I don’t know why “haikus” were so in vogue for a while with my group of friends, but they were. We wrote haikus for EVERYTHING. We would leave haikus lying about the house. We would speak in full haikus, right at each other. EVERYTHING could be boiled down into 5-7-5. It was hard to NOT turn every headline, every billboard, into a haiku.<\/p>\n
Mitchell and I were Haiku Central, pretty much. Because … well … we’re nuts. There were a good 3 months there when … we were probably even DREAMING in haiku form.<\/p>\n
One of our jokes was that there should be a 1-800 number for “haiku emergencies”. We created an imaginary dispatcher, and we made up an entire personality for the woman who answered the Haiku Hotline. Like, she was beleaguered, bitter, and OVER it. Snapping gum, dealing with Haiku Emergencies left and right. The chick had seen it all. Nothing would rattle her. She’d answer the phone, snapping her gum, “1-800 Haiku, how can I help you?” The emergency would then be described to her, breathlessly … and 1-800 # lady would turn around and shout into the dispatch microphone: “LISTEN UP GUYS. WE GOT A CHICK HAVIN’ A TOTAL HAIKU FIT DOWN THE MERCH MART. ANYONE AVAILABLE TO HANDLE IT?”<\/p>\n
So stupid<\/i>. We entertained ourselves for months <\/i>on haikus. It appears now, in retrospect, that Mitchell and I were the ones having “a total haiku fit”.<\/p>\n
As described below, Mitchell and I wrote a series of Haikus for all of our favorite Winter Olympic athletes. This was in the winter of 1993. The Olympics of Tanya Harding. We wrote haikus about Tanya. I wrote one about Nancy Kerrigan. I have them all written down somewhere. THEY. ARE. SO STUPID.<\/p>\n
Here is MItchell’s haiku about Tanya Harding:<\/p>\n
Pink Spandex Falters
\nGuilty Skates Have No Rhythm
\nThe World Is Unmoved<\/p>\n
Now … if you DON’T find this funny … well. It’s okay. I don’t hold it against you. Humor is subjective. But … in MY world … this is F***IN FUNNY. We did dramatic readings for each other of our STUPID haikus about Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. We spent the days CRYING with laughter.<\/p>\n
During the entire Winter Olympics that year (we were obsessed with them) … we sat scribbling haikus on various memo pads in our house. WHY??? I DO NOT KNOW.<\/p>\n
I have never questioned it.<\/p>\n
There is one other story I need to tell … about my very own Haiku Fit … Mitchell will know of what I speak, and so will Alex.<\/p>\n
I need to work my way up to that one, though.<\/p>\n
It’s an insane story … my own behavior STILL seems relatively incomprehensible to me (although, if I do say so myself, I get a total kick out of the whole thing.) I remember that time in my life so specifically … my only goal was to live my life in as comedic <\/i>a manner as possible. That was ALL that mattered. COMEDY was it. I wanted to have funny stories to tell my grandkids. That was IT. I took NOTHING seriously. I was young, what can I say. And so my main goal was to have a comedic <\/i>life.<\/p>\n
Naturally, this involved haikus.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don’t know why “haikus” were so in vogue for a while with my group of friends, but they were. We wrote haikus for EVERYTHING. We would leave haikus lying about the house. We would speak in full haikus, right … Continue reading