But something occurred to me during my freezing commute today. (I’m a bit insane – musing about JLO and Ben when I have some free time…)<\/p>\n
This may be an extremely controversial point to make, but I am going to make it, and it involves me telling a wee story for you all:<\/p>\n
The time is the late 1980s. I am in college. I land the lead in the major musical that is done every year in the theatre department. It is a part beyond my wildest dreams. I am very excited.<\/p>\n
My co-star – the person who my character falls in love with over the course of the show – was a new kid in school. Suffice it to say, he was absolutely gorgeous, compelling, talented … blah blah. By this point, we all, in the department, knew each other so well … and there were no more prospects for those of us who were still single – so someone NEW was very exciting. Especially this new guy.<\/p>\n
Rehearsals begin. He and I rehearse together all the time, because we have so many duets, and so many scenes together.<\/p>\n
A romance blossoms.<\/p>\n
It is unbeLIEVably exciting for me. And for him.<\/p>\n
Every day was a new adventure, every day was thrilling. Not only did I have this great new romance, but I also was starring in this huge show. So my life was completely full, with a great balance between work and love. Something I have never achieved since, by the way. Since then, work has always won out.<\/p>\n
And then – boom – he backs off. He starts to do the “aloof and distant” thing.<\/p>\n
(He was young. Then again, so was I.)<\/p>\n
One night, after rehearsal, I chase him outside onto the sidewalk and confront him wildly. “What’s going on? Why are you being so distant??”<\/p>\n
It was the typical story – “I’m not ready for a relationship – You are so amazing but I’m just not ready…”<\/p>\n
And I did not accept this. (I had such balls in those days.) I said, “Come on! We were having so much fun! Let’s have some more fun! We don’t have to be all serious!!”<\/p>\n
This conversation went on for literally an hour. There was a huge wind in the air, it was night, everything was VERY dramatic. Funnier still was the entire cast, one by one, driving by to go out for beers somewhere, driving by us fighting, and I just KNEW that every car was FILLED with gossip-hounds (namely: my friends). I KNEW that as they drove to Tony’s Pizza, everyone was saying, “Omigod, did you see that? What’s going on there? What’s happening??” They all would wave at us,the fighting co-stars, as they drove by.<\/p>\n
So by the end of this conversation – I had worked my magic. He ended up laughing – laughing at himself – laughing at his fears – and he agreed to not give up on us.<\/p>\n
Later, I referred to this as “360 #1.”<\/p>\n
Throughout the course of that winter and spring, there were about 4 more 360s.<\/i><\/p>\n
Him suddenly saying, “I can’t!!” And then 2 weeks later coming back and saying, “No wait, yes I can!!”<\/p>\n
The musical we were in was a massive success and ended up being chosen to compete in the ACTF (American College Theatre Festival<\/a>). So once our run in Rhode Island was over – we had to keep rehearsing, and re-blocking, etc., so that the show would fit on the new stage. We were takin’ our show on the road.<\/p>\n The ACTF was in February.<\/p>\n This time was a time of HIGH drama.<\/p>\n There were moments when I, the star, would literally be SOBBING backstage. SOBBING about the latest 360. And then, I would have to run onstage, sing a song, dance a dance, say some lines, all pretending that I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown. It was like a Judy Garland\/Mickey Rooney movie.<\/p>\n We had huge blow-up fights at parties. There was one infamous evening when I threw a pretzel at his head. (We laughed about this later, once he did 360 #3 and all of our dramas became funny once again…)<\/p>\n We traveled, by bus, to the ACTF competition which was, to this day, one of the most exciting nights of my entire life.<\/p>\n I got a standing ovation. Well, we all did – as a cast – but they leapt to their feet when I came out to bow. I cried. It was such a rush. This girl somehow got backstage, an audience member, and she was sobbing, and she saw me, raced at me, and hugged me, weeping. I mean, this is ridiculous stuff, but it actually happened.<\/p>\n At the time of the ACTF, this boy and I were in the “aloof and distant” part of our cycle.<\/p>\n We were not speaking to one another. At all.<\/p>\n And yet, of course, we were only aware of each other. The irony was that we had this very hostile angry vibe between us – and then we would go onstage and sing these lovey-dovey lyrics.<\/p>\n It was absurd.<\/p>\n We came back from the ACTF and a bunch of us went out the next week for beers at a local pizza joint. My former co-star was there, too, and he spent the night, drinking quietly, and watching me from afar – watching me talk, watching me laugh. I knew he was watching me, but we still weren’t talking to each other … and I was THRILLED to know that he had regrets, etc.<\/p>\n At the end of the night he came over to me and whispered, in front of all my friends, “Can we get together for breakfast tomorrow? I really need to talk to you.”<\/p>\n I groaned audibly.<\/p>\n “Is this 360 #72?”<\/p>\n And, of course, it was. We met at 7 am for breakfast, he told me he was in love with me, I said, “You’re an idiot, I knew that all along” – we laughed –<\/p>\n And then we were in love.<\/p>\n For about 2 weeks.<\/p>\n When he then did another 360. Which ended up being the final 360. For me. I wrote him off after that one.<\/p>\n A girlfriend of mine said to me, “Does that boy ever<\/i> get dizzy?”<\/p>\n So I broke up with him, finally, and very publicly – (I forgot to mention that, of COURSE, the entire time this dance of love and hate was going on – we were completely in the “public eye”, in a small way – Every person was aware of what was going on. Gossip raged. I remember after one of the 360s, we were all starting up rehearsals for the ACTF – and I was very upset. Having a hard time getting through rehearsals and stuff, not really enjoying this great opportunity. One of the older women in the cast said to my friend Mitchell, the two of them gossiping in a good-natured way about my drama, the 360s, “Doesn’t he realize she has a show to do<\/i>???”)<\/p>\n I love that.<\/p>\n She wasn’t concerned about my heart getting broken – she was concerned that my concentration wasn’t on the SHOW. I love the theatre. Who cares about the breakups, the drama … As long as your work remains untouched!<\/p>\n Okay, so NOW FINALLY – here is my point:<\/p>\n My point about J. Lo and Ben Affleck – and their 360s, and how sick and tired everyone is of their drama, their back and forth –<\/p>\n Romances are not neat things, with nice little linear steps forward. Romances can be messy, ugly, irrational. People behave in ways that are incomprehensible. I threw a pretzel at someone’s head. <\/i><\/p>\n Imagine if I had thrown the pretzel at his head during a Golden Globes party … or at a film opening …<\/p>\n If he and I had been world-famous at the time of our 360 Dance of Misery and Love – we would have been absolutely scorned by the press, and also by the public, who finally would get completely sick of our shenanigans.<\/p>\n “Oh, for God’s SAKE, just BREAK UP ALREADY!” people would moan in line at the supermarket, looking at the tabloids.<\/p>\n I, thankfully, was not famous when I was having my chaotic (and, ultimately, TOTALLY FUN) romance. I could make all my mistakes in private. The “public” would not remember, would not hold it against me.<\/p>\n I thought about this this morning – randomly – because I had seen some other stupid headline about J. Lo crying somewhere – and my first response was, “Oh for God’s sake, I am so sick of having to hear about your emotions and your stupid relationship … ”<\/p>\n And out of nowhere, I thought of that boy in my junior year in college – I thought of what we put each other through – I thought of how badly he behaved – I thought of how badly I behaved – but then I thought, too, of how much fun it was, how exciting it was … how, by the end, even “the 360s” were hilarious …<\/p>\n Time is very forgiving.<\/p>\n I look back on that entire experience with fondness.<\/p>\n Thank God I didn’t have to do it in front of the eyes of the world – the world that is, to say the least, NOT forgiving.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" But something occurred to me during my freezing commute today. (I’m a bit insane – musing about JLO and Ben when I have some free time…) This may be an extremely controversial point to make, but I am going to … Continue reading