Diary Friday: “Later in the night, Joanna and I danced to Hungry Like the Wolf.”

Here’s the continuing story of Brett and I going out to see 2010 – which was obviously the most earth-shaking night in all of human history. There are still many Picnic stories to tell – and eventually I get to them all. It’s just that real life, present life, takes over. I’m going chronologically – this is how my diary reads. It is not a literal document. It is not a narrative meant for an audience. It’s a diary.

And Brett – when you read this – get ready for some MAJOR praise.

This is incredibly long.

JANUARY 5

I was just listening to my Jackson Browe tape – which means more to me than anyone ever knows. [hahahahahahahahahahaha] Especially Holy On/Hold Out. Oh, dear Lord.

Liz brought her tape one night to listen to as we did our makeup for the show. (I never wore any. Because of how I blush. Kimber told me not to wear stage makeup.) I always just sat around in my costume watching everyone else. It took me 2 seconds to get into my costume – plaid man’s shirt, rolled-up jeans, bobby socks, ripped sneakers. [First picture here] Actually, it wasn’t a costume. [hahahaha] So anyway, everyone would be doing makeup, etc. and Liz turned on this tape. (My mirror was next to hers). She told me she’d seen them in concert. She said, “You guys – you’ve got to hear this song.” And she turned it on. We all just sat and listened.

Diary, it was like being on drugs. [And, uhm, what exactly do you know about being on drugs, Sheila?] That song makes me feel so high and uplifted. Liz sat listening, eyes closed, with this dreamy smile on her face. [Oh Liz. I love you so much!] By the end, Linda had tears in her eyes, and she said, “That is so beautiful.” I looked over at Jennifer who had tears on her cheeks and I said, “I hope I fall in love like that someday.” [careful what you wish for!] And she nodded, still crying, “Oh God, baby, I hope so too.” She always calls me “baby”. I love it.

So I bought the tape during our trip to New York and just sit around listening to that song. Oh, the lyrics!

And it just came to the line: “Give up your heart and you lose your way – Trusting another to feel that way …” And I felt shivers all over me, and suddenly I knew that I had to keep writing in my diary. It’s been 4 weeks since I saw Brett! I hope I don’t cry when I see him next. Oh, I probably will, though.

It snowed today. The moon is glowing so that I look out in the dark and everything sort of glows and shimmers. I spent a wonderful day at Mere’s and when Betsy and I went out to the car – we had to just stop and look around. It was freezing cold and crisp – and – the moon – the snow looked eerie. Glimmering. The whole earth looks different. The sky is FILLED with stars. Nighttime in the winter is so big and endless. The stars make me think of Brett. [Oh for God’s sake.] I just stood there, thinking about him.

I didn’t know what to say after the movie. [Uhm – okay – wrenching back into the story now where we left off!] If we had gone to see Beverly Hills Cop the night would not have been what it was. We would have chatted about it – “I love Eddie Murphy”, “I liked this part” “It was funy when …” But 2010 – it left my jaw hanging open. I had questions in my mind I wanted to talk about – I wanted to discuss it – discuss what it all might mean. And he felt the same way. We went to the car. The whole long ride home [the unbelievably long ride home from the Showcase Cinema!] we talked. The atmosphere was so different from the ride up. God, he is so like me it scares me. When he talks, I hear my own voice. It’s a comfort. To know that. Talking about that movie was talking about life and the universe and what it all means.

I said, “Do you believe that there are other worlds and more life out there?”

And immediately he said, “Oh God, yes. I think we’d be very egotistical to think that we’re the only ones.”

J. and I had almost the exact same conversation last night. We talked about the universe and how GROSS it is. [hahaha] IT NEVER ENDS AND THIS IS SO GROSS. And if it does end – what is beyond it. Diary. IT NEVER ENDS. Even grosser – it’s been here FOREVER. IT HAS BEEN HERE FOREVER. And if it hasn’t been – what was here before? I can’t understand the whole “never ends” thing. I cannot comprehend eternity. I mean, I can feel in awe of it – but I cannot fathom it. Oh, life is so confusing when you think of being part of a universe that never ever ends. EUUUU! That is SO GROSS! GROSS! Of COURSE there are other worlds out there. We can’t be the only ones. But then – who are they? Where are they out there? The universe makes me cry. It confuses me.

On the beach with Brett, he said something that has been on my mind ever since. He said, “And when I die – I think that I’ll become a part of all this. This is where I’ll be.” And he was looking up at the stars. Is that what happens? Do we become a part of the universe – which is a reality of forever? Do we become star dust? I mentioned it to J. last night and she said, “Oh, I feel so weird inside!” I’ll never get the answer either.

We talked on the way home about other worlds and the universe and “Why?” [Ah. Youth.] He said something that gave me awful tingles. He said, “Remember in the movie how they said ‘All these worlds are yours except Europa?’ Well – what if it’s happened before and they said that about us – ‘All worlds are yours except Planet Earth?’ What if someone’s out there watching us and observing – ”

I hate thinking about that. But I have before! Thinking about aliens observing me as I do normal things and thinking “What the hell is she doing?” What if there are intelligent beings out there? Oh WOW! Who are they? I just sit here trying my best to imagine it but I can’t picture it at ALL. OUT THERE

You can see how emotional I get about this. [Uhm … just this?]

It was so neat talking to him about it. I’ve never talked to a guy like that before – but I wasn’t even thinking about it. I was too busy talking. I was honestly engrossed. [I date the real beginning of our friendship to this night. Because Picnic had nothing to do with it.] We stopped at a gas station and got sodas. While he put in gas, I sat in the car (it was freezing). And I was shaking. It was not from the cold. But it was uncontrollable. I could feel my shoulders trembling. It was because of him. Not because I felt in love with him, but –

I was trembling because he is who he is, and he is a beautiful human being. My faith has been severely battered lately – but with him – just one person – there’s HOPE for the human race. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I just know I feel GOOD!

When we started on our way again, I just burst, “I feel so GOOD right now!”

“I know! Me too! I’m almost exploding!”

I felt like I had voice his very own thoughts. He’s so real. I really have to work at convincing myself that he isn’t pulling my leg. But – he isn’t! I don’t think there’s a better word for Brett than “sincere”. I feel different with him. It’s hard to explain. I sort of accept the fact now that we are really really close friends. I mean before I would go berserk when he hugged me or something – but then – that 2010 night – we were NOT on two different planes. We were on the same plane. TS and I are on different dimensions, for Pete’s sake. That was what really got to me. I wasn’t sitting there going, “This is so great that he actually wants to talk to me — ” I was sitting there talking with him. That’s why I was shivering. That’s what moved me. I was shaking madly.

He pulled into my driveway – I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I really wasn’t. I felt like I had just started to talk with him. We’d never talked like that before. I wanted to talk more. But I didn’t know what to do. It was about midnight. I looked at him – wishing we weren’t in my driveway. But I had to say goodnight. Believe me, I tried. I took a deep breath – “Well …” and then he just LOOKED at me – his glasses shining in the dark, this gentle caring smile on his lips – Hell. So I (I am so terrific!) – I said, “Want to come in for a while?” (30 years from now I will still be patting myself on the back for doing that, for being brave enough.) Even more terrific, when I said that, he sort of bounced in his seat, turned off the car, and said, “I was hoping you’d ask me!” (All 3 simultaneous.) I was oblivious to any pain I have ever felt in my life. I felt only joy. He meant it. He was waiting for me to ask him in. I had such a good feeling inside me. I didn’t want to cut our night off in mid air.

So we both jumped out of the car. The living room light was on so I was afraid that Dad would be sitting up waiting. But – incredibly – he wasn’t. No one was up. The house was quiet. Fate was so with me that night. I had to throw away my soda can so I showed him around – the kitchen, the dining room, back to the living room. “Very New Englandy,” was his comment.

In the living room, I sat on the couch and he sat down across from me in the chair. I didn’t know how to pick up from where we left off. So we sort of just sat there staring at each other, smiling awkwardly. I can’t quite remember, but we did somehow pick it up.

That talk in the living room – I will live it over in my head happily for an eternity. [heh heh] I already have a 1,000,000 times. We just talked for so long. About being aware. That’s what our talk was all about. How the majority of people in this world are not aware. They go through life not even realizing that life is happening. I am so aware of life around me that I feel strange and very small. Like looking at the sky. Maybe the reason why I was drawn to Brett, and why suddenly we’ve become so close, is because we are both sensitive and aware – we can pick up on someone else who feels the same way. At least that’s what we talked about.

I told him about my theory about myself. “I think that even if I lived in a shanty with awful kids – I’d want to be conscious. I’d have to be.” [A shanty? Awful kids? What?] And he sat there nodding, understanding. We talked about wanting to feel important and significant. All the talk about the universe always makes me feel like less than a speck like – I sit here worrying about the dumbest things. None of it matters -I don’t matter. But talking with Brett, it made me feel like – I DO MATTER! WE ALL DO. It’s important to me to feel like – we matter. Like – we are here to do something. There is a meaning to all of this.

Listen to this: “Here is a test to find if your mission on earth is finished. If you’re still alive, it isn’t.” That’s the whole point. I’m gonna try to solve all those answers while I’m alive but – I won’t know until I’m dead. [It’s all kind of weird reading this now. Very weird.] Brett doesn’t think so. He thinks that we can find it here. That the answer is already here. TS doesn’t believe in God or anything. He said, “A book on evolution was the clincher for me.” When I think of the beginning of man, I feel very strange inside. I can’t think about it too often. But when I do – somehow humanity got to where it is now. HOW? Where did we come from? We did evolve but – there’s more to it than that. Are we an accident of nature? Or is there a reason? To me, it all has got to mean something. Brett said, “It HAS to be a combination of evolution and something bigger.” I’ve never talked about this before with anyone – we could have talked like that forever. I sat on the couch, feet tucked up under me, arms huddled in. I was shaking so violently I was sure he could see. The atmosphere got TOTALLY one on one later. We talked a long time about what everything means – if there is an answer – and also: what is the question?

And there was this silence. I wasn’t looking at him – I was so moved and worked up. And in that silence, I decided to tell him about the retreat. It was a BIGGIE for me. I don’t really talk about it to anyone except kids who have been on it. It’s just too much to describe. But with Brett, I had the feeling that he would understand. It’s a wonderful feeling to be UNDERSTOOD by someone. [I’m all choked up right now. Yes, young Sheila. It is.] It took a lot to look up at him and start to talk about it. The way he looked at me – I can still see it as clear as though he were right here. It was weird – talking about ideas and concepts – I was totally at ease. And then talking about myself – I got shy and awkward. [Uhm. Still the case.] My voice sounded weird and quiet to me. I kept talking – I explained it to him in words I’d never verbalized before. I hadn’t even thought them really either. But I described it as best I could. I said, “It was like – in one weekend – in 3 days – I found the answer. I didn’t know what it was I found and I sort of lose it off and on but – then – I had found it. And for 3 days – I knew. It was like – the answer was here and I could feel it. I didn’t have to go off searching for this huge thing. The answer was here among humanity.” That wiped me out. Saying all that made me feel — Oh. They’re just words on a paper right now, but – I was sweating. I felt on the verge of crying. I was aware of him across from me, leaning forward, elbows on his knees – LOOKING AT ME. He wasn’t staring off into space, contemplating it – he was LOOKING AT ME. I knew it – but I wasn’t ready to look up at him. It sounded so weird from inside my head to hear me say that – But I did. And I don’t regret it.

And you know, looking back on what I said – it’s very obscure, very vague – but Brett got it. He didn’t say, “I got it” but I could FEEL that he got it.

And the pause that followed was so long that with TS I would have hung myself.

Dead silence.

Me staring at my shoes and trying to regain control and knowing that Brett was staring intently at me. His eyes were – I mean, I was so spread open that I felt like he saw inside me just by looking at me. I think he did.

We were quiet for so long.

I didn’t know 2 people could be quiet like that without being asleep or watching a movie. [hahahahaha] And WE WEREN’T AWKWARD. He knew I was vulnerable, and he will protect that. The silence helped me. It was good. Vulnerability scares me.

Finally, I slowly looked up at him – he was still sitting there leaning forward, STARING – the expression – so intent, so fixed. Somehow I said, (veddy veddy softly), “Do you have any idea what I just said?”

He didn’t answer right away. When he did answer, I shivered. His voice AND WHAT HE SAID. He said, “While you were talking – I felt like there was nobody else on the earth. But you and me … I felt like a part of you.”

The silence after that was so delicate that I could feel it. I just sat there, trembling. So afraid of how MUCH I was feeling, how tremulously happy I felt. Neither of us said anything.

Sometimes I have trouble meeting eyes with someone and looking at them. With DW, I’d look away whenever he’d glance anywhere in my near and far vicinity. For some reason, it really scared me to think of locking eyes with someone. It always has scared me. I felt so exposed. I have changed so much from last year – Even from this summer. And when our eyes met, I didn’t break the silence. I just let us LOOK AT EACH OTHER. Do you know what a big step that was for me? I have this great huge fear when things get deep – when things may be beginning to roll. I think I have so much fear of romance. I am just petrified for when it really happens. My first kiss? I’m petrified about it, whenever that will be. I AM SO SCARED. [hahahaha what?? Calm down, Sheila. It’s gonna be okay.] But it’s like that Billy Joel song Leave a Tender Moment Alone. In fact, when I look at the whole song – it could be by me. I mean, I complain about TS constantly making jokes – and I’m not that bad – but I get sonervous when things get new and different that I can’t even deal with it.

Even though I’m in love
Sometimes I get so afraid
I’ll say something so wrong
Just to have something to say
I know the moment isn’t right
To tell him a comical line
To keep the conversation light
I guess I’m just frightened out of my mind
But if that’s how I feel
Then it’s the best feeling I’ve ever known
It’s undeniably real
Leave a tender moment aline
Yes, I know I’m in love
But just when I ought to relax
I put my foot in my mouth
Cause I’m just avoiding the facts
If he gets too close
If I need some room to escape
When the moment arose
I’d tell him it’s all a mistake
Leave a tender moment alone
But it’s not only me
Breaking down when the tension gets high
Just when I’m in a serious mood
He is suddenly quiet and shy
I know the momen isn’t right
To hold my emotions inside
To change the attitude tonight
I’ve run out of places to hide …

I could have written that.

The first time I ever slept over his house was the Saturday after Opening Night. It was a WEIRD NIGHT. Brett drove me and Joe over. It was a HUGE party with a keg. I’d never seen one before. I didn’t know such a tiny house could hold so many. I was having a pretty good time. I was talking to Anne, Eric’s woderful girlfriend. She’s so great. I had a beer, and I felt pretty good. Billions of people were there (including Kimber). I was just standing there with Anne when I heard someone call my name. I looked around and saw Brett. He was halfway up the stairs. When I saw him, he sort of made this subtle little gesture like, “Could you come here a minute?” It was really strange cause a lot of people saw it – I had to say, “Excuse me” to Anne and go meet him on the stairs after his mysterious beckoning. He said, “I have to talk to you – Come on.” and he hurried up the stairs with Sheila following, a Sheila who felt really weird inside. He took me into his room, closed the door and immediately started pacing, head in his hands. He murmured, “Oh my God – I am wicked bumming.” I stood there, not knowing what to do. I just said, “Brett – what is it?” Turns out that Kimber had called Brett over and said, “Come here. I’m gonna ruin your evening.” And he proceeded to analyze Brett’s performance and tell him everything that could be better and he totally rearranged Brett’s performance at the ending – put it in a whole new perspective. Poor Brett. He got so upset and frustrated about his character and about the play. Brett threw himself in a chair. I sat on the bed. Brett said, “I mean, the things he said about my character were right, and I will work on it – but why now? Why did he tell me now?” So we talked about it and I did the best I could. I think he just needed an ear. After a while, people slowly started drifting in, milling around between Brett’s and Joe’s rooms. I started talking to Michelle – even though she quit as Stage Manager, she remembered my birthday and sent me a card care of the theatre. Can you believe it? She’s wicked cool. Dina came over – I like her a lot. She’s very friendly, very kind, very crazy. [hahahahaha]

Later in the night, Joanna and I danced to Hungry Like the Wolf – I was buzzed by then, enough to feel abandoned and happy and the two of us just went nuts. We were the only ones dancing and everyone else sort of just watched us. I heard all these comments, “Oh, look at the 2 sisters dancing!” We had a blast together. We went berserk. Then everyone got into it. Joanne had brought her brother to the party who is 16. Boy, did it feel strange to see a high school kid there. Joanne introduced us and he said, “I can’t believe you’re a senior in high school.” I said, “Why?” and he said, “Because you’re so good.” We talked for a while. YES! I had a conversation with a boy in high school. I even asked him to dance. These things don’t really feel monumental to me anymore.

What is scary though is looking someone in the eye. So we bopped around for a while – it was so COOL. I feel free now. I’ve changed. I don’t want to regress.

J. said something totally wonderful: “You know how people say that life goes in a circle? Well, it doesn’t. Because that means that once you go around you’re at the same point, and you’re not. Every experience you have makes you a little bit different and it’s not possible to go back. Life is more like a spiral. Each time you go through something, you grow. You could go through the same things 1000 times, and never look at it the same because you change. LIfe isn’t a circle. It’s a spiral.” [I still remember the diagram she drew to show me her theory.]

I danced the whole night at that party. Hungry Like the Wolf came on again and Joanna and I found each other and went crazy – screaming – and moaning like the lady does in the song – We were making each other laugh. It was SO MUCH FUN. And Joanne and I jitterbugged.

Then Time Warp came on. We got in a line, everyone at the party, and did the Time Warp – screaming out the words. I love to dance – especially when I don’t care what I look like.

Somehow, as it got later, I stopped dancing. I was just sitting on the couch. The party had thinned out slightly. People got a bit more mellow. Brett and I ended up up in his room – we lay down on the bed, and we talked. Or actually, I mostly talked. I felt at ease. I found myself telling him how great I felt with this group of people and with him.

DW is my definition of infatuation. But Brett? DW, I wasn’t friends with him. He wasn’t a person, a friend – he was the guy I liked. I don’t think I could have been friends with him. But Brett will always be my friend.

There’s this song from Boys From Syuracuse that I hadn’t even thought of until last night – and the words just hit home:

This can’t be love because I feel so well
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs
This can’t be love, I get no dizzy spells
My head is not in the sky
My heart does not stand still
Just hear it beat
This is too sweet to be love
This can’t be love because I feel so well
But still I love to look in your eyes.

I was saying, “I mean, I don’t know what it was about you – but more than anyone else, I feel …” I clammed up. “I mean, it’s just cool …” More than anything else, I just wanted to say, “Brett, thank you very much. I will never forget you.” But I didn’t. I fell back on my little teenager words.

I said, “Member that night at Giro’s before we went home for Thanksgiving?” He nodded, grinning. I said, “Brett, I had so much fun that night. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun.” He started to laugh, obviously remembering what a blast it was, and he reached out to touch my arm. We smiled at each other. I said, “And then the next day, I took this guy to a dance and I felt so awkward with him. I hated it. It was back to the old way. But I don’t feel awkward with you at all.” [Uhm – those are “little teenager words”? Seems pretty bold and blunt to me!]

He didn’t really respond – he just listened. Now comes a part that either I blocked out – or it was so bizarre that I remember exactly what happened, I just can’t believe it. Somewhere along in here, we stopped talking. We lay there, quiet, on his bed, not talking, feeling close to each other. And suddenly – the next thing I remember – I jumped up and ran out of the room.

I wish I could somehow remember what happened and replay it in my mind. I have no idea what it looked like to him. I just jumped up and ran out of the room. What was going on? Was I a woman possessed?

Joe was in his room with a couple of people and I said, “Joe, is it true that what you say when you drink is true?” And this whole chorus of voices shouted, “Yes!” [I am guffawing] I said, “Oh. Okay.” Jennifer and I ended up having a long talk. She is an honest-to-goodness Southern belle. When she becomes a mother? She’s a natural at it.

Eventually, I went back into Brett’s room, and I sort of meandered around looking at his posters. He was in The Fantasticks! He was Matt! We talked about that show – and we sang The Rape Song. How appropriate. No, just kidding. It was hysterical – we danced, and sang, and lightened up, and had fun. I don’t know why – I guess I just suddenly freaked out when it got quiet and we were lying there. I had to get out of there. Oh well.

Then we threw darts and sang the score of The Music Man. [God. We were meant to be friends. This is hysterical.] He said, “Hey! I have a tape of The Fantasticks!” And he went rummaging around for it but instead he found another tape – with a coo of delight. “Oh! I know! Want to hear War of the Worlds?” I’d heard of it, knew what it was about, knew it was Orson Welles, but had never heard it – so I said yes. Brett put the tape in (he loves it) – then he went around turning off all the lights in his room except for a tiny one on his bedside table. I felt my insides go warm and cold and up and down. All at the same time. I knew he was just turning the lights off for atmosphere, though, so I didn’t jump up and run out again.

Then he said, “Okay – get on the bed.” It wasn’t a harsh order – it was a suggestion – like: let’s get into this and sit on the bed. So feeling what you would call terror and fear and paralysis [I am honestly not sure what is going on with me here. I guess I felt in the presence of a grown-up sexual guy – you know, an adult – and I felt freaked out, even though I ADORED HIM] – and I got onto the bed. I felt like a stick of wood. I didn’t realize my position until Brett looked at me. I was sitting in the corner of the bed, huddled against the wall. When he saw me, and I really did it unconsciously, he said to me, flat out, “Sheila. I’m not going to attack you.”

Then he climbed on the bed beside me and we listened to it. We pretended it was real. We pretended that we were a married couple in the 1920s and just normally listening to the radio – and then that comes on. It was SO MUCH MORE FREAKY that way. I convinced myself that I totally believed it. It was really fun.

Then when they announced that it was a recording, we both started screaming and laughing and rolling around, going, “I can’t believe that!!!” There was more to the tape after that, so we sat and listened. I was perched on the edge of the bed, bare feet dangling. He was sprawled out next to me. After a while, I happened to glance at him. There he was – lying there asleep beside me. [Man, this is all so KILLER!!] I love watching people sleep. It’s beautiful. I could sit and watch people sleep forever. [Okay, that’s kinda creepy] Brett looked different when he slept – kind of innocent, and peaceful. I sat there in the dim room looking at Brett sleeping for I don’t know how long. It was so magical. I had the urge to reach out and touch his cheeks, or touch his lips. I should have. I so wanted to. My heart was full.

Finally I got up and pulled the blanket up from the bottom of the bed and put it over him. Then I tiptoed out of the room.

Joe gave me a blanket and a pillow. I gave him a big hug and tiptoed downstairs. It was dark. There was a fire in the fireplace. The couch was pulled out into a bed and Jennifer was on it, asleep, in a flowered flannel nightgown. Her golden blonde hair was dangling over the edge and glowing by the fire. I went to the other couch, curled up in my clothes, and went to sleep. The sun coming up over the ocean woke me up the next day. I went through that day in a dream. When Brett woke up – he looked like a little boy – his hair on end, his eyes squinting, his cheeks flushed. He came downstairs looking dead to the world. Jennifer and I had been under the covers on the pullout talking, so we both looked up when he came down. He was rubbing his eyes with his fists, looking confused. He said to me, “I had about fifty dreams about you last night.” I laughed – a little nervously – Brett flopped down in a chair. “In the dream, everyone at the party was being so awful to you – like saying ‘what a bitch that Sheila is’ and I was running around and yelling STOP IT. STOP IT. I LIKE HER. STOP IT. Then Joanna came into the room and said ‘Sheila is such a jerk’ and I punched her in the face.”

The living room was bursting with laughter at this. We all were just dying.

Jennifer went out to the kitchen for some milk and Brett did this somersault bound onto the couch bed. He sat up and looked questioningly at me. “Where did you sleep last night?” I pointed at the couch and he groaned. [I realize that this is all incredibly intricate – but this is how I write in my diary!! Crazy!] Brett said, “No – you didn’t sleep on that hard thing, did you? Why? You should have slept in my bed. I totally wouldn’t have been a moron.”

I remember how it felt that one night I slept in Joe’s bed – and the feeling of safety it gave me – so reassuring – knowing just that someone is there.

Wow. That was a long tangent. Sorry.

I just know that if Brett moved to Siberia tomorrow, a part of me would go with him.

Other Picnic entries:

Part 1. The audition
Part 2: The callbacks, getting into the play
Part 3: First meeting with the director
Part 4. The calm before the storm … the time before rehearsals started … memorizing lines, etc.
Part 5. Rehearsals start
Part 6. Rehearsals. Stress building.
Part 7. Crush with Brett intensifying. Finding my own way as an actress. Stress building.
Part 8. Dropping out of religious retreat with much sturm und drang.
Part 9. Being invited to college party
Part 10. Going to college party
Part 11. Aftermath of college party!
Part 12. Rehearsals! Life! Going crazy!
Part 13. The rehearsal when the play clicks into place, emotionally.
Part 14. Opening night approaching. Homecoming Dance approaching.
Part 15 Homecoming Dance. Homecoming football game. Rage.
Part 16 Last rehearsal before 3 day Thanksgiving break. Heaven!
Part 17 Opening Night!
Part 18 More on Opening Night.
Part 19 The show closes. Drama with the boyfriend. Reconnecting with my friends.
Part 20 Description of closing night – part 1.
Part 21 Closing Night party – part 2
Part 22 Brett and I go see 2010 – part 1