The Chicago contingency

Here’s the timeline.

— David’s a great friend of mine. David and I graduate college in the same year.

— In the summer after our graduation, David and his girlfriend (now wife) moved to Chicago. Chicago’s one of the best places for actors in this country. So off they went.

— I, on the other hand, flailed about for a while. I was dating someone at the time (whose name is EVERYWHERE today, coincidentally, because he’s a lawyer, and he was hugely involved in the Michael Ross case. I woke up this morning to the sound of my radio-alarm blasting my first boyfriend’s voice through my dark room. Uhm. Weird.) ANYWAY. Boyfriend was in law school.

— My friend Jackie and I spent the fall after graduation working in a factory on an assembly line. That’s a whole post in and of itself. We WERE those girls in Officer and a Gentleman. Meanwhile: we heard stories from David – doing well in Chicago – doing shows, flourishing.

— Despite this, I ended up moving to Philadelphia to be with boyfriend.

— I missed Mitchell and Jackie, my best friends … they were both still up in Rhode Island. I missed David. I never saw him anymore. He was in Chicago. Doing well. I was in Philadelaphia. And not doing well.

— Boyfriend got a job in San Francisco. We began to plan a cross-country trip.

— The summer before we took off for San Fran, we went home to RI to attend the going-away barbecue for Jackie – who had decided to move to Chicago. Chicago’s a good place for actors. Jackie decided to take the risk and go. David happened to be home for the going-away party, so he was there. I ended up DRILLING David about his life in Chicago, how much he liked it, would I like it there … I was in the process of moving to California … but it just didn’t feel right to me. I knew that I should be in Chicago. Weird, how clear a sensation it was at the time.

— On our way across country, we stopped off in Chicago to visit David and Maria and now Jackie – who had been there for 3 months and was loving it. I had never been to Chicago before. I fell in LOVE with the place. We walked along the lake, we had pizza, we talked … We slept over at Jackie’s apartment on Melrose (strangely enough: THREE MONTHS LATER, I would be living in the same apartment building. I had no way of knowing that at the time. I thought I was moving to California to be with my boyfriend, and I was … but damn, things fell apart fast. And through sheer coincidence: when I ended up moving to Chicago, I got an apartment EXACTLY above the one where Jackie was living at the time. Strange … if you had whispered in my ear during my visit there: “Uhm, 3 months from now, you and your boyfriend will be history, and you will be living on this same street” I would have scorned the thought as impossible.)

— Boyfriend and I proceeded to have the cross-country-trip-from-hell.

— He moved to San Fran. I moved to LA. Then my camper van broke down. On my hysterical walk home from the repair shop, I called my friend Jackie collect, in tears, sobbing: “I am coming to live there … I have got to get out of there … can I stay with you in Chicago for a while until I get back on my feet?” She immediately shouted, “YES! YES! COME HERE! STAY WITH ME! COME HERE!”

— A month later, I arrived in Chicago. With one suitcase. And fifty bucks. I am not exaggerating. I left everything behind in a random garage in California and had to send for it later.

— I immediately knew I did the right thing. Chicago suited me. It was a great town.

— I am heartbroken over the end of my relationship. I cried on Jackie’s couch. But at the same time, I immediately got cast in a show, I immediately started having fun and dating other people, and immediately started living the life of my dreams.

— I got my own apartment. I had never had my own apartment. I was in utter heaven.

— Jackie, David, David’s girlfriend and I had this amazing relationship out in Chicago. We had all been good college friends … but we become even better friends in that more adult context.

— We were all doing shows. Chicago is great for actors.

— 9 months after I got there, Mitchell arrived. The Rhode Island contingent hit Chicago in staggered waves. Mitchell, who had been back in RI doing shows, finally decided to get the hell out. When he arrived in Chicago, he stayed with me. I did for him what Jackie did for me.

— Mitchell and I lived for something like 6 months in a one-room apartment. There was a single bed. I must reiterate: it was one room. I took a panorama shot of the place once … just to capture the moment in time. Mitchell and I proceeded to absolutely tear UP Chicago. Oh, the stories. Jackie joined in on the exploits. There was one memorable evening at a Mexican restaurant … but that’s for another post.

— Mitchell and I moved. We found another apartment. We lived there for a year.

— Meanwhile, David and his girlfriend got married. We all flew back to RI for the wedding. We’ve all known one another since we were 18 years old, 17 years old … but here we are. Growing up together.

— David auditioned for graduate school. He got in. He and his wife left, which was a wrenching change for all of us. Our little home-away-from-home, our community … breaking up. David and his wife, the marrieds, provided the three of us, the nutso singles, with a lovely atmosphere whenever we went over: coffee brewing, something good cooked … it was a respite, a place we could relax. When the two of them departed for the east coast, it was sad. It definitely left a hole.

— 1994 was one of the craziest saddest most exhilarating years of my life. Fun. Awful. UnforGETTABLE. Chicago. Wow.

— 1995. I decided I needed to move. Go to grad school. Get my ass to New York. I got into grad school. I moved back East. I never got over missing Chicago … even though I slowly accepted that now I lived HERE and not back THERE. But Chicago will always be the city of my heart.

— Years pass. I visited Chicago as much as I could, flying back during spring breaks, winter breaks. To see my old friends Mitchell and Jackie, still living and flourishing in Chicago.

— Right before I left for grad school, Jackie became involved with a man she had known for a long time (who we both had known for a long time) … They started dating, tentatively … but we all had this sense about it. A sense that turned out to be prescient. He is now her husband. Even back then, as it was beginning, we all had the sense: “Hmmm. This is probably it. Jackie will probably marry him.” We were all so happy for her and for him. I felt like it was time to move on … that those years in Chicago – of being free, wild, impetuous (we all lived our lives that way) were coming to an end. We were all moving on, in separate ways … committing to the things that mattered to us, grounded us.

— Funnily enough, when I moved back East, I moved to Hoboken – and David and his wife were ALSO living in Hoboken. It seemed to be our destiny to always somehow be in each other’s lives in an everyday way. When I moved back, David’s wife was pregnant. A happy time. Again: change, growth, moving on … never forgetting our years in Chicago, when we nurtured our friendships, and lived according to our own rules, and pleased ourselves … but we didn’t just live in the past. We didn’t just cling to the old days. We accepted that things change, and alter … You can’t ever go back. But still. Those memories are sweet.

— Mitchell flourishes in Chicago still.

— Jackie, her husband, and two children, recently moved back East – and live in Connecticut.

— David and his wife now have two amazing little girls.

— And this Sunday, for the first time in YEARS – I mean, literally, I can’t remember the last time this happened – we are all getting together to have a barbecue out at David’s. We will all be there. Mitchell is flying in. I will be there. Jackie, her husband, her two kids. David, Maria, their two kids. This close contingency of friends … we have all been through SO MUCH together … Stuff you never forget. I have held Jackie when she cried, I have crawled into bed with Mitchell when I couldn’t sleep and thought I couldn’t make it through the night, I showed up on David and his wife’s doorstep one night – because I had a story to share from my own life that COULD NOT WAIT … I sang in Jackie’s wedding… The bond is forever. In Chicago, we had rituals. We had breakfast at Max’s deli. We splurged and went to Rose Angelis on occasion. We had Pictionary nights over at David’s. Or we would play Trivial Pursuit. The five of us went to see James Taylor together – outside – right before David left. We have helped each other through life’s tragedies. Death of a parent, serious illness, heartbreaks, addictions … It’s all come up. Now some of them have children, and that’s beautiful to see. My dear old old friends, being parents. Hanging out with their children. Seeing these little creatures – created by my old college friends … what? It’s so awesome!

We spent our years in Chicago just BEING there for each other, and forming ourselves into the adults that we are today.

Sunday. It should be good.