Things I can’t do right now:
Read fiction
Watch movies
Write in a journal
Write anything other than emails and captions to my photos on Facebook and my blog
Be in large groups of people. I can’t go to movies, for example, or lectures, or poetry readings.
Tolerate
— any “been there, done that” type of attitude
— purposeful misunderstanding of someone else in order to make your OWN point
— people whose default position in life is bitching-and-moaning
— people who are not attempting to be self-aware
— people who think “playing devil’s advocate” is the height of intelligence and witty repartee. It is sometimes. But always? If that’s the only way you know how to join a conversation, it doesn’t mean you’re more intelligent. It means you’re a fucking bore.
— anything (like all of the above) that my gut tells me is toxic.
Listen to music.
Have more than one “night out” a week with friends. One’s my limit.
Think too far ahead.
Write about what has happened
Things I can do right now
The South Beach Diet. The diet is taking up most of my time and I am loving it. The other day I had to run out to the store because I had run out of fat-free evaporated milk and eggplant. Me? I don’t even know who I am anymore, but the diet is good for me. Hard to wean myself from bread – that’s what I miss most – but I enjoy the feeling of taking control of my health. I enjoy cooking all the time. I enjoy experimenting (this is also one of the reasons why I have started to think I must move – I have zero counter space.) The diet helps because of my added time in my schedule due to #1, #2, and #3 in the list above. I need to lose weight. I want to lose weight. I am really enjoying being on this diet.
Scan photos. I have scanned 12 of my photo albums in their entirety up onto Facebook and Flickr, and have spent most of my time talking with friends and cousins about all the photos (Facebook is brilliant that way). It has been compulsive and, as always, has been just the thing I need. Surrounded by company when I am alone.
Watch in fascination and glee what has happened with Lingerie Media. I think it’s so entertaining and I cannot get enough.
Read my Nureyev biography. 20, 30, 40 pages at a clip.
Talk or email with my siblings daily.
Ditto my mother.
Get together with one friend a week.
Look forward to Skyward. That’s my one night out this week!
Take long walks on Boulevard East, holding a notebook, writing down all the For Rent signs I see.
Protect myself. Hunker down. I know what I’m doing. I can feel how much I know exactly what I am doing.
Chat with agent, take notes on what she says about my book, follow through on bullet points, move forward, despite everything. It’s going really well.
Make lists.
