In waiting for the game to start last night … (I was at a bar. I am very much looking forward to next week when I don’t spend literally HOURS every night in a bar). Two guys were sitting next to me. They were friends, obviously. They both had on backwards baseball caps, and they were chowing down on a plate of buffalo wings. From comments they dropped, I gathered they were Yankee fans, and just couldn’t get enthusiastic about the Series.<\/p>\n
I admit that I eavesdropped. Blatantly. I had to hold myself back from taking out a pen, then and there, to transcribe the whole thing.<\/p>\n
I will just list the facts here, as in: here is what they said. I will do my best not to editorialize or interpret. Although I will probably have to add little notes indicating HOW they said certain things, my interpretation of their tone.<\/p>\n
For whatever reason, this male-bonding conversation really got <\/i>to me. It touched me. It seemed quite deep – although, being the type of guys who wear backwards baseball caps and eat a pile of buffalo wings – they aren’t going to speak in psycho-babble, or over-analyze themselves, or be touchy-feely. But it was DEEP SHIT, nonetheless.<\/p>\n
I had to restrain myself from leaning over and saying, “I have been listening to this whole thing, and I just love both of you. I wish you both well.”<\/p>\n
From what I could gather, here’s the situation:<\/p>\n
These guys are old close friends. And one of them has started to date a girl (whom I will refer to as Katie) – and it looks like it’s getting pretty serious – and so … there seemed to be some issues around this. But remember – they’re old close friends.<\/p>\n
I tuned into their conversation at the point where the friend was saying, “Listen, I really like Katie, but …”<\/p>\n
Try to follow it if you can.<\/p>\n
“Listen, I really like Katie, but … and … I probably have no right to say this to you … but …”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“I guess I feel like … Listen, she’s great<\/i>, okay? I just …” (long silence – My heart went out to the guy speaking – I thought: Come on, dude, just say what’s on your mind. Ooops. I’m editorializing. I’ll stop now.) “I just guess I feel like she smothers you sometimes. Like … there’s some smotheration going on.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah.”<\/p>\n
“You know what I mean?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, man, I know. I know … I guess I kinda like it, though.” (Silence.) “Like … it’s just so nice<\/i> hanging out with her. It’s so nice<\/i> … I can relax<\/i> with her, you know?”<\/p>\n
Then came a conversation about the problems Katie may be having with another friend of theirs – who is a girl. Possibly an ex-girlfriend? I don’t know.<\/p>\n
Guy dating Katie said, “I’ve tried to explain to her that … Heather is just a friend … and … we never … You know. Heather and me never …”<\/p>\n
“Of course not. No, it’s like … Yeah, I get what you’re saying.”<\/p>\n
“Like – she doesn’t need to be … nervous about Heather.”<\/p>\n
“Right. Like – you’re not gonna cheat on her or whatever.”<\/p>\n
“No. Totally.”<\/p>\n
“Like I said – that’s kind of what I mean. And I like Katie too, I really do – she’s a lot of fun – but it’s the smotheration thing.”<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
Guy dating Katie said, “I know. I know.”<\/p>\n
“Cool. Just so long as you know<\/i>.”<\/p>\n
“Still, though – it’s just that – if I have to choose <\/i>– and I hope it doesn’t come to that – but if I have to choose – I choose Katie. Because … yeah, I know, she kind of smothers, and stuff … but I’m tellin’ ya – it’s just so nice<\/i> being with her.”<\/p>\n
(I thought to myself: I bet he ends up marrying that girl.)<\/p>\n
His friend thought about this for a long time. Then said, quietly, “I’d like to have a girl like that.”<\/p>\n
Later on … they came back to the “smotheration” issue.<\/p>\n
The friend (the one who was concerned about the smothering) started talking about HIS love-life. Which sounds very frustrating.<\/p>\n
He had gone on a couple of dates with one girl. And that day she had emailed him, and all the email said was: “Do you think I’m totally empty inside?”<\/p>\n
Jesus. I have a message for women who send emails like that: DON’T.<\/p>\n
The guy said to his friend, “What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? ‘Do you think I’m totally empty inside<\/i>?’ What? I was going to email her back with a bunch of question marks … but then I thought – fuck it, I don’t even know what the hell she’s talking about. I mean … I’ve called her a couple times … but – I don’t want to deal with that shit.”<\/p>\n
Long pause. They both sat there, thinking. Not speaking. Then the same guy said, seriously, “What do you think that means – ‘Do you think I’m empty inside’?”<\/p>\n
Friend (the one dating Katie said): “Oh who the fuck knows. One of her friends probably said something to her about whatever, and now she’s all fucking dramatic about everything.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, but what the hell do I have to say about her being empty inside? Jesus. She’s nuts.”<\/p>\n
Then the same guy started talking about a semi-“relationiship” he was having with some other chick named Meg … and I felt bad for him. (Especially in light of the revealing moment when he said to himself, “I’d like to have a girl like that.”) The situation appears to be: he is really into Meg. They have a great time together, whenever they get together. But it’s really difficult for them to hook up, there’s a lot of phone tag, etc.<\/p>\n
He said, “Like … she’s really really busy.” (Like my friend Jackie has said to me before, “No one’s ever that<\/i> busy. If they’re into you, they’ll call you, they’ll make it happen.”)<\/p>\n
He said, “I respect the fact that she doesn’t have a lot of time … I don’t want to push or whatever … but still … I guess it’s that she’s really really independent.” (I’m thinking to myself: She’s giving him the “I’m really busy and I’m really independent” line?? Poor guy! He deserves better, he definitely does.)<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, he’s talking to his friend, who is currently being “smothered” by his girlfriend – but his friend obviously likes it – and doesn’t feel “smothered” at all. What his friend feels is taken care of. This girl gives a crap enough to let him know she’s interested, she’s available, etc. She doesn’t leave him out hanging.<\/p>\n
Okay. Interpretation over.<\/p>\n
The guy kept talking about this Meg person, “And whenever we hang out – it’s great, you know? It’s totally great. But for the past couple weeks – I haven’t been able to see her – but she text-messages me all the time. I got one from her last night … it’s just kind of frustrating … cause I don’t want to be … like … I respect the fact she’s busy and all that.”<\/p>\n
(I wanted to lean in and say, “No one is ever that<\/i> busy. If she’s into you, she’d find a way.”)<\/p>\n
But then came the coolest part:<\/p>\n
Katie, the famous “smothering” Katie, arrived. Her boyfriend got up, gave her a big hug, a kiss … and made her sit on his bar stool. She struck me as a cool woman. She didn’t just talk to her boyfriend, she also engaged in conversation with his friend.<\/p>\n
And then – the boyfriend left to go make a phone call or something – and Katie and the other guy started talking.<\/p>\n
And within 2 or 3 exchanges, he started telling her about this “independent busy” woman. Like … he may think Katie smothers his friend, but there’s also something in her that he can trust. I LOVED that.<\/p>\n
Sorry. I am interpreting this like a fiend, I realize. I can’t help it!!<\/p>\n
Anyway, I heard him saying the same things – only it was a tiny<\/i> bit different because he was talking to a girl, and not a guy.<\/p>\n
“I don’t know … she text messages me and stuff … and keeps saying she wants to get together … but … Do you think that means she doesn’t really want to see me?”<\/p>\n
Why did I find all of this so touching? I was bored waiting for the game to start. I got very emotionally involved.<\/p>\n
Katie took kind of a hard-line. “Pick up the phone and call her. Say to her, ‘I want to see you.’ Just do it! You say you really like her?”<\/p>\n
“Totally. You met her that one night we went to blah blah blah, member?”<\/p>\n
“Wait … which one?” Katie thought and then said, “Oh! Right! Yeah, she was great! Okay, so be persistent. Call her. Do it.”<\/p>\n
(Go, Katie. You tell ‘im.)<\/p>\n
Katie and the boyfriend eventually went out to put their car into a parking garage, I believe … leaving the friend by himself at the bar.<\/p>\n
And I shit you not: the guy dialed someone on the phone. I wasn’t paying attention anymore … the game was almost started.<\/p>\n
But then I heard him say, “Meg – hey.”<\/p>\n
I thought to myself: Meg! Oh! He’s calling her right now!! The famously “busy” Meg! Katie’s words helped him make the call!<\/p>\n
And, BLESS HIM, he leapt right in. “Listen – I’d like to take you out to dinner this week. Would you like to do that?” He listened to her response. “You would? Great … uh … how about Thursday? I could pick you up after …” Meg made some comment. “Great. 7:30 it is.”<\/p>\n
Good work, my good man. Good work<\/i>. And I can see why Katie is beloved by her boyfriend, even though she might “smother” him. A common-sense girl, that one.<\/p>\n
I probably haven’t described why I eavesdropped on this … why I found it so wonderful to listen to. I guess I ended up having great affection for all of the people involved (even “busy independent” Meg, even the girl who thinks it’s appropriate to send an email to a guy she’s only gone on a couple of dates with asking if he thinks she’s empty inside” – yes, even her.)<\/p>\n
It was a brief glimpse into a friendship, a situation … and I liked it. I liked them all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In waiting for the game to start last night … (I was at a bar. I am very much looking forward to next week when I don’t spend literally HOURS every night in a bar). Two guys were sitting next … Continue reading