Related links


is related to this

is related to this gorgeousness. Hilarious! I love him. (Thank you, Luisa, for sending me that link. I adore him, and I adore how cranky he is about everyone else’s perpetual crankiness!)

I agree with every word in every one of those links, contradictions and all. Those who balk at any tiny contradiction are the biggest bores on the planet I can imagine. “But you said THIS in 2003, now you say THIS?” Uhm, yeah. Because I’m still in process, you unimaginative nitwit. I’m also not a public figure who should remain consistent in their positions. I’m a private thinking citizen. I had one gentleman email me recently complaining that he now felt “self-conscious” on my site, because he had had a run-in with me where I asked him to stop being so negative (at least on my site). Well, listen, dude, maybe you SHOULD feel self-conscious about complaining constantly, although that is the public discourse in vogue at the moment. So maybe if it makes you think, “Huh … am I being a boring person right now?” then a little self-consciousness is a good thing.

I can’t believe I’m saying I agree with Gwyneth Paltrow, but I do. 100%. You can feel it, those who get their energy from negativity. It is their actual energy source.

Seriously: stay away, folks. Learn to recognize the signs. That shit is toxic.

And those whose first response to this would be to split hairs (“but … sometimes it’s appropriate to be outraged!”) are the worst offenders, because they cannot tell the difference and they are protecting something, some secret, something they don’t want to reveal. I don’t know what, maybe they don’t know what either. Their sense of outrage is really a mask for something much more wounded and childlike – disappointment, loss, embarrassment – who knows what … (although whatever it is it is certainly more human than the other). I know that in the times in my life when I have been most unpleasant and most angry, it’s usually been a mask because I feel helpless and fucking SAD … so look out when someone is protecting something that they don’t want you to see. That’s why the viciousness, that’s why the exhausting complaints. Because then they get to walk around being “right” all the time (you know, “relishing their rightness“) and you either have to agree with their position of how right they are or step out of the conversation altogether or get into a fight with them. That’s the whole point. No give and take. I’ve written about this a lot, and my struggles with staying open and free and vulnerable on my own blog. But I just happened to come across those two links and that great video this week, and they all seemed to dovetail quite nicely, giving me much food for thought in this time in my life when the whirlpool of bitterness is strong indeed. When my entire world has been rearranged and I don’t know which end is up – and like my friend Ted said to me, “Loss brings up other loss.” All it is is loss right now. I am sure that that is why I am sick now. I held it off as long as I could.

But I needed to really contemplate all of that this week, which was a hard one.

Reminds me of the note that Rosalind Russell’s husband found tucked away in her prayerbook, after she had died of cancer. That note, in her handwriting, said:

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

It is those who love to “rehearse” their negativity who are the toxic ones. Because through rehearsal, they make it perfect, they make it habitual, a way of life.

I don’t avoid such people because I feel superior to them. It is just the opposite. I avoid such people because I recognize the trap. I have those tendencies myself. I have been that toxic person, and I could go there, like nobody’s business. But what would be my quality of life be then? It is a FIGHT. A fight to focus on gratitude.

So, again, can’t believe I’m saying this: but thank you, Gwyneth Paltrow.

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