Diary Friday: “Then we ran off to play dodge ball in J Studio.”

As I continue to deal with “life after Picnic” – I keep going back and filling in the blanks from the whole experience. It was as though I was writing myself back into the past (of, er – 2 weeks ago).

So none of this is linear – I’m in the present, I go back into the past – events are speeding up, so sometimes I don’t even know what to write about.

Lots of actor talk here. If you find an actor’s process interesting – there’s a ton of stuff here.

This one’ll be a 2-parter. The orignal entry is probably 40 pages long.

DEC. 24

Oh Diary.

Tomorrow’s Christmas.

I’m a crazy woman.

[That is quite a triumvirate]

A real-life freindship with Brett has been growing. I feel so comfortable with him. My whole outlook on myself with guys is different.

My life is FULL TO BURSTING. [I don’t have a font big enough to imitate what it looks like in my journal]

On Closing Night, I got to the theatre in a frazzle with my bag of cards. I had made a sign to tack up on the bulletin board. It said: ” ‘Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof.’ That’s how I feel about all of you. Love, Millie.”

I was on the verge of joyous tears the whole night.

I came into the girls dressing room and went around to each mirror and put my card there. Joanna came in and did the same thing. I opened mine from her and started crying. Then I heard her on the other side going, “Oh, where is Sheila?” and I went running around to her. I had given her 2 cards – one had a poem on it about being sisters [she played Madge – my sister in the play] – the other was a letter. Hers was a hard one to write, too, because she came to mean so much to me – as a friend and as my sister. When we saw each other, we just started hugging – I wanted to hug her until there was nothing left of her.

Kate gave me this book for Christmas with all these quotes in it, and one quote screamed off the page at me [Jesus. That sounds terrifying] – and I think of it now when I have difficulty describing my tremendous love for someone:

“Love sees through a telescope – not a microscope.”

Those feelings are not meant to be put into words.

Joanna ended her letter with a little poem for me:

“And when you stop and think about it
You won’t believe it’s true
But all the love you’ve been giving
has all been meant for you.”

After our hug, we just beamed at each other and she said, “The best is yet to come.”

Then we ran off to play dodge ball in J Studio. [Okay. That is HYSTERICAL. I had forgotten that. The entire cast would get to the theatre maybe an hour before curtain … and before going to put on our costumes or makeup or whatever … we would all congregate in J Studio – a massive echoing black-box space – and play dodge ball. SO FUN.]

Back in the dressing room, Jennifer (about my favorite person in the world) had just read my letter – and when I walked in, she looked up at me with tears streaming down her face and said to me, her beautiful Southern accent, “You are such a doll.” I started crying and we both just hugged. She is so free with her emotions. I love it.

I miss her. She went home for Christmas – I talked to her on the phone last Tuesday to say goodbye. I am thinking of her. [Uhm, you sound a little bit like a stalker now.]

I was down in the lobby and Brett was there reading all the little cards people tacked up – and also my sign – and then he saw me just standing there and he came over to me and said, “Thank you for what you wrote.” Then he kissed me and hugged me so gently I thought my heart would crack. [My heart was ALWAYS cracking, apparently.] That whole night I was so tremulously happy that I was about to cry the whole time. I hadn’t gone into the guys dressing room yet to give them their cards. So later on I went and knocked on the door. Joe yelled, “Come in!” so in I went and gave each one their envelope.

I love Eric. He’s left – he moved to NYC – He’s such a wonderful guy. It’s just inexpressible.

I don’t have to describe all of it. I will remember it.

What a blessing it was that I got in Picnic. I have formed lasting meaningful frienships and I am so psyched. What is so great is that they love me – not some face I’ve put on.

I remember a while ago when I read my Seventeen horoscope [ohmigod, no] and it said, “You won’t be certain who are. Perhaps you’ll know when you see yourself reflected in his eyes.” [Are you KIDDING me, Seventeen???? I feel like suing them right now.] I never really understood what that meant – but suddenly – on Closing Night – after I handed the card to Brett – and he looked at me – I felt like what he was seeing. I could see myself the way he saw me. The fondness and caring in his eyes was so much that it went right through me – and I just felt so good about myself. He makes me feel special and unique. In the same way that my friends do. Sometimes I really need that.

In high school there is such a definite line between friendship and romance. If you talk seriously to a guy, or sit with him, people ask, “You going out with him?” It’s really impossible to have a friendship with a guy in high school – because at least in my school – boys and girls do not mix outside of romance. [What is this – a high school in Riyadh? Lighten up, people!] If you’re going out with someone, you’re inseparable – but other than that …

But here I am finding that a friendship with a guy is so satisfying – so normal. I am on TOP of the world. Because I can’t put a label on what we have. It’s not just friendship. It’s not romance. What is so WONDERFUL about me and Brett is: Usually when I think about guys, I think: “Okay, there’s friendship – and then there’s more. Something more.” It’s like everything needs to be defined. Friendship or romance, choose. I can’t find a name for me and Brett except beautiful. Fulfilling. I love him, and it’s a gift. I think I sense a kindred soul in him.

A while later, I went back into the guys dressing room with Liz to give Joe a Christmas ornament that I stole from a Woolworths tree. [What?? Also: wow. Woolworths] Joe is notorious for swiping ornaments so amidst total hysteria, I presented it to him. Liz was in convulsions. Joe was slapping on face powder and praising my actions. [hahaha I remember that. It was so old-school dressing-room behavior.] I was laughing. I looked at Brett. I knew he had read my card, and I was scared to look at him. I was embarrassed. The minute I came in I was aware of Brett standing up, and he just stood there quietly during the crazy loudness –

Junior year is lightyears behind me. It’s now almost a dream. Did all of that happen? It’s sad how I was. I was such a basketcase. For Pete’s sake, the best day of my life was when DW bought two of my damn Rice Krispie treats at the Drama Club bake sale. [I am literally shaking with laughter rightnow] I don’t think I loved DW as much as I believed I did. I mean, all the stupid times he looked at me – and I would interpret it to mean something – and you know what? It doesn’t even hurt anymore. I used to fall in love all over again whenever I would see him – but now – I just remember it. I can remember loving him with every fiber that I had – but I can’t conjure up the feeling anymore. I don’t feel stabs of pain. I haven’t for a long long time. I guess it was just an infatuation.

So anyway, I finally got the courage to glance at Brett – I had the feeling that he had read my card. I felt awfully open.

He didn’t smile, when I looked at him. He just jerked his head at me, to tell me to come over to him. Joe and Liz were still loudly talking. So I walked over to Brett. He looked so serious. No, not serious. He looked moved. In one moment we were hugging – just one of those indescribably hugs – I could feel I LOVE YOU – I am me – I am still Sheila Kathleen, I am the same girl I have always been – but now you are in my life, Brett, and nothing will ever be the same again. [And this is actually true. Meeting Brett changed my life.]

During rehearsals, as I slowly got more comfortable with people – they all seemed to get more at ease with me, too. Brett is such an affectionate person. He blew me away, and I didn’t know what to make of him. How he would hug me, or grab me, or ruffle my hair. It’s all very real, though. He says “I love you” a lot too. In later rehearsals, he would always tack on, “But not that much” and everyone would yell at him. The fact that he didn’t say it with deep serious tones didn’t lessen his sincerity at all. But when we were hugging in the dressing room – he said “I love you” – and he didn’t tack on “but not that much” – the hug was so long – so tight – I knew then that my letter had been the right thing to do. I really just wanted to give him a gift in return for all he has given me.

Happines scares me sometimes.

No other feeling really scares me like happiness does. It makes me feel helpless sometimes, for no reason.

I knew there was some greater meaning to my getting in Picnic. It was my chance to assert myself. It was my chance to become a real actress. It presented me with all sorts of chances – but not just theatrical. I just feel so much more alive right now. Because of all of those people.

Brett broke the hug, and gave me a little shove. “Get the hell out of here. I’m starting to cry.”

Then Eric came over and swung me up off the ground to thank me for the card.

I was happy. Forget trying to be eloquent. [hahaha As though my journal is rolling its eyes, thinking, “God. She’s so inarticulate.”]

When I left that dressing room, I was shaking. My nerves were electrocuted anyway [good lord] because it was Closing Night – way more so than Opening. The world was coming once more. Kate, J, Mere, Carolyn, my parents, Bren, Brian, Geddy and Don came down. Oh, and TS came too – although he didn’t tell me he was coming.

Before each show we would always meet in the Green Room and psyche up. We’d always do our Circle. Hold hands, and zoom in and zoom out, yelling – or – send a squeeze around the circle through each other’s hands – faster and faster – like an electric current – The big thing was to squeeze hands as tightly as possible and go “SSSSSSSSSS”. You can’t imagine how much energy it would give me.

On Saturday, though, we all held hands and just stared at each other. My knees were knocking. Brett said, “Okay, let’s just be quiet for a minute and think about what Picnic has meant to us.” So for a while, we all just squeezed hands and didn’t say anything. All I could think of to say to God was, “Thank you”. But I meant it from the very pit of my soul. This wasn’t just a play for me. I don’t think it was for anyone else either.

The show was beautiful. I tried not to think, “This is the last time I’ll be doing this” but I couldn’t help it.

We all started screaming and hugging in the Green Room – I was in the perfect mood to do a show – I couldn’t WAIT to get out onstage. I was right behind Joanne and Joanna – right before we entered the backstage area, I said to them, without even thinking, “God, I love you guys.” Joanne froze and turned around to look at me. Then she put her arms around me and said, “Some people you love because they don’t let you do anything else.” We walked backstage together. Before every show, the two of us would grab each other’s arms and go “SSSSSSS”. Then she and Joanna would do it, then me and Joanna – then the three of us together – and right then, it hit me. It’s gonna be over so soon. That day to dayness of seeing these wonderful close friends I’ve made is almost over.

Before the show, backstage – it wasn’t like we were saying goodbye to each other. But almost a goodbye to the show. Because right after the show, we had to immediately strike the houses. So we were all just hugging really tight.

Liz beckoned to me and Joanna and we sort of huddled with our arms around each other. Liz said, “If I ever become a mother, I would hope that my kids would be just like you two.”

Oh God. She became my mother during rehearsals. She always called me and Joanna Millie and Madge – and she would tell us what to do. [hahahahaha LIZ!!!] Or she’d tell us to be careful, and drive safe, or whatever.

Brett came over to our side to hug each of us before the show. You know what’s weird – I used to think TS and I were alike. But we aren’t at all. We are because we both act, and we like NYC, but – we used to be alike. But since Picnic I’ve opened myself up. I am not afraid to be vulnerable, and I like to be around people who also aren’t afraid to be vulnerable.

I can kid around with Brett, goof on him, laugh with him – he made me laugh so hard once that I almost wet my pants – but also – I can talk to him. We also can just be silent together. So I know now that I need somone that I can talk to. Someone I don’t have to watch myself with, or watch what I say. I don’t want to be uptight anymore. I don’t want to be anyone else but myself.

The show went great. We all just had SO MUCH FUN. I had a blast – being Millie for the last time – knowing all my buddies were out there watching. I love to run the show through in my mind even now.

One of the most vivid moments for me from the last show was during Act III during Brett’s and my scene. The scene was always so real, and awkward and uncomfortable. I always felt like crying during it. Because here’s what I decided: I had done a lot of thinking. I knew that Alan would be leaving. I knew that I probably would never see him again – at least not this way. And it hurts me – but I knew that I had to say what I had to say, while I had the chance.

During the intermission between Act II and Act III, and during Scene 1 of Act III that I wasn’t in – I sat backstage preparing, sitting between two heavy black curtains. I plugged my ears, closed my eyes so that I was in my own world. And I went through my preparation. I went through the whole picnic in my mind, let myself feel it – coming home after the picnic and finding that Madge isn’t in her bed. I knew what that meant. I went through me lying in my bed all night, thinking. Millie has a dark night of the soul. She separates herself from her family. I went through all of that in my mind.

Then I opened my eyes, unplugged my ears – it was so weird, everything was so loud suddenly, so harsh. It slapped me in the face.

I remembered Madge’s face as she danced towards Hal. And right then it hit me, “Holy shit. Madge is with Hal.”

So when Howard’s card drives up, I run around the curtain – like I’m seeing if it’s Madge. But then it hits me – Alan. Oh God – it’s Alan. And what about Alan. It hit me so hard it hurt. I look back over the summer – how nice Alan has been to me, all the times he let me go places with him, and the times he took me swimming.

I don’t exactly know how preparing to go onstage works [sounds like you’re doing a pretty damn fine job, young Sheila] – but that’s what I would do. And sometimes, backstage, I would almost start to cry – I would start off feeling totally rejected. Because Hal rejected me. Thoughts of DW would float through my mind. I would sit there thinking “Why not me?” – and I couldn’t tell if it was me thinking it, or Millie.

I felt despearte. I realized that everything was crumbling.

Then I would watch the love scene between Madge and Hal. And Brett would always watch it too. What a pinch that must have been.

All of this preparation helped me so much to do Act III – and helped me during our scene. I love Alan, in a way. And it hurts to have him leave because I know that the only reason he hangs around our house is because of Madge. He won’t be coming back. So. I have made up my mind to tell him how I feel about him, before it’s too late. And I do. [I don’t know, girl, you’re kinda blowing me away here. That’s a powerful choice to make. Good choice.]

Act III on Closing Night was more me than Millie – I knew it. There are so many goodbyes in that act. But that one scene with Brett, I felt so choked up inside – but also so determined. And my last line is: “I don’t expect you to do anything about it. I just wanted to tell you.”

I have never felt it the way I felt it then. The firmness. The determination. “I just wanted to tell you.”

Alan doesn’t know yet about Madge and Hal, but I guessed. So I know before he does that he will be going. “I just wanted to tell you” (subtext: before you leave, before I never see you again, Goodbye Alan, goodbye to my friend Alan, thank you, thank you, thank you for being my friend.) [Holy shit. Is this a 17 year old girl writing this? Seriously. I am very impressed with myself right now]

Act III. I came offstage for the last time. Usually I don’t listen to the rest of the play because it makes me cry and I can’t cry for curtain call. Also, to be real about it – I wouldn’t hear any of it. I am Millie, and I am on my way to my first day of school – and I am a different grown-up person now.

But the last night I did listen.

Usually when Joanna comes off, she is really crying. Joanne and I give her a minute to herself and then go to her to calm her down. I don’t know where Joanne was the last night – but I heard Joanna behind one of the curtains weeping. Total hysterics. By then all the lights had come down – I went to her – and took her in my arms. She was shaking and sobbing. It was like holding J at Kate’s grandmother’s funeral. I didn’t know what to do. She was so out of control.

It was over. We both knew it.

We hurriedly wiped off our faces to go running out to bow. After our curtain call, we all tore (as planned) to the Green Room to pop the champagne. The screaming! The mayhem! I ran into the Green Room shrieking for no real reason – everyone was screaming – Brett caught me up and whirled me around – then Eric came in and Joe – we all were yelling – and Liz! I got soaked with champagne. It sprayed everywhere. Joe hugged me and I started crying. Liz saw me and came running over to me. I love that girl. She is a gem.

In the hysteria, Kimber came in, saw me, handed me this thing,- saying, “Letter for you.”

I was like, “What?”

I had no idea what it was. It was a piece of folded black construction paper. On the cover was stapled a white piece of paper with a pencilled drawing on it that I immediately recognized. It was a drawing of Paul McCartney on the cover of the Abbey Road album walking across the street with bare feet. I was quite confused. I opened it and inside was stapled a piece of blue construction paper and on it was written in crayon –

“Happy birthday/Congrats on the debut.
I’m quite sure I’m probably very proud of you.
Love, TS
(Remember, the key to success is there is not a not.)”

[This card is taped into my journal – right at this spot, by the way. My journals are filled with stapled relics of my life – cards, notes, etc. They’re all plastered through the pages.]

I totally lost it. I had had NO idea that he was in the audience. I hadn’t talked to him since I don’t even know when – but I couldn’t believe that he had actually come, and written me a letter. Right then I forgot my anger. [Oh shit. No, hang onto it!! You’re gonna need it!] I started to sob as I looked at that letter.

It was just everything. I have so much love in me. I didn’t know that I could love that much.

I saw Joanne, standing there with tears in her eyes. She’s transferring so she won’t be here next year. [She ended up staying!] I went over to her, and we both just lost it, hugging. I somehow managed to say, “I’ll miss you.” I learned so much about acting from her. I watched her, and I learned. She sort of took me under her wing theatrically.

Opening Night, before the show, I was not a human being. I was a shivering bundle of nervousness. We were backstage before the show, and I said, “Why do I do this if it makes me feel this way>” And she said to me, “Then leave. Walk out. You have two choices here. Either you say: Fuck it, and leave. Or you go out there and blow them away. To go out there and fail is not a choice you have.”

I will always remember that. [And I always have.]

I was SO glad that TS came! I was kind of hurt that he hadn’t come already.

Back in the dressing room, I had to have Linda unhook my skirt because I was not functioning. I was so eager to go upstairs that I would have run up there naked if someone hadn’t stopped me. I waited for Liz to dress, then we hollered for Brett (whose parents and brother had come) Brett has a brother my age – isn’t that so weird?

I’ve never had that much pent-up energy before. The three of us ran up the stairs and burst into the lobby.

Mere was so great – she was hugging me and beaming at me, saying, “My friend.”

And there stood TS. He looked so cute. He had a suit on. I wanted to hug him and say “I love you” – but – there we go – I had to say to myself, “Wait. This is TS.” I hugged him anyway. Maybe he felt awkward but I didn’t.

The weirdest thing was introducing my Picnic friends to my other friends. I live in 2 worlds now, and in both worlds the different groups of people know the same Sheila – which is so great for me. I am not different with one group than another. But they are 2 worlds. It was a blending of the 2 worlds that night and it felt SO strange. Liz came running over looking freshly washed and young, after all her wrinkles and eye-shadows were scrubbed off and put her arms around me. “Introduce me! I know your faces from the Homecoming Dance picture but I don’t know names.”

So I said, “Liz, this is Mere, TS, J, Kate, and Carolyn.” Then Joe came over and I went through it again Then Brett bounded over – and I got very confused at that point. I mean, all before the show and during – I was amazed at my own love for him. It was so much,and so happy – then I got TS’s letter and immediately my soul was screaming, “TS!” So having to say, “Brett, this is TS, TS this is Brett” – I mean, it was almost funny. My whole life is hysterical. Anne started laughing as I introduced the two guys.

But I liked finally introducing my friends to this legendary person amed Brett.

After a few minutes of awkwardness, where we all stood and stared at each other – I said, “Well, I have to go knock down my house now.”

Another round of tight wonderful hugs. Mere was so cute -just glowing at me. It is weird sometimes – to have people proud of me – and to be proud of myself. It makes me feel set apart and it’s strange.

Then we struck the set.

It was a total downer. First of all, it totally drained me. By the end of it, my eyes were practically closed, and they were swollen cause of all the dust and sawdust. I ached. And watching our beautiful houses just coming down – like that – it was a smack in the face. A dash of ice cold reality. It’s over, you fuckers. Ha ha

It was rough for everyone in the cast, but we got through it. I said to Brett, “Okay, I’m gonna turn my mind off to what we were doing.” And it wasn’t as hard as it seemed. I just kept myself busy, taking out nails, rolling away furniture, carrying lights and flats. There were a few times when I just stood back – watching the roof come down, or the porch come off. I’d look across the stage and see Joanna standing there, staring too. She’s a kindred soul, too. I didn’t really talk to people during strike. I got so tired. And sort of quietly depressed and resigned. I really thought that because Picnic was over I would never see them again. I forgot what Brett had written to me in his card: “Always remember the bond it created.”

One thing happened during strike which totally lifted me. It’s the only time I can remember associating with anyone during strike. Brett and I were carrying this platform to this scaffold to put it down and as we put it down, he leaned across it to me and said, “Thank you so much for what you wrote. I mean it. I almost cried.” I said, “I meant it.” I was being honest. I’m just not eloquent enough [again with the eloquence anxiety??] to think of anything to say. And he looked at me again in that way that sends shivers through me. It’s like I know that he sees me. That’s the only thing I really remember from the strike,e xcept for getting totally exhausted. I was practically sleeping while standing.

I was looking forward to the huge party afterwards at Brett and Joe’s – hoping it would pep me up. Also, I was gonna sleep over so I had all my lens stuff. I had slept over once before – the Saturday before after another big party. That was a wonderful time. It was strange how comfortable I felt doing things that I could never have imagined myself doing.

I still felt kind of numb, though. It was over.

I was thinking that because we were no longer a cast, we would all drift our separate ways. I was resigned to it. I asked Joe, “Does the party usually cheer you up?” and he said, “Oh yeah!”

I got all my stuff together after the stage was totally clear. It looked so weird and desolate. I couldn’t really look at it. And the dressing room – oh, the whole thing was just a weird feeling. I feel so at home in that theatre now. It was my home for 2 months. My name taped up on my mirror.

But I couldn’t wait for the party.

Then Patty (one of the girls who lives with Brett and Joe) offered me a ride. There had been this fiasco a few nights before when she drove me over to Giro’s – but that’s another story. Patty is a nice girl but she sort of latched onto me for some reason – Carolyn does sort of the same thing. She clings. She hovers. It bugs me.

Jennifer came to the rescue. God, I love that girl – Anyways, Patty was just waiting around for me – even though I was stalling to see if I could get a ride with Joe or Joanna or Brett. I wanted to go to the party with someone who was in the show – who would understand – I didn’t want to be with her. She is not someone to be with when you are feeling quiet and depressed. I just really wanted to be with cast members. She’s kind of dense that way. So Jennifer, the doll, said, “Patty, could you give me a ride home before we go to the party? I have to get something.” Then she winked at me. What a sweetheart.

Just then I heard Liz calling my name out in the hall – I went out there – she was peeking out of the guys dressing room and said, “Brett’s gonna give you a ride.”

Relief flooded over me.

I grabbed my stuff and went into the guys dressing room. Brett was putting on his sneakers. It was so comforting to be near him. I felt so lost. Our set was gone. Our houses were gone. Our little Kansas world was no more. I would have been totally floundering in space with Patty.

We headed out to his car. The night was cool and breezy with a full bright white moon.

We got in the car. We both were really quiet. My whole being felt so calm and unemotional and dead. Like: “It’s over.” I think Brett was more listening to my silence than being quiet on his own. Because – we sat there in his car for a minute, not talking, before he turned the key.

I couldn’t believe what 2 months of my life could do.

Sitting in that car with him was such a comfort to me. Brett sighed and turned the key and away we went from the theatre. We could have driven the whole way to his house in silence and it would have made me feel better – just being with him makes me feel better. I mean, with TS – there’s one second of silence and it’s agonizing. I suppose I shouldn’t compare but I can’t help it.

We did talk in the car though. At first not about much, but then there was another lull in the conversation and I was just looking out the window and —

Brett took a deep breath and said, “Now —— you have our phone number.” He reached over and sort of patted my knee. “Use it.”

I felt so full of emotion I couldn’t talk. We looked at each other. Brett said, “I’m glad you feel comfortable with me.” Once again, no words. I felt so good inside suddenly. I mean, the play was over, but I was going to a party, and it didn’t have to be OVER over yet.

I feel so wondrous that lal this is happening to me.

We talked on the way there – I asked him if he could tell how nervous and awkward I had felt during the first rehearsals and he said, “Oh yeah. I knew just how you were feeling too. But what made me feel really good is when you started goofing on me. That was so cool because – I don’t goof on everybody – especially not girls – but it was neat when you felt comfortable enough with me to bust on me.”

I have always thought of friendship as “cool” but it was romance that was the “something more”. I never thought this was possible – but friendship with Brett already is “something more”. There is no dividing line. It’s not one or the other. It’s more just in being itself.

I’m shouting Brett’s name to the mountains! [Uhm, Rhode Island has no mountains]

We got to the house. It was such a beautiful night. I don’t know how he can stand living where he does. The view they have. And on that clear moonlit night. I love it in that little crowded beachhouse.

Millions of people were there. I was feeling so mellow and peaceful, not at all crazy. At the strike I was thinking, “Oh, it’ll be fun to dance and go wild.” But once I was there, I just wasn’t into it. All I could think of was that this was the last Picnic party, and there were so many loud people there who I didn’t know. I didn’t drink. I had a sip of champagne but that was it. I sat on the couch with Joanna and Brett and we stared into the fire. We all felt the same way. I didn’t feel tired anymore. I just felt like sitting around with Picnic people and talking. But it was so loud in that tiny house.

Brett glanced at me. “I am so not into crowds tonight. Are you?” I shook my head. “Not at all.”

Then he said to me, “Want to go for a walk on the beach?”

That was just what I wanted. It sounded so beautiful, so peaceful – just what I needed.

We weaved our way through the throngs and went up to his room to get our coats. I said, “Do you think that this’ll look a little suspicious?” We looked at each other and stopped. “Yeah, it does.” he said. But still, I was aching to go – and get out of the house. The moon was so bright and so full. And the beach. The ocean. We decided to go anyway. Fuck what people thought.

We went to find Joe and Liz – but Liz wanted to shave off Joe’s mustache [I am laughing out loud!!!!] so they said that they would come down later.

So Brett and I got our coats and slipped out of the house into the quiet still night.

Other Picnic entries:

Part 1. The audition
Part 2: The callbacks, getting into the play
Part 3: First meeting with the director
Part 4. The calm before the storm … the time before rehearsals started … memorizing lines, etc.
Part 5. Rehearsals start
Part 6. Rehearsals. Stress building.
Part 7. Crush with Brett intensifying. Finding my own way as an actress. Stress building.
Part 8. Dropping out of religious retreat with much sturm und drang.
Part 9. Being invited to college party
Part 10. Going to college party
Part 11. Aftermath of college party!
Part 12. Rehearsals! Life! Going crazy!
Part 13. The rehearsal when the play clicks into place, emotionally.
Part 14. Opening night approaching. Homecoming Dance approaching.
Part 15 Homecoming Dance. Homecoming football game. Rage.
Part 16 Last rehearsal before 3 day Thanksgiving break. Heaven!
Part 17 Opening Night!
Part 18 More on Opening Night.
Part 19 The show closes. Drama with the boyfriend. Reconnecting with my friends.

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10 Responses to Diary Friday: “Then we ran off to play dodge ball in J Studio.”

  1. Sheila,

    We just wrapped our show and did our strike on Sunday of last week. The range of emotions from all characters in Act III is truly amazing. The dynamic between Millie and Alan is such a fantastic one on so many different levels.

    In our closing performance, “my” Millie (as I called her) cried during our Act III scence, she looked up at me and said her line so softly, “I just wanted to tell you.”…tears. It shattered my heart right there, and I just wiped the tears away with my hand as Howard entered, then the attention slowly went away from us to Howard, what a great experience!! I remember asking you about making it new every night, and you were right, all I had to do was listen. And wow, it was such a range of feelings from show to show!! Thanks.

    Additionally, you did have quite a grasp of preparation at 17…very impressive! And your explanation of closing night back stage was priceless. Instead of dodge ball…we would sing songs from the “musical” version of Picnic called Hot September. GAAWWD awful, ran for two weeks in Boston, never made it to New York, directed by the Pinic film director. Soo much fun, we came to the conclusion that Hot September hadn’t received that much press since the 1965!

    Sorry for going on so long. Hope all is well.

  2. brendan says:

    Brett is such a perv.

  3. Nightfly says:

    This is tough to really say anything about, but I’m on the edge of my chair, here…

  4. red says:

    Uhm … bren?

  5. JFH says:

    Ya know, this series could easily be converted into a very popular book (especailly aimed at young adults)…

  6. brendan says:

    ‘Hey baby, this scene is too hectic. Let’s go for a walk on the beach.’

    Perv. Hee hee!

    Just blowing off a little goofy steam today. Picked Brett to pick on. Don’t know why.

    And, by the way Sheil, if you take a moment to scroll through your blog, you’ll find that it STILL seems like your heart is cracking all the time. I thought that was a new phrase in your life but you’d been hiding it in your diary all these years! Your heart cracks at long distance phone commercials!

  7. tracey says:

    Sheila — You’re killing me with this two-parter. How can I live with the waiting? That’s it. I cannot. I’m done living.

    Oh, but before I go, this bears repeating:

    /For Pete’s sake, the best day of my life was when DW bought two of my damn Rice Krispie treats at the Drama Club bake sale./

  8. red says:

    tracey – I mean, really. What more is there to say.

    When someone buys 2 of your Rice Krispie treats at the Drama Club bake sale, it truly means that you are soul mates floating towards one another in the eternal ether of love!

  9. red says:

    Oh, and I don’t mean to set this up as some sort of cliffhanger!

    Brett and I walked on the beach in the moonlight and didn’t talk all that much – just soaked up the beauty and it was magical and then we talked about God and it was magical … and that was it!

    But it was (and probably still is) one of the special-est nights of my whole life. Don’t know why – it just was!

    I’ll post part 2 tomorrow.

  10. red says:

    JFH – ya know, I’ve been thinking the same thing. Especially since I’ve been going through my Young Adult bookshelves recently – I love that genre so much … There probably is something here to delve into on a deeper level.

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