It Would Be So Empty Without Him

Okay, folks. Not sure what it is about this particular post – but random people out there seem to be under the impression that I actually AM Marshall Mathers. Check out the last couple of comments. I finally closed the post, and deleted about 20 other comments like those … but now … they have tracked down my email, and they send me tormented notes – (or – they send Marshall tormented notes … thinking that I AM him)

“Yo! Don’t retire, yo!”

And generally, they all refer to him as “Em”. You know, the familiarity of a nickname.

“Yo, Em, heard the news. I am so sad. So sad.”

Em. hahaha

I have no idea what is going on – who linked to this post – it’s not in my referral log – but somehow – it has spread across the planet that you can actually leave messages for “Em” here.

These letters, by the way, do come from all over the world. One dude wrote to me (or … he wrote to Marshall Mathers) from Kuwait. “I am from Kuwait … we love your music … do not retire!” (To quote Humphrey Bogart: “You know you’re famous when they know your name in Karachi.”)

Well now it looks like Mr. Mathers is taking a small break, but reports of his “retirement” were hugely exaggerated. You hear that, world? So you can stop writing me tormented letters bemoaning the loss you already feel. Mkay? Eminem ain’t going anywhere.

As a matter of fact, he’s putting together a greatest hits album.

So calm down, world. Calm the hell DOWN everyone who has written to me from Indiana, from Germany, from France, from Kuwait, from England, from Idaho, from Queens, from Sydney Australia, from India … (I’m not kidding – these are the countries and states represented in the letter chain).

Mr. Marshall Mathers is not retiring.

Also: I AM NOT EMINEM. I don’t know why you think I am … but I am not!!!

Just cleanin’ out my closet here, folks, just cleanin’ out my closet!

This entry was posted in Music and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to It Would Be So Empty Without Him

  1. Emily says:

    “i thought he would alwayz be around.”


  2. Cullen says:

    I can’t trackback to you, so, you’ve been linked.

    I just knew you were hiding something!

  3. red says:

    emily – hahahahahaha

    that is funny on so many levels.

    i also like the “Hey Gorgeous” opening. what?

  4. Curtis says:

    Who knew that you were the real slim shady?

  5. Amazing how you post something and they think you ARE the person you’re writing about. Interesting blog.

  6. Mark says:

    Suuuurrre you’re not Eminem. That’s what you WANT us to think. We know it’s really you, Em; don’t worry, we’ll keep your secret. Thanks for not retiring.

  7. "dave" says:

    …how I had no idea Eminem would have been so well read — would have picked the Bogart fan part – but not Capote part. So, really, what you are saying is that you ARE Eminem. Hmmph.

  8. skillzy says:

    A guy that my wife knows through work has the same name as the lead singer of the Bay City Rollers. Women have started finding him via the Internet, and he gets one or two indecent proposals every week. Most of the women assure him that they’ve cleared it with their husbands.

    The name also resulted in his being stuck in Canada waiting for his visa to get approved a few years back (he’s Irish, working in the US), because of the other guy’s drug arrests.

  9. "dave" says:

    the best line in Six Mile was when your mom complained about her boyfriend… you know, and him not, you know….
    I was watching it with my fiancee and her son and we laughed and then realized who we were all with and then stopped.

  10. Patrick W says:

    When you did that song with Dido, that was just too cool. Keep up the good work. My girlfriend loves you. Literally.

  11. Wutzizname says:

    I’d hate to think that people see the image of ‘Em’ (which I thought was short for Emily) and just assume to comment to them. Wow. these idiots probably have Driver’s Licenses, too.

    Sad. Really sad.


    P.S. For real Doe, Em… Stay up, son!

  12. Alli says:

    Well, I’ll stick up for the people from Indiana. All this flat land makes us crazy and corny. (hehe, get it?)

  13. Independent George says:

    Dude! Eminem is a chick!

Comments are closed.