Addiction. What is it? I’m sick of the word. It’s never really been defined for me anyway. Like the color blue. Define it. Why is it blue? Does calling it blue make it blue? I don’t know. I’m in a weird place and I have this forum of which to speak. But remember, this is David and it has nothing to do with Sheila. She’ll be back soon and I’ll be gone. Now, addiction; I’m addicted to almost everything. The things of which I am not addicted are the things of which I have not tried. I have not tried them out of my reverent fear of my addictions and for fear they would take over my life. To quote Shawn Mullins (whoever the hell that is right?) from a song called Pandora’s Box, “Boys I know why you are here. You’ve come to take me for a ride. But before you do there’s something you should know, that I’m awful hard to hide, yes I’m awful hard to hide,” says Pandora.<\/p>\n
I remember asking a friend what his drug of choice is. His answer was more. I concur.<\/p>\n
Here’s the thing, my addictions make me feel weak and vulnerable; like a failure, someone unable to control his own impulses and desires. Yet I know, deep down that these impulses and desires are the seat of my power. The only true power I have. At one point or other in my life I have given up everything I was addicted to; booze, sex, drugs, computer games, sugar, exercising, gambling. They just keep coming back. So I’m currently in a mode of indulging those addictions that I am unwilling to give up but keeping them contained. “How’s it going”, you ask? Not well. But I’m not willing to castrate myself from myself and make some ridiculous, hygienic choice to purify my soul and rid myself of my desires, which in turn almost always turn into my addictions. There’s got to be a way; a way to dance with the Devil; a way to give the Devil his due and still walk in the light for most of the time. I suppose there is and I suppose it’s different for every single one of us, finding that balance.<\/p>\n
The dark is scary, isn’t it? My least favorite time of the day is after 6 before night. I used to believe it was because it was after work or after school and dinner had to be prepared etc. I know many people who dislike this time of the day, particularly if you have kids. But I think it has less to do with how tired we are and more because deep down, we’re afraid of the dark. The dark is coming no matter what we do. That’s why vampires scared me so much as a kid. No matter what you did, they always came out. You could not stop them, other than finding them during the day and driving a stake through their heart, and even as an adult I’m unsure I want to be doing that.<\/p>\n
Anyway, just some thoughts on how one deals with the darker aspects of oneself. I’m in the dark with it all as you can tell. Enjoy your day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Addiction. What is it? I’m sick of the word. It’s never really been defined for me anyway. Like the color blue. Define it. Why is it blue? Does calling it blue make it blue? I don’t know. I’m in a … Continue reading