Dovetail

Someone helped me yesterday. He barged into my issues, my insecurities, my waffling, spoke the truth, in no uncertain terms, and cleared a bunch of stuff away so that I could see the path. I obviously needed it, because I can get bolluxed up, all by myself in my own head. And he said it in a way that didn’t belittle me, but made me go: “Oh. It’s all very obvious. Here is what I need to do. Of course. Of course this is what I need to do. I am terrified, but I will do it anyway.” The best part of it was that I knew it all along. Just needed the push. I feel I must mention that other friends have pushed me, too, in this respect. Friends and family members. Pretty much everyone. “Sheila, don’t be an idiot. Do it.” I can be stubborn in my neuroses. It’s where I am comfortable. I cling to them. Not a pretty admission, but the truth. This is what happens when you are alone too much, and you do your best to, you know, stay honest and in the game … but certain things start to seem inarguable. You start to believe that “this is the way things are.” But they aren’t. It’s just what you’ve become used to.

And that is what he said to me yesterday, akin to a slap across the face. It was not gentle. It did not concede ground. It did not give credence to my weaknesses, my insecurities. It acknowledged them, but it gave them no importance or room to breathe. No. No. This is what you do. Do it now.

Suddenly, exhilaration, fear, panic, all of those great things … making me literally go weak in the knees.

Took a fevered walk along the Hudson (gorgeous day yesterday), iPod blaring in my ears, and the first song that came on in the blessed Shuffle was “Get Up”, by Bleu.

A moment of dovetailing. The universe. Flowing in. The words seeming to come from somewhere else, not just Bleu – but from “it”, the grand scheme out there, and also, perhaps, from myself. And from him.

“Get Up” – by Bleu

Where were you the other night?
We coulda used you in the fight
Oh, and everybody said to say “Hi”.
We all were wonderin’ when you were gonna stop by.
Oh, I know ya had a little bad luck
But didn’t anybody tell you everyone does?

Get up
You’re just in a slump
Get up
You’re stuck in a rut
Get up
Before you lose touch
Get up

Don’tcha think you’ve had enough?
You gotta stop beatin’ yourself up
Oh, I know how much you like to play rough
But if ya don’t allow the scabs to heal, they scar up
Don’t you know I’ve heard it all before?
So don’tcha leave your sad excuses outside my door

Get up
You’re just in a slump
Get up
You’re stuck in a rut
Get up
Before you lose touch
Get up

Can’t you see no matter what I do
I just can’t seem to get my shit together without you

Get up
You’re just in a slump
Get up
You’re stuck in a rut
Get up
Before you lose touch
Get up

(You can listen to it here). It is best played really loud, and it is best played as you walk through a blazing spring day, the white caps on the Hudson to your right, with long-dormant plans and schemes and hopes surging through your whole damn body.

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4 Responses to Dovetail

  1. Dave E. says:

    Beautiful. And inspiring. At times I’ve taken a certain pride in my independence, of not being afraid to be alone. But sometimes being alone can be dangerous, it can mess with your head. Or maybe let your mind go places that seem safe, but really aren’t. It’s good to have people who love you to pull you out when that’s right. Been there.

  2. Marisa says:

    I maintain that the powers that be speak through my iPod. And sometimes they are, indeed, just acting as backup for someone in my life who has just tried to talk sense into me. It’s the modern equivalent of flipping open a book and placing your finger on a page. Sometimes you hit shuffle and, miraculously, you hear exactly what you needed to hear at that moment.

    Of course… sometimes I also get seven or eight really nutty songs in a row and then I see that the Universe is reminding me that I’m a huge dork. But it also sends important wake-up calls and reaffirming messages.

  3. Bill H says:

    Very cool, and brave. And I can imagine how that particular music affected you, because I remember the impact Bleu’s record had on me when it came out. The moment I heard it that January I knew it would be a candidate for best of the year and sure enough, it held off all comers for the next eleven months.

    (Imagine my geekdom when a pull quote from my review was on the shrinkwrap when it was officially released!)

    So Dance, Baby Doll, Dance…and follow your heart. Happy Easter!

  4. red says:

    Bill – that is so cool that they quoted you on the album!! How awesome!!!

    I have my sister Siobhan to thank for introducing me to Bleu and I cannot get enough. Every song on that album is fantastic but “Get Up” and “I Won’t Go Hollywood” are my absolute faves.

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