Quotes from Mitchell

Said to me with utter seriousness:

–“Patty Duke is not the avatar of angry.

I said to him, “Did you actually just say the word ‘avatar’ in my house? How dare you.”

–“Tempest Bledsoe has all kinds of attitude.”

I still can’t stop laughing about that one. Like … we’re PISSED at Tempest Bledsoe for having “all kinds of attitude”. We’re PISSED that Tempest Bledsoe has not learned a little humility. Guys. It’s Tempest Bledsoe. Calm down. Also: Tempest Bledsoe????

— And then last night – after we turned out the light … we had been talking a bit about The Surreal Life … yadda yadda, no big deal … Then there was a brief pause. And Mitchell said, totally seriously, and also … he sounded a little bit pissed-off about it:

“What is Bronson Pinchot’s problem?”

And – those words lay in the room for about 15 seconds … nobody said a word … and then we feckin’ LOST IT. We could not stop laughing. We HOWLED into the night.

Random actors and actresses, has-beens, and never-wases … inhabit our minds. We keep up with each other in this regard. Very very rarely do we have to say “Who?” Or … if I have to say “who?” (and it is usually me) – then Mitchell will immediately start to list credits, and he’ll say SOMEthing I recognize.

We watched Entourage … An older actor shows up. Mitchell says, “Is that David Paymer?” Of course I know who Paymer is. “I don’t think it is.” “Didn’t Paymer die this past year?” “Did he?” The next thing I know I glance over at Mitchell, sitting at my laptop, and all I see on the screen were the words: “BIOGRAPHY OF DAVID PAYMER”. Why does that make me laugh so hard???? Turns out it WASN’T David Paymer, but another older character actor – who Mitchell remembered from Tales of the City, a gazillion years ago.

So if any of you are mistaken on any of these points, here’s a re-cap:

Patty Duke is NOT, contrary to popular belief, the avatar of angry.

Tempest Bledsoe has all KINDS of attitude.

And what the hell is Bronson Pinchot’s problem??

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39 Responses to Quotes from Mitchell

  1. ricki says:

    if you DO find out what the hell Bronson Pinchot’s problem is, would you kindly share on the blog?

    Mitchell and you are not the only ones wondering…

  2. Lisa says:

    Actually, it’s TempestT, which if you think about it, makes it worse. What’s with the extraneous T, Tempestt? Think you’re special, huh, VaNESSA?

  3. mitchell says:

    Lisa??? is that true?? she has i randome capital letter at the end of her name??? for love of Pete…why??????????

  4. red says:

    I had no idea!! Perhaps all that extra attitude lives in that one stupid extraneous “T”.

  5. Lisa says:

    Yep.

    Blame it on the T.

  6. Lisa says:

    It’s not a capital T. It’s just Tempestt. A capital T would make me want to run over her with my car.

  7. mitchell says:

    ahhh…just a stuttering t

  8. Cullen says:

    I actually had to Google Tempestt. I should have my right to Nick at Night revoked.

    As for Bronson, do you think he feels permanently out-of-depth after True Romance?

  9. Noonz says:

    This is just Tempestt’s long-repressed jealousy of Lisa Bonet’s Angel Heart scene with Mickey Rourke finally coming to fore.

    Clearly.

  10. mitchell says:

    she was not a team player on celebrity fit club…she must have crazy Cosby money..why would she do that show??? and she isn’t obese!!

  11. Lisa says:

    Isn’t Bronson Pinchot married to the girl director, the one who did Clueless? I couldn’t believe him on Surreal Life; his pictures used to cover the walls in my dorm room back when he was Balki! (And when we thought he was gay.)

  12. Nightfly says:

    Top 10 Bronson Pinchot’s Problems

    10 – People keep calling him Balki
    9 – Doesn’t speak enough Japanese to get anime voiceover work
    8 – Career hit big in the days before $100,000-per-episode contracts and DVD residuals
    7 – People keep calling him Brosnan
    6 – He’s got less of a career than his former straight man, Mark Linn Baker
    5 – Was lined up to play Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects but his real name was too weird
    4 – People think he was “that other guy” on Bosom Buddies
    3 – He’s got less of a career than “that other guy” on Bosom Buddies
    2 – “Design for Bronson Pinchot Night” on Project Runway was a disaster

    and Bronson Pinchot’s Number-One Problem

    1 – Always worried about what Mitchell thinks of him

  13. JFH says:

    LOL, Nightfly, I assume this one didn’t quite make the list:

    11. Nobody believes his story that it was he, not Cruise, that was “boffing” Rebecca De Mornay in the early 80s.

  14. red says:

    I referred to someone yesterday (Mitchell – do you remember who??) as a “homunculit” and I believe that this also could apply to Bronson Pinchot.

  15. DBW says:

    Pinchot’s #1 problem? Obsessive fear of Langoliers left him sexually and socially impotent. Some roles we never leave behind.

  16. JFH says:

    BTW, Alex (The NOONZE kind, not the acting kind), I think Tempestt is more jealous of Raven Simone than Lisa Bonet… I mean doin’ it with Mickey Rourke (before he went of the deep end physically) is a fleeting moment of fame (does anyone even remember Carrie Otis?), but being a Disney “product” is forever!!

  17. red says:

    Pinchot is what Mitchell and I refer to as “back-rub boys” – which is so specific, but anyone who was in any theatre department in college would know what i was talking about.

    Backrub boys are most usually theatre majors. Although I imagine they could show up elsewhere … but I have noticed that there is always ONE in every theatre department.

    Backrub boys are socially awkward guys who would NEVER make it out in the Darwinian atmosphere of college mating … They are geeks, they maybe did a couple plays in high school, and drama or theatre isn’t their passion … but it’s where they feel they most fit in … and so here they are in the theatre department – not because they have talent, but because they feel that theatre is a refuge.

    In general, these people are nightmares.

    However: these guys never seem to get that just because girls are theatre majors does not mean that they are “easy” – It does not mean that because we are in the theatre department together, that we should all just be socialists about our sexual favors: what’s mine is ours, what’s yours is mine … Uhm, no. It doesn’t work that way. Theatre major girls are just like any other girls and these socially-awkward boys STILL can’t get laid.

    Bummer. Theatre-major boy assumed that because he was sweet and cuddly theatre-major girl would find him non-threatening and leap into bed with him. Because sex is easy for her, right? And she slept with THAT guy over there, so why shouldn’t she also sleep with him??

    So what does he resort to? He becomes what is known as “backrub boy”. I have hung out in many theatre departments – and I can pick out “backrub boys” from a mile away. They are not seen as sexual beings by pretty much anyone and so they offer themselves up to girls with “want a backrub?”

    I have had good male friends of mine give me backrubs – and either they wanted to sleep with me, or they thought I looked tense – whatever, I never felt IKKY about being touched by them. They were upfront, casual, and weren’t trying to give a backrub under false pretenses.

    THAT’S what backrub-boy gets all wrong. He offers the backrub out of his own secret lecherous shame. He acts cuddly and intimate and goopy (I am sure you can also find Backrub Boys IN ABUNDANCE at any Renaissance Fair) – and thinks that this is what “m’ladies” will enjoy.

    He thinks that because we’re all theatre majors together, then backrubs should be freely given and received.

    Backrub boy is ALWAYS wrong about this.

    What I saw on The Surreal Life – with his insistence on touching people – and how all the women ended up feeling WEIRD about it – like: “get your goddamn paws off me” … was classic Backrub Boy behavior.

  18. JFH says:

    That last comment should have been a post, Sheila… You think he had any chance of picking up women after his over the top performance as “Serge” in Beverly Hills Cop?

    Pinchot: No, that was ACTING, girl… I not really gay… Unless you think that’s cute and, you know, you want to try to “turn” me.

  19. Nightfly says:

    JFH – I don’t believe that Bronson Pinchot boffed Rebecca de Mornay, any more than anyone believed that Jon Lovitz boffed Morgan Fairchild based on his SNL skits.

    Red – great theory. I think you’ve got him. You’re the Darwin of theater.

  20. ricki says:

    never was a theater girl (science-geek instead), but I TOTALLY get your exposition of “backrub boys”

    and I’ve known a few. They seem really wonderful and special for like the first five minutes, and then the skeeve factor rises to the surface.

    and yeah, I think that’s the vibe I get off of Pinchot.

    thanks, sheila.

  21. Stevie says:

    Okay, Bronson’s problem is he thought he was the next Tom Hanks: He was the “funny” member of a sitcom team JUST LIKE TOM. The sitcom team was a thinly-disguised gay couple JUST LIKE TOM’s was. He was handsomish and raven-haired JUST LIKE TOM. He quickly made the transition to the big screen JLT, albiet his “star-making” role was memorable but teeny. He had sex with Rebecca DeMornay JLT (okay, I’m not sure about this one.)

    It’s a classic case. He thought he was gonna be a contender, he thought he was gonna be somebody, instead of nothing, which is what he is.

  22. Cullen says:

    Now that’s a damn shame. Because the back rub was one of my pick up techniques. I was always pretty up front about my ulterior motives, however.

  23. Noonz says:

    JFH,

    Re: Tempestt’s Raven Simone Disney Jealous Complex:

    Good Point.

    I mean, Raven had her mug on Happy Meals fer Chrissakes (Note: Worst Happy Meal stuff ever. My little girl thought she was getting a my little pony and out comes some electronic That’s So Raven crap).

    Now that I think of it, Raven, who looks like she’s a little too eager with the Happy Meals herself, would have been the better CFC candidate than Bitter Tempestt.

  24. red says:

    cullen – did you get my point that the guys who were casual and upfront did NOT skeeve the girls out?

    It’s the guy who is surreptitiously trying to cop a feel because NO GIRL would willingly let him touch her that makes girls feel skeevy.

  25. red says:

    Stevie –
    EXCELLENT theory!!

    Add it to the Backrub-Boy Theory, and maybe we’ve got this sucker nailed down!

  26. red says:

    ricki –

    Hmmmm, so Backrub Boys are NOT just theatre boys and Ren. Fair jagoffs? They can show up anywhere?

    Good to know!
    Glad to know I am not the only one who has experienced this phenomenon.

  27. red says:

    I am so so so proud of the fact that the following words have been said on my blog, and we all know what they mean:

    //Tempestt’s Raven Simone Disney Jealous Complex//

  28. ricki says:

    well, there are a few Backrub Boys* in the sciences, but more often you encounter the socially-maladroit nerdy boys who tend to blurt out rather deep personal things at inopportune times.

    I mean, I am the Queen of Not Hurting People’s Feelings (Especially Guy People) but it’s really really really hard not to laugh when you’re in the middle of some concentration requiring titration thing, and your lab partner sitting on the stool next to you breathes in your ear, “I think I love you.” (Especially when it’s the third week of class and said lab partner has been working with you for a grand total of 5 1/2 hours, ever.)

    Still, often its the socially-maladroit science nerd boys who turn out to be the really kind and caring ones…so it’s in your best interest NOT to laugh.

    *somehow that name makes me think of a really icky teen-pop band

  29. red says:

    ricki – ahhh yes, I see the type. The “I think I love you” after 5 hours type. Yes, you need to be careful with people like that, be kind, gentle, etc.

    But the Backrub Boys were actually kind of like little pests and WEREN’T kind and caring … they would just walk right up to you and start massaging your shoulders, whether you wanted them to or not. Like: BOUNDARIES???

    I’m not a touchy-feely person. You have to earn that with me.

    OR: if it’s a guy I’m interested in, and there’s some courting hoo-hah going on … then a massage is completely cool.

    It’s like that whole funny disagreement scene in Pulp Fiction when Sam Jackson and John Travolta talk about whether or not a foot massage has any meaning. hahahaha And Travolta was saying that “I’ve given 20 foot massages … and they all meant something …”

    I laughed out loud when I first saw that scene because it seemed so true.

  30. "dave" says:

    As President of The Newly Formed Defenders of Bronson Pinchot At All Cost Guild, he was really good in True Romance. Picking on Bronson? That’s like picking on someone as inconsequential as, I don’t know, Kevin Spacey.

  31. Dave E. says:

    Good for you on the avatar rebuke. You let that kind of thing slide and it’s nothing but trouble. I loved the analysis of Backrub Boy too.

  32. Alex says:

    I don’t like the whole avatar attitude to be honest. And I don’t see why Patty Duke CAN’T be that angry.

    Also- TempesT is an asshole.

  33. Just1Beth says:

    I seem to remember some backrub boys at camp, too. As opposed to the hot boys like Josh and Joel and Craig… ewww. Sitting in the green adirondack chairs with some creepy backrub boy smoking a clove cigarette. There is one guy who had aviator glasses, and I can’t remember his name…eww.

  34. Dave E. says:

    Alex-I was being facetious and I read Red’s line as the same. Sorry if that came out wrong. Patty Duke could be that angry I suppose, but really, there’s some pretty serious other contenders these days.

  35. Alex says:

    No, no, no Dave. I was TOTALLY kidding. OhmaGod!

    The Patty Duke line was born out of a ridiculoua joke that happened betwen me and Mitchell.

    The insane thing is that Patty Duke is NOT angry. Like, why would Patty Duke be angry at all? We don’t know. It’s sort of the Anti Joke, like…in reality, it isn’t really funy at all.

    And yet….we laugh.

  36. Dave E. says:

    Alex-Haha, gotcha.

  37. Alex says:

    Okay Dave, Now I’M angrier than Patty Duke.

    And crazier than Ann Heche.

    And have more attitude than TempesT Bledsoe.

    And more emotional than Balki.

    And have less teeth than Florence Henderson.

  38. siobhan says:

    oh this just made me howl like nobody’s business. so funny.

  39. dorkafork says:

    I thought Bronson Pinchot was great in The Neutron Dance music video.

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