Diary Friday: “When I was sitting there, did he glance down at me when I didn’t know? I’m going crazy.”

Welcome, to my junior year in high school, when I had a giant crush (really more like a full-blown love affair – totally one-sided) with a guy named David. It’s really heating up here. In my own mind.

Feb. 8
We went bowling today. Great! I broke all my previous scores and got a 73! J., Kate, April and I were all in the same section. Dave and Jeff were right beside us. As we were all putting on our shoes, April groaned and said, “I forgot my glasses again!” So far, she’s forgotteen them every time we’ve gone. We started jokingly making fun of her. Dave and I were sitting back to back and suddenly he turned around, grinning. “Why do you speak to April in this manner?” I can’t even remember what I said. [Wow, that was a gripping anecdote, Sheila. Thanks for sharing!]

The class was great. I’d go up there to bowl, and once I sent the ball heading straight for the pins, I heard Dave call, “That’s the way!” He was WATCHING ME!! [I just need to interject and acknowledge that I KNOW how ridiculous I sound. Thanks.] I got a strike, too, and he was clapping and smiling. I’ll admit it in here to you–you’re just a diary– I really think there’s a chance. I know there is. [The first of 5,498 times I will say that in my life thus far. And, like all 5,495 times, I will be WRONG. You do the math.] He talks to me all the time, he goes out of his way to talk to me.

When we got back to the gym, we were early and had 15 minutes left. I was sitting on the bleechers with Kate, J., and April. Dave was off somewhere talking but then he strolled over and I just knew he was coming over to us. [Wow, what was your clue, Sheila? That he was WALKING TOWARDS YOU?? Oh my GOD, what does it all MEAN???] He leaned on the bleechers behind me. Behind ME! [We heard you the first time.] He rested his forehead on his fist. I had to crook my neck all the way back to look at him. He said, with a sighing voice, “Wait till you guys are seniors– second semester–“-he groaned, a real live groan [I am not sure what the significance to me of “real live groan” was. A “real live groan” as opposed to a “completely counterfeit groan”…] “I don’t care anymore! Either I’m in or I’m out – just get me out of here. I have the worst case of senioritis.”

Then, almost as one, all four of us said something like, “It’s settling in early!”

He smiled. “Really? Well, your junior year should be your peak. Everything you do should be the best.”

I said, “If this is the peak of my life, I’d really like to see my depressed moments.”

J. burst out laughing.

I laughed too and looked up at Dave. He was grinning down at me in this way – I don’t think I’m tricking myself here. It seemed like a very fond grin. Does he look upon me fondly? [This was almost too embarrassing for me to share.] When I was sitting there, did he glance down at me when I didn’t know? I’m going crazy.

The bell rang. Dave kept talking to me as we picked up our books. Of course, all my friends drifted subtly off, leaving the two of us alone. What great people they are! [Indeed. Even as a virgin teenager, I knew to be annoyed by cock-blockers.] Anyway, Dave was saying, “If you’re in sports, you’re the best. In your case, if you’re in drama, you’re a smash hit!”

Oh!! I forgot! I’m so dumb! Judy quit about 2 weeks ago, I am now in the play! Mrs. Stanley!

So, I smiled sort of sarcastically as we walked along, and said, “I have two lines in the second act. Count ’em: TWO.” [Sheila, don’t be self-deprecating. It is not a good look.]

He shrugged and smiled — This is the best part. “Better than I have.” In fact — he said it TWICE. Count it – TWICE. [He must be utterly and hopelessly in love with you.]

I wonder if he’ll come to see the play. OH GOD. I get to faint in it, and burst into tears. I play a real wimp. I like her, though.

Before I close, I have a tres tres tres hysterique story. I almost lost control in French class.

Tor – a kid in class – is moving. Too bad. I don’t know what his problem is. He is getting Fs in everything. [Hahahaha. I’m sorry. Just putting those couple of sentences together … it’s making me laugh.] We had an open book test in English, and he failed it. Mrs. Franco was saying to all of us, “Well, when I’m looking over your grades and I see that you have a stream of 100s and then a freak 40, I’ll just drop the 40.” Tor then raised his hand and said, “Uh … could that work in the opposite way?” [Hahahahaha. Poor guy.]

Anyway, he’s moving to North Carolina and he was absent a few days ago to go down and see the house. So in French (Mr. Hodge has a discussion time every class in French), Mr. Hodge was asking Tor questions about the house. Simple questions. This is our THIRD YEAR OF FRENCH, after all. Mr. Hodge was asking: how many bathrooms, bedrooms, big or small yard. Tor didn’t understand a word of it. I swear, too: the sun rose on his face. He was turning purple! He stumbled along. Dave, who sits right beside him, became the interpreter. It was so so funny.

Mr. Hodge would ask the question. There’d be a long silence, and then Dave would mutter under his breath, “How many bathrooms?” All eyes were on poor Tor. I, personally, was watching Dave, who kept grinning over at me, slightly, like, “Get a load of this guy…”

Then, Mr. Hodge asked him if the house had a cellar. Tor sat there, silently, face like a beet. Dave interpreted, and then Tor said, with conviction, the only word he knows for sure in French, “Oui.” Extended vocab there. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make fun, but this story is so hysterical.

Mr. Hodge then asked if it was a wine cellar. Tor’s face was a total blank. He nodded anyway, without Dave interpreting, which was a dumb move. He got trapped. Mr. Hodge then asked what color wine they stored down there — blanche, rouge, rose. Tor, in his panic, only heard the word “coleur”, only understood the word “coleur”, so he said, in English, obviously thinking that Mr. Hodge had asked him what color the HOUSE was: “Uh … greenish…”

Oh my God, I thought I was going to have to leave the room.

Everyone BURST into laughter. I laughed so hard my stomach ached. Davide’s face at that moment will be engraved in my brain forever.

J. and I kind of could not stop laughing about the green wine all the way thru class and on into lunch.

After school, I went over to Betsy’s so we could practice Guys and Dolls. She had gotten a letter from a guy she really likes …he was telling her about hmself, he was like, “I am a Christian. Perhaps a stumbling one, but a Christian.” Isn’t that so sweet? Not every guy would come out and say that. [I love this entire paragraph. Betsy, still a dear friend, and I practicing our Guys and Dolls number, and talking about the sweet Christian boy. Friendship.]

We had a really good talk on her couch and then we watched Little House on the Prairie. Oh my God, Carrie fell down the well. Betsy and I were laughing so hard at Michael Landon trying to cry. [We actually STILL laugh about this.] But at the end of the show, when they saved Carrie, tears were streaming down my cheeks. Betsy laughed SO HARD at that, because we had been making fun of it all along, and suddenly I succumbed. They got me.

I’m crying a lot, lately. Not about me,but at movies, TV shows, awards ceremonies, ballet, certain commercials. I get a lump in my throat about practically anything.

I think I may be sensitive to a fatal extreme. I hope not.

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13 Responses to Diary Friday: “When I was sitting there, did he glance down at me when I didn’t know? I’m going crazy.”

  1. rae says:

    “the sun rose on his face” — what a great way to describe that reddening (purpling?) embarrassment!

    thanks for letting me relive my own crushes through your diary entry. i too remember so many of those “important” interactions to which i attached so much significance (“hey, you dropped this pencil,” — listen to that — he must like me! did you HEAR the way he said that to me? he CARES.)

    • sheila says:

      hahahahaha Yes, every little thing has SO. MUCH. MEANING.

      Sadly, we used to call Tor “Sunrise” because of the blushing, which was truly unfair of me, because I am a blusher myself.

  2. Betsy says:

    I remember that viewing of Little House – We were particularly hard on Charles that day – and then you cried. What a great memory.

  3. sheila says:

    hahaha. I’m making fun of it with gusto, and then you busted me tearing up. So funny!

    I wonder who the “stumbling Christian” was?

  4. Courtney says:

    “I think I may be senstive to a fatal extreme.” – I think this belongs in a play somewhere.

    • sheila says:

      hahahaha I mean, I think saying your sensitivity is somewhat “fatal” is already an extreme word choice. Like: FATAL? Really?

  5. Okay, this: “I’ll admit it in here to you–you’re just a diary– ” is just the greatest. Directly addressing the diary and PUTTING IT IN IT’S M-F-IN’ PLACE!

  6. bybee says:

    Each week, when Michael Landon started crying, I averted my gaze from the screen and wished for the Olesons.

  7. ted says:

    ‘I think I may be sensitive to a fatal extreme’ needs to be a t-shirt. I wish I could say that when I’m feeling that way, but I doubt usually lack the sense of humor I need to think of it, whereas, if I had the shirt….

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