celebrates geekiness and validates the struggles of those NOT in the “in” crowd. It’s so much fun – and SJP is adorable in it!

  9. red says:

    The kind of parka I have never found attractive, but is now acting as sartorial catnip!

    hahahahahahahaha

    Funny how that happens with attraction. You make declarations like, “I can’t stand parkas” or “I can’t stand men in flip-flops” – and then your potential beloved shows up wearing a parka and flip-flops and suddenly it’s your favorite outfit in the world.

  10. A says:

    Hahahaha, you’re exactly right. Not only have I lost my moral compass, I’ve lost my personal taste. This is a little disconcerting. What if he has me loving Ugg boots next? I won’t know who I am anymore.

  11. red says:

    Judging by the girls’ faces, the director probably had to flank him with boys so they could actually get the scene filmed.

    hahahahahaha A, you crack me up!!!

    And you are right – it was totally an oversight on my part to not include a shot of him running his fingers thru his hair. I will rectify that in Part Two.

    Please accept my deepest apology.

    It won’t happen again.

  12. red says:

    “vigorous chest hair” hahaha It’s like it has a life of its own!

  13. red says:

    Tracey – /But we all have our journeys/ hahahahahahahaha I’m trying to validate Muffy Tepperman’s “journey”. What is the matter with me?

    Should I ask Oliver?

  14. Stevie says:

    Well, it happened – I flashed back to high school and our particular Ben Marley. I don’t remember his name anymore, but he was very cute and yet incredibly sweet and kind. And wonder of wonders, he and I were both on the yearbook team (or whatever it was called). Chestnut brown hair (feathered and mid-length – this was 1976), blue eyes, happy puppy dog energy. Tall. Sigh. So the highlight was when we had to plan some sort of yearbook presentation – a little mini show that we took from class to class to get people to sign up for the annual. I of course was in charge of this and I had written a song called “Get your annual, come on and get your annual,” which everyone duly learned and practiced a capella. But what should people wear? Wild and crazy outfits, each one different, was the brainstorm, and the next thing you know, I’m suggesting that cutie boy go shirtless – with maybe a squirt of shaving cream rubbed on his chest. Um, Stevie, what were you thinking? I was thinking, I really need to see his chest, that’s what I was thinking! So cutie boy, being an okey doke kind of sweet guy, laughed a little and agreed, and the big day came when we went from classroom to classroom to do this abhorent little presentation, and there he was, shirtless and smeared with shaving cream – AT MY COMMAND! Sigh.

    We sold many yearbooks that day. I’m no fool – I knew a little sex appeal would get the job done. And I got to see him shirtless. xxx

  15. red says:

    Stevie – that is one of the hottest things I’ve ever heard!

    Like: “will you please participate in my dearest fantasy with no questions asked?”

    “Sure, no problem.”

    Did that even happen??? I love that kid!!

  16. Stevie says:

    Oh Sheila, it was incredibly hot. And somewhere there are pics, but I don’t have them. Anyway, I felt like such a power mad bastard-in-a-good-way to have been able to persuade this cutie to do my bidding. A real Napoleon, was I. Dayum! xxx

  17. red says:

    And the objectification of his body was all for a higher cause and you sold more yearbooks!

    You were like Muffy Tepperman herself – it’s all in service of school spirit!!

  18. Stevie says:

    I was totally pulling a Muffy! Absolutely. Power gone amock. For a special treat, Sheila, I just posted a little story on my blog for you. Love you! xxx

  19. “Square Pegs” – ‘It’s Academical’ (or: the heartbreaking return of Larry Simpson, aka Ben Marley)

    Here’s part one! PART TWO We left off with our quiz-show team chosen three: Muffy, Larry Simpson, and Patty, and we can already see there are going to be competitive issues between Muffy and Patty for Larry’s love and…

  20. A says:

    Please accept my deepest apology. It won’t happen again.

    I should hope not. If your blogging doesn’t bow to my whims, then where would we all be?

    Like: “will you please participate in my dearest fantasy with no questions asked?”

    “Sure, no problem.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Stevie, I’m in open-mouthed awe of you right now! Was that the secret all along? All I had to do was ask? I feel faint. Stevie, you absolute legend. Topless and covered in shaving cream. This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard. I salute you.

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