You’re from Detroit. Why are you talking with a fake weird British accent? “And the tabloids were making cheeky comments…” “Give us a kiss, love…” <\/p>\n
I suppose it’s my kinship to Holden Caulfield, and my scorn for “PHONIES”. <\/p>\n
And then Madonna blithers in that weird British accent about the Kabbalah, and how she feels that she has “become enlightened”, and that it is now her duty to share her enlightenment with others. <\/p>\n
Keep your enlightenment to yourself. I like it down here in the unenlightened UN-PHONY gutter. <\/p>\n
Then the kicker: how children’s books these days aren’t “about anything” and so she MUST write children’s books based on the messages in the Kabbalah. <\/p>\n
Here are a list of children’s books that are about lots of things and do not proselytize about some stupid cult:<\/p>\n
One Morning in Maine: – by Robert McCloskey (beautiful book about Sal’s first day as a big girl … losing her first tooth … fantastic drawings … and the last page alone is worth the entire book. “CLAM CHOWDER FOR LUNCH!” My family and I still scream that out, to this day. “What should we do when we get home from the beach?” Inevitably, one of us will holler: “CLAM CHOWDER FOR LUNCH!”) So, Madonna: maybe your kids would like that book. <\/p>\n
The Giving Tree – by Shel Silverstein My father read this book to me and my brother when we were very little. I read it now, and I hear the words in my head as coming from my father’s voice. This book is about love. And sorrow. And loss. My mom thought it was too sad for little kids, and maybe she had a point … but this book was my all-time favorite. It made me question everything. “But why? Why did the little boy do that to the tree? Why?” Important lessons to be learned, as a 5 year old. But besides any “moral of the story”: It’s just a good tale about an intimate relationship. Wonderful. <\/p>\n
Burt Dow, Deep-Waterman – by Robert McCloskey (I guess you can’t go wrong with Robert McCloskey). I LOVED this book when I was little. Burt Dow is a “deep water man”, with a gull for a companion, and he goes out to sea one day, and has a very interesting encounter with a whale. Very interesting. The pictures are GREAT. I still have this book on my shelf. <\/p>\n
Harold and the Purple Crayon – by Crockett Johnson I have such a soft spot in my heart for this book. And now that I have a nephew, I love this book even more. My nephew, as a tiny tot, was a little white-haired beanster, in feetie pajamas. So cute you wanted to weep. He was like Harold. Harold, with his powerful purple crayon, creates his own world, by drawing it. Some of it is benign, happy, and then suddenly, his purple crayon draws a tremendous dragon. Harold is alone, trying to find (draw) his way back to his own bed. Great book. <\/p>\n
The Snowy Day – by Ezra Jack Keats The artwork in this book has to be seen to be believed. Amazon describes it as: <\/p>\n
“the simple tale of a boy waking up to discover that snow has fallen during the night. Keats’s illustrations, using cut-outs, watercolors, and collage, are strikingly beautiful in their understated color and composition. The tranquil story mirrors the calm presence of the paintings, and both exude the silence of a freshly snow-covered landscape. The little boy celebrates the snow-draped city with a day of humble adventures–experimenting with footprints, knocking snow from a tree, creating snow angels, and trying to save a snowball for the next day. Awakening to a winter wonderland is an ageless, ever-magical experience, and one made nearly visceral by Keats’s gentle tribute. <\/p>\n
The book is notable not only for its lovely artwork and tone, but also for its importance as a trailblazer. According to Horn Book magazine, The Snowy Day was “the very first full-color picture book to feature a small black hero”–yet another reason to add this classic to your shelves. It’s as unique and special as a snowflake.”<\/p>\n
I love all of Ezra Jack Keats’ work. My favorite was A Letter to Amy, but it seems to be out of print. That book is great, another recommendation for Madonna’s children’s book shelves. Peter’s best friend is actually a little girl named Amy. He’s a little bit embarrassed by this, having a girl for a best friend. She invites him to her birthday party, and he goes through all kinds of torment … should he go to the party? What will his friends say? The watercolors in this book are dark, dreary, a rainy sky … It totally captures how important things feel when you are a little kid. Ezra Jack Keats, in general, ROCKS. <\/p>\n
Corduroy – by Don Freeman Corduroy is a little battered bear in a department store. A little girl wants him, but his mother says, “He has a missing button. We’ll find you something better.” After the store closes, Corduroy hops off his shelf and goes off in search of the button. Inspiring. Great pictures. Kids love it. My nephew Cashel loves this story. <\/p>\n
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel – by Virginia Lee Burton This book is SO GREAT. My brother Brendan loved this book tremendously as a little one. Mike Mulligan and his steam shovel Mary Anne are a great team. They end up being hired to build the cellar for the new town hall. They dig and dig and dig before they realize: How will we get out of here? Wonderful book. <\/p>\n
Tikki Tikki Tembo – by Arlene Mosel Ah, what to say about this fabulous book. The pictures are beyond great. Very intricate, very detailed, so little obsessive kids (like I was) can spend hours staring at the pictures, seeing all the different characters doing their thing. Also: it is a very exciting tale. It tells the myth of why people in China have short names like “Chang” or “Chin”. Because once upon a time there was a little Chinese boy named “Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo”, and he fell down the well and his poor little brother Chang had to run for help and repeat that name over and over and over again, trying to get someone to come to his brother’s aid. “Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo fell down the well!” You can imagine the problems that would ensue with such a name. A classic. READ IT, Madonna. Don’t glut the children’s book market with Kaballah-driven SHITE. <\/p>\n
Or, fine, write your Kaballah book, but don’t make stupid statements like: “Children’s book today aren’t about anything.” Well, why do you have to read books just published TODAY? Why do YOU, o’ miss enlightened one, feel that you need to reinvent the wheel, when so many before you have been masters at their craft? <\/p>\n
Don’t babble to me about your enlightenment. Keep it to yourself, Missy Detroit. And read Harold and the Purple Crayon! Stop talking like such a pompous phony. I liked it better when you wore your bustiers and chomped gum and didn’t take yourself so damn seriously. <\/p>\n
If any of you out there have favorite children’s books (I have so many more!!), send them on. This has been a lovely walk down memory lane. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You’re from Detroit. Why are you talking with a fake weird British accent? “And the tabloids were making cheeky comments…” “Give us a kiss, love…” I suppose it’s my kinship to Holden Caulfield, and my scorn for “PHONIES”. And then … Continue reading