{"id":3024,"date":"2005-05-23T13:54:01","date_gmt":"2005-05-23T17:54:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=3024"},"modified":"2022-10-09T17:09:46","modified_gmt":"2022-10-09T21:09:46","slug":"wookie-kwanzaa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/?p=3024","title":{"rendered":"Wookie Kwanzaa?"},"content":{"rendered":"

For those of you beeyotching about the downfall of the Star Wars<\/i> movies (and please. Do not think I do not include myself <\/a>in that category.) … all I really need to do is to present you with this.<\/a> I had forgotten about this – but one quick glance-over brought the memories come RUSHING back. If Star Wars<\/i> could survive its own holiday special in 1978 (anyone remember it?) – it can survive a little Jar Jar. I mean, look – nobody even remembers the damn special! The series moved on past that debacle … Empire Strikes Back<\/i> was still to come …<\/p>\n

Seriously, though. Go read the post. Here is a brief plot synopsis of this NADIR in American pop culture:<\/p>\n

You will soon learn to hate Lumpy [Note: “Lumpy” is Chewbacca’s son. Yes. Chewbacca is, apparently, a family man.<\/i>]. You’ll hate him when he smiles, you’ll hate him when he looks sad, you’ll hate him when he growls, and you’ll hate him when he watches his holographic Cirque de Soleil gymnasts.<\/p>\n

On an annoyance scale, think of Jar Jar Binks and every single Ewok rolled into one, then multiply that nightmare by 3,720 …<\/p>\n

Alright, I guess I should give some backstory, as there is, believe it or not, a plot to this pile of intergalactic garbage. The “holiday” in the special’s title isn’t Christmas or New Year’s or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or any silly old earth holiday. No, it’s Life Day, which is a day when Wookies celebrate, yep, you guessed it, LIFE.<\/p>\n

Han is trying to get Chewy home for the blessed day (via what appears to be a five dollar reconstruction of the Millenium Falcon set), but the two continually run into Imperial Forces (actually just snippets from the original film). As the Wookie family awaits their husband\/son\/father, they wail and moan for fifteen minutes straight.<\/p>\n

Now let me ensure you that I am not exaggerating.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In a strange nauseating way, the whole thing makes me incredibly nostalgic for my goofy 1970s-era childhood, when you could actually see cheesy stuff like this on TV, when we weren’t so self-aware or self-conscious or … I’m not sure the term I’m looking for. We weren’t so cynical. You know, the kind of childhood where you only had three television channels to choose from, and not everyone was an armchair movie-critic but actually able to be flat-out FANS, and so we were still able to think that something as HEINOUS as the Star Wars Holiday Special was actually good.<\/p>\n

I’ll leave you with a final quote from that post on the SW Holiday Special:<\/p>\n

Screw Greedo shooting first, this makes Han look like the biggest puss in the galaxy. Seriously, after that line, Han makes Alf look like a sci fi bad ass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

hahahahaha<\/p>\n

Definitely check out the entire thing.<\/a> If you’ve never heard of this special and never seen it, you will NOT. BELIEVE. IT. But believe me, it happened. I was there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For those of you beeyotching about the downfall of the Star Wars movies (and please. Do not think I do not include myself in that category.) … all I really need to do is to present you with this. I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[451],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3024"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3024"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3024\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":178446,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3024\/revisions\/178446"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheilaomalley.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}