It’s not the most talented who “make it”. Those who “make it” (in whatever field it might be) are those who are the most persistent. Those who fall down and then get right back up. Those who are not stopped (emotionally, physically) by the word “No.” Failure exists for such people, but they are not stopped by it. They get up and try again.
This all may seem a bit unfairly Darwinian (shouldn’t merit alone be the main factor?), and yeah, I can see that, especially when it comes to economic opportunity and all that. But even there, even there: there are those who are “stopped” by the fight, they can’t take it anymore, they stop fighting. Understandable. But then there are those who never stop, who feel the pain of being left out, held down, but keep trying anyway. Success is hard for everyone. You must be persistent. Do what you have to do to NOT stop. Ever. When people talk about a meritocracy, the things that matter are, of course, talent/gifts/smarts. But PART of being “the most gifted” – maybe the most important part – is persistence. Dogged unstoppable persistence. With all the beauty of Viola Davis’ powerful Emmy acceptance speech (the best speech of the night), what I was also aware of was her sheer dogged persistence to get to where she wanted to be, despite everyone telling her “no,” despite years of playing parts not worthy of her, despite a fight against an industry and a world that does not want to see her in the roles she should be getting. She is an inspiration. But remember, remember what it TOOK to get her there. It was not talent alone.
I’m not lecturing to you all. I’m lecturing myself.
I can’t count how many times I have watched the following video. Every time I watch, I think about persistence. The fact that the person in the video is famous (Joaquin Phoenix) doesn’t matter: Even if the person were a stranger to me, I would think: Okay. Watch his persistence. Watch his unstoppable-ness. Watch the falls he has to go through in order to get it right. There’s frustration, bruises, anger because he can’t get it, but all the time – all the time – he thinks, he thinks about how to “get it.” The more you watch the video, the more you see. You can see the attempt, in the early stages – what stunt he is trying to do. And you can see him, through trial and error (major trial and error – he could have knocked his teeth out), start to make his way, painstakingly, towards the “move” he wanted to do. I think my favorite part is when he lies on the concrete, saying, “I FOUND IT” pointing to his head. He FOUND exactly how it was supposed to go, through repetition, through failing.
I find this clip really really inspiring, especially when I get frustrated, or want to stop, give up. Here, in its purest form, is what it looks like to not give up.
I can’t find the video on Youtube, so here it is on Facebook.
Yes! This is so great, Sheila (I just showed it to my son.) It can be so hard to stick something out–school, athletics, creating, or anything–when things don’t click together right away. This is a perfect illustration of that fact, and also that putting in the work is as necessary as talent. In my own head, I’ve often labeled that something extra that stars (in any field) have as “ambition,” and that’s certainly also a part of it–but “persistence” is a much better word.
Barb – Yes – without working hard, it just won’t … happen. A couple of people are plucked from obscurity because they look good, or have a great figure or whatever – but most of those people are flash-in-the-pans. It’s those who understand the hard work involved that will last.
I think, yes, ambition is a huge part of it. They have a picture in their mind of where they want to go, what needs to happen … and they work to get there. They are able to visualize the future, and work towards it.
Brilliant. You see him getting better and better and psyching himself up for the next try and the triumphant wave when he gets it. So cool. You are so right that persistence is so important. I wish there was a way that we could teach it to every kid in the world.
//I’m lecturing myself.//Also so true. How many times do we have to do that for ourselves particularly on those days before you “get it”? Is it faith? Is that part of it? Is that why it’s so difficult to get up and do it again and again?
Carolyn – I love that wave at the end! And the roaring of his friends. So great!
// I wish there was a way that we could teach it to every kid in the world. //
Me too. Honestly, I think the “everyone gets a trophy” thing has got to go. There’s a way to do it without crushing a child’s soul. But some people deserve a trophy for excellence. Not everyone does. It doesn’t mean you don’t have VALUE as a person. And maybe, just maybe, someone else getting the first place trophy will spur you on to try harder next time. That’s how it was when I was a kid. I don’t know, just a thought. Not a popular opinion, maybe, although everyone I know – teachers and parents, etc. – all feel the same way.
And “faith.” Yeah. I’m not sure what makes certain people keep going after they fail, stand up and try again. I don’t have it. I get “stopped.” I have to really psych myself up and rely on friends who believe in me, etc. But maybe that’s part of it too. Surround yourself with a tribe who lifts you up – as opposes to pull you down.
// And “faith.” Yeah. I’m not sure what makes certain people keep going after they fail, stand up and try again. I don’t have it. I get “stopped.” I have to really psych myself up and rely on friends who believe in me, etc. But maybe that’s part of it too. Surround yourself with a tribe who lifts you up – as opposes to pull you down. //
I wasn’t going to post in this topic – although I thought about it a lot yesterday and it helped me so much, so THANKS!
For a long time, the only belief I had was that I was bound to fail. Talk about a lack of faith. I gave up. All the time. But I saw other people’s persistence and the ensuing results. I won’t pretend I changed overnight. Fuck, change is so hard. But I really try acting AS IF I believed in myself (and as if people believed in myself). Even when I voice doubts. I try to keep going. Sometimes I fail. But, hey, whadayaknow: still here. And the results look like magic to me.
I also think that the culture you live in can help or refrain you from persisting. I come from a culture where there’s that belief that success comes or doesn’t and you have nothing to do with it. Moving to another part of the world was definitely a smart move for me.
// But I really try acting AS IF I believed in myself //
That is part of the key, I think!!
Tina Fey said a great thing that I use all the time: “You can be self-deprecating about yourself. But you must never be self-deprecating about your work.”
It’s a great reminder.
I am not self-conscious or doubting about my writing ability or my mind. (I am doubting about other things, but not that.) For some reason, my ego is indestructible about the actual WRITING. If someone doesn’t like what I do, fuck ’em, plenty of other people do. I worked with an editor once who completely re-wrote a review of mine – making it sound more academic, using words I would never ever use. He also seemed to dislike my focus on acting. But the piece I was writing on was the filmed version of a one-woman show. The whole damn THING was about the actress’ performance – who the hell cares about camera angles in that situation? We went back and forth on it (I really like him and we are still friends) – and I finally realized his taste was just not mine. It was esoteric taste, and mine is earthy – but I could not – COULD NOT – let him post that review as he had edited it. I have worked hard to protect my “voice.” It’s MINE. So I said to him (in email): “Okay, you can post this review, but if you do, put it under your byline, not mine.” He was a brand-new editor – it was his first editor job – and he somehow realized that he had crossed a line with me and he wrote back and apologized and said that he was new at his job, and he was still learning, and he realized he had over-edited me. SUCCESS. He put back most of my writing and just changed some structural things. I welcome editing – I NEED editing – the good editors save you from yourself, they pick up on repetitions or “you said this already” – one of the best editing notes I ever got was during my first job as a film critic. The editor said, “I have noticed that in your reviews the first paragraph should really be your last.” !!!! SO HELPFUL and he was SO RIGHT. I started strong, with a sweeping summing-up, and then moved into the particulars. That summing-up should be built up to. During the writing process, I STILL start off with what should be the last paragraph – it seems part of how my mind operates – but then before I send it in, I just transfer that paragraph to the end. Ha. But that was such a helpful note and I remember it all the time. So I welcome notes, but I am not afraid to push back if the notes eradicate my voice. Especially use words that I would never use. No.
But actually initiating big change – it has required me to move mountains. My script and all that has happened with it is the prime example. I have had help along the way from others who believe in it – I signed with an agent on the strength of it – actors want to play those parts – but to get it MOVING was all me. I mean, obviously, I had to write the damn thing first. That’s the major work. But to get a workshop of it, readings of it, etc. And now I am in the position again of having to move a mountain to get to the next step of it. I believe in what I have done – I think that’s the key. But it requires asking favors, asking for help, re-opening conversations, etc. I’m ready. Any time I have screwed my courage to the sticking place, and done such things, huge huge change takes place and the thing starts to gain its own momentum.
So. VERY HARD.
I also have an expectation that I will fail – but that’s more in personal-life stuff.
Yeah. Part of what took so long for me to finally get published as a writer is that I wouldn’t get back up. But somehow I finally said “screw it” this year and stopped not getting back up every time I was told no. So I pitched, I wrote query letters, I got told no, pitched some more, got told no again, pitched, and so on until I got my yes. And that yes keeps me going, and there have been more yeses since, but you only get to that yes if you’re willing to go through about a forest worth of nos first.
Harvey Keitel auditioned 11 times to get into the Actors Studio. It’s a legendary story amongst Actors Studio people. Persistence!