“So what do you want?”
“I want the whole package.”
“You want the whole package.”
“Yup.”
“Husband, kids, picket fence.”
“I don’t need the picket fence. I’m too urban.”
“But everything else?”
“Yup. But I have about two eggs left. I need to get cracking.”
Laughter. “You have two eggs left.”
“You think that’s funny?”
“Uhm, er, no. Not funny at all.”
“I always wondered what Katherine Dunn looked like.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I always wondered if she was a dwarf. Or an albino. She seemed to have such an understanding of what is done to those who have some sort of deformity. How they are treated.”
“True. But we do the same thing to celebrities – to the freakily beautiful people of this world. They’re treated like they are a sideshow in a cage.”
“That’s so true. Well, as YOU well know.”
“Fuck you.”
“Dave Eggers is like Quentin Tarantino. He appropriates pop culture, comments on it. And he is REVILED for it.”
“I know. So true.”
“But at the same time – they are both so generous to talent. They encourage others, Tarantino resurrects people’s careers … Neither of them are selfish in their success.”
“I loved Eggers’ memoir.”
“How about his novel?”
“Hated it.”
“Yeah. Uh-huh. But still.”
“Totally.”
“Right?”
“Absolutely.”
“I mean – the Method? Who gives a shit about the Method anymore?”
“I’m of the ‘bang bang you’re dead’ school of acting myself.”
“I had a fuck buddy for 11 years.”
“You had a fuck buddy for 11 years.”
“Yup.”
“That wasn’t a fuck buddy.”
“It seems like every year there’s only room for one big book to get all the press.”
“Underworld, you mean?”
“Well, White Noise is one of my favorite novels.”
“White Noise is a wonderful book – but Underworld….”
“What about it?”
“Dude. Get an editor. Now. It’s 1,000 pages long. I finally read it …”
“Good?”
“The first 60 pages are spectacular. Writing doesn’t get any better.”
“Really.”
“Yup. But the rest of it? For God’s SAKE, WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE CHESS TEACHER ON PAGE 800? I don’t.”
“I had some issues with the ghetto bus.”
“No!!!!! What is going ON?”
“I wandered around on … East Boulevard?”
“Boulevard East? Oh for God’s sake. Why were you over there? What bus did you get on?”
“The ghetto bus.”
“No, it was the wrong ghetto bus.”
“It’s okay. I asked a cop for directions and he ended up driving me home. He was really nice.”
“Oh my God. That is horrible.”
“So. What. Is the Baby Boomer, like, in his 80s now?”
“No. He’s not in his 80s. He’s in his 50s. Thank you very much.”
“You just didn’t see yourself the way I saw you.”
“I didn’t, did I?”
“Nope.”
“And within 5 minutes, I saw Tilda Swinton and Vincent Gallo walk by.”
“No way!”
“I NEVER see stars. And within 5 minutes … I saw–”
“I saw Vincent Gallo’s penis.”
“We all saw Vincent Gallo’s penis.”
“For some reason, there is a big libertarian streak in the whole magician community.”
“Yeah! I’ve noticed that. Why IS that?”
“My cleavage is completely out of control. It’s only 10 am. I’m sorry. It’s so inappropriate.”
“It’s cool. So … boobs … wanna get outta here?”
Sounds like you had a great, great time!!!
What IS the deal with Katherine Dunn? I’m reading that book even now. It is just … I can’t even talk about it yet.
One of the most amazing books I have ever read. She’s coming out with another one very soon … uhm, only 20 years later.
Seriously – when you finish that book, Emily and I will both be here for you. It is an INTENSE book
sounds like a productive visit…. hahahaha
/Emily and I will both be here for you./
Hahahahahaha!
I think …
Oh, no. Now I’m scared.
tracey – You kinda should be scared. :)
The ending of that book ……
Damn, I wish I could have these unselfconscious conversations with some people from my past. But I’m afraid mine would be much more mundane and low-brow than yours. All fumbly, like Chris Farley interviewing famous people. “You remember that time we…?” “Yeah, that was awesome.” Your posts on his visit are upbeat and nostalgic at the same time. There is growth and the gaining of understanding and insight. I probably would just wallow in “might have been’s” in an unconstructive manner. You are darn well-adjusted, aren’t you?
Oh, Eric – I wrote the book on wallowing in might-have-beens!! Ha! I just try to do that on my own time. :)
“Yup. But I have about two eggs left. I need to get cracking.”
See, if I had been there, I would have fired up my best Foghorn Leghorn voice and said, “Eggs! Cracking! That’s a JOKE, son!”
“For some reason, there is a big libertarian streak in the whole magician community.”
So true.
…so I’m reading these snippets basically like first thing yesterday morning, loving you for capturing and sharing them, sensing somehow they’re a good omen for the day — which is slated to end at a stuffy grad school social function (something that, despite its open bar, I’d rather not attend.) I get to the event and am introduced within seconds to a first-year grad student (majoring in Health Behavior & Decision Making, no less!) who has worn some sort of lycra top with a decolletage reaching down almost to her navel. And let’s just say that this student is amply endowed. I mean they are HUGE! (as in shtetl fishmonger’s wife-type huge.) Now, women’s breasts aren’t exactly my thing, but it was impossible not to stare….and to keep staring. But what the hell was this girl thinking? I mean she’s a grad student for chrissake, not a faculty wife. Isn’t she just the tiny bit concerned about making an, um, appropriate academic impression? But before I can even say as much (however politely), she beats me to the punch and says: “I know, I know, the boys wanna be free. Be free, boys! Come out and play!” And, of course, the first thing I thought about was your cleavage snippet, and I howled, most likely making the student think she was funnier than she actually was…and thanking the stars that I read your blog that morning. Everything in that moment felt quite aligned. Thanks for making it happen.